Warring Minds and Bodies
by MarceVampQueen
Summary: Since the day Wall Maria fell, Celica has been building her own walls around her heart. Coupled with chronic insomnia and suddenly being thrust under Captain Levi's ever watchful eye, can she bear to allow anyone in anymore? Levi intends to find out until his own walls slowly start crumbling down around him. Will they risk their hearts?
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hey, everyone. This is the Prologue for the story, just to give you some background on the OC. It's one of the shorter one chapters that I already have typed up so I promise there's more to come.**

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 **CELICA's POV**

When the Colossus Titan and the Armored Titan broke through Wall Maria that day in 845, my world literally came crashing down around me. I woke up to the sound of huge pieces of the wall being littered around my district. The ground shook beneath me with every impact and a huge crash jolted me awake instantly when I realized that it came from my next door neighbors. It was that day that I witnessed the devastation of humanity with my own eyes as I looked upon the crushed house next to mine, blood pooling slowing beneath the rubble towards my feet. My parents had gone next door for a lazy afternoon to drink and socialize. It was rare that we all had the rest day and I knew they were just killing time until I woke up. My sleeping schedule was still weird and they knew I needed the rest. But what I saw before me made my mind swirl in every direction. It was a nightmare. I was still still asleep. It had to be. There was no way this could be happening.

I stood there for a few moment, shock settling into my bones as the ground quaked beneath me feet once more. This time in a steady rhythm; it seemed relaxing almost. That's when I heard a scream and finally turned my head. The sun was being blotted out by something and cast a dark shadow over me. My eyes widened when I realized that a titan was reaching down to scoop me up into its hand. I froze. But in my head I was screaming. Screaming so loud it hurt. Trying to focus my body to move. It wouldn't. So I closed my eyes and prayed that it would be over quickly.

I heard more yelling as the tears finally flowed from my eyes. I felt something connect with my side and hold me tightly and the wind flowed around my body as I was swiftly pulled from the ground and into the air. I felt a warmth emanate from whatever it was holding me but the humid stink of titan breath was absent. Instead it smelled of blood and sweat tinged with trace amounts of emotion. Fear. There was another underlying scent but I couldn't fully understand what it was. It smelled of something natural and earthy. Sandalwood? Cautiously, I slowly opened my eyes and looked up to see a Soldier carrying me through the air, holding me tight with one arm as the other manipulated his 3D Maneuvering Gear as precisely as he could to get us to safety. The wind flowed through his hair as he focused forward, the sun casting a glare against his figure, making me unable to see any distinguishing features of his face.

"You okay?" I heard him ask. It was so low I almost couldn't hear him over the sound of wind in my ear. I closed my eyes tightly and gripped my arm a little tighter around my savior.

"Yeah." I muttered. For a little bit I had thought that maybe he didn't hear but I felt a couple of his muscles relax while still carrying me through the district. Perhaps he had heard me after all.

Apparently my short frame was easy enough to carry since he didn't seem to struggle much to hold me close. A few moments later we had made our way to the edge of the district and he set me down at the edge of a large crowd of people.

"Get on the ferry and take it to the inner wall of Maria. You should be safe there." He spoke before disappearing once again back down the rabbit hole of titans.

"ALL WOMEN AND CHILDREN TO THE FRONT!" I heard a Garrison soldier calling out and I proceeded to push my way to the front. I was eventually let onto the ferry as we packed it to full capacity. I curled up into a ball with my back to a small wall, trying to make myself tinier to fit more people. When we departed, more desperate souls tried to board by jumping from the banks and onto the boat. Most missed and were plunged into the water. A few lucky made it the edge of the boat and were helped aboard. The ferry was slow but it would still be the safest and fastest option out of the destruction that laid behind us. We had made it through the wall and was about to lose sight of it when we heard another loud explosion. I stood and moved to the edge of the boat trying to see what had happened. To my shock, the wall had be charged by a large armored titan and there stood a gaping hole in it's path. I felt the tears brim once more as I realized that we weren't quite safe yet.

Eventually we had made it to Wall Rose and discovered that the Titans hadn't laid siege to us yet. We were a good ways from the initial destruction but I knew it was only a matter of time before they reached this far. As the refugees were fed and sheltered as best as could be for the next few weeks, I grew weary of this new life as I grieved my loss on the inside alone and made a decision. I was going to join the Military. I would get out of this pathetic situation and start living again. Even if it meant losing it to the monsters that took it all away in the first place. To me, it was the best way to spit back in the face of whatever higher power had allowed this to happen. Whether it was any of the Wall Goddesses or not.

Now the year was 848 and I was 20 years old now. Yesterday I graduated from the Academy. My name is Celica and today was the day that the cadets picked their respective Corp; The Garrison, The Military Police, or The Survey Corp. The choice had been obvious to me since the day I was driven from my home. As I stood in formation with my graduating class, I listened to the Garrison and Military Police Commanders give their speeches, only focusing on every few words that spilled from their mouths. I was tired and I was ready to finally serve humanity in the noblest way I could think of and the men standing before me didn't fit the bill I was looking for.

Soon after, I saw a tall broad man with golden hair and blue eyes appear on the stage before the formation.

"My name is Commander Erwin Smith and I represent the Survey Corp." He began. I clung to his words and felt my mind sharpen back up. "As you know, we serve as the first and last line of defense for humanity's fight against the Titans. We are willing to risk everything for freedom and we expect our soldiers to have the same mentality. If you seek safety from humanity's biggest enemy then I suggest you join either the Garrison or the Police. We stand in the face of fear on a regular basis and if you aren't willing to give your heart for humanity, then you aren't wanted. We only want the best. If you are willing to give everything for freedom, then I will gladly welcome you to the Corp. For those of you who wish to join our fight, you may stay behind. The others, you are dismissed."

One by one I saw my classmates turn their backs to the commander and leave the courtyard. It honestly didn't surprise me. Everyone I met was either a coward, joining only to seek refuge within the inner walls, or they were like me, who had seen the damage and lives destroyed and earnestly wanted to fight it somehow. But even a few people that I thought shared that same mentality with me turned their backs and left. I guess you figure out what kind of person someone truly is when the flames start to get hot.

Eventually, only a single handful of soldiers remained in place. My arms shivered with an unknown emotion and I dug my nails into my palms to urge the trembling to stop. I saw another soldier appear on the stage and walk beside the Commander. The top of his head barely reached the man's shoulder but deadly things can come in small packages. I saw them exchange a few words as the Commander looked us all over, sizing us up. I saw a look of irritation pass over the shorter man before he turned his back and walked behind the Commander, standing off set from him a few feet away.

"The 95th Cadet Corp Graduating Class, give your hearts to humanity!" The Commander yelled as he saluted and we returned it eagerly. I could feel the fire raging in my eyes as I stood there among the few in my class that stayed behind. I told myself that I would not regret this decision. At least not a much as if I had stayed a civilian and lived a worthless and desperate life. At least this way, my death could mean something in the end.


	2. Insomniac

**A/N: TIME JUMP TO LIFE IN THE SURVEY CORP. COMPLETE WITH INSOMNIA GALORE AND OUR AN INTRODUCTION TO OUR FAVORITE CAPTAIN! ENJOY!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The morning came as any other. The first rays of light reaching the edges of the drawn back curtain. My eyes blurred and my head swam with fatigue from another restless night. I would lay there for hours but in my head there was always something to do. Something to improve on. Something to learn. Something to think about. Something to clean. I smirked to myself. It wasn't until I had joined the Survey Corps a year and a half ago did cleaning add itself to my ever growing list of things to do or think about while my body protested sleep. And you could thank a small statured Captain for that. It was impossible to go a day with him dogging on something that need to be cleaned.

Reluctantly, I pulled myself from my bed and went to my closet. I glanced over at my sleeping roommate on the other side of the room, moving silently to ensure she wouldn't wake. It was bad enough that I couldn't sleep. I didn't need to make her suffer as well. I threw together my uniform in a haze, grabbing my 3D Maneuvering Gear straps and fitting them to my body, repeatedly tightening my straps and buckles. Finally I grabbed my jacket and threw it on as I left the room and headed towards the mess hall.

When I reached my destination, I noticed a few soldiers already sitting at the tables eating. It honestly surprised me though that there were as many as there was already in the mess hall. It was still pretty early. My eyes scanned the soldiers in the room before landing on the Captain that sat in the far back corner, slumped in his chair while nursing a black tea, his eyes scanning the pages of a book in his hand. That Captain that I mentioned before, the clean freak. His name is Captain Levi Ackerman. I felt the warmness rise across my cheeks and refocused on the chef that prepared my food. I thanked the chef before retreating to the far corner across from the Captain.

I didn't prefer to sit in among the other soldiers. I liked to have my back the wall in a corner where I could see the entire room and everyone in it. Call it paranoia but it just made me feel safer. I preferred to watch people instead and listen in on small snippets of their conversation of their lives and drama. For an antisocial person like myself though it was enough. No life. No drama. A few friends. And all the time in the world and then some.

As I took a few bites of fruit, I felt eyes burning into me. I followed the direction of the gaze and my eyes locked with the Captain's, his grey eyes dark and seemingly emotionless. He gave me a small nod of acknowledgement, his way of saying "Good Morning" I guessed. I returned the nod before forcing the heat from my face away again and casting my glance back down to my food while he returned to his book. Normally he would just ignore people as if they didn't exist, but at some point, he had begun to acknowledge me with glances and nods every once and awhile. I didn't know what I had done to warrant his attention but I certainly wasn't going to question it at that moment. Suddenly, I felt a hard pat on my back just as I was going to take a bite of food.

"Morning!" A cheerful voice greeted. My roommate Natasha. I covered my mouth with my napkin as I felt the urge to cough.

"Morning..." I muttered, folding the napkin back up, thankful that the food decided to stay down. "I thought you wouldn't be up yet."

"I woke up while you were getting ready. Thanks for at least trying to be quiet on my account though." She spoke as I reached for my cup of so called coffee. It resembled more along the line of turpentine water but sugar and creamer had become expensive so I had to forgo it. Without at least one cup of caffeine, I would be walking around like a zombie more than usual. I struggled to choke down the disgusting brine.

"You're still not sleeping well aren't you?" Natasha asked, her cheerful face falling straight with concern. A slight shake of my head was my given answer. Looking down in my cup, I almost couldn't recognize my own eyes. The dark circles under my eyes had become prevalent and they looked so dull in the wannabe coffee. "You really should go see Section Commander Hanji. She's the closest thing we have to a doctor here. And she IS a scientist after all with vast knowledge of the human physiology. Maybe she could help." I glanced over at Natasha and then back down at my cup as I set it back down.

"Perhaps." Natasha went to speak again as we noticed a surge of soldier's bodies enter the mess hall and proceed to line up for their food.

"Crap. And I was trying to beat the rush." She stood up. "We will continue this conversation later." She rushed out the words as she went to fall in line. I silently and quickly worked on the rest of my food, downing the rest of my drink with a disgusted look, before gathering my dishes and taking care of them before leaving the mess.

I headed outside hoping that the fresh cold air would help wake me up as the coffee worked it's way into my system. The sky outside was starting to turn from the bright pinks and oranges of the morning into a light blue. I glanced down at my watch, the face settled on the underside of my wrist. I still had almost an hour until the formation. Suddenly the neighing of horses grasped my attention. If nothing else, I can care for my horse.

Heading for the stables, I grabbed two buckets. One for horse feed and another for fresh water, before heading to the far back stall where my black and white stallion was boarded. His eagerly nipped at my knuckles as I refilled his trough and changed out the water. Replacing the buckets, I grabbed a coarse brush to groom him. I ran the brush through his mane and tail, gently detangling the hair before brushing off the small amount of dirt that had collected on him. He neighed in contentment. I rested my head on his shoulder and neck as I gently stroked his long neck. I felt my weariness start to settle in and quickly lifted my head, shaking the sleepiness from it.

When I heard soldiers begin to line up for the formation, I stored the brush away, brushing away the small amount of dirt on my hands and pants, and left the stable. At the top of the hour, the Commander stood before the formation and went over the list of duties and training for each squad. It was more 3D Maneuvering Gear training and titan slaying practice for my squad. I then felt Natasha's glace from beside me along with two others on the far side of her. The other two members of our squad. Mikael and Francis. My mind clicked in annoyance. Their looks whispered concern and it echoed in my head. I understand why they would be concerned but it wasn't like this wasn't a regular thing. My insomnia had been way worse and I was still capable of functioning as a soldier.

"For now." A voice bickered in my head. I told myself that I was fine. I always was. "But will you be this time?" The voice nagged.

The self doubt began to sink in and my head hazed and clouded. It was only due to muscle memory and instinct that I saluted with the formation and followed the rest of my squad to retrieve our equipment and head to the training forest. I heard soft voices talking back and forth as I struggled to focus on the words being said. The haze thickened and I could feel the darkness settling in as I struggled to keep consciousness. That's when I felt a strike on my cheek. A HARD one. I felt the darkness begin to envelope me again before it subsided slightly. Everything was still hazy but it was clearer than before. I then focused my vision to my squad members in front of me however soon realizing that there was a fourth pair of eye staring at me; dark and cold.

"Zoning out while I'm explaining the exercise, shit head?" The Captain's tone was stern laced heavily with irritation; the look in his eyes sharper than the swords of our 3D Maneuvering Gear on our hips. Had he slapped me?

"I apologize, Heishichou." My fist clenching and moving over my heart as my other arm fell behind my back. "It won't happen again." His eyes regarded me silently before I felt a knee connect with my stomach. My body folded over itself as my legs gave out from under me and my knees hit the ground. A sputtering cough fell from my mouth as the air was suddenly rushed out of my body and I gasped with empty lungs.

"Perhaps now you'll be more attentive." Captain Levi stated, the coldness in his eyes never faltering.

"Yes, Heishichou. I am." The words fell from my lips before my brain could register them and I felt an arm on each side pull me up to my feet.

"Consider that a warning. Next time I won't be as lenient." He said as he turned to lead us to the edge of the training forest.

"Yes, Heishichou." I muttered as the three of us followed behind him towards the trees. I heard Mikael mutter something about Captain Levi being harsh under his breath and I heard Natasha and Francis agree with a small noise from them both. I felt Francis' gaze fall back to me and I briefly glanced up at him.

"You okay?" He asked. I nodded.

"Yeah."

The rest of the training went decently with no more real incidents to speak about. Under the instruction of the Captain, we trained while he scolded us when our technique was wrong or we didn't properly 'kill' one of the wooden titans. Luckily for me, my second wind hit me shortly after I was kicked in the stomach. I was back on top of my game after that. Francis and I tied for the most effective kills until the very last one. He got a clean kill while my blades refused to dig themselves deep enough for it to be technically counted. After all was said and done, we all headed back to the castle headquarters. We will quickly dismissed as the Captain retreated inside to file his report. I was attempting my own escape when I felt a hand on my arm.

"Don't you go thinking that I forgot about earlier." Natasha warned. "You got the crap kicked out of you all because you didn't sleep." I felt the irritation begin to build on the inside.

"I'm fine though now. I hit my second wind already so I should be good for a while longer. You know how it goes." I explain as I retracted my arm from her grasp.

"Natasha is right though." Francis interjected. "You've been up for 68 hours last time I counted."

I did the math in my head. I refused to count the three hours that I dozed in and out of sleep and woke up literally at least two dozen times. The math was hazy and incomplete so it took me a moment to add it all up.

"I think it's around 78 hours by now." I retorted. All three of them had looks of mild shock on their faces.

"Geez, Celica. That's over three days!" Francis raised his voice at me.

"I know." I stated coldly.

"With as bad as your insomnia is I'm surprised you made it through the three year of training." Mikael commented. I just simply shrugged my shoulders.

"I keep telling you that I've always been like this. I can manage it just fine."

"Yeah but it's starting to show a lot worse now." Natasha spoke in a worried tone. "I would really feel better if you went to Squad Leader Hanji though." Mikael and Francis each voiced their agreement with Natasha and I sighed, giving into the peer pressure.

"Fine. I'll go see her after lunch. Happy?" Francis wore a small smirk and Mikael nodded.

"But I'm going with you to make sure you actually go." Natasha demanded. I felt another sign escape my lips.

"Whatever makes you happy."


	3. Transfer

**CELICA'S POV**

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It was lunch time but I wasn't hungry. Now that I had settled down a little, my fatigue had hit full swing. I grabbed a plate regardless and a cup of strong black tea. I wasn't one to pick at my food but I forced myself to eat at least a little bit, just to say that I had something on my stomach. With every bite that I swallowed however, the aching in my gut reminded me of the Captain's punishment for falling into the haze in my mind. It was downright embarrassing. I felt a slight blush creep up to my face. And here I was planning to at least stay on Captain Levi's good side if not under the radar all together. But for it being my first true slip in a year and a half, I guess it could be worse. Damn it all though, it must be the fatigue getting to me since I can't stop blushing. But then again, nothing really gets past him, I thought to myself as I sipped on my tea. After I decided that I was done with my food, I quickly put away my tray and attempted for the mess hall entrance.

"THERE YOU ARE!" Damn it. Couldn't blame me for trying though. "Ready to go find Section Commander Hanji?" Natasha asked. I sighed and nodded reluctantly. Side by side we traveled through what seemed like an endless amount of halls until we stumbled upon the scientist's personal office and study. Fearlessly, Natasha knocked on the door.

"You can come in!" Hanji called out from beyond the door and Natasha opened the door and entered first, grabbing my wrist to drag me in with her. "Oh, Reed? And Valkihar. What brings you here?" The scientist asked as she sat in a chair next to a cluttered table of papers and books. Across from her sat Captain Levi, one leg crossed over the other, arms folded in front of his chest, and his eyes training on the two new females in the room.

"I'm worried about Celica." Natasha stated a-matter-of-factly. Quickly I pulled my wrist free from her grasp and took a step backwards.

"If you're busy though with the Captain then we can come back at a later time." I spoke quickly while trying to backtrack out the door, intentionally keeping Captain Levi as far out of my main vision as I could. My stomach flipped again as I remembered that kick from earlier. And the fact that he slapped me as well. But I deserved it I guess.

"It wasn't really important." Captain Levi stated. "I can leave though if you wish."

"Actually, Heishichou," Natasha began. "I was hoping you could help talk some sense it her as well."

"NATASHA!" I huffed lowly, eager to leave this place as quickly as possible. I was hoping to put the day's events behind me before I faced the Captain again. "Please."

"What's wrong?" Hanji asked. "Valkihar?" I turned my gaze to meet Section Commander Hanji's eyes, genuine concern filling them. I sighed to myself and briefly shut my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts.

"I just... can't sleep." I stated softly, casting my eyes downward, embarrassed that Natasha had made such a fuss over it.

"That's IT?" Captain Levi scowled, his glare pinned straight at me. "You just can't sleep? What are you? A child crying for it's mother?!"

"Levi!" Hanji stopped him before turning her attention back to me. "When did you last sleep decently?" She asked with a serious tone. I mulled the thought over in my mind once more. Unable to remember the number I had stated earlier to the rest of my squad.

"Before lunch, she said somewhere around 78 hours ago." Natasha spoke. For once, I was grateful that she butted in. The Captain whistled, almost in amusement.

"No wonder you look exhausted." He stated plainly.

"Levi, that's over three days. That's not normal. No matter how impressive though." Hanji stated as she leaned back into her chair.

There was a moment of silence as I saw from the corner of my eye that the Captain was mulling over something in his head. A brief flash of something danced behind his eyes.

"Is that why you zoned out earlier? You were fighting sleep?" He questioned, his voice sharp and quick to cut to the chase, and his eyes seemingly to burn a whole through me. My eyes dropped back down to the floor.

"Yes, Heishichou." I felt his gaze soften almost at my answer. Almost.

"Tch. Troublesome brat. You should know better than pulling all nighters when we have an expedition coming up soon." He muttered to himself as Hanji quickly got up and fetched another chair.

"Sit." She commanded, her tone suddenly very serious.

"Yes, Section Commander." I stated, my voice flat and empty of emotion. I could feel the haze thickening up again as I sat back down. The only thing stopping it was Captain Levi's burning stare. I did NOT want to be on the receiving end of his discipline again so soon. I willed away the haze for just a little longer as I clenched and released my fists again and again, trying to give my mind something else to focus on.

"How long has this been going on?" Hanji asked as she fetched pen and paper, not really caring about who gave what answers at this point.

"Practically since I've met her." Natasha spoke up. "Even in training she would be awake for days at a time. I kept telling her to get some help after I realized how bad it could get but she insists that she's fine and her body can take it. Even now, I practically had to drag her here just to speak to you." She trailed on. Hanji made a few notes.

"Does the brat not have a mouth of her own?" Captain Levi interjected, his tone dark and his patience wearing thin. All three people then focused their fully gaze on me.

"I've always had a weird sleep schedule. It wasn't as bad though back then. About 4 and a half years ago, I found myself sleeping every other night. And when I did sleep it was only for a few hours at a time. Only recently has it been getting worse." I trailed off, remembering that it was around that time that the wall fell. Maybe that's why.

"Natasha, what did you mean about 'seeing how bad it could be'?" Hanji asked, her attention shifting off of me. However, Captain Levi's didn't falter, continuing to bore an invisible hole through me. I felt the blush reach my face again. Why wouldn't he stop staring at me?

"There was a day that we were training in the mountains. It was the same type of exercise that we performed today actually." Natasha's words had finally grabbed Captain Levi's attention. Thank Sina. "She had been up for about 5 days straight. She blacked out during a maneuver and a wooden titan was moved into her path. She hit it full force and her blade impaled her leg all while she was out cold." A chill ran up and down my spine.

"5 days?" Captain Levi finally spoke again. "That's excessive."

"Wait." I interrupted. "If that happened then why don't I remember that? I just remember waking up in the infirmary with a bandaged leg. I don't even remember training in the mountains that day." Confusion and a small amount of panic was starting to creep into my voice.

"Blunt force trauma is a possibility." Hanji stated as she scanned over a few notes she had taken. "When the body starts to reach it's threshold after not sleeping for so long, the body will lapse into what we call a micro-sleep. Just a few seconds that the body shuts down in a sleep like state but wakes back up after a moment or two." She then reached behind her and dug through a couple of papers and fished out a stethoscope before walking over next to me. "Can you undo just your top two buttons? I wanna take a quick listen."

I simply nodded through my haze and undid the top two buttons. Even though he still couldn't see anything he shouldn't, Captain Levi had enough respect to turn his head away as Hanji listened through the device. At least he understood what 'tact' was. Pulling away, Hanji sighed and jotted down a few more notes as I buttoned the top of my shirt.

"Your heart rate is erractic and fast at that. Your body is under a lot of stress. Can you think of anything in particular that could upset you as of recently?" I slowly processed her question in my head before shaking my head.

"No ma'am. Nothing recently." Hanji sighed. It obvious that she knew I was omitting something. But it was true. Nothing recently had been a problem. But since the Wall fell, I noticed started to notice how irregular my sleep had gotten. I refused to mention it though. Most people here had their own tragic memories and losses due to the Titans. I'm just a dime a dozen in that case.

"Natasha? Anything you can think of as her roommate?" Natasha shook her head at Hanji's question.

"I can't think of anything either. Not much as changed since we arrived at the Corp together." She explained. Hanji mulled over something in her head for another moment before speaking again.

"I'll speak to Erwin about this and see if I can get you off for a couple of days to try and rest." I felt my heart drop. "After that, we will maintain a close eye on you to try to monitor your sleeping patterns."

"With all due respect Section Commander," Once again the words fell from my lips before I could run them through my filter. I took a shallow breath to organize my thoughts once more. "I don't think that is necessary. I can handle this on my own. I'm sorry to have come here for nothing." I went to stand up when I felt a hand push me back into the chair by my shoulder. I dropped back hard, forgetting how much effort it took to actually stand in the first place. I had stayed in one place for too long and the fatigue was getting worse.

"Sit back down brat." Captain Levi ordered as he hovered over me, forcing my eyes to meet his own. I subconsciously slumped in my chair a little, feeling more or less intimidated. "So what you're saying is that your fellow soldier's concern for you is unwarranted? That you aren't literally about to collapse from exhaustion because you can't sleep for days at a time? Is THAT what you're saying?"

The Captain's tone was strained and harsh at best but the cold glare he gave me was much worse. I just wanted to sink into a puddle of nothing and escape.

"I apologize, Heishichou. I didn't mean it like that." My tone was humbled and low while I forced myself to maintain his gaze, searching those cold grey eyes of his; looking for any hint of emotion in them whatsoever. I dared to wonder if what I saw flicker behind his eyes was concern. I was probably imagining it however. Most likely delirium setting in.

"Tch. Shut up." He muttered as he headed for the door. "I'll go inform Erwin on this. Get that brat to bed." He ordered as he roughly shut the door behind him. Hanji sighed and put away her notes and stethoscope.

"Well you heard him." Hanji let a small smile grace her lips as she offered a hand out to me. I took it and she helped pull me to my feet. The haze was beginning to clear again finally. "I'll walk you to your room. Natasha, you can go back downstairs for now."

With a quick salute and a thank you, Natasha left me and Hanji alone in the room.

"Section Commander Hanji?" I began as we set out in the direction of my room.

"Hm?"

"Truly, I'm sorry for the worry. I let Natasha blow this entirely out of proportion. And I even got Heishichou Levi involved." I felt my cheeks flush at the mention of the Captain. I must be more tired than I thought.

"Don't be. Actually, it's probably better this way. Sickness come in all shapes and sizes. But all of them can be fatal when it comes to fighting Titans. Can't have you passing out on an expedition while battling now can we?" I caught a small amount of humor in her voice. Perhaps she was trying to lighten the mood? All I knew is that I felt thoroughly embarrassed about it all. So much for staying under the radar.

"Thank you Squad Leader."

"Please, just call me Hanji." She offered and I nodded. Suddenly I felt my body freeze up mid step. I shivered with cold and my vision blurred as I felt myself go weightless. The sounds of the my name being called out soon faded out as well in the darkness.


	4. Past Regression

**A/N: THIS CHAPTER STARTS OFF WITH LEVI HEICHOU'S POV FOR A GLIMPSE INTO HIS VIEW OF THE WORLD. THERE WILL BE MORE OF HIS POVS IN LATER CHAPTERS! ENJOY!**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

I knocked on Erwin's office door and I heard him grant me entrance before I turned the doorknob. As always he was poured over maps and strategy charts at his desk.

"Levi, did you need something?" He asked, gazing up from his work. I took my usual seat in a chair across from his, crossing my legs and arms attempting to relax a little.

"I have a concern about one of the soldiers that I trained today." I spoke plainly.

"Yes, I've read over your report." He shuffled through a few papers before bringing one to his eyes. "Celica Valkihar. You said she wasn't paying attention and zoned out a few times. After you 'disciplined' her, she became more attentive and back to her usual self." He gave me a knowing look at the word "discipline". It was no secret that I thought pain was the best form of training. But it was the first time that she had been the "victim", as Erwin would have called it. "As always your reports are thorough. She is normally a capable soldier. It's out of character for her."

"Exactly. Her roommate brought her to see Hanji while I was visiting with her. Apparently she isn't sleeping." I informed. Erwin's eyes flickered before meeting mine.

"I'm aware that soldiers suffer boughts of insomnia. Most do. What's this concern of yours then?" He surely didn't mind getting straight to the point. But I could respect him for at least that much.

"She hasn't sleep for 3 days straight. Though she disclosed that her sleep has been irregular for most of her life, it has been progressively been getting worse since the fall of Wall Maria." Annoyance flicked within me. Sure I wasn't a big fan of sleep myself, getting only 4 hours maximum each night, but I know most people aren't like me, whom it wouldn't phase. Regardless of if they were soldiers or not.

"Did she state that directly?" Erwin had seen that flicker in my eyes after all.

"She specifically said four and half years ago. That puts it around the fall. I simply just put two and two together." It wasn't that impressive of an observation if you asked me. Erwin let a small sigh go and put the paper down, lacing his fingers together and resting his chin on them.

"Always so quick to assess the situation. You haven't changed a bit." He remarked, glancing back down at a stray folder on the edge of his desk before looking back at me.

"So this has been ongoing for a while then?" I nodded.

"She refuses to see a problem with it, saying there's always something better to focus her time on. Training, studying, ex cetra. Her dedication to the cause is one thing but we can't have soldiers dropping dead from exhaustion. I left her with Hanji before coming here. Hopefully that titan loving freak can talk some sense into her."

"She's headstrong, that one. Imagine if she actually got the amount of rest she needed. She might even give you a run for your money Levi with the proper training. She seems driven enough." Erwin's face was plastered with a smirk and I saw the flames of a brilliant idea flash in his eyes.

"Tch. Perhaps." I responded, irritation slithering through me at his blatant statement. "Hanji is requesting a couple days off for her so she can rest."

"Permission granted." Erwin stated quickly. My eyes widened a little.

"That easy huh? You must be getting soft." I teased.

"Not all. I have plans for her, as you know." He spoke as he stood and moved to look out at the training ground. "Do you think she can handle it, despite what happened earlier today? What is your official recommendation?" He looked back at me, a serious look in his eyes.

"If she's held out this long, probably. It's been a year and half since she joined as we haven't hear many if any complaints about her or from her. She even kept her composure after I kicked her."

I felt a smirk creep onto my face. I won't lie. She did kind of impress me. She clearly stood out. No real emotional attachment to the majority of the other soldiers, if it all. She was also level headed and her 3D Maneuvering Gears skills weren't shit either.

"Seems like I'm not the only one who seems impressed. Doesn't she remind you of someone though?" Erwin smirked and my face fell straight.

"No. Not really." He was angling for something but I couldn't quite place my finger on it.

"A shame." He stated.

"Tch. What the hell are you getting at?" I asked, my eyes narrowing and irritation slipping into my voice.

"Nothing really. But wonder if she truly has what it takes to excel like I hope she does." He doubted. After watching her for this long, I was not about to let it all be for nothing. I had better things to do than keep tabs on another brat.

"You forget that I can recognize natural talent when I see it." My voice was serious and I almost felt insulted.

"I know. As can I. That's one of the reason's you're here, isn't it?" I glared at him coldly. That damn Erwin always one to drudge up the past.

"Then it's decided. Mold her into an excellent soldier as her new Squad Leader, Levi. She should only improve under your direction." He stated. I could feel the faint smile appear on his face even though I couldn't actually see it as he looked back out the window.

"Got it." I responded. At least he didn't give me a completely useless piece of shit to babysit.

It was at that moment that someone barged into the room. Irritation finally found it's way to my face. It was always one disruption after another.

"Commander Erwin! Levi Heichou! I apologize for the intrusion!" It was Petra. "Squad Leader Hanji sent me. Valkihar collapsed." Damn it. She had finally reached her limit, huh? I looked at Petra and then to the Commander, who had turned towards to face back towards the door.

"Looks like you've got another report to file the Levi." He stated plainly before looking towards me.

"Tch. Damn brat." I muttered as I went to exit the room and followed Petra to Valkihar's room. Hanji was doubled over her with a bucket of cold water and a wet rag.

"Oh, Levi, there you are." She said as she took notice of me entering the room. I briefly scanned the room. Valkihar didn't have any personal possessions sitting around on her side of the room. At least none that I could see. You would have thought she had just moved in. Though it appeared that they had kept the room clean to my standards. I wouldn't have to discipline them later at least. "When we headed back here she just froze and collapsed. Seems like she's running a fever now though."

I turned my gaze towards Hanji who was seated in a chair next to the bed and then to Valkihar who was tucked tightly under the covers, a sheen of sweat covered her flushed face and her breathing seemed labored. A sigh slipped past my lips as I walked over to the pair, leaving Petra in the doorway. "Stupid brat went and got sick on top of it." I felt a cold shiver run through me. Damn it all if I get infected from her. I brought my cravat to my mouth, serving as temporary face mask.

"Relax Levi, she isn't contagious. Her body just finally gave out and is trying to repair the damage." With that, I lowered my cravat and smoothed it back out.

"Erwin gave the okay for two days rest. He needs her rested up for the expedition coming up." I stated.

"That's good." Hanji said as she dunked the rag again in the water and rung it out, replacing it on Valkihar's forehead.

"If you're done here then you can go." I stated with a stern tone. "I'll stay here until she wakes. I have some news for her anyways."

"Aren't you supposed to be training with the rest of your squad?" She asked incredulously.

"They already got the briefing earlier. They know what to do. Right, Petra?" I looked over to her still standing by the door. She straightened up and saluted me, fist over her heart.

"Yes, Heichou. We will continue as planned." She responded and I gave her a small nod.

"Still, if it's fine with you, I want to stay here and watch her too. We might learn how restless her sleep actually is if we do." I felt my shoulders slump a little at her request. So much for having some personal time. Even if it meant spending it watching over a sleeping brat. If Hanji decided she was gonna do something, there was no stopping her. I learned that long ago.

"Fine. Do as you wish." I stated as I grabbed another chair and sat next the Titan obsessed freak of a scientist and dismissed Petra, her closing the door silently behind her. I already knew it was going to be a long night.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I felt the blood pool around my feet. Mom. Dad. I looked at the crushed house in front of me and I felt something break in my chest. Not this memory. Not now. I had buried this. I had already grieved. I didn't want to see this again. I felt the crushing power of a Titan's hand around my torso. Hadn't I been saved? No. Not this time. I watched with unwavering eyes as the Titan brought me closer to its mouth. I felt the darkness swallow me again as I felt myself falling and slipping further and further away. I landed in a pool of blood and Titan stomach juice. Wiping the filth from my face, my eyes soon adjusted to the dimness and in the pool of disgust floated my parents. Their limbs crushed and torn apart, faces etched in horror with open eyes and mouths. I felt myself starting to tremble before I screamed.

"No!" The scream retched from me as I bolted up and gasped for breath. I heaved hard a couple times to collect my breath before hearing someone clear their throat beside me. I looked over and saw Hanji and the Captain sitting next to my bed.

"You okay?" Hanji asked quietly, obviously as startled as I was just seconds ago. Captain Levi's only hint of an expression was his slightly widened eyes. I ignored their looks of concern and looked back down at the bed before feeling liquid fall down my cheeks. I wiped it away quickly before realizing that my jacket had been taken off along with my boots and gear straps. I felt the hair tie give way behind my head and gently pulled it away since my tossing around had caused it to come undone, letting my shoulder length hair hang down to shield my face. When did I get here though? "You collapsed when we left my office. You've been out for a few hours." She explained, answering my question without realizing it.

"Sorry." I immediately apologized, clenching the white sheets loosely in my hands along with my hair tie. I felt like I was starting to become a burden and that was the last thing I wanted. It was embarrassing for other people to see me like this.

"You were tossing and turning in your sleep a bunch." Hanji continued. "Do you have nightmares often?" I shook my head before offering to explain as I tucked my hair behind my ear on the side facing Hanji and the Captain.

"I don't have them usually. Not since..." I trailed off, the dream still fresh in my mind.

"Since you joined the Military?" Captain Levi finished my statement for me, his tone flat yet cold and his eyes scrutinizing every move I made. Sina that man did not miss a thing.

"Yes, Heishichou." I stated blankly, clenching the sheets tighter in my hands. "Since the three weeks it took me to join after the fall of the wall. But when I do, I guess you can say they get bad." Since when did I talk this much? And why did it feel like an interrogation suddenly?

"Is that why you stay up so much?" Hanji asked, her voice laced with concern still along with a slight bit of curiosity. A small chuckle found it's way out of me unexpectedly.

"You would think, huh?" My casual tone turned back serious in a split second. "But I don't know. I don't remember dreaming enough to say." I looked over at the Captain who was silently thinking in his chair, training on my every word I said before moving over to Hanji. She had pulled out a pen and paper notebook from somewhere and was jotting down some notes.

"How often does this cycle repeat itself? Not sleeping for two or three days at a time?" Hanji inquired and I entertained the question briefly in my mind before speaking.

"Almost constantly? I'll finally crash after a while and sleep decently for maybe a night or two before I'm awake for the next few that follow." Hanji made a couple more notes before I continued my trail of thought.

"Honestly, I don't know why exactly my sleep evades me so much. All I know is that I can lie awake in bed for hours, not feeling tired, and forcing myself to relax and clear my head and it still wouldn't work. I tried for the first year after I joined the Academy. After that, I figured if I couldn't force myself to sleep, I would make the most of my time by doing something. Thinking. Training. Cleaning. Anything to try and tire me out. The rest is history."

I saw the Captain's eyes gleaming at my cleaning remark. I knew he would get at least some sort of kick out of that and it almost brought a smile to face. However I brought it straight and faced forward again. The Captain's constant stare was unnerving.

"Anyways, Valkihar." The Captain spoke up. "I have some news." I turned to look at him, attempting to keep a look of worry away from my features. What was he about to say? Was I in trouble? Oh Sina, no.

"On behalf of Commander Erwin, effective immediately I am your new commanding officer. You will report everything directly to me unless told otherwise. Is that clear?" I felt my eyes widen in shock but I had managed to keep my jaw from hitting the floor.

"Yes, Heishichou. I understand." I forced my face straight again and his look didn't change or falter in the slightest. I guess it was true that he was more or less a statue in person.

"Good." He went to stand up and place the chair he was sitting in back where it belonged. "Someone will come in and check up on you in the morning. Use the next two days wisely and rest up. You're in my squad now and I refuse to babysit anyone, but that doesn't mean that the well being of my soldiers doesn't concern me."

"Yes, Heishichou." I felt Hanji look at the Corporal and then to me and back again to the Captain.

"So you stayed here all this time just for that?" She asked. Surprise etching itself into her face. My eyes were still locked on the Captain however. He stayed the entire time? And I was out for how long? Didn't he have anything better to do than to wait for me to wake up? Didn't he consider this 'babysitting'?

"I shouldn't have to explain what I do with my time to you, Shitty Glasses." He glared at her before walking towards the door to leave. "Goodnight, Valkihar." I felt my face flush again. His words sounded soft and I looked away from him.

"Goodnight, Heishichou." Damn it, I felt my body stiffen at his words. It caught me off guard completely.

"Celica, your face is flushed again. Did your fever come back?" I heard Hanji pipe up as she reached for a forgotten rag and soaked it in water. "You need to lay back down." She instructed, pushing my shoulder back. Yep, total embarrassment.

I could feel the Captain's smirk as he left the room and I laid back down. When I heard the latch click in place, I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding. Hanji placed the wet rag on my forehead and smiled.

"He's not as bad as he seems. He's just socially awkward." She informed. "Believe it or not, he cares what happens to his soldiers. He just has a strange way of showing it." I nodded at her words, in-taking them slowly.

"Hanji?" I piped up and Hanji made a small sound to acknowledge my impending question. "I thought Levi Heichou hand picked his squad. Why the sudden change?" I was curious so I couldn't help but ask. Hanji just simply smiled.

"I guess you can know now since it's been made official." She stated, her smile only growing.

"What do you mean?" Hanji crossed her arm and sat back into her chair.

"Levi and Erwin have been keeping a close eye on you for a while now. Apparently they see something in you that they like. Something about natural talent and so on." My eyes opened slightly wider and felt my lips part, stopping the words on my tongue before they were spoken as she finished her statement. Is that why I started catching glances and acknowledgements from him as of late?

"Besides, Levi would pitch a fit if he disapproved of it, though he would still go along with it regardless. And from what I can tell, he at least doesn't mind at the moment. That's pretty rare I must say." She continued. "But don't think on it too much. You need to sleep."

She dug in her pocket and retrieved a bottle full of small pills. She opened it and took two out, handing them to me. "If you take these everyday around the same time, it should be easier to fall asleep."

I sat up, careful not to drop the medicine, and took hold of the glass of water she offered me, making sure it wasn't from the same bucket as the sweat rag. I silently took the pills and chased them with water before laying back down and recovered myself with the blanket. I shut my eyes and a few moments later I heard Hanji blow out the candles and leave the room quietly. Surprisingly, sleep came easier and relatively quickly. Perhaps I really was that tired. I couldn't think too much on the Captain's news before my thoughts trailed off and properly rested.


	5. Bad Habit

**A/N: HANJI-SAN! I LOVE HOW ECCENTRIC SHE CAN BE. JUST DON'T GET ON HER BAD SIDE, SHE'S WORSE THAN LEVI HEICHOU. (OR SO I'VE HEARD) ANYWAYS, HERE HAVE SOME CLASSIC MEDDLING ON HANJI'S PART. AND IS THAT CONCERN I SEE OFF IN THE DISTANCE? ENJOY!**

* * *

 **HANJI'S POV**

I left Celica's room as quietly as I could. Those pills should start kicking in any second now but I didn't want to chance my presence keeping her up. Outside in the hall, I saw her roommate Natasha strolling towards me.

"Good evening." I greeted with a smile. It was getting to be proper night time by now but I was still energetic. Not enough to keep me up any later than needed however.

"Ah, Section Commander Hanji! Good evening. Is Celica any better now? I heard she collapsed earlier but they wouldn't let me come visit her." Her face showed signs of her anxiety and worry.

"She's better now." I said, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. "But she's needs to catch up on her rest. She's been given the next two days off so if you can let her sleep in tomorrow, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Yes, Ma'am." She gave a quick nod before I stepped aside to let her into the room. Another smile graced my lips as I saw the door close once more and I took off my glasses to clean them on the tail of my jacket. She certainly is cared for at least. Even if she doesn't think so herself.

Thinking back to the first day Celica had arrived, I remembered how empty and uncaring the girl's eyes were. Even since then, she hadn't changed much. Perhaps she learned to trust a few people like her squad mates but that's about it. I'll have to take another look at her psychological profile later. I added it to my list of to do's as another memory appeared in my head and I felt a knot form in my gut.

"She reminds me of someone else I know. So quick to refuse help from anyone else; so stubborn." I whispered as I placed my glasses back on my face and headed down the hall. Speaking of which, I probably need to let him know how she is now, I thought to myself. My feet automatically took me to stand before an office door and I knocked, the voice beckoning me inside and I entered.

"I just wanted to let you know she should be out like a light." I spoke and shut the door behind myself.

"Damn it, Shitty Glasses. I visit you once to discuss the up and coming expedition and now it seems I can't get rid of you." Levi spoke harshly. He looked up from his chair to give a glare that was just as harsh. It was cute that he thought that worked on me anymore. "Those pills worked then?" He questioned as he turned back to finish working on his next report.

"Yep. Hopefully she'll be out until the afternoon at least." I spoke cheerfully as I strolled up next to him, leaning on his desk. "I didn't wanna take a risk on it. Better safe than sorry." He gave me another glare out of the corner of his eyes.

"Just don't go thinking that you can use her for those fucking useless experiments of yours." He warned. I chuckled.

"Don't worry. Titans are much more exciting." I felt my excitement and passion bubble up from within at the mention of those murderous and yet wonderfully complicated beings but I quickly put a cap on it. I didn't feel like dodging another attack from Levi. At least not tonight. Failing to intimidate me was one thing but I knew better than to think that he wouldn't dare to strike me if it fancied him.

"Good." He stated.

There was a moment where only the scratching of his pen filled the air as I regarded him. He had changed a lot since I had met him but it wasn't necessarily for the better. He was harsh, short tempered, and quick to cut to the chase before hand but at least he had Isabel and Farlan back then. Now he tries to keep everyone at arms length, even Erwin and I, who had been there for it all and seen everything that he shouldered since joining the Corp. In truth, I felt sorry for him though I would never let it show. I know he would disapprove of it and take great insult in it.

I felt his glare return to me, snapping me out from my own thoughts and back to reality. "If you don't have anything else to say, then leave. I have shit to do and I don't want you over my shoulder the entire time." He was irritable and understandably so. It had been a long day, at least for him; short temper and all.

"Humor me for a second?" I requested, my eyes being serious and thoughtful.

"With what?" He growled as he stilled his writings, looking at me out of the corner of his eye. So cold, just as usual, I thought.

"You're actually concerned about her aren't you?" I felt the tension immediately as the words fell out of my mouth. He looked back down at the papers and the shadows from the oil lamp hid his eyes.

"Why should I be concerned for another troublesome brat? Thanks to her I have more paperwork to do and I have to worry about acclimating her to the rest of the squad." His tone was icy and it sent a physical chill over me, he obviously was not happy in the slightest.

"She's so quiet compared to the others though, that might prove difficult. Why do you ask?" He finally caught onto my words but I wouldn't do all the hard work for him this time. I wondered how long it would be until he figured it out himself.

"Just wondering. I just know how you are and all." I spoke as I stood up straight and started heading for the door. "Plus I know you've been watching her. Erwin wanted you to keep watch over her, right?" I chuckled.

"And? Do you see a problem with my evaluations on a soldier?" He asked, his tone thick with contempt. My footsteps stopped in the center of the room as my tone turned back serious for a moment.

"No. That's your job right? Taking care of soldiers?" There was something nagging me about the situation. Something just didn't fit yet. "By the way..."

He wrote a little more before pausing, waiting for me to finish my sentence.

"Did you notice anything off about her before now? Didn't you see how exhausted she was becoming? Any red flags at all? You had to have seen something with those sharp eyes of yours." I questioned him, one falling on top of another. Levi remained quiet for another moment before setting his pen down, resting his chin on his hand.

"Maybe. Are you going to blame me for it if I didn't though?" I felt the weight of his words and let out a small sigh.

"No. I can't blame you for not wanting to see it even if you did."

"Quit fucking around, Hanji." He spat. "Both you and Erwin have been spouting the same shit all day. What are ya'll trying to get across?' He asked, his voice dropping dangerously low, careful to not let his exact emotions show. I turned back around to face him, his eyes glaring daggers. Sharp and deadly.

"She's... different. Special. I can't quite explain it but I know you see it too." I explained, unfazed by his threatening demeanor.

"Different doesn't always mean special, Hanji. You should know that much." He sighed with a hint of frustration in his voice, the edge gone from it before picking up his pen to continue his work.

"Yeah, but the last soldier whom I thought was 'different' ended up sitting in front of me with the title "Humanity's Strongest". Maybe she is capable of greater things as well." I stated. He regarded my statement silently, thinking.

"We will just have to see how she performs under new direction, won't we?" He didn't bother looking up from the papers in front of him but I saw that glint in his eyes. Even after all these years, I still couldn't one hundred percent guess what was lurking behind those eyes of his at any certain point.

"I guess there's just no point in trying to push this any further with you then?" I questioned, crossing my arms.

"Exactly. Now leave. You've distracted me long enough."

Without another word, I left the room, shutting the door tightly behind me. I stopped though with my hand still on the door; listening. Seconds later I heard a soft bang from inside. Silence followed until I let go of the door and headed to my room. It was late and we had an early morning tomorrow.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

When Hanji left the room, I waited a moment before dropping my head hard against my desk. This was so frustrating. Listening to them ramble on and on about this one brat.

I heaved another sigh as I slumped back into my chair. I needed a drink to clear my head. It was starting to pound from an oncoming headache and it wasn't just because I had hit it on my desk just moments ago.

Reaching over to one of the drawers of my desk, I pulled out the bottle of whiskey and glass that I kept stashed away from nights just like this. I polished up the glass before pouring myself a tall stiff drink and reaching for a cigarette from my secret stash as well. Nobody needed to know what I did in my free time and I preferred it that way. And if I needed a temporary crutch, so what? There were worse things out there besides a little nicotine and alcohol.

I took a sip of my drink before standing and opening up one of the windows behind my desk, bringing the glass with me. I sat on the window sill as I lit my cigarette and took a long drag, inhaling the burning smoke into my lungs, holding it briefly and exhaling a shaky breath. I could feel my tension slowly fading away with the sweet smelling smoke.

My thoughts trailed back to Valkihar somehow. She was so formal when she addressed me and not nearly as much with anyone else though she gave respect and politeness where it was expected. She had almost seemed frightened by my presence earlier. Both in Hanji's office and the room she shared with that bimbo of a roommate. Was she nervous around men in general or just me?

I took another drag as I lulled the thought through my mind. If she was so nervous of men to begin with, then the military wasn't a place she needed to be. Regardless, she was talented. A little sloppy but talented none the less. Perhaps she would make a decent soldier in the end. It all depended on how she would react to her first day of training with me.

I flicked the wasted ashes off of the end of the cigarette before taking another sip of whiskey. I gently rolled the liquid around in the glass, staring at it's warm amber hue.

"Don't disappoint me, brat. You've caused me quite a bit of trouble already." I muttered to myself. "I just hope you're worth it." I downed the rest of the glass in one go and set it down next to me on the ledge. I sat there a little while longer until I snuffed out the burning cherry, content with my slight nicotine high before returning to my desk, shutting the window behind me.


	6. Strangers

**A/N: STUBBORN ONE IS SHE! NEW CIRCUMSTANCES ARE IN THE AIR! MEET SQUAD LEVI AT LAST!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The last thing I remembered last night was Hanji leaving my room. But now I felt the pull of the morning sun as dawn reared it's head once again. I lazily opened my eyes as the sounds of leather straps were clipped into place by their buckles reached my ears. I groaned and set up in bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes.

"Celica, you shouldn't be up yet." Natasha warned in a softer tone of voice. Probably trying to get me in my first morning's daze. "You should go back to sleep." She persisted and pushed gentle on my shoulder, trying to get me to lay back down. I gently shook my head, lulling away my sleepiness.

"I'm up now. There's no point in it." I said in a monotone voice as I pulled the covers free. "Besides, I didn't get a chance to shower last night. I need a bath." I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and my feet made contact with the floor, sending a cold shiver up my spine.

"It can wait. Sleep just a little while longer please. Squad Leader Hanji's orders." She pressed a little harder and I reluctantly layed back down.

"Okay then," I muttered, still half asleep. "If she said so..." I turned onto my side and curled back up into the sheets as Natasha covered me back up. It was so warm. Perhaps a little while longer wouldn't hurt. "Natasha?" I asked for her as sleep threatened to pull me back under. I heard her 'hmm' of acknowledgement as my mind slipped back into slumber.

I later opened my eyes back up and looked to the window. The shades were still drawn but the light at the edges held the dark orange glow of evening. Was it really that late? I sat up in bed and attempted to smooth my hair back down. I was more or less refreshed now so I decided it would be a good idea to get up this time. As I stood up and stretched my tense muscles, I caught something out of the corner of my eye. There was a untouched tray of fruit, bread, and water sitting on the nightstand. I'll send someone to come and check up on you in the morning. Captain Levi's words echoed in my head.

Hearing my stomach growl eagerly, I picked up an apple and wiped it down with a napkin before I took a bite of it. Juicy. They managed to get a good one I thought to myself. I finished the apple with contentment, my stomach thanking me, and wrapped the core up in the napkin I had used to clean it before tossing it into the waste bin. I pulled back one of the shades and tied it in place. It truly was evening time as I saw the sun loom closer to the horizon from my window.

"Shit." I muttered. "I've slept the day away." Turning away from the windows, I quickly grabbed a spare uniform and made my way to the showers. As the water ran over my body, it felt like it was washing away the rest of the sleepiness that clung to me. By the time I was done, I had felt invigorated. I wiped down a section of mirror so that I could see my reflection once again. The dark circles under my eyes were mostly gone and my eyes were bright once more. For once, I was grateful for Natasha's meddling. I got some decent sleep finally thanks to her.

I dressed quickly and went back into the room to towel dry my hair and to put it up. I didn't want to start sweating in the humid bathroom right after I had finally gotten clean. It was mostly dry now so I decided that I would put it up into a ponytail. By the end of the night however, it would most likely be turned into a messy bun. It almost always would.

I heard a soft knock on the door and it cracked open before I could answer. A girl with short ginger hair and large wide eyes peered into my room.

"Oh my, I'm sorry." She apologized. "Levi Heichou told me that you most likely be up so I came to check up on you."

"Oh. That's fine." I said as I finished putting my hair up and she stepped fully into the room.

"I'm Petra, by the way." She spoke with a smile on her face.

"Celica." I introduced. "I take it you're one of my new squad members." I inquired. Petra's smile only grew.

"Yeah. You can meet the others at dinner if you want. It's around that time after all." She offered. I thought of the apple I had finished earlier and was about to decline when my stomach growled again. Apparently it wasn't satisfied.

"Actually, that sounds like a good idea." I said as I stood up to leave my room. I followed Petra down to the mess hall and luckily the masses hadn't flooded the room yet. We quickly got our food and walked over to a corner table where three other males already sat. One had a taunt face with tiny beady eyes and had his hair shaved short on the sides and back. The second was relatively good looking with long blonde hair that was pulled back out of the way and a goatee in the making. The third one was plain looking with short dark hair.

"Hey guys." Petra greeted the men at the table as she took the only set left on the closet corner, across the one with the beady eyes. Which meant that I had to sit next him and across from the blonde at the table, leaving the other corner chair open. I was not about to chance sitting in Captain Levi's spot. At least I could still have my back to the wall. "This is Celica. Our newest squad member." She spoke, her bright tone never faltering.

"Nice to meet you all." I greeted, trying to find some sort of enthusiasm in my words. Apparently they came out as dully as I had thought. Regardless, the two males across from me uttered their greetings back at me and gave me their names. Eld and Gunter. It was a start. But the one sitting next to me only sat silently and tried glaring at me. I ignored him as best as I could as I reached for my tea.

"Petra, what's with this brat?" He asked with an incredulous tone. Mocking me almost? I felt a nerve being struck and irritation settled in quickly. "Thinking she's hot shit getting on this team so suddenly and all."

"Auruo, how many times do I have to ask you to stop copying Levi Heichou. It isn't flattering at all." Petra stated as she took a bite of bread.

"I am NOT copying him!" He yelled, slamming his hand on the table before looking back at me with those beady eyes of his. I glared coldly at him. I had finally gotten a good night's rest and this is one of the first things I have to deal with? A persistent and annoying loud mouth? I sighed to myself as I went for a sip of my tea. "Cat got your tongue short stuff?" Auruo spat at me. My irritation was starting to build more. If I was drunk on lack of sleep I could ignore this guy a lot easier but if he thought he could intimidate me, he had another thing coming.

"Just shut up before you bite your tongue or something." I growled out before finally taking another sip and setting down my cup. I heard Petra try to muffle a giggle while the other two chuckled softly.

"You damn brat! Don't act li-" I heard a small chomp and a muffled groan of pain. Did he really just bite his tongue? I looked at him with large and confused eyes as he held his mouth in pain.

"Well you didn't have to take it literally." I muttered as I continued eating my food. Auruo's eyes just narrowed at me; probably from embarrassment or pain or maybe a little bit of both.

The other three were laughing at Auruo's expense as the Captain approached the table with his food, sitting silently beside me in his usual spot. Good call, I said to myself. I didn't wanna die today.

"Good evening, Heichou." Petra greeted and the rest followed suit, Auruo muttering it through his hand before pulling it away to wipe the blood off with a napkin and tucking it away in his pocket.

"Good evening, Heishichou." I greeted plainly and he nodded in acknowledgement of everyone.

"Good evening." He said softly as he wiped off his silverware. "Feeling better, Valkihar?" He asked before tucking into his food.

"Yes, Heishichou." I replied. "Thank you, by the way, for yesterday." He looked at me with dull eyes for a moment before looking back down at his plate.

"Don't mention it." He stated. "I take it, everyone has been introduced?" Everyone nodded. "Good. You can start training with the rest of us the day after tomorrow."

Everyone's eyes trained in confusion on Captain Levi and then moved to me.

"Shouldn't she be working us tomorrow, so we can start working on our teamwork as soon as possible? After all, the expedition is just around the corner." Eld commented, oblivious to the situation.

"Erwin gave her until then to rest. I suggest she uses it." I felt his gaze back on me as we looked at each other out of the corner of our eyes. "I don't want a repeat of yesterday, understand?" His eyes narrowed and I swallowed hard. Now that I'm a part of his squad, I'll have to get used to being around his harsh and cold persona on a daily basis. And here I was content to watch from the sidelines.

"Understood, Heishichou." For the rest of our meal the other four talked casually, occasionally laughing and swapping funny training experiences of the day. Meanwhile Captain Levi and I ate in an uncomfortable silence. At least it felt that way to me. The Captain was just as expressionless as usual. After a while, he dismissed himself and took away his plate, apparently finished with his meal. After he was out of ear shot, Gunter spoke up.

"Celica?" I looked up at him from my plate. "You're so formal. Gotta loosen up a little."

"Yeah. It's almost as if your afraid he will bite your head off or something." Petra commented.

"Maybe she is." Auruo said with a smirk. I gave him another glare before focusing back on Petra.

"Well he did give me a decent beating yesterday." I commented. Everyone's faces fell a little.

"For what?" Gunter asked. I sighed and propped my head up with my hand as the other meddled with a stray carrot slice with my fork.

"I hadn't slept in 3 days and I was zoning out. He slapped me to get my attention and then shoved his knee into my stomach afterwards."

"Tch. Dumbass." Remarked Auruo. I wasn't about to give him anymore attention so I disregarded him before stabbing the piece of carrot and bringing it to my mouth.

"Can you just not sleep or something?" Eld asked, propping an elbow up on the table, resting his chin on his fist.

"More or less." I explained, casting my gaze back down.

"She collapsed from exhaustion yesterday after going to see Hanji. Her and Levi Heichou stayed by her bedside until she woke up." Petra said, her eyes then turning to me. I felt the heat bloom across my cheeks, frustrated that the whole thing even happened in the first place.

"But I'm fine now. Anyways," I picked up my now empty plate and stood up, pushing my chair in. "I'll see you guys later."

"Wait, Celica..." Petra started to speak but before anyone else could get a word in, I left to take care of my plate and left the mess hall, heading back up to my room. When I got there, I found my door wide open with Hanji and the Captain standing in my room with Natasha.

"Hey there." Hanji greeted as she approached me, settling a hand on my shoulder. "You look better rested." I nodded.

"Thank you, by the way." I said before turning my gaze to Natasha who looked like she was about to cry. I felt Hanji's hand slip off my shoulder as I took a few step towards my roommate.

"You didn't tell me you were leaving!" She exclaimed. Shock moved through me before I shoved it down, realizing what was going on.

"I was trying to tell you before you left this morning. Before you came back yesterday I was told that I would be moving to Levi Heishicho's squad." I looked back at the mentioned Captain and Hanji. "But I didn't think I would be changing rooms. At least not yet."

"It can't be helped." Captain Levi spoke, a hand tucked away in his pocket. "We follow a different routine than the rest so it's to not cause as many disturbances." He explained. "Grab your shit. You have one hour." He spoke harshly as he left the room.

Meanwhile, Natasha was obviously still upset.

"How was I supposed to know that's what you were trying to say? Besides, you obviously needed to go back to sleep. You looked almost as bad as yesterday still." She explained.

"She woke up this morning?" Hanji pipped up and Natasha nodded her head.

"Yeah. She even tried getting ready but I coaxed her back to bed." Hanji face filled with thought as she brought her hand to her chin.

"Surprising. I was sure she wouldn't stir until dinner." She said to herself.

"Please stop talking about me like I'm not even here." I interjected, letting out a sigh and pinching the bridge of my nose lightly.

"Sorry." Hanji said before walking to my wardrobe and opening the doors to it. "Anyways, do you want to help Celica get her things Natasha?" She nodded in response as we began packing my things away. After a while, Hanji broke the silence in the room.

"Wow, Levi was right. Don't tell him I said that." She said as we continued to make our way through my belongings. Both of us looked up at her with looks of question on our faces. "You really don't have anything personal tucked away, do you? And only one set of casual clothes?"

I shrugged. "I guess not. I don't really need anything else." I stated.

"No personal notebooks or journals. No trinkets. No childhood stuffed animal. Nothing." She continued, looking back at me with curious eyes.

"Like I said," I tucked away my spare uniforms into my bag. "I don't need anything else. If I was supposed to have it, it would have been issued to me."

Natasha chuckled. "Such is the soldier's saying, huh?" Despite Natasha trying to lighten the mood, Hanji still looked at me with questioning eyes before we heard a knock at the door.

"You done yet, brat?" Captain Levi questioned from within the doorway.

"Almost, Heishichou." I packed away the last article of clothing and zipped up my bag. "Done, Heishichou."

"Wait, that wasn't an hour." Hanji stated, her hands on her hips.

"Does it matter?" The Captain asked. "She's finished, isn't she?"

"Yeah but-"

"Then let's get going." He ordered, cutting Hanji off. Swinging my bag onto my shoulder, I felt Natasha leap onto me and trap me in a crushing hug, my arms frozen at my sides.

"Come find me whenever you have the time?" She requested. My look of surprise melted away as I gently laid my hands on her back. I wasn't quite returning the hug but for her, it seemed to be enough.

"I will." She let go of me and gave a bright smile as I exited the room and followed Captain Levi and Hanji to another side of the building. Opening up my new door, I found Petra inside changing the sheets on the spare bed. Apparently my surprise was written all over my face. Before I could speak however, Petra did.

"If you had waited to leave just a little longer then I could have told you that we would be rooming together." She said brightly as she finished tucking the sheets.

"Right..." I muttered as I walked in to set my bag next to the bed.

"Well, we will leave you two for now." Hanji informed. "Levi, can I see you for a moment?" I briefly saw a flicker of annoyance in his eyes at her request.

"Tch, fine." He looked back towards Petra and I before continuing. "You already know to keep the room clean so I won't say anything else on it. Get some rest, Valkihar." He ordered before walking away with Hanji shutting the door behind them. It was hard to interpret his words as suggestion with that tone he used.

Before I could let my mind wander, Petra spoke up.

"Don't worry about him too much. He just takes some getting used to." Her looks seemed uneasy, almost as if she didn't believe the words herself.

"So I've heard." I stated as I knelt down to unpack my things.

"Want any help?" She offered.

"Sure. Knock yourself out."


	7. Weakness

**A/N: Time to set the mood. It's go for these two when it comes to heart wrenching pasts and bottled up emotions! Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The night sky descended upon the land once more and as usual I was laying awake in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Petra and I had unpacked everything and even conversed in small talk before deciding that it was time to sleep. However I couldn't sleep well in new places. There was just something about the unknown and unfamiliar that scared me. Geez, this resting crap was harder than I thought; restlessness coursing through me.

I quietly shuffled out of bed, looking over my shoulder to make sure Petra was fast asleep. Hearing soft even breathing, I figured it was safe enough to move. I went to my wardrobe and dressed in a grey long sleeve sweater and black cargo pants. It was my only pair of civilian clothes that I had bought after graduating from the Academy and I honestly didn't feel like putting my uniform back on. Slipping on my casual shoes and tying up my hair, I snuck out of the room before realizing that I didn't have a clue to where I was going. I took a quick glance out one of the hallway windows and thought that some fresh air might do me some good. Wandering aimlessly through the halls I noted a stairwell that went past the tallest floor of the building. Maybe it had a roof access, I thought. Turns out I was right.

The door to the roof was unlocked and I was grateful to finally feel a cool crisp breeze flow around me. The roof itself wasn't any special, just a blank slate of stone and a few crates of supplies scattered here and there. However tonight, it would serve as my temporary refuge. I sat on the edge of a stone block that helped to border the roof, swinging my legs casually as I looked up at the night sky, taking in the innumerable amount of stars in the sky while the moon shone brightly. I was lost in thought when I heard the door click open and foot steps set themselves onto the stone.

"What are you doing out here?" I heard a low voice speak. Of course it would be Captain Levi to find me out here, and so soon on top of it. I didn't even bother looking back at him, unsure of the look I would find on his face.

"I got restless, Heishichou. Not being able to really do anything throughout the day will do that to a person." I explained, leaning back on hands that gripped the back edge of the stone I was sitting on. He didn't reply to me but instead walked over and sat down on an adjacent stone. I glanced over and saw he was still in his uniform. Oh Sina, did I feel out of place all of a sudden. I heard him digging into his jacket pocket as he pulled out the bottle of medicine I was missing.

"You left it in the other room." He explained as he held it out to me. I gently took it out of his hand, careful to not physically touch him. Being such a clean freak and all, I thought it better just to avoid as much skin contact with him. It also didn't help that I was still trying to get use to his attention at all. Just last week, it was extremely minimal at best, only acknowledging my mere existence every now and then. I won't lie. He did scare me a little; always so cold when he was silent, and harsh and demeaning when he wasn't.

"Thank you, Heishichou." I said as I placed the bottle in one of my pockets. I heard a heavy sigh next to me but trying ignoring it, I focused back on the sky.

"Shut up." He remarked. I had to bite my tongue to keep from apologizing. "And stop being so formal all the time. It isn't necessary to use my title with every little thing you say to me. It's annoying." I felt my shoulders slump a little as I leaned forward to rest my elbows on my knees, casting my gaze down at the ground. Lacing my fingers together, I squeezed my hand gently, a small sigh coming from me to signal the uneasiness I felt around him; alone together at that.

A few moments passed between in us with only the sound of gently blowing wind around us.

"Forgive me but," I worked up the courage to finish my thought. "Did you come up here just to give this back to me?" I asked, resting a hand on the pocket that held my medicine. He regarded my question with silence, leading me to think he was either was ignoring me or genuinely didn't hear me.

"Well," He began, his voice dropping to a softer tone. "That's one reason." I casted a sideways glance at him and saw that he was still looking at the stars. His eyes had lost their usual coldness and his face bore an emotion that I couldn't place. Contentment? At that moment Captain Levi, "Humanity's Strongest Soldier", a seemingly cold and heartless clean freak, appeared slightly more human than he did at any other point I had seen him.

When he shut his eyes for a moment and went to stand up, I looked away a little faster than I was supposed to. He looked back at me, eyes closely studying me. Of course he had caught that. I felt that tell-tale heat of my flush of embarrassment reach my face and hoped he couldn't see it. Reaching back, I pulled my hair down, holding my hair tie loosely in my hand. If it wasn't obvious already that I was trying to hide my face, now it really was. As usual, Captain Levi didn't say anything as I looked down at the black ribbon in my hand.

"You really don't have anything personal tucked away, do you?" I heard Hanji's voice echo in my head. You just didn't look close enough, I thought to myself.

A strong gust of wind flew across the roof unexpectedly and I felt my hair tie fly from my hand. The wind carried it across the roof to the other side and my body moved on it's own, chasing it down as it threatened to fly into the empty abyss. I felt a small whimpering "no" fall from my lips a I reached out to grab it.

When I felt it in my hand once more, it was only then that I realized that I had made it to the far edge, balancing on one foot on the jutting stone of the roof. Time seemed to freeze as panic set in with my eyes trailing to the ground, my body preparing to brace for a crushing fall. Suddenly I felt a hand grasp the back of my shirt and roughly to pull me back to safety before I reached the point of no return. I landed hard on the flat stone on my back, my arms tucked tight to my torso, rolling a few times before finally stopping on my side.

"What the fuck was that?" Captain Levi spat as he held his fists at his side, anger overflowing from his dangerously low and menacing voice. I dared not to look at his eyes as I painfully sat up on my knees, clutching the ribbon tightly to my chest. My hands trembled softly; from either pain or fear, I honestly couldn't tell. I felt his gaze move down to my hand as his palpable rage filled the air. "Damn near throwing yourself off of the fucking roof for a stupid ribbon?"

His tone hadn't changed. If anything, the malice in it only grew more. Silence passed between us once more. What could I tell him? What reason could I give to appease him? That it was the only thing I had left of home? That I wore it everyday because my mother and father had given it to me as a child? That they had felt so ashamed that they couldn't give me anything else because times were tough and money was tight? No. I doubt he would understand.

"I'm sorry." The words fell weakly from my mouth on their own accord. Damn it! Is all ever I do is apologize to this man?

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it, shit head." He growled lowly as he moved forward towards me. Was he about to strike me again? Fuck, I really did it this time! His footsteps stopped in front of me and my body braced for a hit that had not yet come. "Answer me." He commanded. "Why did you almost throw yourself off the room for that fucking ribbon?"

The words stopped in my throat and I struggled to speak them. I could feel him rearing his hand back to slap me and fear rushed through me.

"Because it's..." I felt him stop, my impending doom hinging on my next few words. "It's... the only thing I have left from home." I felt tears begin to pool in my eyes as I spoke, my voice faltering and being weak. However, none had yet spilled over the edge yet. "It's all... I have left." I tried reinforcing my point. "I can't lose it."

I dared to gaze up at him to judge what he could be possibly thinking. His face no longer bore the sharpness of his wrath and way that the night's light reflected in his eyes, it seemed that they had relaxed into a look of understanding and... revelation? His hand fell back to his side briefly before extending it in front me.

"Get up." He ordered in a flat tone. Hesitantly, I grasped his hand and it felt unnaturally warm. He swiftly pulled me to my feet before turning and walking towards the stairs, opening the door before stopping and looking back at me. "Report at the corral at 0800 tomorrow morning. Don't be late." He said before disappearing into the dark stairwell, shutting the door behind him.

I stood there alone on the roof for a moment in utter shock.

"He didn't..." My soft voice trailing off as my knees gave way under me. "He didn't strike me?" I thought as the tears overflowed at that moment and streamed hot and steady down my face. All of the memories that I had tossed away came crashing into my head along with every painful emotion tied to them.

It had been so long since I had to physically acknowledge a part of my past that laid broken and utterly shattered. I knew this would happen when Hanji and Captain Levi got involved and started asking questions but I was powerless to stop it. I could only push it back for so long. And once again, the dam had broken.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

My office had become unbearably stuffy at some point that night and it wasn't because it wasn't clean. I had made sure of that earlier in the day. But now it seemed that I couldn't concentrate on any of the papers in front of me. Maybe I needed a break, I thought to myself, grabbing my jacket and slipping it on as I left the room.

When I traipsed up to the roof however, I didn't think I would see Valkihar there as well, casually seated at the roof edge. She hadn't acknowledged my presence yet but I knew that she had noticed me as soon as I opened the door. I addressed her as usual but decided to sit down beside her anyways. I didn't want to go back to my office yet and the cold air was a welcomed change of pace as the wind whipped around me and left goosebumps on my skin.

I felt a hard object press against me in my jacket as I brought a knee up to my chest and draped my arm over it. I dug out the glass bottle of medicine and handed it back to Valkihar, thinking of Hanji's favor earlier in the night.

"Can you give these back to Celica?" Hanji had asked as she went to turn in for the night after we had finished another long winded discussion about the next expedition, pulling the bottle from her jacket pocket.

"Why didn't you give these to her yourself before we left?" I asked when she handed me the bottle.

"Honestly, I had forgotten until now. I had other things on my mind." She explained. "Besides, you know that I hate admitting that I'm wrong in our wagers." She flipped a small gold coin in my direction that I caught with ease. My winnings. Betting with Hanji had recently became a thing to ease the boredom in our free time. Of course, I would almost always win.

"So you really didn't find anything when you were helping her pack?" I asked earnestly.

"Not a single thing. No journals. No trinkets. No photographs or portraits. Na-da." She said before sighing. "Oh well. Goodnight, Levi." With that, she left the room. I pocketed my winnings before attempting to do some paperwork. Needless to say, I got frustrated and went to the roof for some fresh air and found myself sitting next to Valkihar, looking up at the sky.

We sat there in a silence that was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable for what seemed like forever. She wasn't unpleasant company for the most part, she seemed to enjoy the silence I must as I did, but her presence was unsettling none the less. Perhaps it was because the last time I had last came up to the roof I was in the presence of friends. Valkihar, she was an underling, and if nothing else, only an acquaintance.

We talked, if you could call it that. It sat more along the lines of me scolding her than anything else. However I didn't have the energy at the moment to make it a big deal like I normally would have.

I eventually felt her gaze turn to me, seeming to burn a hole through me. I ignored it. Despite the fact that I had long ago grown accustomed to the stares of the people surrounding me, something I felt about the way she was looking at me was agitating. It was the same kind of look Erwin and Hanji would give me when I had left them flabbergasted. And it never failed to irk me to no end because I could always see them trying to figure me out like a damn puzzle behind their eyes. Sadly, she was no different in this case.

I felt a sigh release from me and went to leave. However, not before I saw Valkihar take down her hair. It was chilly tonight so I dismissed her movements.

That's when the wind hit. The next thing I knew, she was about to leap over the edge of the roof before I managed to pull her back.

Shock set in; then anger. One moment she could talk and then the next, I couldn't get her to form coherent sentences. I really needed to be more careful of what I say to my soldiers. But the lack of a real response only infuriated me more. She tried apologizing but I was no longer in a mood to hear it. Once again, she fell silent. Was I going to have to slap sense back into her again?

Before the back of my hand could make contact though, she spoke up and I froze. Her voice was broken and soft, but she spoke regardless. The next emotion I felt was irritation. But when her eyes looked up at me, gleaming with tears, I felt it melt away. It was obvious at that moment that it wasn't her body that had worn down this time, but her heart and mind instead. Strangely, that look she gave me, it pulled at something in my chest and it began to feel heavy.

I felt my hand fall at my side and I sighed internally, reaching back out only to help her up. She was painful to look at and I couldn't bear it anymore. I guess I would have to indulge her just this once however, I thought to myself before ordering her to report to the corral the next morning. If she wanted something to do so badly then she would get it. And I would get glorious payback for the trouble she had caused me tonight.

As I walked back downstairs to my office, I shoved my hands into my pockets, feeling a cold metal touch my skin. I stopped while I fished it out and looked down at the gold coin I won from Hanji only a little while ago in my fingers. My shoulders slumped as another sigh left my body.

Sina, I hated admitting I was wrong too. She did have something personal that she kept. I debated giving it back to Hanji tomorrow and gave in. For an ex-thug, I was abnormally honest.


	8. Test

**A/N: Levi won't forget. He never does. So in classic Heichou fashion, his own sick form of payback comes around. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

After I had quit sobbing last night I returned to my room, taking the medicine that had been left forgotten in my pocket until then. Petra sighed softly as she shifted in her sleep but didn't wake. Either she was a heavy sleeper or I was just that quiet when I moved around at night. I brushed away the dried tear streaks off as my face before I noticed a small crack in the glass when I sat it down on my nightstand. It wasn't surprising after falling back like I had, but if it wasn't for Captain Levi I probably would have broken my neck on the ground. I guess the cracked glass would serve as a reminder from then on that I would have to keep my past and emotions in check better from now on. It made for an ineffective soldier after all and I didn't want the Captain thinking anymore that I was a burden right after being transferred to his squad.

The next morning I quickly dressed and headed to the mess hall, grabbing my breakfast and eating in my usual morning spot. Something felt a miss however and I looked over and saw that the Captain was absent. I felt a pang in my chest as the events of last night came back to mind.

Petra was gone this morning before I woke and she wasn't in the mess hall so maybe there was a squad meeting. Reason and logic took grip before I could worry that Captain Levi was avoiding me. After all, he always had other obligations to attend to. Still, part of me felt a twinge of pain as I sat there alone.

Wrapping up my meal, I headed outside. When I reached the courtyard, I glanced down at my watch and saw that I still had some time before I had to report. Regardless, I headed to the corral and saw that the rest of the squad had already gathered, with the Captain being the only exception. The strange thing was, I didn't see any horses. They all seemed to still be in their stalls when I past by them just nothing. Something told me that I was going to be in for a decent surprise as I approached.

"Good morning, sleepy head." Petra greeted.

"What are _you_ doing out here?" Auruo spat.

"Yeah, aren't you supposed to still be resting?" Eld questioned and Gunter gave a nod of agreement.

"Levi Heichou told me to report here at 0800." I glanced back down at my watch. "Still got fifteen minutes to spare." I noted.

"Tch. Kiss ass." Auruo retorted.

"If you're early, you're on time. If you're on time, you're late. Didn't they teach you that in the Academy?" My tone lowered as my eyes narrowed at Auruo. "Which reminds me..."

Everyone's eyes turned to me, Auruo glared at me while the others only shifted their regular gazes.

"What are you all doing out here anyways? I figured you would be hard at work training already." Petra simply smiled.

"We're waiting for Levi Heichou right now. He said something about a group excercise." She explained and Eld chuckled.

"Maybe he took my suggestion to heart yesterday." He said as he crossed his arms, his face beaming with pride.

"Speak of the devil..." Gunter remarked, spotting the Captain on his way down from the courtyard to meet us.

"And he shall appear." I muttered to myself, finishing his thought. And that's exactly why I came here early, I thought to myself.

A few moments later, Captain Levi stood before us as he reached into his pocket for a few sheets of paper and unfolded them.

"Good. You're all here. I've reserved this place for a good while so there won't be any distractions." He said, placing his hands on your hips. "Take off your jackets and place them on the posts. You aren't going to be needing them." He ordered. We all looked at him with confused looks etched into our faces.

"Heichou, isn't this a formation movement drill?" Petra asked timidly.

"Not anymore." He stated. "Jackets. Off. Now." He gave us each an icy glare until we did as instructed. I hung my jacket loosely over one of the free posts before turning back to the Captain. "Into the ring with you brats."

We gathered inside the large corral silently, wondering what the hell was going on anymore.

"We're going to test Valkihar's resolve and hand to hand skills." He said as he jumped up to sit on one of the top brackets of the corral's wall. "Consider it your first test. And induction." He explained, glancing in my direction. I nodded at him to indicate my understanding.

"Tap when you've had enough and wish to quit." He ordered. "Valkihar, move to the center."

Without question or hesitation I did as ordered. I was itching to punch something already. My muscles were tight with disuse so I would fully embrace this "test" to take out some much needed frustration.

"Gunter, you're up first." He instructed. Gunter silently moved towards me with an unsure look in his eyes.

After a moment, he readied his stance while I took up mine, bringing my arms close to my chest and planting my feet solidly into the ground. I watched him closely, looking for the slightest movement that would give away his incoming attack. Sure enough, his leg began twitching slightly and he pushed forward off of that foot and charge at me head first, his right fist drawn closed and tight. IDIOT.

I dodged right, catching his elbow, gripping it tightly as I used his own momentum to swing him the full one eighty degrees before throwing him down to the ground and forcing his arm backwards behind his back as I knelled down over him. He tapped quickly.

I moved off of him and helped him up. He gave a small bashful smile and moved back to the fence.

"Pathetic." I heard the Captain mutter. "Eld?"

The blonde man stepped forward to face me.

"Don't bother holding back like Gunter. It's insulting. No offense" I stated, glancing over to Gunter who bore a look of shame on his face.

"None taken. Its my fault for underestimating you." He said.

"Your cleaning the stabled after this is finished, Gunter." The captain stated.

"Yes, Heichou." The sore man muttered.

Disregarding the conversation, I stood at the ready, my eyes training on Eld's. I couldn't lose focus yet. New opponent, new tactics.

"Whatever you say, princess." He stated with a smirk. He was baiting me, I knew that much, but regardless I still went on the offensive towards him.

He easily blocked my punch with his hand, gripping it tightly and forcing it backwards unnaturally. I cringed at the pain, but quickly refocused as my free hand gripped his belt and in a rush, I flipped him headfirst over my body. He landed hard with a "oof" has the air left his lungs, loosening his grip on my wrist. I quickly doubled back, putting some distance between us as he collected himself. He sprinted for me and ducked low as I went to block high, nailing me in the gut.

I stumbled back gripping my torso, coughing briefly trying gather my breath back. The bastard had hit right where the Captain had only a few days ago and damn, did it _still_ hurt.

"What? Can't keep up?" He egged on, backing away but keeping his arms tight to his body. That's it. If he wanted to play dirty, then I was more than game.

I ran at him full speed and just as he thought he had enough reach to hit me, and let my legs give way sliding into him, taking him off his feet. He turned as he fell and landed hard. I contemplated hitting him while he was down but my conscious wouldn't hear of it.

However as he went to stand, I didn't hesitate to launch forward to clip him in the jaw with a kick. He was down again and didn't move for a moment. When I saw him move, he rubbing his jaw lightly and spat a small mouthful of blood into the soft dirt. He sat up to face me and lifted a hand into the air.

"I tap." He stated. I walked over to him and knelt beside him, offering a hand out to help him to his feet. He gratefully accepted it and stood on shaky legs.

"Not bad. Petra?" The Captain piped up as Eld returned to his spot by the fence, gently rubbing his head. She looked up quickly with unsure eyes at him as if asking if he was serious. He simply nodded his head before she set her eyes on me, a serious look on her face that I had never seen before.

"Prepare yourself my friend." She said lowly, approaching me.

"No hard feelings, right?" I asked, a determined smile reaching my face.

She gave a quick nod as she lunged forward almost immediately striking for my head. I raised a arm to deflect, moving my head away from her fist. She quickly followed up with the other fist, and then another. Damn, she was fast, I thought as I felt her knuckles graze my cheek.

I had barely managed to dodge her next few strikes when she suddenly lifted her leg to kick, again aiming for the same spot Erd had hit moments earlier. At least she knew where to exploit weaknesses when she had to. I stopped the full force of the hit by bracing into my side. Her shin hit hard against my arm and I went to secure my grip around her ankle. The look in her changed for an instant as she her eyes widened. My grip faltered however and she was able to retract her leg, bringing it back and spinning around on the balls of her feet to throw a clenched fist into my open side. She hit and forced me over in the process.

I rolled onto the ground, catching myself and standing quickly. I didn't wait for her move before I stepped forward, throwing my body weight into her as I tucked in and slammed into her, sending her tumbling a few feet away.

My body had reacted from the rush of adrenline in my body. I actually had to try to fight with her. It was refreshing almost. She surely wasn't a push over.

I moved over to her, flipping her over and throwing her into an arm bar. She struggled against my hold, her face showing the obvious pain she felt. She forced one of my legs off her chest and broke my hold. However, this time I was one step ahead of her.

As she moved to push me to the ground, I pulled her arm with me, catching her off balance. I straddled her lower back and yanked her arm behind her back, throwing my legs in front of her of next and crossing them. She was trapped now.

"Submit, Petra." I told her and she trembled slightly with the uncomfortable and hurtful position I had in. She tried desperately to get a suitable grip on my body so she could figure a way out. I tightened my legs and pulled slightly harder on her arm, arching her back more. "Please, Petra."

She eyed me carefully for anmoment before tapping. I let go of her arm and moved off of her.

"How strange that our females are more capable so far than the rest of you." Captain Levi stated, a hint of irritation showing in his voice. "Aurou, wanna give it a shot?" He beady eyed devil of a man smiled to himself as he cracked his knuckles, moving towards me.

"With pleasure, Heichou." He stated. "Time to teach the brat a lesson."

The Captain made a small noise however, like usual, whatever emotion he was experiencing at the moment had not reached his face. He simply just watched patiently, studying ever so closely. I was going to thoroughly enjoy this one, I thought as a smirk made it's way to my lips. Auruo was a prick and it irritated the hell out of me.

"Give me your best shot, pipsqueak." Auruo stated cockily.

"Weird. I was about to say the same thing to you, _pipsqueak._ " I spat the word right back at him.

"Less talking. More fighting." The captain commanded. You didn't have to tell me twice.

I didn't bother to raise a guard up as ran towards him and reared back to punch him in that snobby mouth of his. He ducked suddenly and elbowed me hard in the solar plexis. I grunted in pain, planting my feet steadily back on the ground as I regained my footing.

I was still close enough to get a hit in so raised my knee towards his face, missing the mark. I twisted my body slightly and finished extending my leg, catching him in the jaw. He let out a groan of pain as he stumbled back, hitting his back on the corral fence, shoving the rest of his breath out if his body. I felt the smirk etch itself into my face. I had got him after all.

"Lucky shot." Auruo spat as he gripped his chest.

"Maybe but the next one won't be." I said, motioning for him to come at me. His face contorted in unbridled anger and yelled as he shoved off from the fence and bounded for me. This was exactly the moment I was looking for. I waited until he neared closer to move my body. I shifted low, grinding my heels into the dirt, and when he came to punch me, I swirled my body around, my back to him now. I shot an open palm up through his guard and it connected with his jaw and I heard a distinct pop reverberate through the air.

In the same movement, I drew back my hand, using his momentum to force him over my own body and onto his back. As he landed with a loud gasp, I forced my foot against his throat.

"Get off me, bitch." He tried saying in a threatening tone between chokes, his hands pushing against the bottom of my boot.

"Damn, I missed that useless flapping tongue of yours." I stated, pressing my foot down a little harder.

In a final push of strength, he forced my heel away and rolled away, his hand grasping his sore throat as he stood back up. I decided that now would be a good time to end this. It was beginning to feel tedious dealing with his smart ass. I brought my defensive stance up and waited for him to move once more.

"Oh, so now you want to take me seriously?" He asked, that stupid grin reaching his face again. I didn't answer. I was too focused on what I had to do next, the movements running through my head like a real of film.

I backed up until I was just a few yards away from my side of the corral, the fence sitting behind me. He charged forward in one last attack andI stepped off at the same time as him. I watched as he went for an uppercut before turning my back on him to leap onto the top rung of the corral, using my feet to push off, and flipped right over his head.

He hesitated more a moment in shock as I landed. It was only a moment, but it was all I needed.

He finally turned toward me again but I was already on the move. I forced my hands out to either side of his head and brought both down at the same time over his ears, the shock wave disorienting him. As he stumbled on his feet, I swung my leg out and struck him in the side as he attempted to cross his arms in front of himself for protection. He went down with a hard thud and coughed hard.

"That's enough, Auruo. Get your scrawny ass back over here." I heard Captain Levi pipe up once again.

Unlike the others, I didn't help Auruo up. He deserved every strike he got in one form or fashion. Eventually, the man gathered his senses and wobbled over to the group on shaky legs. I started walking for the edge as well when the Captain stopped me.

"Where do you think you're going, Valkihar?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Aren't we finished here Heichou?" I questioned, meeting those eyes of his that twinkled with pure amusement. He smirked and hopped down from the fence.

"No, we aren't."


	9. Glimpse

**A/N: Shit's about to go down and go down HARD! I'm sorry that I had to do this to you all but it's been so long since Levi let loose a little. I'm sorry for any future scarring this my impose upon you after this chapter. Good luck though! Please don't forget to favorite and follow the story if you like it.**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

"What do you mean, Heichou?" I asked even though I already knew where this was going.

He slipped his own jacket off and tossed it onto the edge where he was previously sitting. The look I saw in his eyes said everything without him needing to speak. He explained regardless.

"You still have one more opponent." He stated and everyone else's face instantly paled. "Me." He loosened his cravat by a hair before moving to stand before me. Was he expecting me to back down? Oh, hell no. I was not about to pass up this golden opportunity.

"Do the same rules apply?" I asked, feeling my hands clench into loose fists.

"No. I decide when you will tap." He stated, his expression never changing. I didn't like this one bit. Was this him getting back at me for last night? It had to be. Otherwise I doubt he would involve himself like this.

"Understood, Heichou. However..." He narrowed his eyes at me. "What if you happen to get dirty in the process?" I asked, glancing at the various layers of dirt that had collected on the others' clothing.

"Then you will scrub every one of uniforms as punishment." Yep, definitely payback for last night.

If I backed down, he would label me as a coward. If I didn't I would be forced to fight him and risk ruining his uniform. Either way, I was caught between a rock and a hard place. It also didn't help that he had just watched my fighting style and I knew nothing of his hand to hand abilities. Judging from his record though with titans, it wasn't too far fetched to believe that he was equally skilled in hand to hand as well.

"Understood." I said, coiling my body tight. I truly didn't have a choice in this matter and there was no point in arguing.

I took a few steps back and brought up my defense, wondering how in the hell I was supposed to fight this man. He had psyched me out already with the fear of the unknown and if I couldn't think of something soon then I would be toast. I hesitated, unsure where to even begin. He would see a punch coming a mile away. Maybe I could get him with speed. No, I already know how unnaturally fast he is. This was not going to end well for me regardless.

"Oi. Aren't you going to strike?" He questioned, a dark look entering his eyes. "If you aren't, then I will."

He moved forward at almost break-neck speed. I barely had time to block by the time his fist connected with my body. Luckily, he only caught my arm and not my torso. He pulled back to strike again but I was able to dodge this time.

Just watch him. Anticipate his moves. Wait for an opening. All these things kept repeating in my head as I struggled to avoid his fists. It seemed like he was only getting faster with every movement. He was starting to push me back and it was getting more difficult to focus than it already was. I felt a sharp pain in my ribs and realized that I had left my side completely unguarded. My breath labored as the pain spread and my legs shook under my own weight. He swept a leg under me and I fell to the ground. Standing at my feet, he looked down at me with disappointed eyes.

"He who strikes first wins." He stated plainly. This was my chance. I hooked my feet around his ankle and pulled him down to the ground with me.

"That's not always true, Heichou." I retorted as I watched him fall.

He landed hard on his side and I briefly saw the look of shock in eyes. I used this opportunity to regain some of my lost distance, popping my leg over my head and flipping backwards until I was content with the amount of ground between us. However, he collected himself faster than I expected and quickly chased me down. He pulled back a fist and I managed to catch his wrist as he followed through. Snapping his arm down without lessening my grip, I quickly threw an elbow into between his shoulder blades.

He gasped at the impact and I let go of his wrist only to reach for the front of his shirt, snapping him back upright in a burst of movement and landing a fist in his face. My first blood against him.

He stumbled back, gathering himself and standing upright. He ran a hand gently across his face, an evil gleam reaching his eyes. I paled when I saw his mouth contort into an equally menacing tight lipped smile.

Holy shit. What the fuck have I just done? I must a death wish at this point because he was surely about to kill me.

He chuckled darkly after seeing my inner panic reach my eyes.

"Cheeky little shit." He spat. "It's been a while since anyone has been able to hit me like that." He tugged hard at his cravat, pulling it roughly from around his neck, tossing it into the dirt. Undoing the first few buttons of his shirt and rolling up his sleeves, he pulled out a knife from his back pocket.

"Playtime's over, brat." He opened the knife and took up a protective stance. "Let's see how you do when your life is on the line." He threatened, his voice lowering dangerously. He sprang forward, the edge of the blade facing me as he swung it along with his punches.

I could see the visible amount of anger in his eyes and knew I was truly and irrefutably fucked. I had nothing to use in defense against him and it would only be a matter of time before he nailed me. I had to think of something and fast.

I felt my feet trip up under me and I fell back, missing the blade as it swung above my face by a fraction of an inch. I pushed off backwards with my hands as they touched the ground, swinging my legs with me. I caught his knife wielding hand with my foot and saw him lose his grip on it. As my feet touched soft dirt once more, I lunged myself at him before he could reach for the knife once more. His fingertips grazed the handle as I tackled him, pushing him back to the ground with me.

In an instant, I was on top of him and sent my fist flying forward and he caught my hand in a crushing grip. I went to strike with my free hand and he caught that one as well. It was stand off now as my arms threatened to buckle against his strength. I couldn't help but notice though the shimmer in his eyes as we stared each other down. He looked like he was thoroughly enjoying this. Sadistic bastard.

He suddenly released one my hands and leaned up to grab my shirt, pulling me to the side violently and turning his body with mine. He hovered over me as I placed a boot to his chest, trying to maintain at least _some_ distance from him even though he clearly had the upper hand still.

An idea popped into my head as I grasped his shoulders, still pushing against his chest as I forced him over my head. I shoved him off and made a break for the forgotten knife. I gripped it tightly in my hand, turning back around on the balls of my feet to face the captain as he charged head first at me. I swung for him and watched carefully as he dodged each of my strikes, the blade shining brightly in the mid morning sun.

I kicked out at him as he tried dodging around me and I felt my leg connect with the back of his knees, sending him tumbling down to the ground. I couldn't hesitate any longer. I had to force him to end this one way or another. I turned my body full circle, changing legs and connecting another kick with his back and forced him back down. Quickly I placed my boot into the center of his back as I knelt over him and held the sharp blade to his throat.

"Got you." I stated as I felt his body stiffen under me. He quickly popped the wrist holding the blade with his own, hitting a main nerve, making me lose grip on it. The knife a safe distance away from his neck, he reached back, grabbing my shirt, and pulled me over him and onto my back. He had used my own move against me, as to be expected, in his own crazy fashion. My back hadn't hit the ground properly when I felt a elbow hit my solar pelxis hard. I felt my chest cave in from the impact for a moment, retching a wet cough from me in the process. I felt him reach for the knife but I secured it once more before I slashed upward, catching his cheek.

In a moment, he was off of me and had moved a suitable distance away. I sat up as he wiped the blood from his face. He chuckled darkly to himself and his eyes had turned to black as coal, hints of red showing as his anger manifested.

"You'll regret that." He stated. I felt my legs began to tremble and I gripped the knife tighter, pulling it across my body to reinforce my other hand behind it.

I was not about to back down yet. It wasn't just about proving myself to him anymore. It wasn't about taking a well deserved beating for what had happened the night before. He had broken the calm and strong mask that I had worn up until the day I had first spoken with him and it infuriated me. I had to prove a point to myself in this moment. That I was still me. That nothing about me had changed since I had made my decision to fight back against the cruel world I was living in. I was not weak. I did not let petty ideas of friendship and attachment hold me down. And sure as hell was not scared of any bull headed captain of mine.

I forced my body forward, feeling my anger and frustration translate into action and charged head first. He stood there watching me for a moment as I drew closer, his side facing me. I saw him clench a fist, looking away from me suddenly, and brought his arm out forward. Having only a second to react, I tried dodging behind him but his fist caught my shoulder and I lost balance. He pulled the same arm back around my neck, turning his body slightly, and shoved a boot under me. He sent me down on my back and the knife flew in the air for a moment before he quickly caught it and bored down on top of me, the tip of the blade training on my neck.

I pushed back against his arms with my own as he held the knife only a inch from my skin and I struggled under his strength. He forced the blade down a little harder and I felt the tip touch the hollow of my throat. He looked down at me, the coldness returning to his face after a moment and set it straight.

"You lose." He stated. I felt a drop of his blood fall onto my face before he pulled away and stood up off of me. I laid there for a moment in shock and exhaustion as reality set in. "Get up." He ordered.

I sat up slowly, leaning back on my hands to keep myself upright. I saw him walk over to his forgotten cravat and picked it off the ground. It was covered in a fine layer in dust and dirt. I heard him make a sound of annoyance, briefly wiping away the trailing blood on his face before turning to gather his jacket off the edge of the corral. I followed him with my eyes before looking to the other four and saw the shaken looks on their faces. Standing slowly, I could feel the adrenaline fading from my system as I willed my legs to still their trembling.

"I'm absolutely filthy thank you shithead." The captain spoke and he threw his jacket and now blood stained cravat at me. "You will wash those until they good as new as commanded earlier. I'll drop off the rest to you later." He stated. I nodded shyly and walked over, kneeling down to gather the garments in my arms.

"All of you go back and wash up. We're done for the day. Get some rest before tomorrow. We're leaving mid morning for the expedition so be prepared." We each gave him a salute before he hopped over the ledge of the corral and headed back towards HQ. I felt my legs give way once more and Petra rushed over to me.

"Are you okay?" She asked worriedly. I nodded.

"Yeah, just worn out." I explained. I hadn't expected to win but that didn't mean that I was any less happy about the outcome.

"That's was so scary to watch." She said. "I've never seen that look on Heichou's face before."

"Me either." Eld commented. "It was... unsettling. Seeing him crack like that." Auruo and Gunter both nodded in response to his words, apparently still absorbing what had just occurred in front of them.

"I thought I was a goner." I stated as I went to stand, Petra helping me to my feet and throwing my arm over her shoulder.

"Let's get you back." She said, dismissing my comment for another time. I nodded in agreement before we all head back.


	10. Health Concern

**A/N: Disciplinary action is not quiet done yet but I swear it's a lot more tame compared to the last chapter. But you'll have to wait for another chapter to read about that. For now, I nice and "normal?" check up. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **HANJI'S POV**

It was shortly before lunch when I noticed that Levi had come back but he was without parts of his uniform and covered in dirt and... was that blood?

"Levi." I called out to him and he stopped. Gosh, he looked worse up close. He had his usual scowl plastered to his face as I approached. "What happened?" I asked.

"Don't ask." He stated, trying to walk off. I grabbed his arm and he flinched at my touch before looking back at me. My eyes widened when I saw the cut on his cheek.

"So that is blood I saw. Come on." I said pulling him back with me to my office. "Gotta clean that up before it gets infected."

I heard him start to protest but he fell silent after a moment. I pulled him through the door and let him go as I fetched my disinfection and clean up kits. He sat down on his usual chair and I pulled up beside him, setting the supplies down on the table next to us. I grabbed a clean cloth and grabbed his jaw loosely as I wiped away the grim and blood on his face. He cringed before collecting himself. Don't tell me he was actually in pain.

"You going to tell me what happened, Levi?" I prodded at him and he returned my pestering with a glare.

"What part of 'don't ask' do you not get, Shi-" I tightened my grasp on his jaw and it caught off his words immediately.

"And what part of you doesn't get that you're hurt for once and I'm actually concerned?" I said before he slapped my hand away, holding his jaw gently and groaning. "Besides if you don't tell me yourself, I'll just find out another way and people will start asking even more questions than I would." I explained. The look in his eyes softened and he sat his hand back down on his leg. I continued to clean up his face as he spoke.

"Hand to hand combat training. Apparently, I'm rusty." He stated, and uncomfortable look etching into his face.

"And the gash here?" I asked, touching lightly just below the cut. "It's too clean for it to be from anything else but a knife." He grimaced and looked his eyes away from me, crossing his arm and leg, obviously annoyed. God he was pouting like one of those "brats" of his.

"She got lucky." He stated.

"She?" I asked, my eyes widening and I paused briefly.

"Yeah, Valkihar." He spat her name as if it was dirt in his mouth. Which he probably did anyways judging from the amount of dirt on his clothes.

"Let me guess..." I began. "Your normal 'induction' ceremony went sour at some point?" He cast his eyes down and briefly nodded. I was impressed. Nobody else had gotten to Levi like this before. "How many of the others did she win against?" I asked, reaching for some iodine.

"All of them." I turned to him with a surprised look on my face.

"And she still took you on? Surprising." I stated, dabbing some iodine on a cotton swab.

"I didn't give her a choice. She couldn't tap until I said so." He informed and I roughly thrust the swab into his cut. He exclaimed and shoved him away from him and out of the chair.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR?!" He shouted, clenching a fist at me.

"If you look like this, I can only imagine what Celica must look like! You don't bother holding back and if she managed to piss you off, Sina help her." I explained, feeling my face drop at the last statement. "You always take things too far, Levi!" I yelled back. "Not get your scrawny ass back into this chair so I can finish up that stupid face of yours." I ordered.

Surprisingly, he obeyed, but not before casting a deadly glare at me. After a moment of silence, Levi spoke back up.

"Valkihar doesn't have any real serious wounds, just in case you're wondering." He informed, forcing himself to relax a little. "You might want to pay her a visit later in check bruising though. Especially around her ribs and such."

"Levi..." I warned but he quickly cut me off.

"It wasn't just me. The others hit there as well. I saw his eyes glaze over slightly, thinking back. "She's probably just exhausted though." He trailed back into silence. "By the way," He looked back at me, snapping out of his stupor and digging a coin from his pocket. "THAT belongs to you." He flipped the coin at me and I caught it in my hand.

"What's with this?" I asked as I looked at the coin now in my fingers. "I thought you earned it. After all, you won, didn't you?" I inquired with a sly grin, dropping the previous topic. He ignored my question and tensed his body.

"What did you have do to find out she had a personal keepsake hidden away?" I asked bluntly. "Did you go through her things on your own when she wasn't there? Is that why you fought her, planning to beat it out of her?" I asked with a smirk? As bad as it sounded, I wouldn't put it past Levi to go through such extreme measures.

"What do you take me for, Shitty Glasses? A depraved cretin?" He questioned me, his tone reaching a dangerous low. I chuckled.

"Not quite, I think. Maybe just an ex-thug. Perhaps that how a knife got involved anyways." I said, taking a shot in the dark. His eyes widened a fraction before returning to normal. Had I nailed it right on the head? "You still carry it around with you everywhere you go, don't you?"

"I never go anywhere unarmed, you know that." He stated, an edge in his voice. "What of it?" He could see him look for an escape out of this as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"What changed last night?" I asked, bringing back the real topic back.

"If you must know..." He began. I could see something flash in his eyes and they suddenly seemed softer. "She was on the roof last night and I gave her back the medicine you had requested that I bring to her."

"That's it?" I inquired, my eyes slimming. He narrowed his eyes right back at me. I was going to pull this information from him one way or another. "Levi..." He sighed and straightened up stiffly.

"A gust of wind blew her hair ribbon out of her hands and she almost threw herself off of the room to get it. She would have fallen off if I didn't pull her back." He explained quickly. He truly looked uncomfortable and I felt so as well as the thought of her potentially falling from the roof hit me.

"It's that precious to her, huh?" I whispered to myself but he had still heard it. "For now I won't question why you two were up there together as thanks for her life." I stated, changing focus.

"Tch. It's not like I had an ulterior motive or anything. I just found her up there when I needed some fresh air." He was quick to defend himself.

"I never said you did." I stated plainly and he caught his slip up. I could see a faint blush cross across his cheeks and had to contain my smile internally.

"I wouldn't dream of it." He remarked, forcing the slight pink of his face away.

"Whatever you say, Levi." I said, finishing up. "Let that get some air and it should heal quickly."

"Thanks." He spoke before standing up and attempting to leave the room.

"Wait." I said as I tossed a tiny bottle with a handful of pain pills in them at him. He caught the bottle and looked down at it. "For your jaw. And your pride." I teased. Without another word, he glared and left the room.

I sat back into my chair and slumped slightly, bringing the forgotten coin back to my line of sight.

"Impressive, Celica." I whispered to myself. "I knew you were different. Maybe now he is starting to see it too." I clutched the coin tightly, tucking it away into my jacket. "and If I'm not mistaking, this is only the beginning. That girl can probably be your undoing, Levi."

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

Petra and I limped back to the room and entered. She sat me down in a chair and I laid the Corporal's garments down on the small desk next to me. We had one desk to share between the two of us but neither of us really used it except for the occasional book or something. For now, it was the only place I could think to put the dirty clothing.

"Do you want me to draw a bath for you?" She asked as she set down her jacket on her bed. I shook my head.

"No. Go ahead. I'll end up taking longer so go ahead and use the bathroom. I need a minute for my muscles to rest anyways." I explained.

"Okay then." She said as she gathered another uniform and headed to clean up. I turned my chair to sit properly at the desk, crossing my arms under my head as I relaxed on the desk. Sighing heavily, I let the events of the morning replay in my head.

It had gone well until the captain butted in. He was confident when he had stepped up and after seeing it for herself, he had every right to be with how fast and strong he was. The looks he had given me ran my blood cold still and I shivered slightly. I never imagined that a simple fight would cause such a reaction in him. Maybe it was aftermath from last night. Maybe he really was a sadistic bastard who enjoyed fighting and bring pain to those he faced. Either way, I knew that he got at least some kick out of the fight.

I briefly looked over my body, feeling my sore ribs and side with gentle fingers and I groaned softly. They didn't seem broken but they were definitely at least bruised. I rested my chin on my palm in defeat of my wandering thoughts and felt something warm and sticky touch my fingers. They came back red and I remembered when some of his blood fell onto my face. I hadn't wiped it off yet.

I reached for the cravat before stopping myself. I didn't need to make any more of a mess for myself to clean up. I sighed and looking through my wardrobe, I found an old and torn piece of brown cloth of mine from a shirt long ruined ago and cleaned up my face with that instead.

Eventually Petra came out from the bathroom looking refreshed and I took my turn, gathering some fresh clothes and turning to the bathroom. I ran the bath to a comfortable temperature and quickly settled in, relaxing into the warm water. I took the time to inspect my body as I cleaned. My skin was red where I had been hit and grabbed and my ribs were discolored with bruises in spots. The side I felt the most pain from had the darkest bruise by far and I knew riding tomorrow would be painful. However I thought it wouldn't be anything that I couldn't handle.

I finished washing my body and hair before drying off and began dressing. I put on my pants and buttoned up my shirt the majority of the way but left it partially open as I realized that I had left my 3D Maneuvering Gear straps out in the room along with my boots. Oh well, it's not like we weren't both girls, I thought to myself. At least I was mostly covered.

I exited the bathroom with a towel dabbing at my wet hair when I heard a knock at the door. Petra got up to answer, giving me a knowing nod at the way I was dressed, as I quickly grabbed my straps and opened up my wardrobe doors to block the top of my body from view. When Petra answered, she found Hanji at the door.

"Oh, Hanji. What are you doing here?" She asked, keeping the door mostly closed while her own body took up the rest of the open space.

"I came to check up on you two. I caught Levi earlier and he told me what had happened. I've already visited the other two so now it's your turn." She explained. "May I come in?"

Petra glanced back at me and I nodded my okay at her. "Sure." She said, letting Hanji into the room.

"You're up first Petra." Hanji stated and Petra sat on her bed as the scientist looked her over. "No real damage. Mostly just muscle soreness, huh?" She asked.

"Yeah. Celica held back even though she told the rest of us not to." I looked at her incredulously. She noticed now didn't she?

"I didn't wanna hear anyone complaining later on or getting scared of me. Well, except Auruo." I stated. Petra laughed and smiled at me.

"Don't worry, we wouldn't have. No offense but you don't come close to Heichou went he gets riled up." She explained and I briefly saw the leftover fear in her eyes from earlier. I was sure the same look reached mine as I thought about her statement.

"So it' true then? Levi lost his cool?" Hanji piped up looking up at Petra and then over at me. We both nodded.

"I've never seen an expression like come from Heichou before." Petra stated, her face paling.

"Huh?" Hanji looked slightly confused as she swapped back and forth between us.

"Heichou..." I began, remember that evil glint in his eyes and that unsettling smile. His dark chuckle reverberated in my ears again. "His face... it wore a look of bloodlust and I swore that... that I was a dead woman." I explained before Petra could collect her thoughts.

Hanji's own eyes widened at my words and her jaw dropped slightly. I heard her intake a breath before exhaling it.

"What did you do to make _that_ happen?" She asked cautiously. My words caught in my throat and I swallowed them down.

"I was barely able to dodge most of his attacks. I only managed to get him with an elbow into between his shoulders and punch him once. Then I grazed him with the knife he brought out when he had me down. Other than that, I didn't really connect any other blows. Sure I knocked him off his feet a few times but..." I trailed off "Is it true that no one else had managed to touch him in battle before?" I asked, my mouth forcing the question out into the open.

"From what I'm aware of, yes." She stated. I shut the door to my wardrobe as I finished buttoning up my shirt the rest of the way.

"You know that's pointless, right?" Hanji said as she went to stand again. "I need to see your ribs."

I simply nodded and sat on my bed and undid the buttons as Hanji looked over my ribs and sore wrists and ankles.

"Nothing's broken. But still, take it easy. It's almost as if Levi is trying to keep you bedridden at this point." She said and I felt my face drop. She saw my look and patted me on the knee.

"Don't worry. I doubt that's actually the case." She stood up and placed her hands on hips. "And don't take everything I saw so seriously. I have a tendency to babble as you may know."

A small 'okay' slipped past my lips but her words hadn't stopped the throbbing and uncertain pain I felt in my chest. Did the captain truly dislike me at this point? He didn't bother to hold back at all and the question pulsed through my brain again and again.

"Anyways, you should finish dressing otherwise you two are going to miss lunch." She said before excusing herself from the room. Shortly after that, we also left to head down for our meal.


	11. Sensory Connection

**A/N: We aren't quite done yet. But Levi and Celica share a moment, possibly. So there's that. I swear, Levi did this to her jut for kicks. LOL Get it? Ahem. Anyways, as of right now, I'm posting a chapter every day until I get you guys caught up with my progress. I just finished chapter 17 right now and I'm about to work on 18. I hope to get you guys caught up soon. So** **here we go, Chapter 10!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

We ate our meal with the others as normal. The four of them talked about the fights still. Meanwhile I just wanted the topic to drop. If it kept up, I'm sure word would spread and I didn't desire the unwanted attention that would come with it.

"By the way, Heichou hasn't come down to eat yet." Gunter pointed out and I realized that he was right. The chair to my left was still empty and void of a body.

"Maybe he's busy. He always has reports and paperwork piled up on his desk after all." Erd speculated.

"Still, it's unusual for Heichou to miss out on a meal." Auruo noted, a slightly worried look on his face.

"Perhaps someone needs to go find him and bring him his food. If he's doing paperwork then he would be too wrapped up in it to notice the time." Petra recommended.

"Yeah but it's not gonna be me." Auruo stated.

"Me either." Said Gunter.

"Or me." Eld commented. "Not after seeing that look from here earlier."

I felt everyone's gazes shift to me and I let my hand fall to the side of my tray. I knew Petra didn't wanna do it either. She was as shaken up as the others were still.

"Forget it. I'm not going. You forget who that look was focused on earlier." I stated, pausing for a moment. My voice didn't sound steady as usual just now. It sounded, scared. "Besides," I began, forcing my tone strong. "He's probably still cleaning up. Clean freak."

Everyone let the topic drop and after a while, the captain appeared. We all fell silent as we noticed his entrance and tried refocusing on our food once more until he sat in his spot at the table. He had changed into a light grey sweater and black pants and we each eyed him cautiously, noting his change of clothing. It was unnaturally quiet suddenly as we waited for him to speak or do something to help lighten the mood. He polished his silverware as usual though and began eating. I reached for my tea and brought it to my lips when I heard him speak.

"Valkihar, start working on my uniforms when you're finished here. I need them done before the night is up so I can pack for tomorrow." He stated, his eyes focused on his plate in front of me as he spoke.

"Understood Heichou." Even though I wasn't done with my meal, I had suddenly lost my appetite and went to clear away my plate.

"Leaving so soon?" He mocked. I was hoping he wouldn't say anything but of course, I didn't get my wish.

"Sorry, Heichou. Just not that hungry." I explained before he snapped his fingers at me and pointed at my chair.

"Sit back down and finish eating." He commanded and I did so wordlessly. I still hurting from earlier and I didn't want to him to have to add anything else to my list of injuries. However I heard so much sass come from him just now, I didn't think it was actually possible.

I didn't want to be so close to him right now though. I felt a small knot form in my stomach as I forced myself to eat a little more. Soon enough, it subsided after the others started carrying on in pointless and casual conversation. Debating about how long they thought the expedition would be and so on.

The captain clarified that it would be about five days long. Just long enough to resupply some of the outposts and return. I listened in on the conversation, regarding only the information I needed for the next morning so I knew how to pack accordingly. After a while, I felt eyes back on me and caught the captain studying me silent. I picked up my cup of tea and brought it in front of my lips for a quick sip of my drink and set it back down on the table.

"Yes, Heichou?" I asked, feeling a slight blush rise across my cheeks and tried forcing it away.

"Has Hanji come and seen you yet?" He asked, turning his head back forward to pick up his own cup, taking a sip.

"Yes, sir. Just before lunch actually." I explained.

"And?" He questioned, bringing the cup back down from his lips and held it there for a moment. Was he really asking about my injuries?

"A few bruised ribs and muscle soreness. Nothing else." I stated, forcing another bite of food to my mouth, chewing it silently before swallowing.

"Will you be able to ride tomorrow?" He eyed me once more and I forced my eyes back down at the my plate.

"Yes, sir. I will." I replied.

"Good." He said, glancing down at my plate. Apparently content with the amount I had eaten, he spoke up again. "You can leave now if you want."

"Thank you, Heichou." I said, quickly gathering up my tray and leaving.

I headed back to the room to gather the captain's jacket and cravat up from the desk. Picking up the soiled white cloth, I ran my thumb gently across it as I held it in my hand. It was so soft, I thought to myself. I reached for the jacket and held it in my arms. Various smells ranging from dirt and blood reached my nose but there was more to it as well. I brought the garment closer to me and tried to distinguish the unknown smell. It resembled mild soap and something faintly spicy. Was this his natural scent? I wondered and felt my blush return to my face but I didn't bother trying to hide it this time. Despite all the different scents mixing together, it wasn't necessarily unpleasant at least.

I left the room, holding the garments a little tighter and walked down to the communal washroom. I laid out the clothes on the table provided and I scanned the shelves of detergent in front of me. I noticed some bleach in the mix somewhere and debated using it for the blood on the cravat. I looked back down at the white cloth and felt it in my fingers once more. I decided against using the possible abrasive liquid. He would kill me if I ruined it, I thought to myself.

He heard footsteps a few moments later as I stood there wondering which products to use. The captain appeared in the doorway shortly after, a decent size bag swung over his shoulder.

"Good, you haven't started yet." He stated, tossing the bag at my feet. "Those are the rest. Get them done before sundown." He ordered. I looked down at the bag at and then back at him, somehow keeping my surprise off of my face before nodding. He turned back to the door and I spoke up before he could leave again. He looked back at me with a surprisingly straight face.

"Um... I don't know how you like your clothes washed. I don't want to ruin them." I blurted out, my face flushing from my outburst.

He sighed and walked towards me.

"You sound like you've never washed your own clothes before." He stated as he reached up for a few of the boxes on the shelves, briefly standing on his tip toes to reach a higher shelf. It was cute, I thought before I mentally slapped myself. The captain, cute? As if. "Use these." He said, placing a hand on a few boxes of detergent and softener he had taken down. "They're the one I normally use."

He turned back at the door and walked away, placing a hand into his pocket as the other waved at me nonchalantly.

"Have fun." He mocked as he left the room.

I sighed to myself before filling the basin with warm water and mixing in detergent. Opening up the bag, I noted the large pile of clothes within in. Did he force his entire wardrobe in here, I wondered to myself. The smell I speculated to be the captain's natural scent hit nose like a freight train, the spiciness much stronger now. Picking up a shirt out of the bag, I ran my fingers across the cloth and inspected it for dirt. Either that man never sweated, failing to detect any hint that they were actually worn except for some wrinkles, or had shoved perfectly clean clothes at me to wash. Sina, it was like that man whole mission in life was to spite me.

I then separated the clothes into piles. Jackets into one, shirts into another, followed by pants, capes, and a small pile of cravats. I washed the dirty uniform that he had worn earlier, finding the other pieces easily by the amount of dirt and dust caked into them. I fetched the washboard and a scrub brush before kneeling down to start.

The dirt was pulled easily pulled from the clothes as I scrubbed them but the blood stain on his cravat hadn't finished coming out as I wrung out the excess water. It took a couple more tries to coax the rest of it out until the whole garment was back to it's previously pristine white. I hung the first set of uniforms outside on the clothesline to take advantage of the afternoon sun and help them dry quicker. Returning inside, I changed out the water in the basin before working on the rest of the piles.

A few hours, the captain reappeared in the doorway as I continued washing the clothes.

"How's the progress?" He asked, looking over me.

"The majority of your clothes are drying outside, Heichou. I've only got a few more shirts to go now." I explained. He quirked an eyebrow at me. That couldn't be good, I thought before he walked outside to check on the clothes in their various states of drying. A few moments later, he returned and closed the door behind him.

"Not bad so far, brat." He stated, walking past me. "When you're done, come find me in my office and bring the dry clothes. Folded neatly at that." He ordered before leaving once more.

Another hour later, I hung up the last of the clothes and brought the dry one's down. I meticulously folded the clothes and stacked them. Pants, shirts, cravats, and then caves on top. There were about four pairs of uniforms clean and dry stacked nicely by me when I was done. Realizing I had washed the bag as well just to be safe, I picked up the clothes in my arms and headed towards the captain's office.

Carefully knocking on the door, as to not drop the mass of clothes in my arms, I heard him call out from beyond the doorway before I entered. He was sitting at his desk with various papers strewn across the top of it.

"Finished already?" He asked as he sat down the papers in his hand and looked up at me.

"Yes, Heichou." I replied. He stood and walked over to casually flip through the pile in my hands. He shrugged his shoulders before speaking again.

"Good enough so far. Come on." He instructed me to follow as we left his office and headed down the hall. Eventually, we stopped at a door and he pulled out a key to unlock it. "You touch anything and you're dead." He warned.

I nodded my head as he opened the door and held it open for me to enter. The room was as plain as the rest of the bedrooms in the building but it held a double bed instead of a single. Was I really standing here in his room?

He closed the door behind him as he entered and took a few of the clothes out of the pile in my arms. He laid them out on the bed and unfolded them gently, looking at them with more meticulous eyes. He went through each piece of clothing individually before refolding them and setting them to the side in their own respective piles. As he looked over the last article I had brought with me and refolded it, I felt a small breath escape me, realizing I was in the clear.

"They'll do for now." He stated, gathering a stack of shirts and moving over to the dresser to place them in a drawer. "You might make a half decent house wife for someone one day if you keep this up." I felt my face begin to heat up from his comment.

"With all due respect, Heichou. I don't believe I would be suited for a life like that." I remarked. He glanced over at me through the mirror in front of him that hung on the wall. I saw something spark in his eyes before he looked back down and shut the drawer.

"Just saying." He retorted and turned back to the bed. As he put away the clothes, I noticed that I had not been dismissed and wondered about speaking up.

"Um, Heichou...?" I stopped my next words when my eyes landed the cut I had made across his cheek. It wasn't very deep but it was still fairly noticeable. How did I not take note of it since the end of our fight? I caught myself staring when he raised a hand to brush over the mark on his face.

"It's fine." He stated, answering me question before I could ask it. "Are you trying to apologize or something? Because if you are I don't want to hear it." He stated before lowering his hand.

"I won't apologize for defending myself however..." I trailed off once more. "I didn't think that I would actually cut you. Nor that you would bring out a knife either." I said and he smirked.

"You got lucky. That's it." He stated, crossing his arms and leaning on the dresser. "I didn't think you could land a single blow on me either but just look how that turned out." He continued, absentmindedly rubbing his jaw. I guess he was still feeling the pain from this morning like I was.

"Yeah, a single blow." I repeated lowly, casting my glance down as I tucked my arms behind my back, gripping my elbow with the other hand.

"Untrue." He quickly interjected. "It was more than one. Again, you were lucky. However, that doesn't make it any less impressive." I felt my eyes widened in surprise at his words but I refused to look up at him. He was impressed with me? My blush reappeared in full force at his words as my mind entertained the thought. What the hell was wrong with me lately, always blushing around him? And was he actually telling the truth or was he just saying what he thought I wanted to hear?

"Such kind words, Heichou. Sadly, I don't entirely believe them." Silence passed over us for a moment before I heard him move towards me. Oh Sina, why did I have to go and blurt something out again?

"Look up at me and say that again." He ordered, his voice dropping a fraction and he stopped to stand at my feet.

I couldn't. Not yet. My blush was still noticeable and I didn't want him to catch it so blatantly and out in the open. He was close enough now that my nose caught a whiff of the spiciness of his scent and my blush worsened. It smelled so good. He smelled so good. I felt him grab my chin loosely and pull my face up so that I looked at him again. His eyes were had a little of the softness from before but he didn't outright glare at me.

"You wanna run that by me again?" He questioned.

"I don't entirely believe your words, Heichou." I repeated from my thought from before, determined to keep my tone steady. He smirked, obviously taking in my blushing face.

"Believe what you want." He stated, letting my face go. "But when I tell you to do something, listen and do it. This is a first time offense so I'll let you off with a warning. Got it?"

"Yes, Heichou." I stated, feeling the redness subside slowly. He gave me a small smile and turned to open the door.

"You're done here for now. I'll go get the rest of the clothes when they're dry." He stated and opened the door. "Go pack for tomorrow and get some rest." He ordered before I nodded, saluted him, and left then left the room.


	12. 54th Expedition- Day 1

**A/N: Expedition day! The next few chapters will focus on this five day journey so please bear with me. I'm terrible at writing action scenes in my opinion so please forgive me for this expedition. There will also be some character development in the middle of it. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The next morning, I woke up earlier to recheck my bags that I had packed the night before. Everything seemed in order and I quickly dressed in my uniform. Petra woke up at some point and she was getting ready as well.

"So how did laundry duty go yesterday?" She asked, trying to strike up an early morning conversation to help wake both of us up.

"It about as well as I could have hoped." I replied, throwing my 3D Maneuvering Gear straps on. "He had me wash every single one of his uniforms regardless of if they were clean already or not." Petra giggled.

"Classic, Levi Heichou for you. How many times did he have you redo them?"

"Surprisingly, he didn't reject any of them. At least openly." I explained, slipping a strap through on of the brackets.

"Wow. THAT is surprising though. He must respect you more than he lets on then." She said, slipping on a boot. I looked up at her and I finished the final clasps.

"You really think so?" I questioned and she nodded.

"Heichou is a mystery sure. Not a lot is known about his personal life, now or even before joining the Scouts. But one thing that never fails is he ability to be blunt with what he is thinking." She explained, slipping on the other boot and standing.

"So then..." I trailed off. So then that means that he actually is impressed with me after all. I felt a slight smile creep to my face before forcing it away to finish getting ready.

"So then, what?" Petra asked? Curious as always that one was. I shook my head lightly after putting my head up in a tight bun.

"It's nothing. Just something that he said yesterday. You ready?" She nodded, taking the hint that I didn't want to have to explain it.

"Yeah. We'll get our gear after breakfast." With that in mind, we headed downstairs to eat.

* * *

The morning ran by in a blur and before reality sank back in, we were standing at the ready on horse back facing the outer gate of Trost. The gate was about to open any minute now and my horse was getting restless. He stamped on the ground and I ran a hand along his neck.

"Easy now, it's alright." I whispered to the horse.

"Wow. The horse seems more scared than you do." Gunter commented. "He must know something we don't."

"That's not exactly reassuring you know?" I stated, giving him a blank look.

"Focus, guys." The captain spoke from directly in front of us. "The gates are opening soon. Be prepared."

"Yes, Heichou." Gunter and I replied at the same time. Without fail, approximately sixty seconds later, men were screaming reports of titan's cleared from the surrounding area ahead and the gates were beginning to open. Commander Erwin, who sat at the front of the formation, began hollowing at the top of his lungs.

"Steel yourself soldiers! The 54th Expedition beyond the wall is underway as soon as that gate fully opens. Be ready!" As soon as the gate stopped opening, the commander lead us all forwards through, leaving the security of the walls for the open plains.

I could never forget how I felt the first time I had left the walls. The open sky ran into a ever changing horizon as it met ground and no matter how far we traveled, it seemed to never end. The air was crisp and clean and I immediately got goosebumps as we bounded on horseback that first time. This time was no different than any other that I had left the walls behind.

We traveled through the outlying town that had been destroyed and decimated by titans for over four years. The support squads had done their jobs well and we didn't run into any titans while we were still within city limits. Once we had crossed into the open plains, Commander Erwin motioned for us to fall into the long range scouting formation. We scattered into place and I fell into my place with Petra, Auruo, and Captain Levi. Gunter and Eld had each taken up a position on either side of us. The only group in front of us was the Commander, Hanji, and only Section Commander named Mike.

"Don't do anything stupid, Valkihar. Remember, our job is to protect Erwin should we run head first into a titan. Don't lower your guard." The captain said as we galloped onward.

"Affirmative, Heichou." I responded, keeping my eyes peeled for any sort of fore-coming danger.

"That goes for you two as well, Petra. Auruo." He continued and both gave a positive response.

We rode for what seemed like hours, red smoke filling the air every now and then. Commander Erwin would fire off a green flare without fail to lead us away from the surrounding dangers. In the front of the formation, we hadn't run into an titans yet but the smoke that would appear on either side of us reminded me that we were still in open titan territory.

A black smoke flare was fired off on our left. It signaled an abnormal. Shit.

"Black smoke sighted Levi Heichou!" Petra called out. If we were able to see it this close, it meant that the titan had found it's way through a portion of our ranks.

"Relay the signal then." The captain ordered and she dug out the respecting colored flare and fired it. "Auruo, Valkihar, if you see it, be prepared to take it out. We can't let it reach Erwin."

"Understood, Heichou." Auruo said as we both drew our blades and held them at the ready.

There was a small patch of trees dead ahead and I thought it could serve as an anchor for my gear. The abnormal appeared on our left flank as the sounds of it's heavy footsteps filled my ears. It was ugly looking by far and was extremely fast. It sprinted straight for us. Blood was smeared across it's hands and collected at the soles of it's feet. A pang of fear washed through me before I heard the captain order us to move.

Auruo and I both stood on the backs of our horses and flew into the trees as the rest of the group traveled through.

"You get the Achilles's tendon, Celica. I'll go for the nape." Auruo ordered. I didn't bother arguing with him about it and simply gave him an affirmative head nod.

We shot out our gear as the titan lunged at us, mouth agape with blood encrusted sharp teeth, avoiding it's jaws. It hit the tree face first and tore it from the ground as it fell forward. This was the chance. Auruo attached his gear to the spot just below the nape and sprang forward. The titan sat up and turned it's head, jaws open and hand outstretched towards him.

"AURUO!" I yelled. He didn't have time to dodge and the titan grabbed him. "NOT ON YOUR MISERABLE EXISTENCE!" I screamed, lunging forward immediately, swinging my blades back and striking the titan's wrist. It cut deeply enough to force it to drop the man. It was still trying to bite him though as it leaned down hoping to catch him in it's jaws.

Auruo shot out his grapples into it's side and gassed forward, missing it's mouth by a strand of hair on his head. Instinct kicked in as a floated above the titan. I had to take it down. Auruo wasn't close to being out of harms way and I had to perfect opportunity. I bore down on the nape of the monster, gassing faster towards it. Twisting me body as I swung my blades into it's flesh, I cut out just enough to bring the thing down and kill it.

Auruo and I gathered ourselves from the rush of adrenaline coursing through our bodies before he proceeded to yell at me.

"I thought I told you that was my kill!" I turned to him.

"Well if it was a regular one then I could have let you take it. It grabbed you. I made a choice. Simple enough." I stated, whistling for my horse. Two came prancing up to us and we quickly mounted. "Maybe I fucked up your head more than I thought yesterday."

I heard a noise of annoyance come from him as we bolted at full speed to regather with our group. They hadn't gotten far so it wasn't long until we spotted them and fell back into rank. The rest of the journey went more smoothly as we headed to our first stop. It was an older building similar to the headquarters we were using in Wall Rose.

It was late afternoon and by the looks of the other men and women around me, it was true that we had already lost a few people. How unfortunate, I thought.

* * *

The rest of the evening was used to unload some of the supplies that the outpost clearly needed. After dark, we gathered as a squad for an evening meal. If you could call it that. It was no more than the usual bread rations and water but it was something to put on the stomach, so I couldn't complain.

"I guess I owe you an apology for earlier, Celica." Auruo piped up as we nibbled on our food.

"Don't mention it." I told him. "I can't blame you for getting caught. There was no way to avoid it. It could have easily been me instead." The captain's eyebrows quirked up at my comment.

"You got caught by that titan, Auruo?" He asked, pausing his eating.

"Yeah..." Auruo stated with a hint of embarrassment. "I got dizzy going for the it and my reaction time suffered for it." He explained.

"That's my fault." I said. "I'll take the blame for it. After all, I didn't think you would be feeling the aftereffects of that move today." I took another of food to stop my rambling.

"You're both alive and relatively uninjured. However filthy, that's all that should matter." The captain said before chasing his food down with some water from his canteen. We all nodded.

"The captain's right. We're all just glad you're okay." Petra spoke up.

"That titan seemed to have gotten a few of us in the process so the fact that you two are okay makes the situation feel slightly better." Gunter stated, a slightly regretful look appearing on his face.

"Just think, four more days and then we will back home though." Eld said, trying to lighten the mood.

Four more days, I thought. Four more days of titan fighting and resupplying. Days that easily just go as south as they did today, if not worse. I was snapped out of my train of thought when Hanji stepped up to our group.

"Celica. Petra. I've been told that you have first guard tonight. Just came by to relay the message." She stated and I looked down at my watch. The sun would be setting any minute now.

"I guess we need to head up there then." I suggested as I stood. Petra nodded. We wrapped up our unfinished "meals" and placed them in our pockets as we headed up to the roof.

Titans need sunlight to remain aware however it was different for every single one. The smaller ones would be out like a light an hour after sunlight but the bigger ones could be up longer. Some of them remained active through all hours of the night so it was decided that night watches were still necessary. On the bright side, Petra and I would have an amazing view of the sunset from here.

"It's so pretty." She said, resting her head on her arms as she sat propped up the border of the roof.

"Yeah." I muttered, looking at the hues of oranges and pinks blazing across the sky.

"You can't see it this well back home with all those walls in the way." She stated as he body relaxed slightly. "I'll never get used to the feeling of being outside the walls. No matter how many times I leave. It's exhilarating and frightening at the same time."

"I know the feeling." I said, taking a seat on an empty crate that had been left up here as makeshift chairs.

She was right. The feeling of throwing away your safety of the walls just for a look like this was worth it sometimes. Others, not so much. I wouldn't let my trailing negative thoughts get in the way of this moment though. It was so rare so I had to enjoy it while it lasted. After a while, I saw Natasha walk out onto the roof with us.

"What are you doing up here?" I asked, turning to our newest companion.

"Geez, I haven't seen you in days and that's how you react? How ungrateful." She said with a slight mocking tone and crossed her arms, turning her face away from me with a small pout plastered on her lips.

"I'm grateful." I stated, feeling my face drop and my eyebrow scrunch. "I've just been busy." I explained. Natasha chuckled and smiled, turning back to us.

"I know. I just wanted to tease you."

"Who's this?" Petra asked, turning to Natasha.

"My old roommate and classmate, Natasha." I explained. The two exchanged pleasant greetings and shook hands. "So where's Francis and Mikael?" I asked.

"They're finishing up unloading some more of the freight downstairs." She stated before turning to the setting sun. "Wow, it's beautiful!" She exclaimed.

"Yeah. There's nothing like it, huh?" Petra asked, her look of contentment returning to her face as she turned back to the horizon.

"Definitely." Natasha agreed.

We sat up there and watched until the sun disappeared beyond the horizon. It was definitely a notable experience but I would still cast my glance around to ensure there were no titans around to threaten us. The sky darkened slowly and soon the stars started to appear. The moon was only a quarter of the way full so we had lost some visibility but not enough to become extremely cautious over. I could still quite a ways away and dismissed the thought.

Petra and Natasha were chatting like best friends before long and after a while, I heard my name. I looked down and noted the two looking up at me.

"What?"

"We're talking about our hopes and dreams for the future. I've never heard you talk about any so I wanted to ask." Natasha informed as they both gave me an expecting look. I shrugged my shoulders and crossed my arms.

"Haven't really given it much thought." I stated. "I don't have much you know."

"Yeah, but there must be something." Petra insisted. "A dream could be anything. A place, a job, an experience. Even a person you cherish." I saw the blush form on her face as she said the last few words.

"It seems like you might have someone you dream about then, Petra." I noted and her blush increased.

"What?! What would make you say that?" She had gotten protective all of sudden so I knew I was right on the mark.

"It's written all over your face." I stated.

"EEK!" Natasha squealed. "Who is it?! You have to tell me!"

"N-No... it's no one special." Petra stuttered.

"Oh come on, it can't be that bad." Since when was I so talkative? I wondered.

"Y-You... You promise this doesn't leave us here?" She asked, timidly fidgeting with her fingers. Both me and Natasha nodded and Natasha begged her to tell us already. "Well... my dream..." She began. "Is Levi Heichou."

The air went still at her confession. All of our faces held at least some sort of blush to them but Petra's was lit up like a cherry.

"Wh-What?! That hard ass pipsqueak?!" Natasha yelled. Petra nodded and Natasha ran a hand over her face. "What the hell do you see in a man like him? Not that I would know anything. I've only met the man once." She continued.

"Sure, he's harsh, strick with us, and overall just rough around the edges. He's blunt with his thoughts and a lot of the time they sound hurtful but if nothing else, he's honest with us. I don't know maybe... maybe I think I see something just a little more human in him than the others." Petra tried explaining. I had nailed it right on the head. The thing was though, she had almost taken my words out of my own mouth word for word.

"But maybe you're just overthinking your admiration and think it's "love"?" I stated. It more a ploy for myself than for Petra. I didn't think of the captain in a loving way but Petra's feelings were similar to mine, if maybe just a little stronger.

"Maybe." She stated, her face dropping. Guilt hit me. Damn it all. I sighed and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Look, I don't know exactly how you feel because I'm not you. I'm just saying. But honestly, it's no business of mine about how you feel." I explained.

"It's okay." Petra said, a small smile creeping back to her face. "If anything, I think it just means that you care." She giggled and Natasha joined in. "What about you, Natasha? What's your dream?"

"Oh, that's simple. My dream is that we can reclaim the wall so I can settle down eventually with someone."

"Noble and romantic. Same as always." I noted. "By the way, have you talked with Mikael about that yet?" I asked and she blushed a bright red.

"How do you even know I like him?" She rushed out and I chuckled softly.

"Remember, I've known you since the four us at met at the Academy. I heard some things and saw a few as well. Nothing big." It was true. I didn't intentionally eavesdrop on anything she say or did. But when it happened, I wasn't about to turn down the information. "So?"

"Nothing as of yet. I think he is catching on but who knows?" She explained.

"Well then, I wish you both luck in your endevours." I stated, turning my gaze back up to the sky full of stars.

"But you haven't told us yours yet, Celica." Natasha stated, getting slightly flustered. I sighed and looked at her from the corner of my eye.

"I told you that I don't really have one. There's nothing important enough for that quite yet. Especially when it comes to love and attachments. You know how I am."

"So then you don't care about us either?" Petra asked, a sad look appearing on her face.

"That's not what I meant." Damn, this night would be nothing be guilt trip after guilt trip. "Comrades are one thing. But getting deeply emotionally involved with someone or something else, I've found that..." I trailed off. "I found that the pain is too great should I lose it."

"You haven't changed either, Celica." Natasha stated. My chest was starting to ache from their looks and I couldn't bear to see it.

"Call me heartless if you want. Call me weak or a coward. I'm all of the above with it comes to that sort of thing. I'm just tired of seeing the one's I love die." I turned back towards the girls next to me. "That included both of you if it isn't obvious already."

The pair tackled me to the ground with a crushing group hug and laughed.

"Hey, what gives?!" I yelled, trying to push them away. "You know I don't like physical contact! You especially Natasha!"

"Just shut up and let us be happy." She stated, gripping me tighter.

"Whatever." I eventually relaxed and waited for them to move off of me. The two other girls talked for the rest of our watch shift until we were replaced by two others. We all headed back downstairs and readied for bed.


	13. Restlessness

**A/N: First day is done and into the night. A touching moment perhaps? By the way, thank you everyone for reading my story. It fills me with so much joy and excitement to know you guys like it. Please favorite, follow, and or review for me if you find the chance. I love getting feedback for my story and I will take all constructive criticism and love (whichever you give) to heart so I can make this story even better. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I bolted up from my place on the floor as the nightmare I had just woken from wracked through my body. I had managed at least to not scream like last time and I pulled up my knees to my chest, resting my head on them. My body trembled as I tried evening out my breath and I was failing miserably. The talk from earlier had probably gotten to me. I didn't like talking to others about that sort of thing for this very reason. Any time it had come up, a nightmare had visited me later that night.

"Celica?" Petra sat up sleepily and rubbed her eyes. "You okay?"

"Yeah." I muttered. "Just go back to sleep. I'll be fine." Even my voice was shaking as bad as my body. I had to calm down.

"Bad dream?" She asked quietly and I nodded silently, aware of our sleeping squad members only feet from us. We had all stayed in uniform so we could be ready in a moments notice and we all just so happened to pass out in the same room together.

"I'll be fine. Just give me a minute." I said, forcing my voice to sound more steady.

"Um, okay. If you're sure." With that, Petra laid back down and covered up with her blanket.

I sighed softly and looked at the others. Auruo was snoring softly, Eld still had a peaceful look of sleep on this face, and Gunter was sprawled out, obviously knocked out. My eyes searched for the captain in the dimly lit room and found him with his head slumped over onto his shoulder as he leaned back in a chair. A book laid in his lap and a teacup sat before him, only half drank, as he slept.

I waited for a moment to ensure Petra was asleep before I moved. Silently, I snuck over to the doorway before I casted another glance at the captain. He shivered slightly in his sleep and muttered something incoherently. Something made me grab his blanket that laid perfectly folded in the place where he was originally going to sleep. I opened it up carefully and gently draped it over him. His usual scowl had vanished from his face and he almost looked peaceful while he slept. I felt the corners of my mouth twitch up for a moment before I turned my back to sneak out of the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" A soft voice asked. I looked back and saw the captain was awake now.

"Fresh air, Heichou." I whispered.

"Couldn't sleep?" He asked, moving his book to the table next to him and closing it. I was out long before he had even gotten his tea so it seemed that he just wanted to hear the truth himself. He knew I was asleep until now. Didn't he? I shook my head softly.

"Sort of. Nightmare." I explained.

"I thought you said you don't get those often." He inquired, lowering his voice so he didn't wake the others.

"Talking about certain things will bring them about so I'm not really surprised I had one tonight." His eyes looked me over carefully.

"You're trembling." He stated. I grabbed my arms on instinct and tightened my grip, trying to will the tremors away.

"Sorry." I muttered. "I'm still trying to calm down."

The captain sighed softly before standing up, clutching the blanket closely, and moved over to the window over my pallet. He opened the small glass panel soundlessly and a small breeze flew into the room.

"Lay back down." He stated, the fresh air cleansing the staleness from the room.

I reluctantly walked over and laid back onto my spot on the floor, pulling the covers back over my body. He fetched his book from the desk before sitting down next to me against the wall, pulling the blanket firmly around himself.

"If I stay here, do you think you could sleep any better?" He asked. "I can wake you if I think you're having another nightmare."

"Possibly." I said, curling up tightly into myself.

"Get some rest. We've got another long day ahead of us tomorrow."

I nodded my head gently and closed my eyes. Eventually I could feel my trembling stop and not long after, I slipped into the realm of dream once more.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

Everyone had turned in relatively early. Valkihar was surprisingly the first one to fall asleep as the other's talked until they couldn't keep their eyes open any longer. It had been a long day and we had lost a few good people already. As usual, however, sleep evaded me as I listened to everyone's quiet snores and breaths.

I had fetched a cup of tea at some point even though I knew the caffeine wasn't going to help my restlessness. Taking a sip of my tea, I looked over every one of my soldiers asleep in front of me. Lucky bastards, I thought, wishing that for once I could sleep more than 3 hours on any given night. I glanced outside and judging from the position of the moon, it was still a long way until morning.

I dug a book out that I had brought with me from my pack and returned to my chair. Valkihar shifted in her sleep before settling once more. I let out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, fearing that I had woken her up. That brat's insomnia was as bad as mine, if not worse and she obviously needed her rest since her ribs were still healing after all. She had probably also strained them earlier when I set her and Auruo after that titan but refused to let it show, I thought.

I read quietly, losing track of time as the night wore on. My felt my eyes blur after a while and I rubbed them gently. Was sleep finally starting to set in? Even if it was, I fought it until I couldn't focus anymore. I couldn't even remember the last line I was on when sleep took over.

My dreams weren't pleasant in the slightest and my body felt cold as the images flashed in my head. So many people, comrades and friends alike, had died and tonight, they continued to haunt my dreams. Somewhere in the chaos of my dream, I heard someone calling out to me. It wasn't the usual screams and howls of torture or pain though. It was an almost pleasant sound among the darkness. Eventually, a form merged with the voice. Another formed behind it, and then slowly one right after the other. Four people stood before me, each offering a hand towards me. Petra, Eld, Gunter, and Auruo.

 _"Heichou."_ The sound reverberated in my ears and another figure appeared from the haze. Valkihar then offered up her hand out to me. _"I trust you."_

A warmth overlapped me and I woke up, blinking my eyes a few times to focus them. A blanket was drapped across me and I shifted slightly, realizing that it hadn't been there before. I heard a small noise at the door and looked up to see Valkihar attempting to leave. I stopped her with a simple question and she wore a mild look of shock on her face. I'm guessing because she thought she could get away if I was sleeping.

She told me she wanted some fresh air after being woken up from a nightmare. _I don't have them very often, but when I do, I guess they can get pretty bad._ Her words played over in my mind. Telling her to go lay back down, I opened up a window above her and a breeze meandered into the room. I fetched my book and sat next to her, telling her to get some more sleep and offering to wake her if she has another nightmare. Thinking back, it was unlike me to offer such kindness. Especially since I had my own nightmares on a regular basis.

Before long, she was out cold once more. She was curled up tightly in a ball but her body had finally stilled and relaxed. I attempted to read my book some more but I couldn't focus on it's words any longer. My dream was still stuck in my head. I had not yet seen Valkihar smile in real life but in my dream, it was beautiful. I mentally slapped myself, forcing the image from my mind. Then my cheek began to burn. Wait, did I just _literally_ slap myself?

I glanced around the room and found that no one had been stirred from their sleep, Valkihar included. She laid there, having not moved an inch, with the only sounds coming from her being her soft and even breathing. Her hair had fallen in front of her face when she had laid down back down. Reaching down, I gently moved the strands away and tucked them behind her ear. She looked peaceful once again.

Realizing what I was doing, I slowly drew my hand back and sighed softly, letting my face fall into my hand. What in the hell was I doing? My dream just got to me, that's all, I told myself. There was nothing special about this one single brat. Not at all.

I didn't sleep again that night. Too many things were running through my head; and all of them were about one brat in particular. I had to figure her out, even if it killed me.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

Morning came earlier than I expected and I woke to the feeling of someone kicking my foot. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and looked up to see the captain standing at my feet.

"Get up or you'll be late." He stated before turning to leave the room. The other's were already up and rolling up their pallets.

"Why didn't anyone wake me?" I asked, turning my question mostly towards Petra.

"Levi Heichou told us to let you sleep a little longer. I would have otherwise." She said before leaning over to smooth my hair down. "Looks like someone slept well."

I groaned softly and reached into my bag to grab my brush. My hair was a tangled mess unlike normal. How strange, I thought, realizing that I had also felt pretty refreshed. I didn't dwell too long on the reason why and once I finally got all the kinks and knots out, I tied up my hair before rolling up my pallet.

We gathered out belongings and loaded up the horses, heading out not long after. Every outpost we were to resupply was approximately a day's journey from each point so we would riding for quite a while today. My healing ribs hadn't ached that bad yesterday but sleeping on the floor made riding a little more difficult today.

Along the edges of the formation I saw red smoke pop every now and then as we continued along. Commander Erwin would redirect the formation as we evaded the masses of titans in the area. However, it had been about an hour since we had last seen any signs of titans.

"It's quiet." I heard Auruo speak up from the formation.

"Yeah, it's unsettling." I agreed, focusing my gaze ahead. "Either we hit a lucky streak or something is _very_ wrong."

"Don't dwell too long on it." Captain Levi stated. "Otherwise, something bad _will_ happen."

Doing as ordered, I pushed the thought from my mind as we traveled. Around noon, we stopped to rest and to reaffirm our course towards the second outpost. I hopped off of my horse, clutching my ribs gently. They were starting to throb but I wouldn't let it stop me. I had told the captain that I would be fine to ride as they healed but the constant jarring of my horse for the past two days wasn't helping in the slightest.

I made sure to water my horse and give it some feed before anything else. After sipping on some water, I stretched towards the sky hopeful to work some of the stiffness from my muscles.

"Well, long time so see stranger." Francis greeted as he approached.

"Oh, hey. What's up?" I asked, bring my arms back down to my sides.

"Natasha was talking about how she got to finally see you last night and we wanted to as well." Mikael replied.

"Didn't know I was missed so much already." I stated.

"Well of course you're missed. After all we haven't really been apart since we met." Francis pointed out. "So how's the new squad so far?"

"They're fair people for the most part. A bit eccentric but not unlike you guys in some ways." I explained. Francis laughed and clapped a hand on my shoulder.

"Can't seem to get away from us after all."

"Seems that way."

"So what about that captain of yours? He still as cruel as I remember him being?" Mikael asked, glancing over to Captain Levi who was lightly stroking the muzzle of his horse as he fed it. I followed his line of sight and shrugged my shoulders, looking back to the pair of males in front of me.

"Not necessary cruel, I think. A hard ass, yeah. But he's just..." I looked back over to the captain for a brief moment. "Weird." This time both of the guys started laughing.

"Don't let him hear you say that. He'll probably grind your ass into the dirt." Francis said in between gasps of breath and laughter.

"Probably."

"Also, we heard about the sparing matches from the other day." Mikael pointed out.

"Of course you did." I stated, my face dropping slightly.

"Is that scratch of his your handiwork or what?" Mikael asked, nodding his head in the direction of the captain. I nodded my head slowly.

"Good. I'll consider that payback then."

Off behind me, I heard soldiers screaming at the tops of their lungs.

"TITANS INCOMING!"


	14. Cornered

**A/N: CRISIS SITUATION REPORTED! Expect a little heartbreak and pain in the near future. I'm sorry, in advance! By the way, I know updating so often can cause some people to miss a chapter or two so please make sure that you haven't somehow skipped over one in middle of my insanity of uploading. Also this chapter make use of My Chemical Romance's "Light Behind Your Eyes" so I just wanted to give credit where it's due. Love you guys!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

We all scrabbled for our horses as a group of nine titans bolted straight for us, all ranging in height from four meters to fourteen. How in the hell did they get so close before anyone noticed? Where were the lookouts? The titans were moving quickly towards us as another abnormal lead the charge. I grabbed my horse and quickly mounted, ignoring the persistent protest of my ribs.

"EVADE FIRST AND KILL SECOND!" The order was screamed out from someone in the formation as we dispersed. I readied by blades as a group of soldiers headed towards the incoming titans, we following closely behind. "DISTRACT THEM! DON'T LET THEM GET ANY CLOSER TO THE FORMATION!"

I charged forwards, galloping towards a seven meter class titan in the herd. It turned towards me and was instantly on my trail. It bounded for me and was gaining fast. I stood up on my horse and turned quickly to latch my gear to it's shoulder just as it reached for me. I flew through the air, narrowly missing it's hand and went straight for the nape as my momentum shot me behind it's head. I attacked it's weak spot and braced hard as I landed back on the ground. I saw my horse running back to me when I heard screams come from the formation. The abnormal had broken through.

I grabbed onto the side of my horse and directed it towards a mass of panicking soldiers that hadn't regrouped as fast as I clung to the saddle. I had trained my horse well so it did so without hesitation as I hovered over the ground. The abnormal captured a soldier in it mouth as it bore down on the group. Screams and blood was the only thing I was processing anymore. It was never easy seeing a man chomped in half by a titan.

A lone soldier attempted for the nape in a flash of moving lines and flying blood. It was Mikael. He has this, I told myself, but the abnormal caught him midair, crushing his arms to his side. Panic filled me. I screamed out his name as I urged my horse faster. Please let me get there in time.

Out of the corner of my eye, another titan reached out for me. My heart stopped for a moment before my body surged forward, jumping off of my horse and bounding up it's arm. I shot my grapples out just below it's eye and flung myself forward, thrusting my blades into both of it's eyes. As it screamed, I broke off the blade and felt my bottom of my foot touch land on the bottom row of teeth. Luckily they were dull and I flipped backwards and landed on the ground. I reached out for my horse who had luckily not ran off again.

I focused my eyes back on the abnormal and heard a blood curdling scream as Mikael was swallowed into it's mouth. I froze even though we weren't out of harms way yet. One of my teammates; my friend? He was gone and I couldn't stop it.

"MIKAEL!" I heard someone scream; it belonged to Natasha and I could see the streams of tears that flowed down her face even from here. I mounted my horse, shock coupling with adrenaline and forcing my body to move. Francis grabbed Natasha's and threw her onto the horse with him as the bounded southward towards the rest of the formation. I followed them and abandoned my thought of revenge for the moment. What good would it be if I died too?

We rushed out of the area as fast as we could and I soon after found the rest of my squad that had regrouped already.

"Celica!" One of them called out but I couldn't tell which one. The sound of my heartbeat in my ears was deafening."Thank the Goddess you're alright. Come on, Heichou isn't too far ahead and we need to catch up."

I followed them without word as we fell back into formation with the captain. He glanced back at us and silently counted each of us present.

"Everyone okay?" He asked, refocusing forward. Petra, Auruo, Gunter, and Eld all gave affirmative answers along side me but I didn't know what to answer exactly. My ribs were screaming at this point and my heart felt like it was breaking in two.

"VALKIHAR!" Captain Levi shouted. "Perhaps you didn't hear me the first time. ARE YOU OKAY?!"

"I'm fine, Heichou." I finally responded and we silently rode further and further away from abysmal scene behind us. We needed to get everyone to the outpost as quickly and safely as possible so that we didn't accrue anymore deaths.

Once we reached the second outpost, we took an official count.

"If you have names of the fallen soldiers, please step forward." I looked over to my side and found Natasha on her knees amongst the crowd with Francis' hand on her shoulder, tears streaming down both of their faces. I stepped forward and waited for my turn to speak.

"Name of the fallen, please?" The man in front of me asked, a sad look etched into his face.

"Mikael Shepard from the 95th Cadet Corp. Attached to Squad Leader Xeres Campbell." I stated, a stab going through my heart as I saluted in general military fashion. It took all that I had to speak his name clearly and strongly. Reality was sinking in and it was so painful to witness.

"Thank you, soldier. His death, though unfortunate, has helped humanity this day in it's mission of freedom."

"Yes, sir." I responded, lowering my arm before returning back into the crowds of people that had begun to unload the wagons. By the end of the lineup, we had found that we had lost ten soldiers today. This number included some of the injured from the previous day.

We unloaded the supplies as we had the night before but discovered that it took longer with the loss of able bodies to help. The outpost offered us all a real meal for the night so that it might help bring morale back up for the next up and coming day. We graciously accepted.

The squad still huddled to the same table to eat as usual but the lack of normal conversation was stifling. There was nothing that needed to be discussed and no one felt it proper to speak of the events of the day. It was an unsettling silence and it turned my stomach. I picked at my food every now and then but tried to properly eat regardless.

"Celica?" Petra spoke up with a soft tone. "I know you probably don't want to talk about it but..." She trailed off. "Who's name did you give earlier?"

She was right, I didn't want to talk about it but I had to say something. The silence was deafening in my head and I knew I would rather face it now then later.

"My ex-squad member. One that I was with before I transferred into this one." I informed, hearing the flatness in my own voice. Petra's shoulders slumped.

"We're sorry for your loss." She said, the others giving small noises and head nods in agreement.

"I appreciate the thought but... I honestly don't want to hear it." I felt my grip tighten on my utensil in hand. Apparently, my words had struck a chord with them though because they all gave me a flabbergasted look.

"Don't you think that that's just a little cold?" Auruo asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"There was nothing I could do because I couldn't get to him in time. He's dead, I can't change that. There's no use in wallowing in self pity about it either." I said in a monotone voice before standing up from my chair. "Now if you will excuse me, please." Grabbing my tray, I promptly left the table.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

"Celica, hold on..." Petra spoke as she stood from her seat.

"Let her go." I ordered.

"But Heichou-!" Auruo started yelling before I cut him off.

"I said to let her go." I re-enforced with a lower tone, bringing my empty cup of tea from my lips and hard onto the table. Auruo immediate shrunk back down to size and Petra sat back down. "We still don't know Valkihar that well. Everyone processes grief differently and she isn't one who prefers to show all of the emotions she feels. Even you know that much Petra, being her roommate after all."

Petra sunk into her chair with a sad look on her face.

"I thought I was starting to get through to her after last night. She didn't let her guard down though, even with Natasha there. Perhaps she was a little more casual but, still."

"Um... who's Natasha?" Eld asked.

"Her last roommate and squad member as well." She explained. "Her, Natasha, and Mikael all attended the academy and graduated together. I had hoped that Celica would open up a little more but she didn't speak much about herself. Instead she pulled out Natasha's feelings for Mikael out into the air so she would avoid our question."

"Well, what did you ask?" Gunter questioned, propping up on his elbow on the table.

"If she had any hopes or dreams; things of that nature." Petra stated. "Natasha brought it up and I just rolled with it."

"So does she? You know, have goals for the future and so?" Auruo asked, sounding almost curious in his tone. She shook her head.

"She said she didn't have any. That there was nothing important enough that had come up just yet. Attachments like love and friendship mean little to her because..." She trailed off, her eyes growing wide as the unfinished thought passed through her head. "Because she's tired of losing those she loves."

It had finally dawned on me; why she didn't want to get close to anyone. Not me, not Petra, or anyone else. She just wanted to survive with as little guilt as possible. Which raised the question: Did she even trust us?

"And here I thought that Levi Heichou was the harshest around." I heard Gunter mutter under his breath. I resisted giving him a glare because I knew he was only speaking the truth. I wasn't nice a lot of the time. Personally I'd blame my lack of proper sleep but I didn't need to start making excuses for myself at this point. I was too set in my ways already.

"Well that explains that then." I remarked, pushing my empty plate away. "She's hurting. We all are after a day like today."

I stood up and cleared away my plate, glancing at the tea cup I had slammed I noticed a small chip in the bottom. That's what I get for losing temper for a split second.

"Same sleeping arrangement tonight. Reports from the rooftop watch say that quite a few larger Titans are crawling all over the plains around us. I don't want a repeat of earlier." I stated before leaving the table and hearing affirmations from the group of four.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I didn't want to hear it from them. I didn't want them telling me how cold and heartless I was acting. I knew exactly how I was acting but I had convinced myself long ago that it was necessary. After so much blood and death, you learn to stop crying about it and move on carrying their memory. However, since the fall of the wall, no one profound I knew had fallen victim to the Titan's rampaging. Until today that is.

I pulled down my hair, thinking about how so much had already fallen out of place during the day. I smoothed it out as I walked before tying the ribbon around my wrist. I didn't want to look at it right now but I couldn't bear to not have it on me. Passing by a door that wasn't shut all of the way, I heard quiet crying in the room. I peaked through the small open space of the door and found Natasha curled up on her pallet, crying her eyes out still.

"Natasha?" I asked softly, opening the door slightly wider. She sat up quickly and looked at me when she heard my voice.

"Celica..." She whimpered. "I know you don't like it when people..." She started speak before I cut her off.

"Don't." I stated, walking into the room and kneeling next to her. "I'll make an exception for you tonight."

Words didn't form from her mouth but sobs erupted once again she threw herself into my arms and cried hard into my chest. I held my friend gently as if she would break, her trembling body shaking with every tear that streamed down her face. As regretful the whole situation was, I envied Natasha.

Natasha could cry without shame. She didn't bury her emotions and problems so it didn't surprise me that she was still crying almost two hours after we had reached the outpost. She wasn't like me, she could cry for her friend, comrade, and potential lover's death. I also felt terrible; partially because I blamed myself for not saving him, and also because I knew a day like this would come and I couldn't do anything about it.

As Natasha cried in my arms, I could only think of one other thing I could do to try and comfort her. The sole secret that she had bore to me after her first titan encounter as a soldier. She had told me that her mother used to sing to her after they lost her father at a tender age after a plague came sweeping through the district. They lost many people close to them but Natasha was most broken up about losing her father; understandably. Strangely, the song she had told me about, I was already quite familiar with it.

It wouldn't be the same, but maybe it would help. So I sang.

"So long to all my friends. Everyone one of them met tragic ends. With every passing day, I'd be lying if I didn't say that I miss them all tonight. And if they only knew what I say: If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light behind your eyes. One day I'll lose this fight. As we fade in the dark, just remember you will always burn as bright.

The melody seemed to calm her a little as her shaking had subsided a little. Her breaths began to slowly even out but she still clung to me as she listened closely.

"Be strong and hold my hand. Time becomes for us, you'll understand. We'll say goodbye today and I'm sorry how it ends this way. If you promise not cry, then I'll tell you just what I would say: If I could be with you tonight, I would sing you to sleep. Never let them take the light the behind your eyes. I failed and lost this fight. Never fade in the dark, just remember you will always burn as bright."

"Thank you, Celica." She whimpered out between her drying tears.

"Just get some rest, okay?" She nodded and I rubbed the top of her head gently before leaving the room.

Sighing heavily, I headed to the room and our squad called "home" for the night. The room was empty except for our packs and myself. Shutting the door behind me, I collapsed against it and fell on my ass. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I rested my head on them and gripped my arms tightly.

"No." I told myself as I felt my own trembling begin. Until now, I had no time to absorb what had happened. Now that I was alone, I didn't have to put the facade up anymore. I sat there for what seemed like forever but the tears refused to come. I slammed my fist into the wall next to me in frustration and anger. Why couldn't I cry?

I sat there just a moment longer as I calmed myself. I could already feel the nightmare slinking into the back of my mind. Regardless, I headed straight for bed, wanting nothing more for this day to end.


	15. Haze

**A/N: Some small truths are revealed and it seems that they are starting to buckle under the weight of their true feelings. This expedition is gonna bring the best and worst of our our main characters so just be prepared please. Hope you enjoy! Please don't forget to favorite, follow, and or review the story. I love seeing you guys' feedback.**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

I sighed to myself as I entered the room the squad had claimed to sleep in for the night, seeing Valkihar curled up on her pallet in the far corner of the room. That was two nights in a row that she had turned in early. Normally I wouldn't complain about it but, knowing why she had turned in so early today left a bitter feeling in my gut. We lost more good people today and it never got any easier to witness. The worst part being however, is that now she seemed even more reclusive than usual. So much for her starting to warm up to the squad. The other four came up to the room not long after I had settled down to read in a chair, propping my feet up on a small stool in front of me and crossing my ankles.

"Oi." I spoke with a hushed tone, grabbing their attention and turning their eyes to me as the door shut behind them. I nodded in the direction of the sleeping brat and they all gave me an affirmative nod back, understanding to be quiet tonight. If I wasn't willing to chance waking her up after earlier, I doubt the others would have wanted to as well.

They set up their pallets before gathering in a semi circle, Eld bringing a pack of playing cards from his pack in the process. They motioned at me, asking if I wanted to play cards with them silently and I just shook my head. Gunter shrugged and they began playing.

The words on the pages didn't seem to stick as I read them over. My mind was still preoccupied with the events of the day and the reaction that Valkihar had shown at dinner. " _There was nothing I could do because I couldn't get to him in time. He's dead, I can't change that. There's no use in wallowing in self pity about it either_." Her words repeated themselves in my head. She was right, there was no use in worrying over what you couldn't change. Nonetheless, it was still not a reaction that I had expected out her. She acted strong. She seemed strong. But I wondered if that's how she truly felt.

The night wore on like usual, with the others tucking away after a few hours of card games. I snuffed out the last candle after I realized that I was the only one left awake. Despite the lack of candle light, the room was still illuminated by the moon hanging high in the night sky. Valkihar shifted uneasily in her sleep and muttered incoherently under her breath. I saw her brow furrow in an pained expression. Was it another nightmare?

I moved silently next to her and knelt down on my knees. She curled up tight against herself and shivered as she muttered something else. I listened closely to try to distinguish her words.

"I... couldn't... protect you... Mikael... I'm sorry."

I felt my face drop down along with my shoulders. Of course, she would be dreaming of him tonight. A small shimmer caught my eye as I noticed a single tear trail down her face. Reaching out, I gently wiped it away with my thumb, her cheek fitting perfectly into the palm of my hand. She stiffened from the touch and I froze, unsure whether pulling away would wake her from her stasis. She seemed to relax after a moment, a soft breath escaping partially parted lips.

"I lied... to you both earlier." She spoke softly and so clearly that I had temporarily thought that she had woken after all. "Levi Heichou... isn't that bad... scary but... I'm torn." She continued in her haze of dreaming. I realized that I shouldn't be listening to this but I found myself clinging to every word she was saying.

"I admire him, maybe... more than I should... but... it hurts." Another tear trailed down her face and ran along the edge of my hand. "I... don't understand why... he says what does... looks at me like that... I'm scared... of misreading him... and myself."

My hand shook slightly as I pulled it back. This was definitely something I wasn't supposed to be hearing. I furrowed my brow and ran a hand over my face. So this, was how she truly felt. I scared her after all, just like any other person that I associated with; Hanji and Erwin being the only two exceptions since Isabel and Farlan. This was no surprise to me; fear made for a great training tool, but my chest ached as I sat there next to the sleeping girl.

What did she mean when she was "scared of misreading" me... and then herself? Thinking back to the few conversations they had had together, I remembered the looks she would give me. Every now and then I would catch a tell tale blush across her face. Was I over thinking this though? She was got easily embarrassed, especially when someone got too close for her comfort. Sure it was amusing to a certain degree but had something changed? Somewhere, somehow?

She continued to mutter in her sleep but I had stopped listening long ago. Standing back up, I retreated back to my chair, deciding that somehow being near the brat would be harmful if I was to hear anything else she had to say. The next day couldn't come sooner I though as I stayed awake for a few more hours before sleep finally threatened to claim me. Thankfully there was no dream that night so I didn't have to dwell any longer on Valkihar's proclamations. However, as I curled up in the chair, I could still feel the warmth of her cheek on my hand as I faded away with the final hours of the night.

* * *

The third outpost was only a quarter's day ride from the second. It would be a quick drop off before we started heading back. Though the fear of danger loomed heavily over the formation, it never found us as we traveled to our final destination before returning home. I glanced back at my squad in tow, their faces serious and eyes darting back and forth looking for smoke signals.

The drop off was made successfully and we unloaded the last of the wagons of supplies. While the soldiers were wrapping up, Hanji called out to me and approached.

"Levi, have you seen Celica?" She asked, looking to her left and right before focusing back on me with attentive eyes.

"She _should_ be unloading still. Why are you looking for that brat anyways?" She huffed a sigh and propped her hands up on her hips.

"I'm just worried. That's all." She stated, trying to keep her explanation short and to the point while I rolled my eyes internally.

"She's fine. Sleeps okay just like the others." I explained and Hanji shook her head at me.

"It's not just..." Her words stopped mind thought. "Nevermind, thanks." She said, attempting to walk off.

"It's not _what,_ Shitty Glasses?" I questioned, making her stop. "Don't believe me?" She turned back to look at me.

"Don't get me wrong Levi, you've got a good eye for things but you've failed to mention that obvious look on her face today." She stated. The thing was, I _did_ know exactly what look she was talking about. Valkihar was pale today and her face was blank along with her empty eyes. "I don't like it."

"It's sort of hard to miss a look like that on one of my squad members but what of it? She lost someone yesterday in the middle of the chaos. It's normal." She narrowed her eyes slightly, turning serious.

"Levi, sometimes I wonder if you even possess any compassion at all." I narrowed my eyes back at her.

"If she doesn't want to talk to anyone about it, then the best thing I can do is respect that and give her space. Unlike you, I don't poke my nose into things that don't concern me." A pang of guilt hit me, remembering the words she spoke in her sleep. I shouldn't have heard that and I shouldn't have gotten that comfortable around her. Nothing good could come from that. Hanji stepped closer to me before leaning slightly in to make sure only I could hear her words as her voice lowered into something a little darker.

"Don't lie to me. You got those tiny fingers of yours in almost everything that happens around here. Besides, you agreed to take her into her squad so that means that this _does_ concern you."

"Watch it Four Eyes, or else." I warned. My patience was wearing thin with this conversation and we had to get moving again soon. She sighed, straightening back up and plastered her usual annoying face back on.

"Just forget it. I need to find Celica." She turned back around and started headed for the wagons. I clenched my fist tightly my a moment, willing my anger to dissipate when I relaxed my hand, letting out a heavy breath.

"Annoying woman."

* * *

 **HANJI'S POV**

I marched over to the wagons, a small crowd of people clustered around it, Levi's reaction turning in my head. The fact that Levi refused to show his sympathy with Celica hurt, despite his normal coldness. Had I expected any less of him? No. Had I wished differently though, obviously.

When the official count came, I saw Celica giving a name of the fallen. She appeared strong but I heard the small tremble in her voice. It was only last week that she had to drudge up all of those painful experiences of the past. Even now, it still impacted her. Now with a close comrade's death fresh in her mind, I was afraid for her sake. Every part of her was still trying to rebuild herself after collapsing; I could see it though, somehow. Call it intuition.

Celica was being handed another crate to carry inside when I found her. I called out to her, her dull eyes seemed to look right through me.

"Celica, you got a moment to talk?" I asked. She shook her head before speaking.

"We need to finish unloading the wagons so we can start heading back." Her voice flat as she gave me a blank expression.

"We can spare five minutes though." I stated, attempting to grab the crate from her hands. She took a step back and turned to head towards the building.

"The sooner this is done, the sooner we can leave." She stated and started walking.

"Celica." I called out her name in a serious tone and she stopped moving. "As your superior, this is an order." Sina, I hated pulling this card but it seemed she was running on only instinct and commands. She hung her head and sat down the crate. I walked past her, heading into the building, and she followed soundlessly.

I found one of the more private rooms closer to the entrance and closed the door behind us. Leaning against the door, I barricaded us in the room. She looked back at me from the corner of her eye but wouldn't face me. She was inverting a lot more than I had expected, much more than before. This was bad.

"You don't look well." I stated. "Aren't you sleeping?" She shrugged.

"Enough." She looked at me to prove the lack of dark circles under her eyes. However, she still looked incredibly exhausted. "Taking a page out of the Captain's book? What's with barring the door?" She asked, her tone of voice unchanging.

"Because you're even more stand offish than usual since the surprise attack yesterday. I know it's not the first time you've been in combat against the titans but obviously something has changed."

A pained look appeared on her face and she clenched her fists tightly. It was obvious she was hurting but she needed to speak of these things aloud if she had any hope to move past these things.

"Nothing has changed and if you think that trying to scare me like Heichou will get me to talk, I'm sorry but it's pointless." So bold, I thought.

"So, he does scare you then? Not just that day in the corral?" I tried changing topics to throw her off guard and judging from the ever so slight blush on her pained face, I had done just that.

"No." She lied.

"So you're afraid of a man smaller than you by a good inch but not of titans?" It was meant as a question but came out more like a statement.

"Titans can't manipulate a person's thoughts and emotions. People can. When a titan gets too close, I just have to kill it. I can't do that to humans, people are much more complex." She explained, her voice dropping into a serious tone. At least I had provoked some sort of reaction from her.

"And you think building your own walls will stop that?" I questioned.

"If it means that I can keep going on with minimal regrets and hurt then yes." She narrowed her eyes and she held my own. I swore I had seen Levi give me a similar look before years before and the words she had spoke just now had solidified my suspicions.

"So, that's it. You're grieving." Just now, anger flashed in her eyes and I knew I had nailed it right on the head.

"People die. It's inevitable with our line of work. We move on, but what's the point in sulking about it when there's a mission to complete?" She huffed as a small remorseful smile pulled at my lips.

"Sina, you remind me of him. Denial and all." I pointed out and her face faltered slightly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She spat.

"Nothing. I've said too much." I stated, standing up straight and opening the door. "But I wonder, would you want your friend to see you like this?" I asked, leaving a stunned and silent Celica behind me.


	16. Breaking Point

**A/N: It's do or die time. Once again, Levi is the only one who can actually get to this girl. But something is about to change.**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The "talk" I had with Hanji yesterday bugged me. First Petra and now her. I couldn't help but wonder who would be next in this line of "people concerned for my well being" when it came down to how I was dealing with Mikael's death. All in all, I didn't understand exactly why I was acting this way either.

Sure I trained with him since day zero at the academy. Sure I got comfortable around him and the others. However, I wouldn't quite call him a friend. Friends meant fondness and attachment. Perhaps, at some point, I had a moment of weakness and let him, Francis, and Natasha in closer than I had wanted but the fact remained. The fact that knew it was only a matter of time until something like this happened and I didn't want to be around to see it. Sadly though, like usual, I failed to have to any of my wishes granted and I watched as Mikael got eaten alive.

The memory haunted me regardless. I didn't remember dreaming last night but I do remember waking up in a cold sweat for some reason. Probably from another nightmare. Luckily, I didn't wake anyone up this time and even if I did, at least no one made mention of it since then.

We had made it back to the second stronghold furthest from Wall Rose and were trying to rest our weary mind and bodies for the night. I curled up in corner and checked over my gear for what seemed like the millionth time. I sighed in frustration and left the room, heading to the rooftop where watch was being kept.

A couple of regular Joes sat on the crates in silence as I walked up behind them. One turned to me and gave me a nod of acknowledgement.

"Do you mind a third wheel for a little while?" I asked, not really caring for their answer but I decided that it would be polite to ask otherwise.

"Go ahead. It won't bother us." The man said while his partner gave a silent nod of agreement.

I sat opposite of them on the small roof, curling my legs up against my chest as I carefully watched the land to the east while they covered the south and west. The air from this high up was a lot colder tonight for some reason so I curled up tighter into my ball. In my rush to leave the room I had left my jacket and cloak behind. Regardless, I stayed put and enjoyed the fresh air. It was cleaner than the air deeper in the walls but I wondered about how it felt outside even Wall Maria. Maybe one day, I thought, if I live that long.

Just as the males' shift was about to end, I heard a single set of footsteps traipse up the stairs and onto the roof. The men suddenly shuffled to stand and I heard their fists slam into their chests from a salute.

"Levi Heichou." One greeted.

"You two are official relieved of watch. Valkihar and I have it covered until the next ones show up." He informed them. I didn't look back at him while I heard the soldiers shuffle downstairs. He stood there for another moment before moving to stand behind me.

"You've been gone for a while." He stated.

"Sorry, Heichou. I lost track of time." I lied. In truth, I just couldn't relax no matter how hard I tried. I had to be doing something or thinking but I wanted to do so away from the eyes of others. Privacy truly was a luxury around here.

"If you're going to lie at least think of something better." He chastised. "Troublesome brat."

I felt a small breath leave my body as I continued looking out into the open plains. I couldn't reply to him and I wondered what had caused me to try to lie to him in the first place. I knew I couldn't fool him in the slightest but I guess I didn't want the captain around anymore than anyone else at this point.

He sighed and I heard a small ruffle of cloth before a flash of green hindered my vision for a moment. I felt him secure the cloak around my shoulders before stepping back. My eyes widened slightly as I tugged it closer to my body, it's warmth completely enveloping me.

The tail of the green cloth came to end at my waist instead of draping around me and sitting on the ground. I felt the course material in my hand as a spicy scent hit my nose. This wasn't mine, I realized. I glanced back at the captain who was sitting with his back to me on a crate. He was only wearing his jacket and uniform and I rolled the thought around in my head.

"Heichou...?" I began but he cut me off.

"You were shivering." He stated, refusing to look back at me. Had he really given me his cloak?

"You're too kind, Heichou." I said, turning back to face the plains again. I heard him make a "tch" sound before he was silent again. I pulled the coarse fabric closer to me and inhaled softly, reveling in it's comforting smell as my body seemed to finally relax.

"You're nightmares are getting worse as of late?" He questioned. Once again, nothing got past him.

"Maybe not worse but... definitely are more common now. I'll be fine when we reach the wall though." I stated, not really believing my own words. It had been so long since death had knocked on a door so close to home and it was unsettling. No tears would pour from my eyes yet but internally, I screamed and raged.

"Because of Mikael's death?" He asked. It was obviously a baited question but I didn't feel like fighting him on anything tonight, or really any other night for that matter.

"It's what I dream of so I guess so." I replied. "I'm sorry if you've lost any of your own sleep because of it."

Why the hell was I apologizing for? No matter how much I tried repressing the dreams and changing them, I couldn't stop it. Besides, since when would the captain worry about "just another brat's bad dreams"?

"I'm normally awake anyways so it doesn't really effect me." He stated, pausing for an additional moment. "By the way, you know you talk in your sleep right?"

I felt my face flush.

"Yeah, on occasion. Apparently those nights are some of my worst dreams." I explained, thinking it was probably the night of Mikael's death that he heard me sleep talking.

I replayed the dream in my head from that night. Mikael came to say his goodbyes and I felt my heart shatter then, dropping to my knees and begging his forgiveness.

* * *

 _"I saw you rushing to my aid. That in itself is as comforting a final thought as anything else. I'm glad to know you actually care." He told me as he knelt down in front of me._

 _"Natasha's in more pain than I though. You should go visit her to. I'm pretty sure she has something to say to you as well." I explained. He nodded slightly, hugging me close. I hugged him back and buried my face into his shoulder. He felt so real but I knew this was only a dream. This was probably the last time that I would be able to see him as he was before so I gave in. I had to come clean about this to someone, even if that person no longer was apart of our physical world anymore._

 _"Mikael... I lied to you both earlier. About when you asked about Levi Heichou. He isn't that bad. He's scary at times but honestly, I'm torn._ _I don't understand why he says what does, looks at me like that. He's cold and brash but the moment we are alone, it's as if he changes somehow._ _I'm scared of misreading him, and then myself." He cocked his head to the side slightly and pulled back to look at me._

 _"What do you mean?" He asked, his eyes deep and obviously contemplating my words._

 _"I don't hate him but I can't stand being around him either. Compared to the rest of the others in the squad, it seems I find myself with him alone quite often. I'm confused about him and my heart acts weird around him as well. It's frustrating. I just... couldn't find it in myself to tell you earlier today."_

 _Mikael smiled at me and rubbed the top of my head._

 _"You've never liked anyone, have you?" He asked, his smile growing bigger._

 _"Define... 'like'." He huffed a small breath but his smile never faltered._

 _"It sounds like you've got a crush on him if you ask me."_

* * *

The shock woke me from my dream that night. As I rolled the memory through my head, I still found it impossible for him to have actually said that to me. That's why I was so lost in thought since then; why I left the room to begin with. I couldn't be around the captain anymore that I had to, catching myself silently studying him out of the corner of my eye. Just thinking about it caused my heart to skip a beat and if the captain heard bits and pieces of that conversation, I would sooner die on the spot.

"Do you remember what it was I was saying?" I asked hesitantly, glancing back at the captain.

He sat up a little more rigid at my question. I took that as a 'yes' or at least he had heard me say 'something' in my sleep.

"Not really." He stated. I gave him a questioning look before turning back away.

"Then I guess that makes us even then tonight, Heichou." I remarked. "A lie for a lie." I muttered.

"Are seriously calling me a liar, Valkihar?" He asked, his voice dropping subtly.

"Yes, I am."

The captain was silent for a moment but I felt the daggers in his eyes pierce my back. A chill ran through my spine but it wasn't from the cold air consuming us on top of the roof. The cloak around my shoulders had warmed me back up by then so I knew I had pissed off Levi Heichou with that statement.

"Has your grief warped your sense of military bearing and respect so easily? I expected better from you." He said in a lower tone, but it didn't hold the same coldness that his eyes gave me.

"My respect for you isn't something that can be swayed easily, Heichou. As for my military bearing, with all due respect sir, I find it difficult to find a balance between that and people telling me to loosen up, yourself included."

I casted my glance back at the captain, who met my eyes as well, and unreadable expression etched into his face.

"If you tell me exactly what your expectations are then maybe I can follow your directions without incident. Otherwise I have no clue what you're thinking about, like anyone else around here."

He regarded me for a moment before standing, placing his hands into his pockets. I stood up with him, a slightly confused look on my face while his was back to being as stoic as usual.

"Then listen carefully, Valkihar." He ordered. "What I expect from you is arrive on time, in full uniform whenever summoned. You will follow all orders given, to the letter. You will respect your superiors and trust in their abilities and decisions. Also, you will train without complaint and as if your life depended on it, because it does. Don't do anything stupid and get yourself killed over it."

As he went on, I felt my shoulders slump. I already knew all these things so it wasn't helping me personally. Did he really only expect this out of me or did he fail to mention something else yet? I debated opening my mouth to speak but I couldn't find any of the right words. Inside though, I felt like he had missed the point entirely, just saying what any officer would. He was just playing his role as a leader right now and I wasn't satisfied with his answer.

"You're different, Valkihar." He continued and I refocused on him, being snapped from my inward contempt. "What you lack for in social skills you make up for in action where it counts. Petra told me about what you said the other night. Something along the lines of not willing to get close to people because losing them is too painful. Am I wrong?" He blatantly asked as I felt my heart fall into the pit of my stomach. She had told him? When? Why?

"No, Heichou." I stated, hating the fact that I had to admit this one definite weakness of mine to him aloud.

"And yet I saw you hold back yourself from the rest of the squad during the sparring though you told the others directly not to. You rushed after your comrade and almost got eaten in the process. You were concerned about your friend who was still crying hours after losing Mikael and tried consoling her." A sense of shock washed over my body as he spoke.

"How do you-?"

"Remember, nothing gets past me. I have eyes and ears everywhere Valkihar, no one in the corp can make a move without me or Erwin knowing about it." He cut me off, explaining before I could even finish my question. "You care a lot more than you want people to know. You hide yourself as best you can thinking that your feelings and emotions would cause other people trouble when in all actually it's the other way around. I'm just going off my own assumptions here so correct me if I'm wrong."

He wasn't wrong though. He had figured that much out about me and yet I still hadn't been able to figure out him. I was way out of my league with this one.

"You're... not wrong, Heichou." I stated. The words tasted bitter in my mouth.

"Then I expect you to stop acting like a coward and face yourself along with the others. They are still upset about your stunt at dinner the other night. I think you need to apologize when you have the chance." I let my head hang in shame and my body trembled as wave after wave of emotion hit me. I was a coward after all. I wanted to call him out for his own cold hearted nature but I bit my tongue to keep from speaking out of turn.

He took a few steps towards me and placed his hand on the top of my head, rubbing in gently.

"Grief is different for everyone but it's one of the things that reminds us of our humanity. Our strength is not with hiding it away. Strength is facing it head on and building off of it to better ourselves and the people around us that we carry about. Tears are not a sigh of weakness either so don't think lesser of yourself for expressing your pain." He explained, his warm hand comforting the raging storm in my chest.

I nodded, rendered speechless by his words, but inside I wanted to tell him that he should probably take his own advice sometimes. Everyone knew how much weight he carried on his shoulders from the deaths of so many of his comrades and friends and yet, no one had ever seen him break down and cry like he was telling me it was okay to do.

He pulled his hand away as the replacements for the watch showed up.

"Come on, we should get back downstairs." He suggested and I followed him back silently to the room.

On the way back down the stairs, I realized that I was still wearing his cloak. I thought of taking it off immediately and giving it back to him but instead I nuzzled the fabric once more, taking the chance since he was walking in front of me now. I didn't want to question his kindness but something in the back of my head was buzzing in doubt. I replaced the doubt though, willing it away with the captain's intoxicating scent.

It was ridiculous honestly, the way I fawned over just his scent alone, but it brought me comfort when I needed it. And when he least expected it probably. Sighing softly, I unclipped it from around my shoulders and laid it over my arm.

"Heichou?" He looked back at me, stopping briefly in his tracks. "Here. You'll want this back... and thank you." I said meekly. He nodded and gently took it from me before we continued to the room.

Once inside, all eyes turned back to us and a look of relief filled everyone's faces.

"There you are, Celica." Eld pointed out.

"We were getting worried. You were gone for a while." Petra said, setting down her journal for a moment.

"Sorry. I didn't think I was gone that long." I guess I needed to go ahead and face the music while I had everyone's attention. "Look, before anything else, I need to apologize for my behavior the other day at dinner. I didn't think you guys would be upset about it though."

"Well of course we would be upset about it." Gunter stated. "We were worried about our follow squad member. Hell, we still are."

"We know you're not too keen on getting close to us but at the very least you should trust us." Auruo pointed out from his corner of the room.

"And trust in the fact that we only want to make sure you're okay." Petra spoke. "Losing a friend is never easy but that doesn't mean you have to be alone in your grief either."

I looked back down at the floor, my body trembling once again as I felt the tears pool in my eyes. It wasn't easy to say that. It wasn't easy being open with other people anymore. But as I felt the tears threaten to spill over after hearing from my squad that they were legit concerned, I still tried to hold them back.

"Don't." The captain remarked, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You're in the comfort of friends here. Don't hold them back."

My legs gave way as the tears poured down my face and felt my heart being torn in two. My hands landed on the floor in front of me in fists as I struggled to choke back my sobs. Petra moved to kneel in front of me and wrapped her arms around me.

"It's okay. We're here. We understand." She said softly as the other joined in by her side.

I clung to her tightly, burying my face into her shoulder, my tears seeming never ending. No others would so brazenly focus on my own feelings; my own thoughts and pain. No others had succeeded in bringing down my walls like they had. Like Levi Heichou had. I felt weak but fought against it, remembering what the captain had said only moments ago.

 _"Grief is different for everyone but it's one of the things that reminds us of our humanity. Our strength is not with hiding it away. Strength is facing it head on and building off of it to better ourselves and the people around us that we carry about. Tears are not a sigh of weakness either so don't think lesser of yourself for expressing your pain."_

"Then don't go dying on me." I choked out.

Petra held me for a while until the brunt of my tears had subsided. Looking up with red brimmed eyes, I could see everyone, save for the captain, was crying as well.


	17. Tea Time

**A/N: Celica finally gave in and allowed her walls to be torn down. But Levi doesn't seem to notice the chips in his barriers. Baby steps though, baby steps... Enjoy!**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

Eventually, Valkihar had quit crying along with the others. Too many tears for one night if you ask me. Still, she had finally let loose and hopefully we could all focus on getting the rest of the way home tomorrow. Or so I had hoped.

Everyone was curled up on their pallets now fast asleep, with of course the exception being myself. The expedition was definitely taking it's toll on me despite the fact that it was almost over. The past few nights it seemed that it was harder and harder to fall asleep, the tension between Valkihar and everyone else filtering through the atmosphere so easily. Now that she had come to her senses maybe now I could get some decent sleep. I looked to the window and saw the moonlight filtering in through the thick panes of glass. It was already so late but my body just wouldn't rest.

Why would my own insomnia strike at a time like this? I guess that's just one of the shitty parts of it. It can recede for a while and I can actually get my usual three hours of sleep. But then it comes back full force and, just like Valkihar, I could be up for days at a time until my body gave out away from the prying eyes of others. It this was probably going to be the second night in a row without any sleep so I chalked it up as a loss and fetched a cup of tea.

I wasn't gone for but a moment and I came back to find Valkihar awake once more. Curled up with her knees to her chest.

"I thought you were asleep." I spoke quietly as I approached her, setting the tea down on the table where I took up my residency.

"I was." She whispered. "So... It was just a dream after all." I knelt down next to her, trying to get a good look at the face she was making beneath the curtain of hair that hung around her.

"You really can't ever get a single full night's rest can you?" I asked as she buried her face in her arms, shaking her head. I sighed and grabbed her hand, standing and pulling her up with me. "You might as well have a cup of tea then. Maybe it will calm your nerves a bit."

She took a seat at the table in a spare chair and I pushed the steaming cup of tea towards her. "I'll be back in a moment." I said before fetching another cup from the kitchen and coming back to the room.

I sat next to her in my usual spot and took a sip of the warm tea, the heat quickly searing throughout the rest of my body. Valkihar held the tea cup in her hands but it seemed that she had yet to take a sip of her own drink.

"It's not poisoned, if that's what you're wondering." I chided, looking back out the window and into the darkness surrounding us for a brief moment before taking another sip of the black tea.

"It's not that." She stated. "I just wish I could turn off my dreams for a little while. It's a pain in the ass waking up every night." She finally took a sip of her drink before setting it back down on the table, staring into the steaming liquid.

"Trust me, I know." She turned her head to me and the look on her face was one of a child who had been caught with her hand in a cookie jar. "What's with that look? You think you're the only one who can't sleep around here?"

She shook her head softly, her eyes slimming back to their normal size before looking back down at her tea.

"No, Heichou. I just didn't want to assume that you had your own set of problems. It's none of my business honestly." She cautiously took another sip. After all that earlier, she was still uneasy about being near me like she was now. I sighed internally and propped an elbow onto the table, resting my chin in the palm of my hand, facing her.

"It's not like it's a secret. Not with Hanji's shitty blubbering mouth." I stated.

"Yeah, Hanji does like to talk a little bit too much sometimes." She tucked the curtain of hair behind her ears as I saw a thought pass through her eyes.

"So I guess she really did find you and talk to you the other day."

"She came looking for me through you?" She asked, running her thumb over the rim of the cup still in her palms. I nodded. "She didn't help much back then but she did leave me with a few unanswered questions of my own."

I felt my eyebrows quirk upwards as curiosity set in. "Like what?" I asked. Her face darkened slightly as her brows knit together with a painful expression. Was she blushing again? And if so, I wondered why exactly.

"I'd rather not say at the moment, Heichou. You would probably dislike the topic of the conversation, honestly." She explained. I wanted to press her for more information but didn't have the energy to do so anymore. The tea seemed to do the work as I slowly felt my body tiring out right from under me. I shrugged and took another sip of my tea.

"If nothing else, please don't waste the tea before you head back to bed." I requested and she took another swig of her drink, a barely there smile appearing on her lips.

"You like your tea quite a bit, don't you Heichou?" She asked quietly.

"You could say that." I stated, finishing my cup before feeling my body start to unwind and setting the cup and saucer to the side for now. The tea had warmed my body to a downright cozy temperature and I felt my eyelids getting heavier by the second. I shut my eyes for a moment, reveling in my own personal paradise as sleep continued to creep towards me.

"Maybe now I can get some shut eye myself." I muttered softly, losing my bearings slowly.

"You didn't sleep last night did you?" Valkihar questioned, her voice was just as soft and sweet as it was in my dream a few nights ago. I shook my head a little and before I could formulate a response, I was out.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

As the captain slipped away in sleep after just finishing his tea, I let a small smile creep onto my face. He really did look peaceful while he slept, especially now. I took in his sleeping face for just another moment before finishing my own tea and clearing the cups back to the kitchen.

Upon my return it had seemed that no one had stirred from their sleep, Levi Heichou included. He was still in the position I had left him in just a few minutes ago but I knew if he stayed like that, he would be feeling the stiffness tomorrow for sure. I quickly riffled through his pack for his blanket and set it on the table for a moment. I gently held his head as I moved his hand from under him, laying it down on the table before crossing the other over it and laying his head down in the makeshift cradle of his arms. I probably couldn't lift him so this was the next best thing. Plus, I didn't want to wake him in the process but judging from how he didn't even flinch as I moved him into a slightly more comforting position, there would be no hope in waking him for the next couple of hours at least.

I unfolded his blanket and draped it over his shoulders, tucking into the little pockets next to his arms. He shifted for a brief moment to pull the cloth closer and sighed in his sleep. I froze but soon realized that he hadn't woken up as his breathing turned back steady with hints of quiet snore seeping in every now and then. He was adorable like this, I thought as I sat back down next to him.

 _"You've never liked anyone, have you?"_ Mikael had asked in my dreams. _"It sounds like you've got a crush on him, if you ask me."_

Looking at the sleeping captain next to me, I wondered if that dream held any truth in it as I trailed the tips of my fingers lightly down his cheek. It was the side that was left unmarked by the blade last week and his skin was so smooth under my touch. And so warm. Why was this man so burning to the touch, even in the cold outside, he threatened to burn me with every contact? My hand strayed to run through the ends of his dark hair. It felt like silk. Probably because of how many showers this guy most likely took in a single day. I felt the blush rise back to my face and I hesitantly pulled back my hand.

I shouldn't be doing this, I thought. It's one thing if I started to like him. Another is acting on those impulses. And then there was Petra, who had already admitted her fondness of the captain. For her sake and as well as my own, I had to bury this. I could still hold secrets with these guys right, despite them breaking down my walls earlier?

I decided that I had no choice but to. I couldn't let this get any worse. Especially if Mikael was actually right about this.

The captain shifted again and reached out, grabbing my hand in his as I tried pulling away from him. He groaned softly in his sleep as his grip tightened slightly before settling back into place, his grip unfaltering. I tried to gently pry my hand from his, the panic of him grabbing me slowly ebbing away as I thought of a way out without disturbing him too much. His hand only gripped mine tighter the more I struggled against him so I forced myself to relax despite my racing pulse.

Maybe I could talk my way out of this somehow since I couldn't pull free. Sitting here and waiting for him to let go was out of the question, especially if any of the others woke up and saw it. I'm sure someone else, including myself, would get thrashed by the captain for it; probably just from the man's embarrassment alone. By then, I would just be a victim of bad luck. It was worth a shot to lull him into letting me go somehow, and if nothing else, I could wake him enough to probably let me go then.

But, how should I address him? I wondered. 'Levi Heichou' and 'Heichou' would probably wake him up, but just calling out his name plainly could yield far worse results should he wake because of it. Either way, it looked like I had to wake him to make him release me.

"Heichou?" I called out softly. His brows knitted together in an uncomfortable look but he made no sound other movement.

"Levi Heichou...?" I whispered. He groaned softly in his sleep but he didn't wake. "Will you please let go of me? I need to get back to bed." He shook his head softly and pulled me closer by my hand, bring it closer to his face. I could feel his warm breath against my skin now as my face flushed ten shade of red. This was starting to get really uncomfortable now for many reasons so I tried again.

I set my other hand on top of his, brushing over his knuckles lightly with my thumb as I leaned in closer to him.

"Levi, please?" I asked, feeling the strangeness of only his given name resting upon my lips. "I need to get back to bed. You'll see me in the morning, I promise."

He made another small noise, his face relaxing a little more when I spoke. He brought my hand to his lips for a brief moment and left the lightest of kisses on the back of my hand before reluctantly letting me go. I questioned myself about whether that had actually just happened or if it was wild imagination. I would save my internal debate for later.

"Goodnight, sir." I whispered, running my thumb over the back of the hand that he had held in his grasp not too long ago.

"Goodnight, Celica." He whispered back. I felt my breath catch in my throat and my heart stop for a few moments before starting back up again.

Well, I didn't expect any of that just now, I thought to myself. If my face could get any redder, it had definitely done so just now. He finally says my first name but he has to be asleep to do so and then after... My mind derailed itself once more, feeling how warm one hand was compared to the other.

I torn myself away from his side and settled back onto my pallet for the night, lulling myself into an uneasy sleep. Cutting away any feelings I had towards the captain now was going to be more difficult than I thought.


	18. Resonance

**A/N: Revenge is a dish best served cold. Whether or not you want to admit it, we can't always mask our revenge as noble cause. Some do it better than others, but no matter how you look at it, we are all driven to attempt to take back at least a portion of what we have lost in this life. Try to enjoy this chapter please, and favorite and follow the story if you really like it.**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The next morning we set off back towards Wall Rose, tensions high as we neared closer and closer to home. We weren't out of the metaphorical woods yet but the longer we rode, I harder my heart seemed to pound. I never thought that I would be so anxious to see the walls again until today. Mikael's death still rang painfully in my chest but it would be a while until the hurt would subside, this much I already knew. Although last night had been a good step forward with my squad, I still cringed at how truly vulnerable I had become in the process. Gunter's voice soon rang out over the pounding hooves of the horses, snatching me from my train of thought.

"We're almost home guys so who wants to join in for a few drinks with me tonight?"

"I'm in." Eld stated, Auruo soon voicing his participation as well.

"Why not? It could be fun." Petra agreed. "Celica, what about you?"

"You don't need a lightweight like me around to ruin you guy's fun." I pointed out. It had been forever since I had had a proper drink but from what I could remember, I was definitely light on my feet once I started drinking.

"Nonsense. Gotta build up your tolerance somehow." Eld said, a grin reaching his lips.

"What about you, Levi Heichou?" Gunter asked.

"If all of you are going to be drinking then I guess I'll have to babysit and make sure nothing gets too out of hand." He stated plainly but I detected a slight hint of amusement in his voice.

"Then it's settled." Petra said, a beaming smile taking up residency on her face.

"Let's just get home first before we start celebrating though." I pointed out as we raced forward with new vigor in our strides towards the wall.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

The thought of having a proper drink tonight settled well into my weary mind. I could certainly use the time to wind down a little. Valkihar was right though, we needed to get back in one piece before anything else. The mission wasn't over yet. I could feel the tension still, deep in my bones. Something told me that it would be easier said than done getting back through the walls.

Along the horizon, I saw the tell tale heads of titans near the front of the formation. Erwin saw them too and quickly fired off a green smoke round to indicate the direction to take to avoid them. We headed right, following behind him along with the rest of the formation. That's when all hell broke loose.

Titans bounded for the formation and swept down on our men on the left side. We were down men on that side already so it was definitely not a good scenario to be in. I heard Valkihar make a strangled sound behind me and I looked back to her eyes wide open, mouth slightly agape, and face pale. I followed her line of sight and saw the abnormal that had been our catalyst for destruction that last visit around. That look in her eyes I saw; I had to stop her now.

"Valkihar!" I shouted and she snapped her head to focus on me. "Do not! I repeat, **do not** go after it! Now is not the time for revenge!"

"But Heichou! That monster killed Mikael!" She screamed, anguish and inner turmoil brimming to the surface.

"Focus on getting home! Would he want you to risk your life just to bring that thing down?!" I tried reasoning with her. The fire in her refused to fade though and only grew brighter when a female's scream pierced the air around us.

"Natasha..." Valkihar stated, her grip on her reigns tightening. "I'm sorry, Heichou. But for Natasha, yes he would!" She yelled before bolting off on her horse towards the chaos.

"Shit." I muttered. "ELD, You're in change until I get back! Follow Erwin as usual and avoid combat if you can!" I yelled back my orders for the squad.

"YES, HEICHOU!" He saluted me. "Bring Celica home for us."

I went after Valkihar, pushing my horse has hard as I could to try to catch up with her. She flew across the plain and stood on her horse before switching to her gear as soon as she was close enough to use it semi-efficiently. Her friend had been knocked off her horse and her equipment was in shambles, a titan reaching down to grab her. Valkihar soared up high and attached a grapple to the flesh of it's shoulder before gassing forward and swinging under it's arm.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!" Valkihar screamed as she swung her blades, catching the titan's fingers and slicing them clean off. Her grapple detached itself and she grabbed the girl before sprinting off towards a stray horse, ignoring the handful of titans that surrounded her. I heard more screaming come from the pair but it wasn't screams of fear. I glanced at their faces. Were they seriously arguing at a time like this? She ran for a opening between two titans as she sprinted towards the horse. If she was going to get out of this mess with her friend still intact then it seemed that I would have to help.

I cut down the one missing it's fingers before quickly attaching to another titan's soft spot as the one beneath me fell. I twisted mid air, bringing my blades full circle to fully render the flesh away from it's nape. Valkihar finally got her friend on the horse and sent her back towards the formation alone.

What the hell was she doing? Titans still bore down on her from all angles but she simply redrew her swords in her hands, a sinister look appearing on her face and shot forward, cutting around any titan in her path as she aimed for the abnormal. That suicidal brat!

I followed behind her, hitting the various weak spots of any titan's in a chain reaction from my increasing momentum before I detached and tackled her mid air. I held her tightly, despite her beating against me with all her might and struggling against my grip. We hit the ground hard, tumbling apart as the impact pried her from my grasp. Luckily, there was a reasonable amount of distance between us and the titans for now but I had definitely gotten their attention as five more moved towards us.

"What part of 'don't go after the fucking abnormal' did you not understand, Valkihar?!" I spat at her as she sat up.

"If I didn't then another of my friends would probably be dead! If you think I'm going to stand by and watch another one die when I could have done something to save them then you're wrong!" She yelled back at me, clutching her side tightly, wincing in pain.

"Ribs giving you trouble now of all times?" I questioned, glancing back over at the incoming titans. I stood up and brushed the dirt off of my cloak.

"I can still fight!" She insisted, trying to stand but her legs gave way her under.

"Don't even think about it. You've done enough as it is." I told her, my tone dropping in pitch as I glared at her out of the corner of my eye. She groaned, anger seeping into her voice.

"I DON'T NEED YOUR CONSTANT PROTECTION AND DOTING, HEICHOU! I HAVE THIS!" She snarled at me, her irises turning black in rage.

"Tch, obviously not." I stated, taking note of her trembling form from the amount of pain I gathered that she was in.

"If the titans don't kill us first then you're dead as soon as we get back to headquarters, you fuckwit." I scolded her, changing out my broken blades for new ones. "You owe me big time for this."

I didn't give her time to speak before I shot forward, clipping titans one right after another as I worked through the group. One by one, titans fell with a cloud of steam that seemed to get thicker by the moment. I scanned my eyes carefully for the slightest amount of movement. A flash of flesh caught my vision and I twirled my body and blades along it's outreached arm. Anger fueled my reactions as I heard an unearthly sound of a titan in pain screech through the air.

I rolled off it's shoulder and down it's back, reorienting myself so that I could grapple for it's nape. With one final swipe, it was all over. The abnormal went down with a guttural scream as I braced for impact of the fall. That was the seventh one just today that I could add to my count.

The steam slowly seemed the clear the closer I got to where Valkihar knelled in pure astonishment, her eyes shining. I whistled for my horse and it came trotting up soon after. Looking back down to her, I mounted quickly and reached my hand out to grab her.

"Come on, already. We need to get back."

Silently, she took my hand and hopped on behind me, wincing in pain as she settled in place. She wrapped her arms around my torso as I urged the horse back towards the formation. Buried her face into my back, her grip on me tightening. Honestly, if I wasn't so pissed at her right now then I might have felt my heart speed up from her touch alone but anger had already done that instead. Her body trembled slightly against me; from pain or whatever emotions she was feeling, I couldn't tell.

Going against a direct order like that though, I had to think of a suitable way to discipline for when we got back. Regardless of whether I understood her reasoning or not, insubordination was still insubordination no matter how you slice it.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I was able to save Natasha after all, at the cost of defying the captain's direct orders. I was pissed, just as I was sure the captain was, but for an entirely different reason. Natasha was crying in my arms as I sprinted for a horse to try and get her out of danger. She had also went after the abnormal but she purely did so because she wanted to kill it for taking Mikael away from me. Revenge in it's simplest form. At least the reason I came for it was slightly different, knowing full well what I was doing at first

I screamed her.

 _"What the fuck were you thinking?! Do be so eager to rush to your death just because Mikael's gone!"_

I had so much more I wanted to yell at her but there was no time. I couldn't waste any breath while we were still running on the ground since my gear was useless at the moment. Luckily it had been my own horse that I sent Natasha back towards the formation on. It knew exactly what to do and ran off without needed my order. Time seemed to pause for a moment as soon as I realized that she was out of the way. My increasing anger turned to fury and I saw my chance now that she was relatively safe.

I pulled my blades free, feeling my emotions manifest into action as I charged to kill the abnormal that how caused us so much trouble and grief. If it wasn't taken down then it would only continue to haunt us on further expeditions.

 _"YOU DIE TODAY, MOTHERFUCKER!"_ I screamed internally, feeling my bloodlust reach an all time high as reason left me. I shot forward, dodging through the mass of titan legs and aiming straight for the monster that caused my most recent heartache.

Propelling myself high after clearing the last titan limb, I suddenly felt a hard mass slam into my side. My immediate thought was that I was grabbed by a titan. I beat against the flesh for a moment in rage and panic before I realized that it was Captain Levi that had me in his grasp instead. I counted myself lucky then that I hadn't swung my sword instead of my fists before we hit the ground, tumbling apart. I felt something snap in my chest as my breath was wretched by my lungs with pain.

"What part of 'don't go after the fucking abnormal' did you not understand, Valkihar?!" He yelled at me as I struggled to sit up. Dammit, I think I actually broke a rib or something.

"If I didn't then another of my friends would probably be dead! If you think I'm going to stand by and watch another one die when I could have done something to save them then you're wrong!" I spat at him, clutching my side tightly, hoping to will the fresh pain away.

"Ribs giving you trouble now of all times?" I could swear that he was mocking me, but it served me right. I had forgotten about my prior injury and it was entirely my fault that this happened so I couldn't go complaining just yet.

"I can still fight!" I yelled, trying to steady myself on my feet. I had to get up. I had to fight. I had to prove to myself that I could get my own self out of the mess I had created. A fresh wave of pain hit me and my knees buckled back to the ground.

"Don't even think about it. You've done enough as it is." I was angry before but his comment restarted the flame of rage inside me, my pain hindering my filter.

"I DON'T NEED YOUR CONSTANT PROTECTION AND DOTING, HEICHOU! I HAVE THIS!" I screamed at him, meeting those narrowed grey eyes of his.

"Tch, obviously not. If the titans don't kill us first then you're dead as soon as we get back to headquarters, you fuckwit." He scolded before changing out his blades. "You owe me big time for this."

I couldn't even yell at him again before he took off, flying through the air with incredible speed. I could only sit there and watch him as he took down every titan that remained standing. Stream rose from the numerous titan bodies that hit the ground, jostling me and my aching ribs as I gripped them in one hand and a handful of grass in the other, pain washing over me with every impact.

Somewhere in the cloud of steam, I had lost visual of the captain. My heart stopped it's frantic beating for a moment before a primal titan scream was heard in the air. It seared itself into my mind as I felt another large hit the ground, further away this time but it still rattled through my body nonetheless. Through my haze of pain, I searched the steam cloud and eventually saw the captain traipsing up to me, titan blood evaporating off his blades, hands, and cloak. He silently regarded me for a moment before whistling for his horse.

It came almost immediately and he mounted onto the saddle before reaching down towards me.

"Come on, already. We need to get back." He stated plainly.

I reached for his hand and gingerly mounted behind him, clinging to him as he took off in the last known direction of the formation. I clung to him tighter since I couldn't grip my torso that screamed in pain at me. I buried my face into his cloak as we rode, my rage and anger slowly transforming into unshed tears of frustration. I had to rely on him to save my ass after pulling such a stupid stunt. There was surely hell to pay for my decision and when I made it, I was sure that I wasn't going to regret it in the end. But as joined back up with our squad, regret was the only emotion that I was capable of feeling now.

I felt every pounding hoof that landed on the ground beneath us and soon I found myself slipping away into unconsciousness; unable to hinder the darkness creeping forward from the edges of my vision.


	19. Homeward Bound

**A/N: This is a sad chapter around the end. I'm sorry about any tampered feels that you may have because of it. Please keep reading though. I love all my readers so much. So please share some love and either favorite, follow, review, or all of the above. See you next chapter guys.**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

Valkihar went limp around me as we rode. Damn, she must have gone unconscious. Always so troublesome this one was but now I had to make sure that she couldn't fall off as I reached an arm back around her to hold her upright against me.

"Auruo, we don't have any spare horses do we?" I asked.

"No Heichou. Most didn't come back after losing their riders." He explained.

"Shit." I muttered. "Valkihar's gone unconscious. Pull back with me for a moment." I ordered, pulling away from the squad with Auruo, rearing my horse to a stop. Auruo quickly dismounted from his horse and came to my side.

"Hold her steady and move her forward in the saddle." I said, making sure my foot was hooked into the stirup before swinging other leg forward and over the horse's neck, holding onto the horn of the saddle as I hung off of the side.

"Yes, Heichou." Auruo situated in place before I took my place behind her, her limp body leaning against my chest as I secured her in between my arms.

"Damn brat, even when you're out cold you're causing me more trouble." I muttered, referring to Valkihar before noting small drops of liquid pooled at the edges of her eyes. Was she crying before losing consciousness? I asked myself. Brushing the tears away from her face, I grabbed the reigns once more. "Get back on your horse. We aren't too much farther from the wall now."

He complied and we soon covered the ground necessary to rejoin the squad.

"Heichou, do you think she'll wake up by the time we reach the wall?" Petra asked, a concerned look on her face.

"I don't know." I admitted. "Probably not while we're riding like this. Seems that a few of her ribs might have finally broken earlier. The pain is probably what made her pass out to begin with."

I glanced back down at the unconscious figure slumped in front of me. It seemed that she was still breathing so that was one less thing I had to worry about it at least. A little while later, the top of the wall came into view along the horizon. We could finally see it after five long days away. There was one more obstacle to overcome though before we could proceed through the gate. The ruined town that rested at the base of the wall and the main road being the only one we could take to re-enter the wall.

I saw Erwin rifle through his side satchel attach a flare round to the respective gun. Firing it straight into the air, yellow smoke signaled our incoming position to the patrols on the wall. A moment later, a red flare was fired from the top of the wall. Damn, some more titans had gotten into the town area and needed to be cleared before we entered.

About five miles from the town, Erwin led us to a stop before dismounting from his horse. He approached me as I still held Valkihar in between my arms.

"We have to give the extraction team time to clear any titans from the path before we attempt to move forward anymore." I nodded and told the rest of the squad to start relaying the message through the rest of the formation. They trotted off on their horses while Erwin's eyes moved from me to the girl that laid out cold against me.

"Do I want to know?" He asked before giving me a suspicious and worried look.

"Just being a disobedient little brat." I stated, looking down at Valkihar's blank face in my arms. "She saved one of her friends but she had decided to defy my specific orders not to go after an abnormal in the process. Probably broke a couple ribs before it was all said and done."

"If she did break something then try to go easy on her then." Erwin said, a small huff of breath exiting his lungs.

"Tch, the brat deserves so much worse than a few broke ribs for blatant insubordination." I could feel my blood beginning to boil again just at the thought.

"Though it was to save a fellow comrade, insubordination is still just that. No way of getting around it." Erwin stated plainly. "I'll still leave her discipline up to you to decide but..." He trailed off, eyeing me carefully.

"Have Hanji take a look at her before you decide on what her punishment will be and if you insist on physical correction after that, then at least don't aim straight for her injuries."

I narrowed my eyes at Erwin as he gave me the ultimatum on the conditions of Valkihar's corrective action. Was it just me or was he trying to somewhat protect her from me? I weighed the options for a moment in my head. It was a possibility at least but I couldn't quite see why. Regardless, I slowly gave a nod of my head before Erwin walked off.

Valkihar stirred against me, her face contorting into a painful expression while her eyes remained tightly shut. She clutched her torso in a tight grip, her soft whimpers of pain reaching my ears above her. She looked absolutely pitiful at the moment but instead of the usual contempt or detest flooding through me, I allowed myself just this once, to pity her instead.

"We're almost home. You can relax there." I whispered as I laid a hand on her head. As much as I wished that she couldn't hear me in her loss of consciousness, her face seemed to relax a little though her hands remained clung tightly to her sides. I sighed internally. I must be getting soft in my age, I told myself before my squad regrouped beside me.

A green flare sprouted from the top of the wall, beckoning our continuation the rest of the way home and out of titan country. Erwin quickly returned to the front of the formation on horseback. He lead us into a charge towards the wall. Once the gate started its ascension, we slowed down to a slow trot, sure that all the titans in the immediate area were either lured away or dispatched.

The streets along the main road inside the walls were clustered with townsfolk like usual along with the usual sets of jeers and insults thrown at us. Occasionally some kid would cheer with unbridled enthusiasm about how cool they thought we were. If they didn't lose their passion for the military once their ignorance was cured at a later age, then there was hope for a future soldier in them yet.

Valkihar stirred against me again, this time opening her eyes and blinking them a few times. She took a glance to each side of her before hanging her head back down.

"Heichou? We made it back?" She asked softly, her voice weak and unsure as the crowd's screams and jeers reached her ears.

"Yeah. We're back in the walls now." I stated. Her shoulders shook ever so slightly as she curled up her body, holding the palms of her hands over her ears.

"It's just..." She trailed off. "...and my head's pounding." She muttered, trying to shut out the crowd's noisy complaints and jeers. I pulled her close, turning her slightly to one side so one ear and her hand was also covered by my chest and then my hand resting over her other to help block out the sounds.

"It never gets any easier." I agreed, catching her true meaning behind her unspoken words. I don't know what had come over me, suddenly being so protective over her when an hour ago I wanted to kill her for what she had done. But as I held her close, I silently prayed that my heart beat was as steady as usual for fear that she would heard it being so close. At least, she survived. This time.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

When I came to, I remember only hearing townspeople crying and shouting at us. I felt the horse trot slowly beneath me as I laid against a warm body. Every part of me hurt but my chest seemed to scream just as loud as the people around us. I didn't want to open my eyes but I forced them open, taking in the sight of the inner walls once more. I felt my breath catch at the sight of angry and distasteful looks of townsfolk and hearing the words fly from their mouths.

"Heichou? We made it back?" It was an stupid question so I expected a sarcastic remark or something just as displeasing but the captain simply replied.

"Yeah. We're back in the walls now."

In the darkness I had prayed that the past five days were only a dream. I prayed to whatever deity there was that Mikael was still here, that I hadn't almost gotten myself killed saving Natasha, and that the captain hadn't just yelled at me for my rashness. However reality quickly set in and I coiled up, placing my hands over my ears, grabbing loose strands of hair that had fallen out of place as I clenched my fists over them. _No. Please no._

It had to be a nightmare, a vividly colored and yet tragic nightmare, recalling everything that happened over the expedition. All the tears and pain were real after all. Mikael was gone but Natasha and Francis were still here. Captain Levi, Petra, Eld, Gunter, and even Auruo were still here as well but I had never felt this hollow before coming back into the walls. No matter who else we had lost before.

Denial. Pain. Suffering. The smallest glimmer of hope and faith. All those things flickered within me at once thinking about the way I had acted the whole time we were gone. I was ashamed and broken. Ever since Mikael had died, I felt like I was caught in a dream and now it seemed, I had finally woke up from it. My head splintered from the inside and I couldn't tell if I had hit my head when I was thrown to the ground or if it was because I felt myself about to snap.

"It's just..." _It's just a nightmare._ I thought of the moments the captain and I spent awake at night, either in silence or conversation. _A beautiful and yet terrifying nightmare._ My vision blurred with tears as my thought continued but my words failed in spots. "... and my head's pounding."

I didn't move my hands as the captain pulled me to his chest, his hand moving over mine as he helped block the very real shouts of the crowd around us.

"It never gets any easier." He said, hearing and feeling his voice reverberate through his chest. I shut my eyes tightly, willing my tears not to fall. Not yet.

I could hear my heartbeat echo through my hands as I held them fast to my ears. If I focused hard enough, I could also hear the captain's own heartbeat faintly as he held me close. I blurred my own and listened to his instead; so steady, strong, and calming. I exhaled a shallow breath, feeling my ribs protest against normal sized breaths. Even covered with dirt and grime, his naturally spicy scent reached me and helped to calm the storm raging in my head.

Without realizing it, I had come to depend on him in a way I never thought possible. It was his job to defend his soldiers in battle against titans but it was for something else that I was depending on him for now. Comfort. A sense of belonging. If nothing else, companionship. The thought itself left me bitter on the inside, remembering how determined I had been to never let anyone close enough to make me care about them.

This captain, this man; he was different from the start, I knew that much. However as I leaned against him, something had faltered. Somewhere, somehow. His cold and unwelcoming persona no long took shape in my mind. Instead I saw someone reserved and yet powerful, sympathetic and caring yet unwilling to show it the majority of the time. He still scared me, there was no doubt about that, but my reason for being afraid of him changed. I let him in, growing attached to him, and it hurt every fiber of my being.


	20. Ache

**A/N: There's more heavy material here but I promise it's all for a purpose. Enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

As we exited the town, I noticed that the captain had not retracted his hand yet though we left the yells and noise of the town square behind us a while ago. I wasn't going to complain though. My body screamed at me to move but I knew that moving would only provoke only louder screams in my bones. Especially since it was the captain's warm touch and blissful scent that numbed my mind at the moment. I was too content in the moment to care about much else. Sleep drifted in from the corners of my eyes, threatening to conquer me once again. I shut my eyes for what seemed like only a moment before hearing someone calling out my name.

"Celica?" The voice beckoned. I opened my eyes slowly, my gaze blurry.

"Celica?" I heard it again. I shifted my head in the direction of the voice and blinked a few time to see Hanji standing beside the horse, Petra next to her. "Can you walk?" She asked holding a hand out for me.

"I think so." I murmured softly, taking her outstretched hand as sleep still fogged my mind. My ribs protested greatly with every move and breath I made as I gingerly lifted my leg over the horse. The captain's hand steadied my shoulders for a moment before I slid off, crashing into Hanji as a loud groan of pain emanated from me. Petra and her pulled an arm over each of their shoulders and helped me to my feet.

"We've got it from here, Levi." She spoke, Captain Levi nodding in response.

"I'll be back to check on her. I've got some thing that need taken care of first though." He stated before taking back off on his horse.

My gaze followed him as he rode off before I was slowly ushered into headquarters and into one of the smaller infirmaries. It only held a couple of single beds and the necessary medical supplies. Why didn't they take me to the regular medical bay like I thought they would have? I wondered absentmindedly. They laid me gently on one of the beds, the pain wrenching me from my dream like haze.

"I need to check your injuries, Celica." Hanji stated with a soft voice, her face laced with concern. I could only nod as she slowly undid the straps of my gear, shimming it off my shoulders and around my waist before undoing the buttons of my shirt. Blood pooled beneath my skin in dark colored bruising as ran her fingers over each individual rib. I clenched my teeth in pain as she pushed against my side.

"Here. Bite on this." Petra offered, holding a thick leather strap in front of me. She placed it in my mouth and I bit down on it hard as Hanji continued her examination. I wanted to holler out in pain and I felt the leather give slightly as my teeth bore down on it with a crushing bite but that didn't stop the groans and whimpers from escaping. Just the screams.

After what seemed like forever, Hanji finally stopped and sighed next to me.

"Three fractured ribs on your left while two on your left are even more bruised than before. You surely did a number on yourself. You won't be able to train for a good while until these heal." She informed. Tears pooled in the corners of my eyes and I forced my head back into the pillow behind my head, groaning in frustration. I let the leather fall from my mouth, seeing the deep teeth marks engraved in it.

"It's my own damn fault." I stated, turning my head away from the two. "I was damned no matter which decision I made." My words were threatened to be choked back by the sobs that collected in my chest. The physical pain hurt like hell but the emotional pain is what I figured finally broken me.

"Do you regret it?" Petra spoke up, giving me a serious face as I turned back to look at her. "Levi Heichou has a saying. 'The only thing we're allowed to do is to believe that we won't regret the choice we made'. "

I paused, looking up at her tentative eyes. Did I regret it? The question truly puzzled me. I felt my regret as soon as we met back up with the squad but when all was said and done, what was there left to regret?

"I saved Natasha from facing the same end as Mikael, at least I managed that much. How could I regret saving her life?" I questioned her back, hoping that my words were enough of an answer.

"Who knows? I've seen some messed up shit before. Everyone is different but all can be equally cruel. So I'll ask you again." Her tone turned darker, knelling beside the bed next to Hanji. "Do you regret saving Natasha's life?"

I had not yet seen this side of Petra until now and it slightly unnerved me. It reminded me that she was not just a bright and smiling face and cheerful laugh. She was a veteran of the worse kind. The type that had faced and witnessed the utter chaos that the titans repeatedly left in their wake. I clenched a fist into the white sheets beneath me before answering.

"No. I don't." I stated. Petra face turned into a small smile before standing, laying a hand on mine.

"Good. If you're still up for it, you can join us tonight for some drinks." She offered and a sad smile crept onto my face.

"Yeah. I think I could use a few good drinks." I turned my gaze back to Hanji as she casually looked over the rest of my body. "So how long will I be out for again?"

"Quite a few weeks. You might miss the next expedition depending on how your body heals itself. Erwin has already said though that he's pushing back the next one a few months. Give us time to recon more men before we set back out."

"That bad, huh?" Hanji nodded. "I didn't think it was _that_ bad." I stated, attempting to sit up. Petra pushed me up by my shoulder and helped me remain upright, fresh pain coursing through my body.

"Luckily, your ribs are still in their natural spots so we just have to make you're bandaged properly so that it stays that way." Hanji explained, going to retrieve a few roll of bandages while Petra helped me open my shirt the rest of the way. Coming back, Hanji carefully wrapped the gauze around my ribs, holding them tight in place and making it slightly more difficult to breath than it already was.

"I can't always rely on people to carry me around. Any idea how I can still get around on my own?"

"Once you rest a little, you should be able to walk around if you take it slowly. Besides the obvious bruising, you aren't coughing up any blood and there don't seem to be any large pockets forming so there shouldn't be any real internal bleeding. And I mean it, Celica." She warned. "Take it easy and take it slow." I nodded slowly as she finished up the bandages.

Petra helped me onto my back again, buttoning up my shirt carefully and pulling the covers over me.

"I'll come get you in a few hours." She said before saying goodbye for now and leaving the infirmary. Hanji glanced over at the door and waited a moment before speaking again.

"I figured you didn't want to talk about in front of Petra so I'll ask it now. What exactly happened? Levi won't tell me the details." She spoke, grabbing a chair and placing it by the bed before crossing her arms as she sat back. A soft breath escaped me as I reviewed my memories again.

"The abnormal that got Mikael... Heichou told me not to go after it but when I heard Natasha scream, I went after it anyways. I told myself it wasn't for revenge, that it was for her sake. I didn't need another dead comrade on my consciousness. I made it up as I went, my first and only priority was getting her out of there and to safety. When she left on my horse though, it seemed like the world shifted. I wanted to kill that monstrosity and I tried. 'Tried' being the key word here. Levi Heichou stopped me mid flight and we hit the ground hard. That's when I felt my ribs break." I explained.

"Of course he was furious with me but he took down all those other titans and the abnormal without much as another thought. Even after lost it on him and screamed at him." I laid a hand over my face in shame. "After we started riding back, most of it's a haze. I fell unconscious at some point and woke up inside the walls before blacking out again. You should already know the rest."

Hanji was deep in thought for a moment before asking another question.

"And what's with you curled up into his chest?" I could feel the blush rise to my face but didn't have the strength to fully hide it.

"When I woke in the walls, the first thing I saw and heard were the townsfolk. The last five days felt like a dream until then and reality finally sank in. I don't know why he pulled me close like that and didn't let go for the longest while but... it kept me together until we got here at least."

Her face was both thoughtful and curious as I spoke. I could almost see the flicker of a mental connection occur behind her thick glasses as her face quirked into a puzzling look. She muttered something to herself but I couldn't understand what she was saying.

"Did it look that bad?" I asked cautiously. Hanji heaved another sigh and straightened up in her chair.

"It was odd, I'll say that at least. Levi isn't the type to offer physical contact on most occasions from what I remember so it's just... puzzling. Maybe that bastard is finally going soft." She stated, a small gleam entering her eyes.

"Perhaps not quite but... I don't know." I remarked, unsure on how to dwell on the prolonged contact between us.

I stared up at the ceiling for a moment before Hanji stood up from her chair.

"Get some rest. You need it." She said, her usual tone of voice returning suddenly. I nodded and watched her carefully as she left the room. Sleep came back over me surprisingly easy as I worked the covers a little higher over me and I slipped into a blissful dream.

* * *

 **HANJI'S POV**

Though I had left the infirmary, I stood guard outside the door. Part of me deep in thought and the other half waiting for Levi to return. I had quite a few questions for him as well.

I sat next to door for quite a while, losing track of time and eventually briefly falling asleep until the sound of footsteps stirred me. Levi was headed for the infirmary freshly showered and in his casual sweater and pants.

"You sure took your time getting here." I stated while standing back up, noting a stray drop or two that fell from his damp hair. "You never are in such a rush that you leave your room with wet hair."

"Why didn't you take her to medical bay instead like all the other soldiers?"He ignored my own question by throwing one of his own while giving me a blank look, his hands tucked away in his pockets.

"Privacy, for one." I informed. "Also I doubt she could rest easy with moans of dying soldiers surrounding her."

"So you've been here the entire time, making me waste time look for you?" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking back up at me. "Don't you have your own duties to attend to like normal after an expedition?"

"It can wait. I've got some questions for you before hand." Levi made an annoyed sound before narrowing his eyes at me.

"Always in other people's business, Shitty Glasses." He remarked, his eyes suddenly softening a little before continuing. "How is Valkihar?"

"Resting last I checked. Three ribs are at least fractured and two are badly bruised on the other side." I informed. "I'm surprised you guys only managed to break three considering how fast you had to be flying." I was a flash of emotion move through his eyes and in an instant it was gone again.

"Keep your equally shitty remarks to yourself, Freak." He warned, narrowing his eyes once more before attempting past me and into the infirmary. I shoved myself in front of him, stopping him in his tracks.

"Not so fast, I'm not done with you yet. I still wanna know why all of sudden you're holding her all close and familiarly." Levi eyed me carefully. I knew I was overstepping my bounds on this but it I was dying to know why it was Celica of all people that this was happening to.

"You know the well being of my soldiers come first. When she lost consciousness, I had to move her up front in the saddle to keep under on the horse. When she woke up in the wall, I had to keep her from falling apart in front of everyone. Something in her snapped and if she suddenly lost it then it would have only aggravated her injuries further. Enough said." He explained plainly, masking a darkness over his eyes as he spoke.

I let his words sink in for a moment, my train of thought derailing into something much more shocking.

"Levi, did something happen between you two without me around?" I asked suggestively.

"I have no idea what in the world you're talking about." He insisted.

"Then let me blunt." I stated, taking a step towards him to stare him down with unwavering certain eyes. "You hate human contact. You cringe at the slightest filthy thing that comes near you. Yet you held her so closely after five days in the field while she was covered in dirty, sweat, and titan blood with a straight face, cradling her like a broken doll."

"Because she _is_ broken." He spat lowly in a defensive tone. "She's wrecked inside and out. A complete and filthy mess. Erwin entrusted her training and well being to me and I can not just watch her crumble in front of me."

My eyebrows quirked up for a moment before my face straightened out.

"That hasn't stopped you before. There's another reason that you aren't telling me." I accused him. He swung a leg towards my head and I quickly blocked, catching the kick with my arm as my other hand grabbed his ankle, struggling against his strength.

"Dammit Levi, just spit it out already." I spat at him. His eyes glazed over before he let out a frustrated groan, pulling his leg back reluctantly and setting both feet firmly on the ground.

"She's pitiful to see. It hurts just to watch her at times." He stated, down casting his face. "I remember what it felt like to be that broken. Don't you?" He questioned, moving me aside to enter the infirmary and leaving me alone in the hall in shock.

He actually admitted it. I saw and heard it but I didn't want to believe it. That right there, was as close as a confession of attraction that I would probably ever get out of him.


	21. Answer

**A/N: Tough love is not Levi's specialty. In either part of the phrase honestly, but he tries. It seems like no one can win anymore, neither Levi nor Celica.**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

Once again Hanji managed to piss me off. That wasn't surprising. What was surprising though was my explanation to her; the words that flew from my mouth before I could put a filter on them. Being blunt wasn't the issue I found with what I had told her, it was me admitting that I pitied Valkihar. That I related to her. Maybe that's why I felt my guard start slipping around her in the first place.

I spotted the empty chair next to Valkihar's bed and figured that Hanji had forgotten to put it away. I took my seat in it and sat forward in the chair, lacing my fingers together in front of me. Valkihar was out like a light but her breathing was shallow as she slept, her face bearing a strange look to it. Pain still slithered in between her features and her eyes flickered back and forth under her lids. She was dreaming.

The corner of her mouth turned up into a small yet sad smile, moisture collecting in the corners of her eyes. I brushed it away gently before pulling back my hand. This girl was capable of so many tears since she broke down in front of the whole squad on the way back to the wall. Sadly, I never missed how she trembled and tried to hide her face when I thought that she was about to cry. Rarely did they stream down her face in waves but the fact remained that she was filled with so much pain, especially as of late. I couldn't escape it either. I'll admit, I can't face any of my soldiers when they cry. It's painful from my end just seeing it all but when they break, a portion of me does with them, not that I'd ever let them see. That is, until today.

Hanji saw it. Petra as well. Who knows who else saw my shared sympathy with this one brat. Despite my initial anger with her, I understood why she did what she had. No matter how much I wanted to kick the shit out of her for defying orders, I remember feeling a twinge of pain in my chest watching her when we retreated inside the wall. Something changed when she woke up and she no longer seemed the same. Broken, weak, vulnerable. No longer strong and collected out on the field like she had been before joining the squad. Now though, it seemed that she would be out of commission for a while until she fully healed.

There was only one thing left now. Determine her corrective action for insubordination. And I finally thought of what I'd have to do to her.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I remember dreaming yet no nightmare came this time. I had expected to see Mikael's death with my own eyes like I had almost every time I had shut my eyes since that day. I expected blood, gore, screams and to watch what would have happened if I hadn't have saved Natasha. But I didn't see any of that. Instead I saw my squad happy and laughing by my side as we celebrated the retake off Wall Maria and with it, victory over the titans.

 _"We did it! We finally won!"_ Erd chanted as he lifted a mug of beer into the air.

" _HOORAY!"_ The room cheered with upraised mugs.

 _"We can finally live normal lives now."_ Gunter stated while he stood up, a gleam in his eyes. _"I don't know about you guys but I've got a dream of mine that I can finally fulfill now."_

 _"And what would that be pray tell?"_ Auruo asked, taking a sip of his drink.

 _"I can finally find a beautiful wife and settle down. It's safe now so why not?"_ Gunter remarked and Eld threw his arm around the man's neck.

 _"That's all? Hell, I plan on going back my town and starting fresh. Get it back up and running until it's thriving like before."_ Petra giggled.

 _"Sounds like an experience for sure."_ She stated. _"What are you going to do Auruo?"_ He shrugged and sat his drink down.

 _"I don't know yet but I got plenty of time to figure it out."_ He said proudly.

 _"Figures someone like you doesn't plan anything."_ Gunter stated after another swig of beer. Auruo stood up from the table in mocked anger, causing a few laughs here at there at Gunter's remark. _"Petra? Any idea what you wanna do?"_

Petra blushed heavily before swiftly drinking a mouthful of beer, trying to pass it off as intoxication blush.

 _"Well, like Gunter I wanna marry. But I doubt that anyone would really want me so..."_ She thought for a moment. _"I can open up a restaurant with all of my mother's family recipes she taught me."_

 _"Touching."_ I stated, taking a drink myself in my own little corner of the room.

 _"What about you, Heichou?"_ Eld asked, pointing his mug over at the captain sitting at his usual spot at the table. The captain thought for a moment, a barely there smile appearing on his face.

 _"I thought a while back about opening a tea shop. Maybe I can do that_ _now."_ Everyone's eyes were glued to the captain in silence. Levi Heichou's brows creased back into his usual scowl. _"What?"_ He spat while Erd, Gunter, and Auruo let out a fit of laughter.

 _"Just never expected that out of you Heichou. It's only funny because of that face you_ _made_." Auruo stated as the captain made an annoyed sound, his seemingly permanent scowl attached to his face again.

 _"It's_ _a good dream regardless. It fits_ _you._ " Petra commented before turning to me. _"What about you, Celica? Have you finally found a dream now that it's all over?"_

Everyone's eyes were now on me as I glanced down at my reflection in the mug. I didn't know what to tell them. I hadn't thought about it anymore than I had before.

 _"No, I don't think I do."_ I stated plainly, giving my usual answer.

 _"Don't you have a dream, Celica?"_ The captain asked, the rest of the squad and room fading away from my field of vision, leaving only the two of us. There he was again, using my first name. His face and eyes softened as he looked at me. He stood and walked over to me, reaching a hand down to tilt my head up to look at him from my seated position. _"Not a single thing?"_

My eyes watered as I stared back into his shining grey orbs, the words falling from my mouth.

 _"I want to forget. I want to be able to move on like nothing bad has ever happened. I just..."_ A single tear fell from my face, grabbing his hand tightly in mine.

* * *

 _"I just want to be happy."_

* * *

My eyes flashed open as I grabbed my ribs in pain, my breath harsh and painful in my lungs once more. I heard someone stir beside me as I turned onto my less injured side, feeling a strong pull on my shoulder to bring me onto my back again.

"Valkihar, stop. Lay still." It was Captain Levi's voice that I heard and my body relaxed slightly as he pulled me back into place. He hovered over me for a moment, a sigh falling from his lips. "You have to stay on your back while your ribs heal." He stated.

I felt a drying tear trail on my face and gingerly lifted my arm to wipe it away, sniffling a little as I rested my arm over my eyes. Was I really crying _again?_ The captain reached for my wrist to pull my arm back down by my side.

"I said to lay still." He repeated. "Or are you going to continue to disobey me?" He asked, his eyes growing colder but the sound of his words not matching the tone I had expected with that look of his. I shook my head softly and he pulled back, sitting back into the chair, crossing one leg over another along with his arms across his chest. "Must have been one hell of dream. I've never seen you make a face like that."

I blushed slightly. Even now, he had been watching over me as I slept even though he didn't have to be. He could have checked up on me and left but he stayed. Just like he always had with me.

"I've never had a dream quite like that though." I said, closing my eyes for another moment before opening them again.

"What was it about?" He asked carefully. In truth, it wasn't any of his business and he probably knew that much but I had never not told him so far about what I dreamed about. However it was different now. He was a part of my dream this time and the look he gave me while I was sleeping was... caring and stunning. I felt my mouth dry just thinking about it. I had to choose my words carefully.

"Humanity took back the wall and defeated the titans. We were celebrating and everyone was talking about their dreams of the future now that it was all over and done." I explained, deciding to give him the general synopsis of it all.

"Then why were you crying just now?" He asked unexpectedly, his face unchanging. Yet, something twinkled in his eyes, something I couldn't quite place. I couldn't look at him anymore feeling his gaze so blatant on me so I turned my head slightly away, finding peculiar interest in a stack of medical supplies all of a sudden.

"Because I gave my usual answer... and then changed it." I stated. I couldn't tell him what made me change my answer though. I didn't need to give him any more ammunition to use against me for anything. Especially if I was developing feelings for him now. Even in my dream, Petra wanted to be with the captain, referring to him when she talked of marriage. The look in her eye gave her away.

"What was your final answer you gave?" I cast a look back at him out of the corner of my eye before setting it back on the ceiling. He sure was pushy this time around I thought. I let out another small breath and collected myself before turning back to him, meeting his eyes with my own.

"I said that I wanted to be happy." I stated, the captain's eyebrows quirking up and his eyes widening as if my words had struck him dumb. He blinked a couple of times before setting his face back into place. "Such a strange thing to say, don't you think Heichou?"

He looked down for a moment, an almost sad look appearing on his face.

"Not really." He stated before he looked back up. "Isn't that basically what drives most human lives, the desire to find happiness?"

"For most people..." I replied, daring to continue my thought. "What about you, Heichou? Don't you desire to be happy as well one day?" He cocked his head to the side for an instant, his face turning thoughtful for a moment. I hadn't really thought about the idea of the captain being happy until the words came out of my mouth. It was hard to imagine him happy with an ever constant scowl on his face.

"Who says I'm not?" He asked. Did he really have nothing else to say about it or...?

"The majority of us, including me." I told him. "But then I doubt anyone can truly be happy in this world of ours. Especially you." He sighed softly, standing then and moving to look out the window beside the bed.

"I'd given up on the idea of a happy life long ago so even now, I don't dare expect something like that to happen for me."

His words cut deep into my already throbbing chest. It didn't surprise me to hear something like that coming from his mouth but it made me pity him for just an instant. He had seemed so complex before but it all boiled down to extremely simple things. The way he carried himself and spoke to people, it seemed that it had all been learned over time. If you don't expect happiness then you can be disheartened by the things torn away from you all at once.

"I'm sorry. Forget I said anything." I spoke softly, honestly wishing that I hadn't brought it up. He glanced back down at me and laid a hand gently on the top of my head.

"Stupid brat." He muttered, ruffling my hair slightly. I huffed softly in mock annoyance.

"Heichou... please stop." I requested, reaching up painfully to reluctantly push his hand away. His touch was still new to me and it scared me just as much as it comforted me. He silently pulled away his hand away before tucking both into his pockets.

"By the way, don't think that you're off the hook for earlier." He warned, his tone dropping back into the cold strictness he used when addressing his soldiers. I sat up slowly, forcing my body upright as I leaned forward to cradle my aching torso and tucked my legs closer under me for balance.

"I thought I said-" He started but I cut him off.

"I'll take whatever punishment you deem fitting." I rushed out, keeping my voice even though the thought of his physical punishment at the moment threatened to make me tremble in fear. I was already in so much pain, was it not quite enough already? Why did I keep pushing my luck with him?

"I know you hate it when people try apologizing but, if it's worth anything, I truly am sorry for causing you trouble. But that doesn't mean that I regret my decision either." I continued, noting how he turned to face me and away from the window.

The captain regarded me for a moment silently and I hung my head, shutting my eyes. If he moved anymore, I didn't want to see that coldness on his face again. I never wanted to give him a reason to warrant any immediate dislike for me but, from the start it seemed that all I did was cause him trouble.

But even if he hated me because of today then I could live with the consequences. It was better that way if he did. It would give me a reason to put some distance between us so I could build myself back up. Along with the walls around my heart which he had torn to shreds without either of us realizing it until the damage was done.

"No regret? None at all?" I shook my head, lying to myself and to the captain. I didn't regret my actions for the day but what I did regret was falling into my current state. Emotionally and physically, with only the captain being witness to it all. "I'll make you regret not listening to me though."

"I'm tired of laying in one spot. I need to move." I stated, the words falling from my mouth without passing through a filter.

"That's not what I'm talking about right now." I cringed as he finished his statement and shut my eyes tighter. I begged internally that he wouldn't hit me or worse and even if he did, that he would just get it over with already. I heard him move towards me and I clenched my fists into the sheets still covering my legs. He grabbed my jaw with a tight grip and lifted my head up.

"Open your eyes." He ordered and I complied. His eyes were still cold and harsh as they stared down mine. "Have you forgotten who you were placed under? Who your commanding officer is? We covered this not too long ago so it baffles me why it seems that your senses have left you so quickly."

I couldn't say anything even if I wanted to, losing my ability to speak suddenly. He loosened his grip on my jaw slightly and ran his thumb gently across my skin.

"Perhaps I've been too gentle with you." He proposed, before letting go of my face to slap me. The cheek that he caressed a mere second ago was now flaming and red. I reached up to cup my hurting face with my hand, avoiding his eyes once more as I straightened my body back up. Tears welled in my eyes from the shock of the impact but I knew I deserved much worse than just that.

"While you recover from your injuries you will not leave my side. You won't be able to do a single thing without my okay; that includes not speaking unless spoken to since you've decided to get so mouthy with me lately. This is only part of your punishment. I expect you obey every order given or there will be hell to pay. Do I make myself clear?"

I nodded my head slowly.

"Answer me verbally, Valkihar." He commanded, his voice sharp and forceful.

"Yes, Heichou." I complied, feeling my own voice tremble slightly, my fear of the captain washing through me with all it's fury.

I had gotten so comfortable around him that I forgotten about how people came to be fearful of him to begin with. The captain that seemed so relax and complacent around me had shifted back into the ruthlessly harsh being that I had seen the day I had met him. Personally, I believed it to be better this way anyways and it seemed that things were back to normal again. No more childish daydreams and wishes, just a soldier and a captain, acting just as one should.

Nothing more, nothing less.


	22. Skin Deep

**A/N: This is sort of a back and forth chapter. I'm not good at writing when alcohol is involved so I hope you'll forgive me. On one hand though, you get to possibly learn a few more things about Celica that you might not have known before. _Possibly._ Anyways, welcome to chapter 21! *crashes into a wave of malt liquor and gets swept away by the current***

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

Petra came for us shortly after I composed myself and the redness of my face finally faded away. The atmosphere around the captain and I seemed stale and unwelcoming as she came through the door.

"Still up for those drinks, Celica?" She asked. I nodded and slowly pulled myself out of the bed alone, the captain not lifting a finger to help. Petra walked over and helped me shrug my jacket on and fix my hair, taming the strands back in place as she started to retie it.

"You don't have to do that. You can leave it down." I stated, taking the ribbon back from her and tucking it away into one of my breast pockets in my jacket.

"O... Okay." She muttered as she helped me into a standing position. She attempted to put my arm around her neck to help me walk but I pulled back from her, insisting that I could move on my own once I was upright. Her face looked hurt but she only nodded and stayed close by my side as the three of us slowly made our way to the lounge.

Erd, Gunter, and Auruo were already in the room, filling up mugs of beer for everyone. Hanji and Moblit, her right hand man, were seating at a table chatting away. A look of repressed disdain covered Moblit's face. God only knew how he dealt with Hanji's antics all day. It was probably why he was here to begin with, to drink away his problems.

"Looks like we're all here then." Eld stated, walking over and handing a drink to each of us who had arrived. The room was moderate size, big enough to hold the seven of us comfortably and housed a few barrels of beer along with a suitable amount of table space and chairs.

"Actually, we're still missing one. Erwin said he would be dropping by as well later." Hanji stated, taking a mug and filling it at the tap and handing it to Moblit before grabbing one for herself. Great, now the commander's gonna be here too, I thought. So much for relaxing among friends.

Without a word, I took a seat near the edge of the table, a few down from Hanji and Moblit. I sipped on my drink, hoping that perhaps intoxication would help be my pain killer for the night.

"Hey, Celica?" Hanji spoke up, grabbing my attention. "I forgot to ask earlier, but you're not mad at me are you?"

I gave her a flabbergasted look as if she had just lost her last marble. Maybe she had already been drinking a little before we arrived.

"No. If I was, then you would have known it when you were shoving my ribs around earlier." I stated, my voice a little more on edge than usual.

"Then why do you sound like you are?" She continued, her head tilting to the side feigning an innocent look.

"I'm just in pain. Let me drink a little more before you start asking a ton of questions please."

I took a larger drink from my mug, the disgusting drink lingering on my taste buds. It wasn't my preferred drink by far but beggars can't be choosers now a days. Liquor was harder to get a hold of than beer by far. I already felt my core warm in temperature as the alcohol worked it's way through my system.

"We can't let you drink too much though." Gunter stated. "You said it yourself earlier. You're a lightweight."

"Wimp." Auruo remarked. I felt my temper shorten instantly and I knew I was not going to be in the mood for his drunken loud mouth especially later on.

"I can't help that my tolerance is low. Besides, it means I can be contently drunk probably before the majority of you guys get a buzz in anyways. So for me, that's a win in my book." I retorted. Eld started laughing before taking a seat at the table.

"Consider it a gift then and cheers everyone!"

"Cheers!" A few of the others repeated while lifting their mugs into the air before drinking.

A few drinks and more endless chatter later, it seemed that everyone had a least a buzz going on as the commander walked in.

"Sorry I'm late." He stated.

"ERWIN!" Hanji yelled enthusiastically. "It's about time you got here." She said, grabbing a recently topped off mug and thrusting it into his chest. "Drink up, buddy."

The commander didn't need much more incentive than that and began drinking along with the rest of us. At some point as I finished my second mug I noticed Hanji throw an arm around the captain and pulling him close, the beer blush obvious on her face.

"Levi come on and loosen up a little. You're always so cold even when drinking." She stated, pulling a pouty face out of nowhere.

"Fuck off. You know how high my tolerance is so don't you think it's a bit early for you to try to pull me into any of your drunken stupidity yet?" He responded, the look of irritation filling his face.

"I'm not drunk yet. You know that." She remarked. Could have fooled me, I thought as stood to refill my drink. Hanji noticed my movement and immediately moved to fall on me instead. Gods on high, I was good enough to stand on my own let alone hold her up too.

"The hell, Hanji?! I'm injured for Sina's sake, get off of me." I snapped at her and she poked my cheek as she took back the majority of her own weight.

"You're still too quiet Celica. You need to drink a bit more so you can have some fun like the rest of us."

I looked over at Eld's teasing of Auruo and him throwing a little hissy fit making the others laugh aloud. Petra had a little intoxication blush going on at this point and was rolling on the floor from her laughter. Moblit was arm wrestling with Gunter after arguing about who had to put up with the most shit from their superiors despite them being in the same room with them. How this translated to a show of physical strength was beyond me. I shook my head and turned back to Hanji.

"I don't feel like making an idiot of myself and hurting myself worse. Besides, aren't you supposed to be the one who would tell me not to drink too much in this cae instead of the complete opposite?" She shrugged, a smile breaking onto her face.

"Alcohol makes for a great pain killer sometimes so I'll let go this once." I shook her off of my shoulders so I could stand upright again.

"Uhuh... Whatever you say." I retrieved my next mug of drink and sat back down in my spot.

A little more time passed and eventually everyone calmed down though their blood alcohol content only grew. The majority of them gathered around the table around me to discuss the latest gossip and more drunken ramble. Even the commander joined in on the conversation, leaving only the captain in the same spot he had originally taken up since we got to the lounge. The first barrel was about tapped by now. Damn these guys loved their drinks apparently. I couldn't blame them though. It was the most reasonable way to unwind after an expedition. Though I had paced myself, I noticed that I was starting to feel the alcohol effect my filter and inhibitions.

"Holy shit!" Eld exclaimed. I looked up at him as he gawked openly at me. "When did you let down your hair, Celica?"

"It was down when I got here. I guess your mind was somewhere else since you didn't notice." A smirk moved to Eld's face before he moved to sit next to me, propping his head on his hand as his elbow rested on the table.

"You should wear it down more often." He stated and I sighed.

"And here comes the drunken flirting with an unattainable member of the opposite sex." I remarked, thinking aloud.

"Oh come on, now. Live a little." He spoke, laying a hand on my shoulder. I glanced down at his hand and then back at his face.

"You've got five seconds to remove that hand before you lose a finger." I warned, glaring at him.

"Oh, what'cha gonna do? Bite me?" He teased.

"I have a feeling you would like that too much." I grabbed his wrist and removed his hand from my shoulder and dropping it away.

"Enough you two." Petra stated. "It's embarrassing to watch your attempts of flirting." A few others laughed at the pitiful sight and I felt the blush creep up to my face. Whether it was from embarrassment or the alcohol, I couldn't tell.

"As if. You know especially well that I don't have time for such nonsense, Petra." Eld shrunk a little but reached back over to grab his mug before settling back into his seat next to me.

"But what if you did?" Hanji spoke up, her eyes shining brightly. "What would you look for in someone you wanted to be with? I'm dying to know."

"And why is the center of conversation stuck around me all of a suddenly? Why not ask someone else who might have a real answer to give?"

"Because you've barely spoken a word still. Gotta get you talking one way or another." She stated. I just shook my head.

"I've got an idea." Erwin stated, reaching into his inner jacket pocket he pulled out a flask and set it on the table. Everyone's eyes went wide, including the captain's as they stared at the container. "Answer any questions we have Celica, and you can have what's in the flask in it's entirety."

I quirked an eyebrow up in confused look. "What's so special about the contents?"

"You don't understand Celica." Auruo started. "The Commander has a personal stash of some of the most exotic and expensive liquors available to date. He regularly changes it up but rarely shares."

"Erwin you won't even let me have any of your drinks? Why does the pipsqueak get first pick?" Levi Heichou spat out as he stood and moved to the table, making a swipe for the flash. Erwin grabbed it just out of his reach and the captain shrunk back defeated.

"Because I think this will be entertaining. And it will be a good way to get her to open up as well. You gotta _give_ a little to _get_ sometimes, Levi."

The commander explained before standing up and walking over to me. He opened up the flask and allowed me a quick whiff of the contents. It was certainly strong and my mouth watered from the smell didn't seem like vodka or gin, it was too rich and smooth for it to be that.

"I give. What is it?" The commander recapped the flask and pulled it back.

"Aged Brandy. Eighty years to be exact." He stated, studying my face carefully.

"How many questions do I have to answer?" The commander smirked and fetched out a shot glass from a cabinet, setting it down in front of me.

"One shot per question." He stated, taking a seat across the table from me. The alcohol I had already drank was leaving me a little more lose than normal. Free liquor to just answer a few questions, why not?

"Alright. Who's first?" I questioned.

"You have to answer mine first." Hanji stated and I shook my head, looking back to the commander. He just nodded and I rolled my eyes internally.

"Fine..." I thought for a moment. "I haven't given it much thought but I figured that if I ever ended up with someone... They would have to be kind, strong willed, and protective. Maybe even make me laugh? I mean, what girl wouldn't want that? But finding all that along with someone who would just accept me for who I am, problems and all, would be a hard thing to find in my opinion. Generic stuff really."

Hanji looked at least partially satisfied with my answer and Erwin poured me a shot. I took up the small glass and took in it's dark rich color before drinking the shot. I was right. It was rich and full of flavor, the burn traveling slowly down my throat leaving a distinct after taste. I had always preferred liquor to beer but this was probably the best tasting that I had had so far.

"I see why you like it, Commander. It's good." I stated before setting the glass back down on the table. "Next."

A few glances were exchanged around the room before Gunter spoke up.

"What's the one of the first things you notice about people? You watch people enough so..." He asked. I leaned back in my chair, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Presence. Their intentions and so on. Whether or not they make a statement in whatever environment they're in. Then it's their eyes." I glanced over to Petra.

"Warm." Then to Hanji.

"Enthusiastic and full of life." Eld and Gunter.

"Casual." My eyes trailed over to the captain before I caught myself and refocused elsewhere.

"Or empty and cold. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul so one look at someone's eyes could tell me all I needed to know about them. Whether or not to bother to try to associate with them or to stay clear. Simple." The commander poured me another shot and I eagerly took it, downing the delicious mixture. "Is that all you guy wanna know about me? I thought y'all would be busting at the seams to ask some more personal shit."

"Okay then." Eld remarked. "When's the last time you got any _real_ action?"

"Nope. Try again." I stated. "Nice try though."

"You'll get two shots if you answer." The commander said. Pouring another shot to have at the ready. "And you can't skip questions either." I made an annoyed sound.

"This is sexual harassment." I retorted. The commander tried taking the shot away but I held my hand out, stopping him.

"Can't handle the heat, get out of the kitchen." He stated, his eyes trained on me. The look on my face was a cross between annoyed and irritated. I couldn't decide which to go with at the moment.

"Fine but I get one before and after I answer." He handed the glass to me and I knocked it back before handing the glass back. "Define any " _real_ action" for me then, Eld." A devilish smirk appeared on the man's face.

"You know exactly what I mean, Celica. Or have you even been with someone like that before?" I feared that's what he was getting at. I ran a hand over my face feeling an intense blush work it's way to my face.

"Actually, no. I haven't."

Jaws dropped. A virgin at almost twenty two in the military was pretty uncommon. People would usually throw themselves at one another with the fear of not waking up the next morning or as a way to relieve stress but I was not one of those people.

"Holy shit, Celica. So you're saying you're-" Hanji started.

"A virgin? Yes I am, exactly that. Got a problem with that?" I asked as I looked at the individual faces in the room. They all ranged from shock to mild disbelief to the occasional predatory. Or maybe that was just Eld at this point. Even the captain's eyes were wide with upturned brows as he looked at me.

"No wonder you act so up tight." Auruo remarked as he took a sip of his beer.

"Normally I would say 'unless you plan on remedying that yourself then you should shut your gob' but then again, I wouldn't touch you if you even if you were the last man left in this miserable world. I would rather let humanity die off if that was the case." Auruo narrowed his eyes at me and huffed, turning his back to me.

"The feeling's mutual brat." He muttered.

"Excuse me, last time I checked I'm older than you!" I yelled, slamming a fist down on the table. I heard the commander clear his throat before handing me another shot. I downed it, feeling the warmth bloom in my chest as I swallowed.

"Anyways, moving on." Petra spoke up. "What's your best memory?"

I could tell she was actively trying to change the topic. Whether for Auruo's sake or my own, it didn't matter anymore. I closed my eyes as I trailed back through my memories. The best memory? It was hard to find a particularly good one. Everything I had ever seen had seemed to be dyed over with blood and pain. However, there was one that stuck out.

"That would have to be the day I joined the Survey Corp. I waited three years to get to that point and it felt like I could finally take back what was taken from me back then. But once you lose something, it's gone. There's no hope of getting it back." I explained.

"That doesn't sound like a very good memory. Bittersweet maybe but, still." Petra remarked.

"Back then, I was ignorant. Trained to kill but still ignorant to the way the world really works. It's the best because it was the last time I had felt that much hope and strength running through my veins. Ignorance is bliss you know."

Out of the corner of my eyes I saw both Erwin and Captain Levi smirk. They had both been there that day so they had probably seen that fire in my eyes that night. There was only a handful of us remained in the end but I would be genuinely surprised if they actually did remember the graduation night of my class.

"Celica." The commander spoke up as he took away the shot glass and set the flask down on the table. "That night I saw you in the ranks, I knew you could rise to great things. You didn't let me down." He pushed the flask over to me and leaned back in his chair. "The rest is yours. Consider it I gesture of good faith and hope that you continue to improve along with the others."

I grabbed the flask and ran my thumb along the smooth exterior. I debated drinking some more of it but decided against it for now, standing up to retrieve a few more glasses. One for each of the other soldiers and officers. One by one I poured a small amount of the drink into the glasses, making sure to leave a little for myself in the container.

The commander just watched silently as I dolled out the glasses with the respective drink in them, first back to the the commander, then to the captain, Hanji, Petra, Erd, Gunter, Auruo, and then even Moblit.

"Then consider _this_ my way of saying thank you. I can't do everything on my own. Hell, I feeel like I can barely move at the moment. I've had to rely on each of you in one form or fashion since joining, both the Corp and the squad. Moblit on the other hand, well, I just feel sorry for you. Having to deal with Hanji's eccentrics all day every day." A few laughs were heard around as I sat back down in my chair. "So for that, cheers." I said, raising the flask while the others raised their glasses.

"Cheers."


	23. Fade Out

**A/N: As expected, Celica got drunk and Levi... well, he can't. Erwin has a little heart to heart with him about the more recent events and sheds a little light on it in his own way. Maybe if Levi would stop being so stubborn... but then, it's him we're talking about.**

 **More exciting stuff is just around the corner so please keep reading. And don't forget to favorite, follow, and or review if you like the story. I always look forward to your feedback. Don't be afraid to PM me either with your thoughts if you don't want to post it publicly. Love you guys, Ciao.**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The night continued on with more drinking and merriment by the majority of the group, the few exceptions being myself and the captain. All those shots hit me like a freight train all at once and I felt myself swaying in my seat. I didn't dare to stand, guessing that I would probably crumple to the floor immediately. The conversation had started to die off as one by one people fell unconscious or asleep in the room. Sleep didn't seem like a bad idea now that I thought about it. It would probably remedy the world spinning around me.

However my vertigo only increased when I shut my eyes. I felt the bile rise into my throat but choked it down, clasping a hand over my mouth. Not here, not now, not ever would I puke from drinking too much. I opened my eyes a little and searched the room, hoping to find something other than alcohol. Food or water, it didn't matter. I had had my fill for the night and attempted to stand on shaky legs.

Just like I had predicted, my legs gave way, but I didn't land hard on the ground like I had expected to. I felt an arm wrap around my back and another pick me up from under my legs. The sudden motion threw my world upside down and I shut my eyes again, hoping to will it to a stand still. I felt myself being carried somewhere but I was too out of my own loop to ask questions.

 _"You drank way too much."_ A voice said and I hummed a soft response, clinging to whatever was carrying me away.

"World... spinning." I choked out, curling up into myself.

 _"Well that's what you get for not knowing your own limit."_ I didn't have the energy to respond.

I very well knew my limit, or so I had thought but I had never had a drink like that before and so many at once on top of it. Even now in my alcohol induced haze, I knew tomorrow would not be pleasant. I had never had a hangover yet but after a night like tonight, I figured that it would be almost impossible to not have one when I woke up next.

"Just let me enjoy it this once..." I told the voice before slipping away in the warmth and comfort that enveloped me.

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

By the time the second barrel was halfway empty, people were dropping like flies, passing out in chairs and on tables alike. Surprisingly, Valkihar was still conscious, barely. Her head swayed though her body stayed still as she laid back in her chair, legs propped up in an empty seat. If I left her as is, I would never heard the end of her complaining tomorrow.

She shifted in her chair, bringing her legs down slowly, a glassy look in her eyes. Damn brat was still trying to move? I sat down my glass on a nearby table and saw her trying to steady herself on a nearby surface. Her legs gave out under her and I moved, catching her against me before she could fully collapse. She closed her eyes on pure instinct as I scooped her up into my arms.

"Troublesome brat." I muttered as her head hit against me, her body going limp in my grasp. Looks like she's done for the night I noted, somehow getting the door to the hallway open and propping it open as I headed out. Valkihar groaned softly as I carried her away from the drunken mess of bodies in the other room.

"You drank way too much." I stated as she grasped the front of my shirt. Though the rest of her laid limply against me, her grip was just as strong as ever.

"World... spinning." She muttered softly, attempting to curl up her body.

"Well that's what you get for not knowing your own limit." I retorted.

She had even said that she was a lightweight before hand. Did she really think she could keep up with the rest of us? Even I had a good buzz going still despite the amount of alcohol I took in. I had found at some point that getting drunk was likely impossible, given that I could keep up with Moblit without even batting an eye. By the time he finally passed out, I could still be going strong. In truth, I had decided to stop counting after eighteen tonight. Counting only took any enjoyment I had in drinking away.

Valkihar made another sound, clinging only tighter to me as we made our way through the halls.

"Just let me enjoy it this once..." She stated before falling silent once more. Her grip loosened and her arm fell slack, finally passing out for the night. I sighed to myself.

"You _must_ be out of it to start making demands of me." As always, I had prepared some sort of derogatory name to spit at people like her but it fell silent against my lips. She wouldn't be able to hear it anyways so why bother?

I stopped, carefully fishing out my key to the room and unlocking it before lightly kicking it open, bringing the sleeping girl in with me. I nudged the door back closed and laid Valkihar down on the bed on her back. I took off her boots and jacket carefully, setting them aside. As if I would approve of dirty footwear on my pristine sheets.

I fetched a glass of water and set it down on the nightstand, shifting her body into an upright position. She slumped against me as I shook her gently, trying to rouse her into conscious. She hummed softly before blinking a couple times, trying to focus her eyes.

"Heichou?" She spoke softly, rubbing her eyes gently as I reached for the glass and brought it to her lips.

"Drink. You'll thank me later." She weakly tried pushing my hand away. "It's water. Just drink." I told her. She laid her hand on mine, guiding the glass the rest of the way to her mouth. She drank a few sips before pushing it back. "Come on, at least get a little more down." She shook her head slightly, her eyes fluttering shut once again.

"I don't feel good." She moaned, leaning in to me.

"You'll feel even worse in the morning if you don't re hydrate. Don't be a brat and just listen to me for once." She pried her eyes open a little to look back up at me. The beer blush on her face was in full force, her skin seeming to glow in the dimness of the room. She reached for the glass and took it from me, sipping on it slowly while managing to down at least half before handing it back to me.

"Well, that's a start." I muttered, setting the glass back down on the nightstand. She shrugged out of my arms, grunting softly as she settled onto her side. "Get some rest. You'll get the full ear full in the morning, regardless of how hungover you are or not."

My words fell on deaf ears however as Valkihar was already out once more. I pulled the covers over her before sitting on the edge of the bed next to her. I wondered if this was how it was going to be from now on; just letting time pass by as I watched her sleep every night. It seemed wrong, especially now. I didn't think to take her to her own room but instead, I had brought her to mine. She made use of the bed that I had spent lying awake in for countless nights one right after another.

I slipped off the edge of the bed, deciding that the floor was much more appealing at the moment. I tucked a knee to my chest and laid the other out in front of me, letting my forehead hit my knee. What the fuck was I doing anymore? Whenever she became involved, something in me changed. I treated her differently, even I saw that much but I couldn't explain it.

I heard a soft knock on the door but didn't bother moving. The door cracked open and Erwin's peered in through the doorway.

"I thought you had already passed out, old man." I stated. Erwin smirked and came in, shutting the door behind him.

"Not quite." He looked over at Valkihar passed out in the bed and then back down to me. "Why didn't you take her back to her own room? Petra's knocked out back in the lounge so it's not like she'll be disturbed."

"Exactly. I need to keep a close eye on her. I don't need her trying to do anything stupid or rash while she's drunk like this. She's injured enough as it is. Besides, I figured out what her punishment is going to be." Erwin gave me a thoughtful look before sitting next to me.

"Which is...?" He asked.

"While she's healing, she won't leave my sight. I can't trust her on her own to take care of herself. I learned that after watching her during the expedition."

"That doesn't exactly sound like a punishment Levi."

"Oh believe me, when I'm done with her, I won't have to worry about her defying any more of my orders and I won't get any lip out of her either."

"And how do you plan to do that without hindering her healing progress?" Erwin question, lifting an a large eyebrow at me.

"The same way I always do. Fear and intimidation. Demeaning her could also work in this case. I'll also get a temporary maid out this at some point so it's like killing two birds with one stone."

"Levi..." His tone lowered into one of warning. "Soldiers aren't toys. She's a living and breathing human being just like the rest of us. This method you propose could backfire tremendously. You finally got her to come out her shell and now your talk could toss her right back into it."

"Don't worry. This way, even if she does, it should only be around me. It shouldn't affect the way she treats the others, if anything, it will give them something to bond over. Give them a come enemy; ironic really." I explained. Erwin shook his head sternly.

"I don't approve."

"You don't have to. Just sit back and watch the results."

Erwin pinched the bridge of his nose as Valkihar shifted in her sleep and started groaning in pain. I stood up and turned her turn onto her back, one of her hands grasped her side as the other reached out for something. I sighed and grabbed the wrist of her outstretched hand, stilling her movements almost immediately.

"Lay still and get some proper rest, brat." I muttered, setting her arm back down across her body.

"S-sorry, Levi Heichou." She muttered in her sleep before falling silent once again, her small labored breaths being the only sound left in the room. I huffed out my own small breath of air as I sat back down.

"Petra sleeps too soundly to keep her still like this. It's not like I sleep a lot so I don't really have to give up anything to do at least this much." I explained.

"Now I see..." He remarked, a smile overtaking his face.

"Mind explaining what it is that you mean?" He studied me carefully for a moment before looking back at Valkihar.

"You're growing attached." He said in an a-matter-of-fact tone, his smile only growing. "I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"Quit talking shit, Erwin. It doesn't suit you at all." I stated and he smirked, looking over at me.

"Forgive me but... this girl could very well be your undoing Levi." He spoke and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sure, you make sure to take care of the soldiers at the end of the day, but you went well out of your way for her today."

"Nonsense. Any one would have done what I have for her." I said, curling my arms around my leg and resting my chin on my knee.

"Because everyone cares about Celica? Despite her tendency to keep people at least a good arms length away at almost all times. And it seems that-"

"Dont. You. Dare." I cut him off, glaring at him from the corner of my eye. His smirk only returned to his face and he continued his thought.

"You care about her too. More so than you want others to think. Maybe even Celica too." A dead silence passed between us as the air grew stifling around me.

"What the hell would you know?" I gripped the sleeves of my shirt as I replayed his words in my head.

"I've been in love once Levi, I know what it looks like." He sighed softly and tilted his head up, obviously reminiscing about the past. "Marie. There will never be girl who could crack my heart like her." His face turned into a more serious once before looking over at me.

"You're starting to crack, Levi. She's somehow getting to you." He let out a small huff of breath, a small smile creeping onto his face. "Color me impressed."

"She's an annoying and troublesome brat. Nothing more." I stated, my tone growing cold.

"But nothing less either." Erwin pointed out. "I'm not saying you're in love with her, _yet_."

"Watch it, old man." I warned.

"I'm saying that you at least care about her, if not 'like' her. It's a step. One that could either lead to a small glimpse of your own personal paradise or utter and complete heart ache. Which one it leads to depends solely on you because, let's be honest here, she doesn't push you away like she has the others."

"Because she knows I'll kick her ass if she tries." I stated. "She's scared of me, I know that for a fact. She even said it herself."

I felt my heart sink into my stomach just from saying those words. Normally I would chalk up a person's fear of me as a win in my book but for Valkihar, it was the opposite. It hurt and I didn't know why. Erwin's eyebrows quirked up for a moment, his face looking puzzled.

"And you heard her say this yourself?" I nodded.

"Straight from her own lips." How could I forget what she said in her sleep that night? Those words seared themselves into my memory like a hot branding. Hot and painful until everything else numbed around it, leaving only a diminished ache that throbbed every time I saw her sleeping face since then.

His face grew reserved for a moment before I continued, hiding away that memory under more meaningless words.

"Besides, you may have forgotten during this little lecture of yours but I don't exactly have the capacity for 'love'. For anything or anyone."

"You love cleaning." He stated. I shook my head.

"No, I clean for other reasons. I 'like' cleaning because I 'like' having a clean place to reside in. I don't 'love' anything. Never have and never will." Erwin just shrugged and exhaled a breath before standing back up.

"Whatever you say, Levi." He made his way to the door and opened it slightly. "Just... do us both a favor then and don't get too wrapped up in her if you truly feel that way."

With that, he closed the door securely behind him as he left. I quickly got up and locked the door, throwing the dead bolt in place as well before slumping against the door. I soaked in his words as I stood there trembling in anger at his brazen assumptions.

"Damn it all..." I whispered under my breath as I turned and let my back slid down the door, curling my knees to my chest and burying my face in my arms.

This was bad if Erwin had gotten to me as well. I noted the sleeping girl still in the same spot I had left her and ran a hand through my hair. I had to stop this; somehow, someway. I thought for a moment before it finally hit me.

Auruo and her were always at ends, rarely speaking to each other and mean when they did speak. They didn't meld well like her and the others did and it seemed that they truly hated each other at times. That's what I needed to do. I had to get her to hate me, down to the very marrow of her bones. I tried being nice and this is where it got me.

I stood up and moved back to the side of the bed, cocking my head to the side as I continued to watch Valkihar to sleep. I brushed the hair out of her face and tucked it behind her ear, stroking her cheek lightly. She whimpered in her sleep as she leaned into the touch subconsciously.

This girl was coming undone before me, slowly but surely. And now that Erwin had pointed it out, I saw myself slipping as well. I sighed softly thinking about whether or not I actually could pull this off. I wondered about what would be worse; her dying because she failed to listen to me or having her alive and well hating me everyday.

I debated for what seemed like forever before I made my final decision.

When the dawn brings the new day upon us, Valkihar will see with it, a different person than the one who had laid her to sleep that night. However somewhere inside, I knew that this hurt. Both of us.

My eyes trailed to her lips as I leaned down, taking her in relaxed form.

 _"Just let me enjoy it this once."_

I leaned in, stopping myself last minute, planting a chaste kiss on her forehead instead. I closed my eyes tightly as my brows furrowed in frustration. I can't... I don't have the slightest clue as to what I'm doing anymore. I can't fall head first into this. Into her. Not if I want her to live to see the end of this bitter battle beyond the walls.

I forced myself away from her and curled up into a chair in the corner sighing. I was a stranger in my own room. It felt so unnatural; just like the fluttering in my chest that refused to subside until I eventually fell asleep that night.


	24. Passive Aggressive

**A/N: For those of you who have paid attention to the story then you shouldn't be confused by this chapter at all. For those you of who don't, you may find yourself in Celica's shoes. Hopefully I don't lose too many of yall because of this but I promise that it's all for good reason. Have fun!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

My head's pounding. I haven't even opened up my eyes yet and it's already way too bright. I pulled the covers over my head and curled up, groaning as I held my throbbing head. Wait a minute, sheets?

My eyes shot open and sure enough a thin white sheet covered my whole body, the day's light seeping through it. When did I make it to bed? I thought hard, trying to remember the night from before. My memories were hazy and the more I tried to think the more my head hurt. I pushed the sheet away little, the bright light hitting my eyes immediately and cringed, shutting them tight once again. A pain in my torso ran through me like wildfire. That's right, my ribs were cracked and it was hard to move.

I heard a rustling over in the corner of the room and pried my eyes open despite the brightness. A silhouette formed from the haze of white before shape started to form around it. Light reflected off of flawlessly pale skin as cloth flowed away and down a pair of strong arms, hurting my eyes even more but I couldn't tear away from the sight. Slowly more detail worked it's way in and I saw scars and marks left after years of 3DMG use, feeling my jaw drop. A mess of short black hair turned back to me as crude grey eyes met mine.

"You're awake. And here I thought I would have time to at least change before you did." Captain Levi spoke as deft fingers worked on his belt. "If you're going to keep staring at least close your mouth."

I felt a heavy blush descend onto my face before quickly pulling the covers over my head once more, panic setting in. Why the hell was the captain here? Was I in his room or mine? If I was in my room then why would he be changing clothes so casually? I had to be in his room. But why had I been staring? Better yet, what the hell was going on? What happened last night to cause this situation in the first place?

My highly sensitive ears caught the sound of movement around the room. Clothes rustling, drawers being opened and closed, along with more rustling. Curiosity took over as I peered over the top of the sheet, watching as the captain shrugged on a white button up and tucked it in. My blush worsened as he popped the collar and slowly buttoned it up, seeing the ripples of toned flesh beneath the white fabric.

"Have you no shame?" I asked meekly. Though I was sure that my voice came out soft, hearing it caused my head to pound even worse. Or that could just be from my rising heart rate. Who knew anymore? The captain scoffed at me as he fished a cravat from the drawer and laid it around his neck.

"You're one to talk. Why should I have any shame changing in my own room? Shouldn't you be the one keeping their eyes to themselves?" He questioned coldly.

So I really was in his room. But I couldn't think of why? What happened last night? I couldn't remember for the life of me though. Had something happened last night outside of the drinking with the group last night?

Immediately my mind was flooded with images and possibilities, most of which refused to fully form due to the lewd content coupled with them. My face heated back up and I hid it under the sheets once again. There was no way that would happen. Especially with the captain at that. There had to be another reason I was here. I glanced down at my body and saw that my blouse was partially undone and my pants were gone.

My breath hitched, my ribs protesting from the deep breath but I welcomed the pain. It meant that I was awake and I wasn't dreaming, which only made the situation even more confusing all the while. Where the hell were my pants anyways? I peered back out and saw them lying on the floor next to the bed, immediately retreating into my little temporary safe space, my mind racing.

He wouldn't touch me like that, I told myself, no one would.

Eld's face flashed in my mind. That predatory look on his face said it all. Well, maybe not 'no one', I thought. Either way, I doubt that thing could have happened. It would be practically impossible for that to happen with my ribs in their current state. I pushed the raging thoughts out of my mind when I heard the captain speak up again.

"You don't remember a thing about last night, do you?" I pulled the cover off of my face but continued to lay there, forcing my eyes anywhere else but on him.

"No, not really." I responded and he walked over and knelled over me, a dark look in his eyes.

"Looks like that's not all you've forgotten." He stated as I frantically searched my mind for any clue to figure out what the hell you were talking about. Then I remember the pain, my cheek stinging in pain yesterday when he slapped me.

"Sorry, Heichou. I'll be quiet now." I gave my final response remembering that he had given me explicit instructions to not speak unless given permission. I figured I was already breaking that rule and looked away as he continued to stare me down. He sighed and turned away to finish dressing. I sat up slowly in the bed, bringing my knees close to my chest while making sure that my lower half was still covered.

"Shut up, brat." He spat. "Though I guess you deserve to know what happened last night though given your..." He turned back at me with the same dark eyes, a small smirk creeping up onto his face. "Condition."

My face flushed a dark red and I reached down for my pants, clutching them close to me. He had to be pulling my chain. There was no way this was real. I was sure of it. I had a tendency to strip in the middle of the night if I fell asleep before changing out of uniform. It seemed like the most logical reason so I went with it.

Still, some part of me, probably the hungover part, doubted myself. His smirk hadn't disappeared though by the time I looked back at him.

"You look confused. I thought you would have figured it out by now." His voice held a hint of amusement as he leaned against the wardrobe, crossing his arms. "Or are you just that dense?" He was getting a kick out of this but for me, I felt my insides turn as the slickness of his words. "That is not a rhetorical question, Valkihar"

I swallowed hard before meeting his gaze full on.

"I don't think that would happen, Heichou. Even if I was drunk." I stated, a buzz of doubt eating at me from the back of my mind.

"Are you so sure about that?" He questioned, his smirk never leaving his face. I froze for a moment, wondering if there was another piece I was missing to this. Maybe he really was just leading me on but maybe, in my hungover state, I just didn't want to believe it.

"I'll bite. What really _did_ happen last night then?"

He walked over and sat next to me on the edge of the bed, his irises turning so dark they almost looked black. He smoothed my hair down with a gentle hand, caressing my cheek as he tucked my hair behind my ears.

"You were so restless last night. You just couldn't seem to keep still no matter what I did, or quiet for that matter." I felt my face pale as he spoke; leaning in he touched his forehead to mine. "You weren't happy unless I was touching you. Such a needy brat."

He didn't pull away and only leaned in closer, moving his hand to tilt my chin up. Barely an inch remained between our faces as I felt his warm breath wash over me, his intoxicating smell seeping into my core and causing an unknown ache.

"Would you regret it, being with me?" He inquired. "Would it truly be that bad? Giving yourself in your entirety to a single person? Trusting them explicitly with your care even if only for one night?"

His low and sultry voice had a surprising effect on me as I wished nothing more than to close the space between our lips at that moment. My heart beat erratically as it threatened to leave the confines of my chest. Did we really...?

"Would that really be so bad?" He repeated.

"I can't regret what I don't remember, Levi Heichou." I stated, willing myself to not give into my instincts and in to him. He made a soft sound as the corner of his mouth quirked back up, a dangerous look entering his eyes; primal and lustful.

"Too bad, your loss." He remarked, pulling away and leaving me in my stupor, slipping on his boots and jacket. "Stay here and rest. The others are probably still knocked out and I mean to collect them. If nothing else but to get them back to their own rooms."

He made his way for the door, opening it and slipping out for a moment before poking his head back in.

"And if you leave this room, I shouldn't have to tell you what kind of punishment I'll have to inflict on you when I get my hands back on you. Got it?"

I nodded my head slowly, tucking my head down and my hair slipping out of place to curtain my face. He nodded back and shut the door behind him, the latch clicking into place.

I brought my hands to my face to hide my shame and embarrassment. It was useless however, there was no one left in the room except for myself. I peered between my fingers, catching my reflection in the mirror that hung on the wall across from me. The same one that I gazed at the captain through the last time I came to his room. Those eyes of his were... absolutely captivating at times.

I looked at my red face and took a painfully deep breath. Why did he always do this to me? Always leaving me a pathetic and utter mess.

 _"When's the last time you got any real action?"_ Eld's voice appeared from a memory of last night. _'Or have you even been with someone like that before?"_

 _"Actually, no. I haven't."_ I told him, but now, I wasn't quite sure anymore of that answer for some reason. The seeds of doubt had been properly sowed into my mind and I curled into myself.

If I did, I at least wished that I could remember it. Even if I didn't and the captain was lying, it would be a cruel trick indeed.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

I held her carefully in my arms, daring myself to get closer. She was so vulnerable and the way her face flushed completely red was a magnificent sight indeed.

"Would you regret it, being with me?" I had asked. "Would it truly be that bad? Giving yourself in your entirety to a single person? Trusting them explicitly with your care even if only for one night?"

It was a weighted question obviously but it needed to be asked. I meant it as a way to judge her reaction to the thought of trusting someone that closely at all. Without trust, how did I expect someone to follow the orders I needed done without question? But if I could convince her that she had let me have my way with her last night and accept it with no regrets, then maybe I could use this to my own advantage. However, I knew my logic was tainted. It still didn't make much sense to me either but I was set in my resolve.

I didn't outright say we had done anything but she caught on fast to my bait. Hook, line, and sinker. If she would trust me that much, then there was progress that could made. I could form her back into a respectable subordinate somehow, one way or another, but part of me had an ulterior motive. A feeling that I had long thought suppressed began to rise; lust and desire for human touch.

I tucked her hair back into place so I could see her face fully. Her eyes bore so many emotions that I couldn't distinguish all of them but I could name a few... Confusion, obvious embarrassment, hurt, and even possibly, longing. I did catch her staring at me after all, maybe it made a bigger impact than I originally thought.

"Would that really be so bad?" I asked her again and she finally gave a response.

"I can't regret what I don't remember, Levi Heichou." I felt another smirk pull at lips and I debated whether or not to push this farther.

I could already see in the conflict deep inside her and decided to pull away. That was enough torture for now. I had plenty of time, so why rush?

"Too bad, your loss." I stated, feeling my own conflict rise in my chest. If she had wanted more at that moment then she wasn't the only one, I thought as I finished dressing in my boots and jacket.

I told her to stay put for while I was gone and of course threatened her if in case I found that she had done differently. Closing the door behind me, I stood there for another moment to say what I couldn't in front of her.

"Be a good girl, Celica." Her name was foreign and yet sweet on my lips as I spoke it.

 _"Don't get too wrapped up in her."_ Erwin had told me last night. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose lightly.

"It might be too late for that old man." I said to myself before heading to the lounge.

* * *

Reaching the lounge, I found Hanji was the only one who had woken from their drunken sleep.

"I didn't think you would be awake yet." I stated while she grabbed her head with both hands groaning.

"It's too early for this." She muttered softly, her glasses left askew on the top of her head and her hair was a rumpled mess.

"Damn right." I took a seat across from her and perched my feet up on the side of the table.

"Where's Celica? I don't see her anywhere. Did she make it to bed before passing out last night?" Hanji questioned, laying her head on the table.

"More or less." I didn't feel like explaining the situation quite yet and Hanji would proceed to flip shit on me.

"What do you mean?" She questioned, looking up at me with glassy eyes.

"Don't worry about it. She's fine." I reassured her, hoping that she would drop the subject.

"Levi..." She warned. "Where is she?" I sighed internally. Even hungover she was still sharp.

"Safe and sound still in bed last I checked."

" _Whose_ bed? _Yours or hers_? _"_

She narrowed her eyes at me. Sina, this woman was more like a mother hen than anything when it came to that brat. I regarded her with silence for a moment, debating whether to tell her or not.

"Does it matter? She slept in a bed instead of passing out in a hard chair. Would you rather of had me leave her where she was?" I questioned and she pulled her glasses into place, readjusting them briefly before sitting up.

"I trust nothing happened then. You aren't anywhere near stupid enough to try anything with her in the condition she's in. Let alone, drunk. Right?" She laced her fingers together in front of her face, staring me down with malicious intent.

"Nothing happened. But that doesn't mean that _she_ knows that." I stated, feeling a smirk pull at my lips. This little situation with Valkihar was going to be very entertaining over the forseable future.

"Then what _did_ you do to make her think that? And why?"

"I didn't have to do much actually. She doesn't remember a thing about last night. All I did was plant a few seeds of doubt and took advantage of the surroundings." I explained. "As for why, I don't need to explain that to you. My reasons are good enough though, not that it's any of your business."

"Levi..." Hanji growled out. "You're a sick and twisted fuck if you think that making her believe she slept with you would reap anything positive." A whistle fell from my lips as I buried my smirk on the inside for now.

"So intimidating." I mocked. "And here I thought you were incapable of having a mean bone in your body."

"I'm serious. I've never fully understood your methods but this seems a bit... far, for you. Manipulating a girl's feelings... and for what? Your personal amusement because you can't admit you like her with a straight face?"

Finally, Hanji struck a nerve. I clenched my fists, my eyes growing cold and ruthless.

"How I decide to handle my soldiers in none of your concern. Erwin has already given me the go ahead despite not knowing all of the details. Besides, this is only part of her punishment."

"Psychological torture? Is that you're after? What Celica did does not quite warrant-"

"Yes it does." I cut her off, my rage building after remember EXACTLY why I was doing this to Valkihar. "She defied a direct order and damn near got herself killed over it. If I hadn't intervened, we would of had to bring home another body instead of that broken shell of a person that she was when we reentered the walls."

Hanji fell silent, whatever that was going through her mind at the time finally clicking into place.

"She's grown reckless and I can't have that. Someone needs to remind her of who is actually in charge here. I need to remind her who exactly she _belongs_ to."

She remained silent for another moment, thoughts flickering behind those dazed eye of hers. It looked as if something was on the tip of her tongue but she refused to say it. However, I had a pretty good idea of what she was wanting to say.

 _'She doesn't belong to you.'_ Oh, but yes, she does. If she doesn't know it now, she will soon.

"Levi... I'm not saying she's helpless or fragile. She's rather capable but... I'm begging here, you _can't_ fuck this up. Celica respects you and might even look up at you. There's more at play here than the usual. Feelings are a very real thing and messing with them can have very real consequences."

I sat there silent for a moment, dwelling on Hanji's words. I knew what she was saying was true. Maybe I had to rethink my strategy. No, I was already committed to it and I was going to follow through with it. Whatever happens later, let it. I was no stranger to consequences and trade offs. As long as Valkihar straightened out, why should anyone care about how it happens?

"I know what I'm doing Hanji. Drop it."

"Do you really now? Because it seems to me, due to your... inexperience, you're stumbling around in the dark on this one." She stated as she slowly rose from her chair and left me alone with the others that remained passed out still.


	25. Half Hearted Lie

**A/N: I've noticed lately that I'm not popping out chapters like I used to. I have so many plans and ideas but can't fit them into keystroke lately. This one was SOOOOO tough to write, I thought I would never get it finished into what I needed.**

 **Anyways, starting from this chapter forwards, I'll probably stop updating everyday and try for one every 2 or 3 days. My back up plan is at least one a week though so please don't think I've abandoned my dearest readers. I love you all too much to do that.**

 **As for the content of this chapter... It's a deciding moment of change indeed. With all the new found outward emotions that Celica is expressing now, it's difficult for her to shift through it all. However, Levi's way of 'correcting' her might just backfire after all. Ciao for now!**

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

Returning to the room, I found Valkihar safely tucked inside fully dressed and sitting on top of the bed. It appeared that she had attempted to at least straighten out the sheets, the sight being far from the normal expectation of a "made" bed. I felt a small smile pull at my lips but forced back, keeping it to myself as I shut the door behind me.

"You're still here." I commented and she just looked at me blankly for a moment before dropping her head.

"You told me to stay here." Was her only reply.

"Well, you listened. That's a start." I remarked, noting the redness had faded from her face. "Hanji's up, she can probably give you another once over if you want." She shrugged her shoulders, curling her knees tighter to her chest.

"I doubt anything has changed over night. Maybe in a couple more days."

"But obviously _something_ has." I stated, a faint blush crossing across her face. That look on her face said it all. But was it really that easy to persuade her into believing that? I'd have to remember how foolishly gullible she was for another time.

"Perhaps, but like I said, I can't remember."

"Right." I muttered. "Come on, you're going to see Hanji anyways. She's up in arms about you 'disappearing' last night and you need new bandages. All that tossing and turning has got them all out of sorts, right?"

Her hand instinctively touched at her side, feeling the bandages out of place. I could see for myself though that the fabric pooled loosely under her shirt. Was she still that dazed to have not yet noticed?

She nodded and slowly moved towards the edge of the bed.

"Can you walk on your own?" I questioned as her feet touched the floor. She thought for a moment before attempting to stand and falling back onto the bed, her knees giving way. You have to activate your core to stand enable to stand up on your own, whether or not you realize it. She cringed as she landed on the soft sheets, gripping at her sides. "Apparently not." I remarked, fetching her boots from beside the doorway.

"Guess we over did it last night, don't you think?"

She turned her head away from me but I could still see the blush running along the edge of her and into her ears. Even though her blush had seemed never ending since she woke up, I would take that over the endless tears she had seemed to shed over the past week. Her emotions were getting easier to read since her walls had crumbled. This new version of her that I kept seeing though, it resembled a hormone crazed teenage girl. The hormones in question however being adrenaline and raw uncorked anger and hurt instead.

I didn't know if it infuriated me from her sudden lack of maturity and self control or if it excited me. Honestly, it was probably a little bit of both. After learning a little bit more about her last night, more than I probably needed to hear, part of me could see why she was reacting this way. A virgin at twenty two and in the corps with no love life previously to speak of, it's no wonder I had worked her up so easily. I couldn't say anything though. I was in the same boat with her in this case.

The underground where I grew up was cruel and filthy. I saw first hand how relationships and partnerships were conducted and it sickened me. It was always a physical use of a body where emotions like love and compassion were never present. Even my own birth was just a result of an unfortunate mistake caused by a lust driven and deprived excuse of a man. Needless to say the thought of sex and 'relationships' never appealed to me; I didn't want any part of it.

A pained sound snapped me out of my train of thought as she pushed herself up slowly. Her face dropped as I knelt at the side of the bed, slipping a boot on for her.

"I- I can do that myself." She stuttered and I glared up at her.

"You can barely sit up on your own nor can you stand without assistance. So I doubt you can lean over and put even more pressure on your ribs to get your boots on properly." A defeated and exasperated look appeared on her face, the conflicting emotions seeping out against her will.

"Sorry." She uttered meekly and as I placed the other boot on her.

"Tch. Shut up, brat." I spat, standing up a little to throw one of her arms around my neck to pull her up to her feet. She groaned with the sudden movement, finding her footing quickly as I held her wrist with one hand and the other snaked around her back and to her side to steady her. I stood with her for a moment before she gave a brief nod of her head, instructing that it was okay to move.

I helped carry her to Hanji's office, where she was most likely to retreat even during a hangover. I didn't knock but simply opened the door and pulled Valkihar in with me.

"Celica!" Hanji jolted up and ran over to her as I sat her down on the sofa against the wall. She cringed and placed her hands over her ears.

"Still hungover... please don't yell quite yet Hanji." She muttered before the titan crazed freak sat next to her.

"Sorry. I forget some people don't recover as fast as I do." She stated, laying a hand on the girl's head. "Need new bandages already?"

Valkihar nodded and Hanji stood back up to fetch the wrappings.

"Levi, do you mind stepping out for a moment?" She asked, glancing back in my direction.

"I don't see why. What's there left to see anyways?" I retorted, immediately feeling the heat come from Valkihar's face as she blushed. Even now it was amusing to say the least. "Besides, her punishment dictates that I stay here. She isn't to leave my sight." Contradictory to my own words though, I walked to stand in front of the window, placing my back both of them. It gave me something else to focus on at least as my mind wandered to places where it didn't belong.

Hanji sighed, holding the bandages in her hands while looking to the seated girl.

"Celica?"

I also looked back to her, watching as her unsure and vulnerable eyes met with mine while she bit her lip absentmindedly. Liquid fire ran through my core before coiling lower, my body automatically tensing and catching my breath for an instant. Shit, with a look like that, makes me wish it wasn't a lie after all. No one had looked at me like that. It riled me up inside in the most foreign of ways and I couldn't look at her anymore, guilt eating at me from the inside.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I thought for a moment, unsure of what to say and if my words would give anyways something to Hanji.

 _'Be blunt. Be honest.'_ A voice whispered from the back of my mind.

It was easy in theory, but only in theory. I was treading on eggshells around the captain as it was. I didn't need to go and say the wrong thing again but I was confused in my lack of memories and the throbbing pain in my chest. The words fell from my mouth as I spoke.

"I can't order Levi Heichou to do anything so I guess it's fine. Taking away my choice seems to be part of my punishment." That's it, I thought, just play it out. Play it cool. But most importantly, don't let them back in.

Captain Levi's body straightened and tensed, his hands on the windowsill clutching tightly to the wooden lining. _Fuck._ Hanji glared at him out of the corner of her eye before sitting next to me again.

"Levi has... informed me of such. The 'not leaving his side' part anyways." Hanji stated, her voice straining. "It sounds like that's not just all though. Did something else happen?"

Her dark eyes met with mine and a shiver ran up my spine. I had never thought that she could be truly intimidating until then, not even when she cornered me on the expedition to 'talk'.

"Not... really." I felt the lie fall apart on my lips as soon as I went to speak it. I saw the threatening look in her eyes as she turned back to the captain who remained stoically silent.

"I honestly can't believe you would do this to her, Levi." She snarled out at a volume barely over a whisper. She knew.

Her eyes shut tightly for a moment before taking a deep breath and undoing the buttons of my shirt. She unwound the lose fabric from around my torso, her movement jerking on the strips a little and causing me to flinch from the sudden pressure of the readjustments. Her eyes suddenly softened looking back at me.

"Sorry." She muttered. "Do you remember anything after leaving the lounge last night?" I shook my head softly.

"I can barely remember a thing after that brandy hit my system. Even a few things from before then gets blurry. I don't even remember moving from my chair." I explained, shame from my inability to hold my liquor washing over me. Hanji sighed a rubbed the top of my head.

"You'll know better next time." She stated as she checked my bruising.

"There won't be a next time. Not if I can't remember anything the night of. Especially since..." My voice trailed off, my body tensing without expectation. _Especially since I might have slept with Levi Heichou last_ _night._

Doubt crept back in, about if it was true or not. The captain was known for his honesty so what would he get out of lying to me?

Hanji's rage flared once more behind her eyes before collecting herself enough to gingerly wrap fresh bandages around me.

"Your bruising is even worse than yesterday but that's too be expected. Especially if you tossed and turned in your sleep like you normally do." Her voice was straight and reasonable but her words didn't comfort me any. "Let me ask you something, Celica. Do you believe that something else happened last night after you left the lounge? Between you and Levi?"

I froze, my mind trailing off and going blank. I already knew that Hanji didn't quite understand what 'personal space' meant but I didn't expect her to be this blunt either. Was my inner turmoil really that obvious or did she get it out of the captain earlier somehow?

But what if I was wrong? What if Captain Levi was actually lying? If he was bluffing, what could his reason be?

The metaphorical light bulb of genius blazed brightly as it dawned on me. To make me feel like he owned me or at least a piece of me.

 _"Did you forget who you're commanding officer is?"_ His words swam through my head. _"Did you forget...?" ...who you belong to?_

Just like everyone else, he wanted me to submit to him. He would beat me to the ground, blood pouring around me, and he would still expect me to follow him to the ends of the Earth. To hell itself with blind unfaltering trust.

"Don't you think that's a bit too personal of a question to be asking her?" He spoke up.

"No more so than any of the question that were asked last night." She stated, her eyes narrowing as she stared him down.

"Alcohol was involved, of course she's going to be a little more loose lipped then." He turned his head to glare back at her. "Besides, I already told you what had happened earlier. You shouldn't need to hear it from her as well so I'll say it again, Shitty Glasses. Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong and keep out of other people's business."

Hanji stood up quickly, fists clenched at her sides and mouth dropping to yell but I cut her off, grabbing her hand tightly.

"It's fine, Hanji. I don't care." I stated, feeling her flinch hard when my words reached her ears. I looked up at her with fierce and determined eyes though my hand trembled slightly.

"I told Levi Hiechou that l would accept any punishment that he deemed necessary so I have no room to complain about what he does."

"Celica..." So many emotions ran through her, each one surfacing for barely a second before changing. Anger, frustration, confusion, and then curiosity.

"Please just drop it, Hanji. Can you hurry up and finish the wrappings, please?" My voice was steady as I let go of her hand and pulled the roll of gauze back with me. "Or should I do it myself? I'm not helpless you know."

"Yeah... I know." She said quietly before gently ushering my hands away from the cloth, taking it back into her grasp so she could re-wrap my ribs. "It's not my place to ask that stuff. My bad."

Captain Levi made an annoyed sound and crossed his arms tight across his chest.

"So you'll listen to the brat but not to me?" He muttered and Hanji and him exchanged another glare between them.

"Maybe because _she_ doesn't have an superiority complex due to 'little man syndrome'." She said under her breath. The captain obviously heard it though, because his hands formed into tight fists and his usual scowl deepened.

"If you have something to say then say it to my face, bitch." He growled lowly, those grey irises of his darkening and becoming sharp like blades.

"Hanji, Levi Heichou, enough please." My voice finding the courage to speak before I realized I was say anything at all. Their gazes fell back to me, Hanji backing back down but the captain's look didn't falter. My blood ran cold as he stared me down from across the room but slowly, it seemed to boil in my veins the longer he looked at me. My face threatened to flush and I averted my eyes.

 _'He'll punish you. That backbone of yours will continue to get you in trouble with him.'_ A voice said as it crept forwards from the recesses of my mind.

Let him try. There's little he can do to me and I won't let him break me. I may be under his care but I am NOT beneath him. I'll prove it to him; to everyone. Nothing and no one will break me anymore. _No one._

 _'But you gave in just now. He already knows he has you wrapped around his little finger.'_ The voice taunted.

No, he doesn't. If he thought that he had me wrapped around his finger then there would be no reason for him to do any of this. He would leave me alone and wouldn't keep me like a caged animal. He wouldn't have thought to make be believe that he had to taken anything that personal from me.

I let out a soft breath and refocused my eyes back on the captain. His eyes flickered for a moment before the corner of his mouth turned up slightly. It felt as if, once more he and I were caught in our own little bubble, until Hanji made a small snort beside me. I turned my attention to her and saw something also flash in those dark eyes behind her thick glasses. A smile curled up on her amused face.

"You've changed a lot in such a short time." She tapped my forehead gently and finishing up the wrappings. "And like always you're full of surprises."

She stood up as my brows furrowed slightly into a perplexing look. Her entire aura changed back into her spontaneous and eager usual persona, resting her hands on her hips and looking back to the captain.

"She's good for now. Just try to be a little more gentle with her from now on. Don't want her coming back with even more marks because of you." She teased while Captain Levi deepened his scowl.

"The brat needs to learn not to be so reckless in the first place then maybe I can quit having to involve myself as much." He stated, completely losing that amusement in his eyes as he turned to fully face both of us.

I quickly buttoned up my shirt, eyeing him carefully out of the corner of my vision. He jerked his head away when he noticed my hands closing my shirt and I could have swore that the tops of his ears were dusted in pink. That was a first.

"Right..." The way her eyes shone, it seemed that Hanji didn't believe his words for a moment. At least I wasn't alone in that theory as well.

I pushed myself slowly off of the sofa, planting the soles of my feet firmly against the ground to stand up while an arm wrapped around torso on instinct. I felt the stretch and pull of muscle on my ribs as felt my head blur in the pain. Hanji reached out to steady me but I threw her a look, willing the darkness to recede, my eyes burning as brightly as the liquid fire that encased my chest. She froze with out stretched arms and I finally stood up on both feet, leaned over but on my feet regardless.

"Thanks for rewrapping me but I'm fine. I don't need your help to stand now, Hanji." My stubbornness was starting to get the better of me. It hurt like hell to stand up straight on my own but I was already tired of being doted on. As long as I had strength to fight, in one form or fashion, that's exactly what I would do.

Footsteps moved and I saw the captain take a couple more steps towards me before stopping, my eyes meeting his, firm and serious.

"I don't need your's either, Heichou." His eyes narrowed at me but he made no further moves towards me. I straightened up my back, dropping my arms back down to my sides and made a move for the door.

"Where do you think you're going?" He questioned darkly.

"My room, where else?" I didn't want to be anywhere near this man anymore. My head was swimming with a mixture of pain and anger. No one lied straight to my face and reflecting on it pissed me off to no end. At this moment, I could say that I thoroughly hated this egotistical shrimp of a man.

My eyes narrowed back at him, flames of anger seeping into my irises and I knew the captain saw it.

"I don't think so. You're not to leave my side and you will not leave until I say so." There he was again throwing orders around and expecting me to shrink back down but it wasn't happening. Not this time though.

"With all due respect, Heichou..." _FUCK OFF._ I wish I had to balls to say that to his face right then but I was content with still being alive at the moment. "I've taken up enough of both of yall's time. This babysitting thing is beneath you anyways and I need some more sleep before my headache gets any worse. So if you'll excuse me..."

I didn't see his face as I left the room and shut the door behind me. I didn't see Hanji's jaw drop to the floor like I had expected it to as I walked down the hall towards my room. I didn't see a thing as I left them behind but I did feel the chill of certain death seeping into the air around me.

A smirk worked itself to my face. If I was going to die, it was better that it be in defiance of this cruel and oppressive world; with Captain Levi being the harbinger of my own personal end.


	26. Shockwave

**A/N: Hello everyone! Chapter 25 is finally up. Things are getting kind of dramatic, if I must say so myself. Celica's lit a fire but will she be able to handle the heat that comes with it? We will see. Also, Petra is back for this chapter. It gives Celica room to vent a little before it gets any worse.**

 **I'll keep updating daily as long as I can as long I have completed chapters but I only got done with chapter 26 just now. I'm so excited for you guys to read it that I've decided to go ahead and post this one to get you riled up for the next one. I hope you guys like it. Ciao for now!**

* * *

 **HANJI'S POV**

"With all due respect, Heichou... I've taken up enough of both of yall's time. This babysitting thing is beneath you anyways and I need some more sleep before my headache gets any worse. So if you'll excuse me..."

With that, Celica left the room leaving Levi and I alone in my office. My jaw dropped slightly before I ran a hand over my face and then into my hair. Glancing over at Levi, I saw that his eyes were wide with shock as well. He clenched his fists tightly and stormed towards the door.

"Levi, don't-." I held my arms out as I blocked the door from him.

"Hanji, I'll say this once... move." He growled lowly, his eyes dark yet shining with emotion.

"I can't do that. You should have seen this coming sooner or later." I stated, lowering my arms a little.

"Not this soon and thanks to you, now-" He tried reaching for the door knob.

"You were caught in your first major lie." I cut him off, grabbing his arm to still it in place. "Learn from it and move on."

"You just expect me to let that smart ass go?!" He spat.

"For now, yes." I stated, tightening my grip on him. "You saw it too, she figured it out."

"No thanks to your damn blabbing, Shitty Glasses." He snatched his arm away from me. "I told you to stop meddling, you and Erwin both. Now look at her, she's-."

"Angry, just as she has a right to be." His brows furrowed and I crossed my arms across my chest. "If you don't want to make the situation any worse, then back off and give her some space."

He growled low in his throat and held his ground for another moment before moving back. He dropped himself onto my sofa and laid down, kicking his feet up on the edge with his arms behind his head, pouting. Sina, that man could be such a child sometimes and he was the eldest between the two of us.

"Fine." He muttered, taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. I let out my own breath I didn't realize I was holding, continuing to look at him. The normal dark circles under his eyes looked more profound that usual and his age was beginning to show.

"You're not sleeping are you? Too busy watching her sleep?"

"Not any less or more than I usually do." He stated, crossing an arm over his eyes. I chuckled softly. Of course he wouldn't admit it but his weariness was showing. Darker circles, shorter temper, slightly more pale as well. He was worried; all because of this one girl.

"You've got it bad, my friend." I teased, smirking to myself. "Just kiss her and get it over with instead of trying to control her that way."

"Shut up." He stated, drowsiness seeping into his voice.

 **CELICA'S POV**

Surprisingly enough, I made it to my room without being followed by either the captain or Hanji. Not that I was complaining. I desperately needed my own space for right to digest everything that happen; the expedition, the death, the destruction, last night's drinking rampage, Captain Levi's lie, that gorgeous body of his.

I shook my head harshly before slapping myself. Dear Sina, look at what's happened to me. Thinking like that about anyone, let alone the captain, I must be truly losing my marbles. I needed some more rest before anything else; to clear my mind at least.

Petra was in bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily as I walked in.

"When did you get here?" I asked her. She shrugged her shoulders with a confused look on her face.

"I don't know. I could have swore that I passed out in the lounge." So she was out of the loop a little as well. I guess we all had a bit too much last night. "I'm surprised that you're up yet. You had more of the harder stuff than the rest of us so I figured you'd still be in bed nursing a major hangover if not still out like a light."

I rubbed my head lightly. My head still ached but it didn't truly bother me a bunch by now, my ribs making it pale in comparison. And yet, I was walking around on my own like nothing had happened. I guess you can only feel so much pain before you start to go numb to it.

"I'm fine." I stated but those big eyes of Petra's lowered a little and a sly grin formed on her face.

"It's not your head or ribs that's hurting right now, huh?" She insinuated. I shot her a confused look before a few more flashes of memories from last night swept through me. "That's why you're up so early... sneaking out of a guy's bed the morning after. Just as I expected of you Celica, but come on, that's something that veterans of the walk of shame are used to. You couldn't swallow your pride enough for one morning of cuddles, especially with him being your first?"

My look turned into one of a cross of exasperation and annoyance, furrowing my brows and feeling my fingers twitch at her hungover accusations.

"I didn't sneak out of his room because I didn't sleep with him." I explained. Her face lit up and grew bright, driving her tired look away into oblivion as she gasped excitedly.

"So you DID leave a guy's room!" Her enthusiasm reminded me of Hanji and my head throbbed at the thought of the scene I had just left to hopefully come here and relax for once. "Who was it? You have to tell me! Was it Eld?! He was hitting on you quite a bit last night. How was it?!"

She rattled off question after question but I just couldn't keep up with her babbling.

"Petra, please, it's not like that. I wasn't with Eld and nothing happened regardless." I tried explained. I could see her train of thought immediate shift onto a set of parallel rails.

"Then why are you blushing so hard?" She asked and I looked over at a small hand held mirror Petra kept on the desk. Sure enough, I was a pretty nasty shade of red. I blamed it on the captain in it's entirety, feeling my blush worsen across my skin. Petra chuckled, smile still in place. "Please, you have to tell me.

I simply shook my head at her and laid down on my bed, feeling the tension in my chest growing as I laid a hand over my racing heart. Even though it was a lie, the effect of Captain Levi's feigned interest still lingered despite me being thoroughly pissed at him at the moment.

"I can't tell you, Petra. Sorry." I muttered and she groaned softly.

"Nothing at all?" She pleaded. I tilted my head back and looked at her upside as I laid there, sighing softly.

"What do you want to know, besides his name?" I questioned and her lit back up, her joy reaching her eyes again.

"I take it then that I know the guy?" I nodded slowly. "What _DID_ happen then? Anything juicy?"

I felt my blush return in full force just as I thought it was starting to fade.

"I don't remember leaving the lounge last night. I slept in his bed apparently but not WITH him. Not that he didn't try to convince me that we did. For whatever reason though, I can't tell."

" _REALLY?!_ " She squealed, nearly trembling with excitement. "Sounds like he's either desperate or... maybe he likes you? The liking you part though may be a long shot though. No offenese."

"Yeah, let's go with that. I didn't take him for a desperate type though." It was true what I said though. Nothing about the captain screamed 'desperate' at me. Not a single thing. He was strong and cold and stubborn but definitely not desperate in the least. Except to make me bow beneath his boot, that's all.

Just the thought re lit my flame of anger for a moment before Petra interrupted my train of thought with another question.

"But why do think he was just trying to convince you that you slept together and not that it actually DID happen?"

"Sure, some of my clothes were askew or off entirely but I tend to strip if I fall asleep in uniform, especially if I'm completely exhausted. Besides, my ribs are still freshly injured and I doubt anyone could have sex with broken ribs. No matter how gentle they were."

I thought of the captain's soft touch and caress in those moments when I felt that I needed it most but then immediately remembered his harsh and painful strikes. Though my mind was all too eager to imagine how he would be as lover in that context, I cringed and felt shameful. It was wrong, I knew that, but something felt different now. He appealed to me in ways that no other human did, let alone a man at that.

"And I highly doubt that he would be gentle when taking a woman." I said softly, hoping that my face wasn't lit up like a cherry at the thought.

"Some girls like that though. Personally, I don't think I would mind it that much." Petra commented, her own face flushing. She was probably also thinking of Captain Levi at that moment, which only made it even more painful to talk about. "Passion can't always be explain through gentle caresses and touches. Sometimes it requires something less refined to help express it."

I couldn't help the smirk that appeared on my face as I watched her get lost and caught up in her own fantasy.

"I take it you know from experience?" I asked and her eyes reopened, both of us unsure of when exactly she closed them.

"Well, I'm been with a couple of people but..." He face lit up red. "Not with... the captain if that's you're asking." Her fingers fidgeting with one another as she spoke.

"Not exactly but..." I debated whether it would be acceptable to ask. Since he was already openly in the conversation, I figured what could be the harm. It's just girl talk. "Have you ever known him to stay the night with a woman during the time you've known him?"

She thought for a moment for her eyes widened a little, her pupil's shrinking.

"Actually no, not that I've heard. But he _is_ a man after all. He has to have at some point at least." She suggested, a girlish smile appearing on her face. "Maybe one day..."

Just as I thought, Petra was once again lost in her fantasy. But just like her, I didn't think I had ever heard of him in any relationship of that sort at all since I had joined the corp either. Gossip of that man always spread like wildfire; guess it came with the title of "Humanity's Strongest". Either he had managed to keep any relations under close wraps and away from prying eyes and ears or it just didn't happen at all. If the latter was true, it only made his behavior around me all the more confusing.

"But enough about Heichou, back to your guy. Did you at least get to see anything that the usual uniform would hide from view? Get a look at what's under some of those clothes of his?"

"I guess." I stated, feeling that twist in my gut that I felt earlier in the morning with him being the first thing I saw when I woke.

"There is no 'I guess' Celica. It's a yes or no question. Come on, you're killing me over here." Oh Petra, if only you knew. I'm sure you would hate me on principle if you knew we were talking about the one and the same person. I took a breath to quiet my raging insides and told her what she wanted to hear.

"Yeah. I did." My attempts of quieting the storm raging in my stomach failed as it only gathered in intensity.

"And...?! What did you think?" She was basically on the edge of her bed, leaning in closer to hear my words.

"He..." That flawless pale skin came back into view in my head and once again left my speechless despite the marks of 3DM Gear left over the years of repeated use. Smooth like ivory with rigid yet not overly pronounced muscles taunt beneath the creamy flesh. His slim build being the only deceiving mark of the strength of his body. I swore that I even caught a glimpse of perfect abs as he looked back at me with those devilish steel grey eyes of his. Even those dark strands still resembled silk even though his hair was a complete mess.

"He's absolutely beautiful."

I was so caught up in my own train of thought that I didn't notice Petra hovering over me for a moment, wiping whatever look I had on my face clean away.

"I know that look..." She stated coyly. "Someone's infatuated already." She said, poking my forehead. Normally I would be more than a little peeved at anyone insisting such a thing but since my dream with Mikael, it remained perpetually taunting me from the back of my mind.

"Strange that you're not the only one to have said that. The other one just said that I had a crush instead though."

"Oh, so this isn't just because of last night then." Her eyes got big and innocent all of a sudden. "Who said _that_?"

I felt my face drop. It was still hard thinking that he was actually gone. Especially since I had originally thought that the whole expedition was just a dream until we had gotten back to walls.

"Mikael." I stated, her face falling as well. "Not in person though. In a dream I had while we were on the expedition. I..." I stopped myself, unsure why I had started to babble. "I didn't get the chance to tell him what I needed to before it all happened. I... came clean to him then."

"About?" She questioned.

"About something that he and Francis had asked me before the attack." I searched my vocabulary for the right words. "I didn't want to say it then but when I saw him I just... I don't know. I guess I broke, again."

Petra sat next to me on the bed and we were both silent for a moment.

"You know.." She began. "Some people believe it's actually them that come to us in dreams like that. Others think that it's your own subconscious taking their image so that we may come to terms with something about ourselves easier that way. Who knows who's right but... do you think Mikael was right?"

"Yeah, I think so." I admitted.

A small smile graced Petra's lips before she stood and walked over to the side of the bed that my feet were dangling from.

"I bet you need a shower. I'll redo your dressings when you're done if you want."

Grateful for the change of topic, I grabbed her outstretched hand and sat up slowly.

"Yeah. That would be nice."

* * *

As grateful as I was for Petra redoing my bandages earlier, by the time evening came my ribs' protests became louder and louder. I need Hanji to redo them for them and possibly get some pain pills from her. It was quite a few hours ago that the little disagreement occurred so I thought I would be safe to venture to her office again.

I knocked on the door and cautiously peeked in after not hearing a word for a good moment. Hanji was sitting in her desk and motioned me inside before putting a finger to her lips. I closed the door silently behind me while giving her a questioning look. She pointed to the sofa and I saw the captain laid out on his back fast asleep, one arm tossed over the arm of the sofa behind his head and the other hanging limply, fingertips grazing the floor.

His clothes were wrinkled and askew in his apparently restless sleep. The tail of his shirt was untucked on one side and his cravat was undone completely and threatened to slip from around his neck if he moved any more. The top few buttons of his shirt were pried open, giving more than a small glimpse of his pale skin.

I somehow had managed to pry my eyes off him long enough to move quietly to Hanji's desk as she stood up, both of us speaking in hushed tones.

"I thought it would be safe to come back here with him gone but, looks like he's _still_ here." She nodded her head, leaning in close to speak.

"He's been in and out ever since you left and after I calmed him down. I've never seen him sleep this much or this long." I glanced back over at the sleeping captain and a small smile formed across my mouth without my permission. "What are you doing back here anyways?" She asked, snapping me from my stare.

"Petra redid my bandages after I showered but it's not the same. My ribs are killing me now and I was also hoping you had any pain remedies on hand to help."

She nodded and gestured to a set of chairs next to the table across from the sofa. We each sat in one as she rearranged the bandages, the tightness of them helping my aching chest already. The captain shifted in his sleep and rolled onto his side, his back to us.

"I've also never seen him so restless either but at least he's actually sleeping for once. Sina knows when he last got a full night's rest. I fear though that just means that he won't want to sleep tonight and he'll stay up like usual." She commented, swiping a glance over at him.

"I noticed he didn't sleep much on the expedition. I woke up most of the nights and he was always awake as well in the dead of night for some reason."

"Sounds like Levi to me, and I'll put the fact that you're still waking up at night on the back burner for now." She stated. "He only gets two or three hours of sleep a night and he insists it's fine. Lately though, it's starting to show. Those dark circles under his eyes are worse than normal and normally he wouldn't just snap after being smarted at like earlier, no matter how sleep deprived he is. He normally always stays calm and delivers his 'punishment' for it at a late time."

I cringed at the thought of my next one for that little outburst. Logically, I thought I was safe from physical beatings but, I can't put anything past him. He has surprised me on more than one occasion. However in all those instances, he also surprised me with his niceness instead of his harshness.

"He's slipping but it might just be due to stress as of late. This past expedition threw us all for a loop for sure." She glanced over a huge stack of paperwork on her desk. "I'm up to my eyeballs in new research, not that I mind it much, but it will always come second when my friends need some help."

I sighed softly as a small smile crept to me my face, wincing though when she tied off the wrappings with a particularly tight knot. She muttered an apology, fastening my shirt back closed. The flash of pain that ran through me was little more than a pin prick though compared to the weight of the guilt that crushed my chest as it set in. I looked back over to the captain asleep on the sofa, watching his eyes flicker quickly behind his lids while his face bore an uncomfortable amount of displeasure across it.

"He's been dreaming vividly like that for the past half hour." She stated after she followed my line of sight. "Looks like another nightmare; and a bad one to have lasted this long."

"So even he gets them too?" I questioned softly, meaning it only for myself but Hanji nodded, her eyes still trained on the captain as he turned to face us, still fast asleep.

"He doesn't like talking about it, obviously, since he doesn't like talking about anything at all really. But yes, he gets them, quite often actually. I'm convinced that it's part of the reason he only sleeps a couple hours each night but he swears up and down that that's not the case." She sighed softly before standing. "Get comfy, it might take me a while to gather your medicine."

I nodded and Hanji walked off and out of the room to gather what she needed. Strangely enough, she didn't seem to have it here already in her office but I shoved the thought from my head as Captain Levi made a disgruntled sound in his sleep. His brows furrowed as he muttered something softly. I left my chair to move over and sit next to him on the ground, afraid of getting close enough to possibly wake him but enough to hopefully sate my curiosity.

He continued to mutter in his sleep, clenching a tight fist with a hurt look exposed on his face. Every other time I had caught him asleep before he always looked so calm and peaceful. However seeing him now caused not just my chest, but my heart itself, to ache down to the very center. Against my better judgement I reached out to him.

"Valkihar." He stated clear as day, making me freeze in place. Did I wake him that easily or was he dreaming of me? His breathing turned ragged suddenly, probably reaching the climax of his nightmare.

 _"If I stay here, do you think you could sleep any better?"_ He had asked, hearing his voice just as clear in my head. _"I can wake you if I think you're having another nightmare."_

Instead of calming him, my presence only made his dream worse. I wondered if I should show him the same kindness as he did for me that first night on the plains and attempt to wake him. I imagined the worst possible situations. He could lash out physically, either half asleep or fully awake, either one hurting like a bitch. He could wake up and immediately lash out with words instead and I having only dug my grave deeper. I pondered for another moment before making my decision.

"Heichou?" He ignored me and turned onto his back, his cravat slipping from around his neck and onto the floor beside me. I grabbed the soft fabric and ran my thumb along it. "Levi Heichou, wake up." I stated, shaking him gently. He didn't wake but muttered more in his sleep, letting his face fall to the side on his shoulder facing me.

"I hate... you... Celica."


	27. Ripple

**A/N: I think this may be the chapter you've all been waiting for. I hope you guys like it as much as I do. Let me know what you guys think please by reviewing or even PMing me. I would love to hear your thoughts about it. If you like the story, please don't forget to favorite or follow it as well. Have fun, everyone!**

 **P.S. I'm taking a few days more to complete finish Chapter 27 but I will publish it no later than this up and coming Saturday. Cross my heart and hope to drown (which I personally think is worse than just simply dying).**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I felt the cravat slip from my fingers and onto the floor, my heart stopping almost completely as I heard the captain speak in his sleep.

"I hate... you.. Celica." The fact that he uttered my first name again is what kick started my heart again. However it felt strangely cold and hard in my chest again, throbbing as if it wanted to stop all together.

 _"You don't want to believe it do you sweetheart?"_ The voice from the back of my head questioned.

No, of course not. All I wanted from the day I noticed his eyes on me was to be a soldier worth acknowledging for skills alone. Not because I made him hate me.

 _"What did you expect? That he would fall for you instead? Well believe it, darling. He hates you. Dreams are the door to the subconscious and he's dreaming of you right now. You fucked up big time."_

I could feel ice cake and build around my heart as I let the words sink in. It was hard and slick and it would serve better than any other wall I could build of my own fruition and this time, I wouldn't let it crack again. I realized far too late how I had gotten too close, too comfortable. Mikael, Natasha, Francis, Petra, Hanji, even Eld, Gunter, and Auruo. But it was Captain Levi that I had especially gotten too close to. Somehow.

 _"It's better this way, you know that. You like him and if he hates you then you can toss away this childish crush of yours."_ The voice taunted.

 _"I WANT TO BE HAPPY!"_ Childish. That dream of mine of childish indeed.

I would probably never live to see the end of the titans. Let alone everyone else. It was a matter of probability now, who would be the next to die. Thirty percent every mission we took on. Almost our entire ranks would be wiped clean and started fresh every three expeditions. That fact that some of us were still around was astonishing but it would only be a matter of time.

 _"I'd given up on the idea of a happy life long ago so even now, I don't dare expect something like that to happen for me."_

Maybe the captain had a point back then. Even now his voice was clear enough in my head that I swore that I could have heard it for real. I looked down as a rainbow of color spotted my vision, ignoring a constantly tugging pain pull in my throbbing chest.

"Valkihar?" I heard it again, snapping me out of my daze.

Captain Levi looked at me with open and attentive eyes, light shimmering from them along with the faint sheen of sweat that covered his forehead.

"Yes?" I muttered softly.

"Why did you leave like that?" He questioned and I clenched my fists tightly, feeling my nails dig into the soft flesh of my palms. I sat there for another moment before standing up on shaky legs.

"Because I hate you too, Levi." I stated.

I only had time to see his eyes widen before turning for the door, the latch clicking and Hanji appearing in the doorway. I brushed past her and back down the hall.

"Celica, where are you going?" She asked, clutching an array of bottles and papers in her arms as she stood there.

I ignored her, feeling a wetness finding my cheeks and wiping it away roughly with my sleeve. I drowned out the world around me as my erratic and deafening heartbeat filled my ears. I stormed down the halls, unsure exactly where I was going but I just knew I had to get away from him. With every step however, my heart throbbed, painfully tight in my chest.

I willed my world to stay intact instead of crumbling around me again. I would not allow him to break me, to control me, to own me. However the only one who can do that do my heart, to manipulate it and crush it, was him and for that I would truly hate him for it.

* * *

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

I sat up and ran my hands over my face. I didn't have time to process my dream before Valkihar had once again walked out angry. I wasn't even aware she was there to begin with. How long had she been there? Been that close?

"Levi, what happened just now?" Hanji asked, holding some supplies in her arms and giving me a questionable look.

"I don't know." I admitted. "I haven't been awake except for a couple moments before now." I groaned softly, rubbing my eyes. "How long was I out?"

"Most of the day." She stated, setting the supplies down on the table. "It's evening time now."

"Shit, that long?" That's why I had a nightmare like that. It happened every time I would sleep more than a few hours at a time.

"So what do you do _this_ time?" She questioned, hands on her hips. "She was crying again."

"I know." I gave Hanji a wry look before taking in my disheveled clothing and the cravat that laid limply on the floor. "But I honestly don't know why. I don't think I did anything in particular to upset her. But... she _did_ say something though, before she left again.

"Which was?" I looked Hanji square in the eyes, solid and unwavering in her seriousness.

"I hate you too, Levi." I repeated Valkihar's words.

The flame of unbridled anger and hurt morphed into a raging flame. She never just called me by my name. It was 'Heichou' this or 'Heichou' that. She would never so casually drop that title. She always clung to it as if it was the last thing that kept her grounded. So why now? Did I say something in my sleep?

I recalled my dream. It was just an ordinary nightmare, crawling over mounds of dead bodies and blood. Until somehow, Valkihar was there. She had her back turned to me as she stared at a dead titan at her feet. It was the abnormal that she went after on the last day of the expedition. She looked back at me with those bright eyes of hers and I felt my body shaking.

 _"Levi... Heichou."_ She collapsed to the ground but not before I raced to catch her in my arms. Blood pooled from her chest and dripped steadily from her body, coating my hands and landing on the dirt and grass beneath us. _"I did it. I killed it. Aren't you at least somewhat proud of me, for once?"_

I shook my head and wanted to scream at her. Tell her how much a stupid fucking brat she was. Those words never left my lips however. I pulled her close, burying my face into her chest. She laid a hand on my head as my body shook beyond my control.

 _"That was the last titan. We're finally free."_ She spoke softly before her hand went limp and laid across her body. I jerked up, seeing her eyes closed and blood trailing from the corner of her mouth.

 _"No, but at least you are."_ I muttered, pulling her tighter. _"I hate... this... what you've done to me and... leaving me here like this."_ Tears brimming my eyes, I buried my face into her again as I felt them fall. _"It's the only thing I hate you for, Celica."_

* * *

"LEVI!" Hanji's voice snapped me from my thoughts and I buried my face into my hands again.

It felt so real and I thought that I had lost her. When I woke and saw she was alive, I wanted to crush her in my arms. I wanted for her to remind me that it was only a dream. That it wasn't in fact real. But the only thing I did do was ask why she left like she did earlier and she left me again in an even worse way than I thought possible.

She said that she hated me and I realized that I had gotten my wish after all. I knew it would hurt but I didn't think it would happen this way and I didn't think the pain would be so profound. It suddenly felt like I was lacking in something; something to make me whole and that there had always been an empty place within me. When I saw her leave again, after I thought she was dead, it finally dawned on me. She filled that emptiness somehow without my knowing. I couldn't let her walk away this time.

Hanji regarded me for a moment, her eyes hidden by the glare on her glasses.

"I'm not going to stop you from going after her this time. You've got _that_ look on your face." I looked back at her and she walked over and grabbed me by the collar of my shirt. "Now I'm TELLING you. Go after Celica. If you don't fix this soon, you'll have a much big problem on your hands in the near future besides a rebellious subordinate."

"Which is?" I asked carefully.

"Losing your one chance to remind yourself that you're only human." She stated before pulling up hard and throwing me off the sofa. I rolled and got my feet under me to steady myself to stand. "Do it, Levi."

I huffed an annoyed breath.

"I'll forgive you this time, Shitty Glasses." I remarked before storming out the door and down the hall. I didn't know where she would be exactly but I had a good idea about where she would go in a time like this.

I ran up the stairs, taking two or three at a time, heading for the roof. It was my best shot. She most likely wouldn't want Petra to see her like this, especially if I was the cause. She said she needed alone time and Petra was most likely up by now. Unless she had suddenly found a new hiding spot, she would almost definitely be on the roof. I threw the door open and found her exactly where I thought she would be, sitting along the border.

My heart was pounding unnaturally fast in my chest and I took a deep breath, letting it go as mild relief flooded my veins. At least she wasn't standing on the edge. At least she looked relatively calm. Sadly, that changed rather quickly.

"Go away, Heichou." She spat.

Raw emotion pooled in my chest and gut and I ignored my rationalization as I began seeing red, striding up to her and grabbing the back of her collar to pull her from the edge, throwing her halfway across the roof. She landed hard on her back, tumbling once, before pulling herself to her knees and doubling over while clutching her ribs.

"I've tolerated your bullshit for long enough, Valkihar." I knelt in front of her and pulled her face up by her hair. Her eyes lit up with anger and wrath though the rest of her face and body contorted in pain. Defiance it all it's spiteful glory.

"You think yourself so high above this that you can do whatever the fuck you want around here? You act so casually disinterested in the people around you, you defy your superiors in small ways along with the orders that come with them, and now you spit my own name and rank at me like it's poison in your mouth. You've made progress, that I will admit, but you're faltering quite a bit lately."

I let go of her hair, feeling the strands fall from between my fingers as she dropped her head. I stood and swiftly kicked her in the side of her stomach beneath her ribs, holding back for whatever reason. She fell onto her side, curling into a tighter ball as she whimpered softly.

"Hate me all you want, I won't lose any sleep over it." I lied, shoving a foot into her side to roll her onto her back. "I said before that perhaps I had been too gentle with you. Is this what you want instead? Will the pain and suffering finally reteach you your manners? Hmm?"

She looked at me with pure hate in her eyes, pain flickering through her like a flame licking and searching for any burst of oxygen to fuel it into a magnificent uncontrolled fire. And I was giving it exactly what it wanted. I wanted her to lash out, I needed it. I felt the bloodlust surge as she spat at my feet, struggling to sit up but remaining silent.

If she still had the energy to properly insult me then she still had enough to possibly reason and listen.

"I'm truly at a loss at what to do with you anymore, Valkihar. But just like any other brat, you'll listen to pain above anything else."

I went for another kick into her side but she grabbed my ankle and pulled with all her strength, throwing me off balance. I jerked my leg away but still fell to the ground, falling rather ungracefully. In a flash of moment, she moved and straddled me to pin me down with her weight. Apparently she still had enough energy to fight as well. Persistent and stubborn brat.

She reared back a punch and though she had me in a guard, it was a rather weak one despite all her weight bearing down on my legs. I grabbed her both her arms as her fist flew closer and pulled her harshly to the side, switching us to that her back was on the ground and I was the one looming over her, settling myself in between her legs. She gasped in pain and her eyes shut tightly closed. I pressed my forearm to her throat, keeping her pinned while her hands flew to grab me, tugging unsuccessfully to remove my arm that threatened to cut off her air.

"When actions fail use your words, Valkihar. I know you're still capable of them." I pressed my arm down a little more on her neck, not enough to cut off her air but enough to make it all the more uncomfortable.

"You know it really pisses me off how much you think you know about me. Everyone has always told me how hard I am to understand but you... you just take a lucky guess and somehow you're almost always on the mark." She held my wrist tightly while the other hand held my elbow as she struggled to push my arm away.

"You're not that hard to read, brat. Don't flatter yourself." I stated, holding my position as she struggled beneath me.

"Says the guy that no one can fully read or understand. Do you not get how frustrating that is?" Her voice was dripping with malice and contempt as she spoke. "What you did this morning, misleading me like that... that sort of thing crawls under my skin and infuriates me. Even after realizing that it all was a lie, it still doesn't help me to understand you in the slightest. I was damned either way no matter what I did. I was damned the moment I saw you watching me. I was damned from the very moment we formally met. I was damned on that fucking expedition!"

So, her true feelings are finally starting to appear.

"You lied to me, so how can I trust you now?!" Her voice started to crack as she yelled, her eyes watering with frustration and pain. "Believe it or not, I looked up to you. I respected you, Heichou. I would have given the shirt off my back to make sure I was in good graces with you and ensure a less stressful existence before I met my end by the hands of a titan. Make you look at me in any other way besides dirt under your boot or like prey. But it seems that no matter what I do, I'm damned.

"I know I fucked up on the expedition. I'm reminded of it with every movement; every breath I take. Knowing you had to come and save me... I hate it. I hate everything that has anything to do with you right now! You watched me, you studied me, you saved me, you teased me with a improbable fantasy, and you broke me! Is that what you want to hear? That you broke me down into what I am now? Is that what you get off on, watching other people crumble under you for kicks?!"

My pressed my arm hard against her throat. Coupled with protesting ribs and her screams, she was already short on breath but I didn't want to hear it anymore. I had ordered her to say these things but all it did was leave my blood boiling.

Philosophy states that violence is never the answer but my own personal one states that pain can be a great teaching tool. It wasn't Valkihar though that had learned a lesson though, she was in constant pain though she didn't want to show the majority of it. She fought so hard against everything; against me, against herself, against the very existence we had behind the massive walls. It was myself though, that had learned something here. I learned what she truly thought and felt.

She was hurt inside and out. On the outside, her injuries showed through despite her bravest face. She was tired, pain draining away all her energy and she hadn't had a proper chance to rest yet. The alcohol from last night was a good distraction but did little to actually help her heal. On the inside, she was hurt by loss of the many around her, family and friend alike. She was hurt that I had tried to play her and it ended up with me basically lying to her.

I couldn't fix the past, but I thought a remedy at least for the latter point.

"Hopefully what I say next will shine a little light on the subject for you then... No, I don't particularly like doing things this way. I don't enjoy seeing you crumble into nothing like when we arrived back in the walls. And I don't think you actually hate me, just like I don't actually hate you no matter how much I want to. Instead I hate want you've done to me."

I released the pressure of my arm slightly and her arms grew wide as she listened to my words.

"You're stubborn and headstrong in your own way and it infuriates me. From the very start, when I was told to evaluate you as a candidate for my new squad member, I knew this much. I knew taking you on would be a hassle would be a pain in the ass but I did so regardless. Hanji and Erwin were right; you are different but not in the matter of skills or experience."

Somewhere in the middle of my rant, I prayed to whatever deity there was that she could read between the lines and that I didn't have to outwardly say it.

"However, I can understand why you would be concerned with trusting me after earlier so... let me remedy that." I pulled my arm fully back and her eyes went wide as a fierce blush ran across her cheeks. "Let me correct that lie I told then."

She attempted to speak but I crushed my lips to hers before she had a chance to get any words out. She fought against me for only a moment, her verbal protests silenced by my lips before her fists eventually stilled and she proceeded to grab the collar of my shirt to bring me closer.

Her kiss was gentle and inexperienced but I felt my heart quicken just the same. I ran my tongue across her bottom lip though she refused my invitation. I couldn't let things remain as they were however. I had to persuade her that I was serious, if nothing else but for this time alone. I ran a hand up her side and just as I reached her ribs, she gasped against my mouth. I slipped my tongue between her lips and finally tasted the full sweetness of her.

Her breath hitched as she tasted me back and I couldn't help the smirk that meddled into the kiss. She eventually kissed me back with the same intensity, suddenly finding her courage and ran a hand up my neck to grab a handful of my hair, tugging softly as her mouth fell into rhythm with mine. I cradled her head with one hand while the other continued to hold myself up. I refused to rob her of anymore breath because of anything else but the kiss alone. Sadly though she broke away all too soon, panting as she tried to reclaim her lost air.

"Just... just because you kissed me... doesn't mean that... I'll sleep with you or... that I've forgiven you... Heichou." She panted out. I huffed out a small breath of annoyance as another smirk pulled at my lips.

"I don't expect you to but that doesn't mean that I'm not deathly serious about what I said... or that I've forgiven you either." I explained. "I'm giving you a chance though that no one else has. Do with it as you wish."

I moved off her and stood up, wiping away any remnants of our kiss away with the back of my hand. I tried to calm my raging heart in my chest but it refused any such commands. She sat up slowly, showing little pain as she moved. Perhaps a rush of adrenaline was the culprit for her as well, seeing that my hands were trembling ever so slightly.

"Get up. Hanji's probably worried, as usual."

She nodded slowly before standing and following me back downstairs, blush still lingering on her cheeks and on mine as well.


	28. Sleepover

**A/N: Welcome back everyone! I'm sorry it took me so long to finish this chapter. I was torn about how to write it in all honesty. More teasing ensues by ALL INVOLVED! Even Hanji has to have her fun. Anyways, thank you to all of my loyal readers and especially to those of you who left amazing reviews. I LOVE YOU ALL** **REGARDLESS AND HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

My senses were extremely heightened as we walked back down the stairs from the roof. Every footstep that we took seemed to echo loudly in my ears along with my erratic heart beat. I was all too aware of his relaxed shoulders and nonchalant aura as he walked in front of me, meanwhile my face felt like it was still on fire along with my ribs. If I had thought that being around the captain was difficult recently as it was, then this brought a whole new meaning to the situation entirely.

Every now and then his eyes look back at me, probably to make sure that I was actually still following him, but it did little to settle my nerves. Petra was going to kill me if she ever found out.

"Just act normal as always." Captain Levi stated before we reentered Hanji's office. She was poured over a mixture in front of her, swirling the purple and brownish color liquid around in the container.

"Finally, there you are." She said cheerfully. "Glad to see things resolved themselves."

"More or less." The captain stated. Hanji gave him a knowing look and I did my best to ignore it as I sat down on the sofa, sighing softly.

'Act normal as always, huh? Easier said than done, Heichou. I don't even know what normal is anymore.' I thought to myself before he sat next to me, his arm laying across the back-piece and hand resting behind my head. 'And then get this close anyways?!'

"You done with the medicine yet, Four Eyes?" He questioned, irritation lacing in between his words as he spoke.

"Just about." She stated, throwing the mixture over a Bunsen burner to warm it for whatever reason. As it warmed, Hanji looked back at me to see the uncomfortable look plastered to my face. "You okay, Celica? Feel better now that you've calmed down and talked it out?"

"I don't know if 'better' is the term I would use." I stated, feeling the captain's eyes on me again along with Hanji's. My stomach felt sick at it continued to twist into knots. Now more than ever I wished I could leave but I doubt I would be allowed to again so soon. "Stomach ache."

Hanji nodded before taking the mixture off of the heat.

"Intense anger can leave a lasting impression on the human body even after it has subsided." She commented but something in her eyes made it seem like she wasn't exactly being straightforward with whatever she was thinking about. She mixed the liquid once more before placing it in a small bottle with a tapered tip. "Done."

She walked over to me, placing a rubber cap on the opening of the bottle before handing it to me.

"This isn't to be taken orally. Just rub it on your skin liberally before you re wrap your bandages. It should help numb the area. Works best before bed."

"Thank you." She nodded her appreciation at me.

"Make sure Petra helps you when you apply it."

"That won't be necessary." Captain Levi stated as Hanji and I both quirked an eyebrow up at him. "I'll do it myself and she will stay in my quarters for the time being."

I could feel my blush beginning to return to my face and I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out.

"What's those faces?" He questioned, gesturing towards me and Hanji. "Look, I said that I would keep an eye on you while your wounds heal. I don't plan on going back on that now. Officers also get double beds instead, as you both are aware. I have little use of mine since I prefer my chair most nights so it's not like I'm giving up much. And I would like to think that it would be more comfortable this way for you so you can heal properly and _quickly_ at that."

His eyes landed back on me and I averted my own. This was unnecessary but I couldn't argue with him anymore, seeing where it ended up last time. Hanji stood there with a look of disbelief on her face until she looked down to me to speak.

"Are you okay with this, Celica?" I looked up at her and hoped that the look on my face said otherwise.

"I can't really say no, can I?"

"You can." Captain Levi stated. "But that doesn't mean that I'll listen."

Hanji sighs heavily, rubbing the back of her head.

"Levi, surely she would prefer to stay in her own room. Don't you think this is a little, far?" She asked carefully. The captain's eyes narrowed into a glare at her.

"No, not really. Her injuries are not only a reflection of her own incompetence but also of mine. So because of that, I'll make sure she's taken care of under my own watch."

"Uhuh, sure. I'm sure you'll take _good_ care of her, alright." Hanji muttered and the captain's glare grew ever harsher.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing, Levi. Don't worry about it." She said, blowing him off. However my eyes were still wide from his statement only a moment ago.

Did he really say that part of this was his fault as well? The crash the to the ground was certainly his fault but if he didn't I would be titan fodder right now. No, this is crazy. He didn't do anything wrong. This is all on me.

"Heichou, you're wrong. This is all on me. I-"

"No." He cut me off, those sharp daggers of his piercing right through me. "If I had managed to stop you in the first place then we wouldn't be in this mess."

I sighed and shook my head before burying my face in my hands. Stubborn prick.

"If you want to believe this is all your fault then do so. I can't stop you. But if you really feel that way, then make it up to me. Listen and do as your told and don't fight me on it." I pulled my face from my hands to look at him in the eyes. "Got it?"

I nodded again, keeping my sigh contained this time.

"Yes, Heichou." I stated. Hanji shook her head and put her hands in her hips.

"Looks like it's decided then." She laid a hand on my shoulder. "Get some rest. I'll come check up on you in the morning and I'll let Petra know that you'll be resting elsewhere for the time being. I just won't mention where exactly." Relief washed over my face as I looked up at her.

"Thanks, that's probably best." Hanji nodded before continuing.

"I'll grab some spare uniforms and clothes for you while I'm there and deliver them to you later. Best get going though. The sun's set already so you should sleep soon."

"Right." I stated, the captain standing first and offering up a hand. I looked at his hand, to his face, and then back.

"You gonna take it or stare, brat?" He questioned. Hesitantly I took his hand in mine. It was so warm despite his always cold appearance, just like earlier. The kiss from before flooded my memory and I did my best to keep my blush in check as he pulled me to my feet.

Hanji gave us a brief goodbye and we made our way back to his room. The uneasy feeling between us seemed palpable or was that just me? I still can never tell what that man is thinking or feeling. I brushed my fingertips over my lips, the memory yet to fade away from my mind. Especially now, I have no clue as to what he's thinking.

We enter the room and suddenly I feel even more uncomfortable just by being here. I was content in this place before leaving but now that I was back so soon and basically a prisoner from my understanding, it made my blood run cold.

The captain shrugged off his jacket and laid it across the back of a chair. Somewhere in the middle of my morning shock I had failed to notice a smaller desk and chair tucked away in the corner by another window. It wasn't anything compared to the set in his office but it helped to complete the room, so to speak.

He plopped down into the chair with a sigh as he loosened his cravat, eyes peering up to catch mine.

"Are you gonna do nothing but stare the entire time you're here?" He questioned. I shook my head and sat on the edge of the bed with my back turned towards him.

"I just don't know what the hell you're thinking right now, Heichou."

I could feel his smirk behind me and hear a small chuckle leave his lips but the humor had somehow slipped from my grasp at this point. This was not funny. At least not to me. My heart was threatening to beat out of my chest though and this guy found it funny. Prick.

"Still flustered I see." He remarked, the smirk on his face never leaving. "Just _try_ and relax until Four Eyes brings you a change of clothes."

Right, as if I could relax with the stare of the captain constantly on me. Regardless, I laid down on my side and tried my best to calm my heart into a steady and even beat.

This was going to be a long few weeks.

* * *

Hanji came by a couple hours later to deliver my clothes and Sina, was I grateful. I was eager to get out of this get up and hopefully get some decent sleep afterwards. Fatigue was setting in but my ribs started to protest my sudden movement once more.

"Now would probably be a good time to use that medicine." She stated seeing the pained look on my face as she handed the captain the majority of my clothes. "I'll let you find a place for these, Levi. I would hate to mess up your order and cleanliness." She said with a slight mocking tone before taking a couple pieces off of the top of the stack.

Captain Levi simply ignored her with a sneer as he put the articles away in a spare drawer. Hanji handed me the clothes and my eyebrows raised in surprise.

"These aren't mine though." I stated, gesturing towards the dark royal blue top and grey lounge pants she had handed me.

"They are now. I took a little trip into town remembering how few casual clothes you had and thought you would need a few more sets. Hopefully they fit you just fine."

I held my side gently as a chuckle of laughter ran though me.

"You're too much Hanji." I stated. She smiled happily at me before turning to leave.

"Well then, sweet dreams you two." She opened the door and suddenly stopped. "Oh, and Levi, play nice but not _too_ nice." She winked at him and I swore I saw him cringe as she left, the latch clicking in place behind her. Meanwhile my face was as bright as a cherry.

I looked over to the captain and saw a faint blush run across his cheeks. I brushed it off as shadows from the lanterns that were lit in corners of the room though. That man wouldn't blush over anything, would he?

"You wanna change first or apply the medicine?" He asked, breaking the awkward silence that had retaken the atmosphere.

"It might be easier if I had the medicine first." I stated bluntly. "Might as well get it over with."

He nodded curtly and stood in front of me, taking the bottle of medicine from my hands after I pulled it from my pocket. Shrugging out of my jacket, I laid it on the bed next to me on top of the clothes that I sat down. Sina this was awkward, I thought to myself as I hesitantly untucked my shirt and started to undo the buttons starting from the bottom, leaving the top few closed for any hope of decency.

"Are you really that afraid of me seeing you?" He questioned with a soft voice as he gently unwound my bandages into a neat roll before setting it aside. He removed the cover from the bottle and poured a few drops onto his fingertips, feeling the slickness of it.

"Aren't you going to use a rag or something instead?" I asked, dodging his own question.

"A rag will absorb most of the mixture and then that's that much more wasted and not used properly." He stated, kneeling before me and slipping a hand in between the flap of my open shirt, coaxing the liquid onto my ribs gently. I had almost forgotten how soft his touch could be at times like this.

As usual, his face was as stoic as usual despite his close and, dare I say intimate, proximity.

"You didn't answer me though. Are you really that afraid of me seeing you like this?"

"Why wouldn't I be? I'm not made of stone like you. It's... embarrassing on more than one level." I admitted, feeling the blush still dusting my cheeks as I tried to ignore his moving fingers. A smirk appeared on his face as he poured more of the numbing agent into his free hand and setting the bottle down. He continued to work the liquid into my sides, dipping the tops of my fingers into the solution every now and then before he spoke again.

"At least you're honest about that much, virgin brat." He teased. Sina I wish I could slap the hell out of him for that comment, my fingers twitching at the thought.

"Like you're one to talk." I muttered, avoiding his gaze. His hand stilled for a moment when the words reached his ears.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He questioned, his eyes narrowing once more as his nails grazed my bruising, making me flinch. Asshole, he totally did that on purpose but he simply continued the application as if it was the most normal thing in the world.

"You aren't exactly open about any of your _'conquests'_. Most guys brag about who they have been with or who they _want_. It makes people wonder, that's all." I stated, coming up with a semi believable excuse. Honestly, I was already tired of that blank look of his; but really, where the hell did my sudden spunk come from?

"It's none of people's business who I do or do not sleep with. Well, with you being the exception at the moment." He stated with another classic smirk. Remember when I said earlier that I wish I could have slapped him? You can double that for the time being for his ability to somehow make me blush even harder. I bit my lip to keep myself from saying anything else. Sina knows how he would turn my own words right back at me.

That smirk of his only grew wider though as he switched sides to apply the mixture.

"Cat got your tongue all of a sudden, Valkihar?" He teased and I bit my lip so hard I swore that I was about to taste blood. "Be careful when you bite your lip like that. You'll give a man the wrong impression."

He ran his hand a little higher than normal to brush the underside of my breast. A tremble ran through me from the sudden touch and I couldn't meet his gaze any longer. I let go of my lip reluctantly and glanced down at his face. Those steel grey eyes of his seemed to shine with excitement just as I thought they would and my blush deepened. I doubt I could ever get used to a look like that from him.

"Someone's eager to take what's ' _theirs_ '." I retorted. "Just get it over with so we can put it behind us already, Heichou."

"Not yet." He stood suddenly, running the hand at my side around me to my back, tugging me closer. "Not until I make you want it with fiber of your being. Not until I have you begging me for it. Not until you learn to listen and follow directions like a good girl." He leaned in close and whispered in my ear in a husky tone. "And then _maybe_ , I'll think about it. But not until then."

I shivered at the feeling of his warm breath on my ear and pushed on his chest lightly to hopefully grant some proper breathing room.

"That might be a while though, Heichou. I think you have a good idea of how stubborn I can be." He chuckled softly, taking the hand on his chest in his own before leaning back enough for me to see his face.

"We'll see about that." He stated, releasing me from his grip and stepping back, his stoic appearance returning in an instance.

I sat there for a moment and simply stared at him, my eyes wide and mouth left slightly agape. It astonished me at how fast he could collect himself meanwhile he continued to rile me up until an increasingly tangled bundle of nerves. By the Goddesses, this midget was going to be the death of me.

He wiped the remaining medicine on his hands along the strips of bandages before carefully, and silently, rewrapping them around me. As he fastened the end with a knot, I flinched hard and a sound escaped me. By the Goddess, did I just whimper?

"Too tight?" He questioned, his steel grey eyes shining once again but it bore a different emotion as earlier. This was one that I couldn't so easily read from him and it eluded me all the same.

"It's fine." I stated curtly, promptly beginning to button up my shirt. He got the message quick enough as he withdrew his hands and stood.

"Go get changed then and get some rest." I suggested before walking away to take a seat in his chair, his gaze turned to the window to stare outside. I sighed softly and grabbed my clothes to go change in the bathroom that was attached to the room. It was bigger and nicer than the one Petra and I shared so perhaps there were a few perks to staying in an officer's quarters. However, at the moment, all I could think about was how the hell I was going to sleep tonight with him constantly over my shoulder.

Being on an expedition and sleeping in the same room with the whole squad was one thing. But it was different now. It was just the two of us again and I didn't know what would be worse; what would happen with both of us drunk like last night or what would happen with both of us sober?


	29. Denial

**A/N:** **I'm so sorry about this late update. A lot of things have been going on recently and lack of internet at home also makes it tougher to write. I hope you all will forgive me.**

 **Anyways, this chapter is basically all from Levi Heichou's POV. Simply because I don't think he gets his point across that often anymore and normally his thoughts are very short and to the point. Very Levi-like but U wanted something a bit more extensive. I hope you guys enjoy and please follow, favorite, and or review if you really like the story and want it to continue. Ciao for now!**

 **LEVI HEICHOU'S POV**

I buried my face into my hands as I sat at the small desk in my room, resting my elbows on the hardwood. What in the literal _fuck_ was I doing anymore? My mind seemed hazy and clouded with so many different things that it made me even more restless than normal. I glanced back at the sleeping form in my bed and let my head hit the desk, I didn't care if it would wake her or not anymore. I was frustrated and I was allowed to vent. Wasn't I? The only problem was, I had no outlet and I feared that I would snap on the next person to speak to me, regardless of who it was.

I could feel my muscles coiling with tension the longer I sat there. Coupled with a smart ass brat who is now sleeping in my room again thanks to my big mouth and Hanji's insistent worrying, I felt myself slowly but surely going crazy. I sighed heavily and stood up to dig through a couple drawers absentmindedly. I pulled a few articles of clothing from one of the drawers along with a few strips of cloth. I checked back over my shoulder to see Valkihar still asleep. I guessed the coast was clear for me to leave the room for a while.

I slipped out the door silently and made sure to lock the door behind me. It wouldn't stop her from leaving if she wanted to if but I hoped she wouldn't wake before I returned anyways. The halls were more or less deserted at this time of night and I luckily ran into no one as I made my way down stairs and to one of the training rooms on the lower floor. Just as expected, I found the room void of people as well. Lucky me.

I quickly changed into the shorts and sleeveless shirt that I had brought down stairs with me and eyed the punching bag in the corner of the room as I began to wrap my hands. If I couldn't take out my anger and frustration out on the soldiers then this would have to do for now.

I don't know exactly how long I had stayed down there wearing myself out with repetitive punches and kicks on the punching bag, but I as I leaned against the wall to catch my breath, I noticed the first glimpse of morning light seeping into the darkness outside. I hadn't sleep a wink at all during the night and a new day was already upon us. I heaved a heavy breath but felt slightly better after taking so long to work out my inner turmoil.

I slid down the wall and slid a wrapped hand through my damn hair. If I looked as much of a mess as I had felt then I guessed I must looked pretty wrecked right now. And all over a stupid and immature brat at that. I felt another surge of energy coil in my muscles but tried to shrug it off. My body had had enough for now and I still had to get back to the room and shower before Valkihar woke up.

I grabbed my clothes and proceeded back to my room, ignoring the wary glances from a few soldiers I past. For what ever reason, they were up at this hour as well. Breakfast wasn't ready yet for the masses but I pushed the thought from my mind as I unlocked the door and slid in. Valkihar was still laying in bed, the covers twisted and pulled tight around her lithe body. She was in the same place I left her last so I presumed that she was still asleep. Still, I didn't want to chance another unexpected wake up like yesterday so I grabbed some fresh clothes and headed for the shower.

The warm water soothed my aching muscles as it ran over me. I debated to simply stand there and enjoy the water rushing over me but decided against it. My habit of practical combat style three minute showers wouldn't allow it. My internal timer went off and I shut off the water. I quickly threw my pants on and tugged my shirt on, leaving it open while I towel dried my hair as best as I could. The dark strands fell back into place naturally and I draped the towel across the back of my neck before exiting the bathroom.

Despite such a short shower, the bathroom was humid and warm and the colder air back in the room immediately sent a shiver through me, raising goosebumps across my skin. I plopped down into my chair, crossing my ankles and leaning back to briefly shut my eyes.

"Levi- Heichou?" Valkihar muttered softly and I sighed softly.

"How long have you been awake brat?" I questioned, opening an eye to peer over at her swallowed in the mess of sheets.

"A while." She stated, her vacant eyes fixated on the open curtains of the window. The sun was barely beginning to peak over the horizon but enough light filtered into the room for someone to see relatively clearly. "You were gone for a while longer though."

"What of it?" She shrugged and buried her face into the sheets, closing her eyes.

"Just felt like stating the obvious, Heichou." I shook my head absentmindedly at her. Yep, she's still a brat, I thought.

"Feel like sharing why you woke up so early then as well?" She tucked closer into the sheets before barely opening her eyes, her line of sight downcast.

"It wasn't a nightmare but... it was unpleasant all the same. If it's fine with you Heichou, I'd rather not speak much more about it."

I stared at her intently, her words grabbing my full attention. Normally she wouldn't have an issue telling me what she dreamed about. Well, until recently that is. In the early morning light I could see a faint dusting of blush across her face. I wondered...

"If it was so unpleasant then what's with that face? I can see your blush from here." She glared up at me, those dark eyes of hers shining with a boldness that I was still getting used to. It was amusing to see her use that look on the other soldiers around her but when she looked at me like that, I wanted to kick her and kiss her at the same time.

Wait, what the hell was I thinking just now? I buried my face in my hand at the thought. This was the very reason I spent so long downstairs to begin with. To get these idiotic thoughts out of my head so that I could think clearly. If this kept up, it was going to be painfully frustrating for the next few weeks.

Looking back at her with an annoyed glare, she immediately shrunk down and covered her face in the sheets. I strolled over to the bed and sat on the edge next to her, pulling the fabric away from her face.

"Like hell you get to look at me like that and then cower away little a frightened animal." I stated. The fearlessness returned to her eyes as she looked up at me.

"You're snappier than usual Heichou and you look exhausted. Did you not sleep well... or at all?"

"None of your damn business, brat."

She moved to sit up, wincing slightly before attempting to shimmy out of the other side of the bed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" She looked back at me with narrowed eyes.

"You need to sleep as well, so you can have your bed back."

I grabbed her arm and forced her back into the bed. She flopped back with a small yelp and stared back up at me as I hovered over her.

"First off, you need to stay in bed so you can rest and recover properly. Second, don't think for a moment that if I really wanted to sleep in my own bed that the likes of _you_ would stop me." _Quit lying Levi, has the woman corrupted your honesty along with the rest of your mind? You know how badly you wanted to crawl in next to her last night._ "Third, I don't have to take orders nor suggestions from you either."

Valkihar looked up at me with a perplexed expression on her face despite her blush never fading.

"Heichou? Will you listen to my request then?" I quirked an eyebrow up at her, waiting for her to continue. "Will you _try_ to get some sleep? There's more than enough room for both of us without having to touch."

"Has Four Eyes knocked _your_ screws loose as well?" I questioned as I poked her forehead. "Seriously, you're such a brat."

I pulled away shook my head but she just laid there, not moving an inch before closing her eyes for a moment and turning onto her side.

"Whatever. Teach me to show some concern." She muttered, pulling the covers back over her.

There was a sudden knock on the door and Hanji peaked her head in. Just _fucking_ great.

"Am I... interrupting something?" She asked, gesturing with her head at Valkihar and I.

"You wish Freak-show." I snarked at her, retreating to my chair. "What the hell you want anyway? Aren't you supposed to be eating breakfast already?"

"I noticed you two hadn't made it down yet and I _did_ say that I would check up on Celica this morning." She stated, slipping into the room and taking a seat into my old spot on the bed. "What's wrong, Celica? Levi being an ass?" She teased, making note that the girl hadn't moved or even looked at Hanji yet.

"I'm fine." She stated, her back still faced towards us.

"Uhuh, sure." Valkihar glanced back at her and sighed when Hanji pulled fresh wraps from her pockets.

"Already?" Four Eyes nodded.

"Though there's no blood to soak up, it will help keep the numbing agent on your skin for the meantime. And Levi is such a clean freak, did you really except to get away with wearing the same wraps two days in a row."

"Oi. At least let the brat shower first. Don't waste fresh bandages on a dirty body." I admonished and Hanji glanced back at me with a smirk.

"You're talking as if she had gone through a rough training session and was still drenched in sweat." She teased. "Or did you actually do that to her?"

I glared at her, ignoring the faint dust of pink that threatened to appear on my face.

"Shut the fuck up, Four Eyes. Nothing happened." Her face fell slightly.

"Damn, oh well. Can't hurt to dream."

"Hanji!" Valkihar piped up. "Please stop talking like I'm not here. It's irritating." She glared back at Hanji and the freak just shrugged.

"My bad. Well, better go shower so we can use more of that medicine and get your re wrapped up. I'll get your clothes ready, so hop to it." She stated while giving the girl a gentle pat on the back.

Valkihar's face glare faded and she let out another soft breath before heading to the bathroom. When the sound of running water made it's way past the closed door, Hanji turned back to me.

"Didn't sleep?" She questioned and I shot her another glare. "Don't tell me Celica's insomnia has rubbed off on you." She sighed and shook her head with a small grin. "You two are hopeless."

"I'm fine. Let it go." I stated, crossing my arms and clicking my tongue. "Pesky women."

" _Women,_ huh? Plural. That's new." That mischievous smile returned to her face. "So she's getting under your skin again?"

"That brat is nothing but trouble." I retorted.

"You keep saying stuff like that but you still won't just let her be." Her eyes gleamed with interest. "Your infatuation with her is both kind of cute and scary at the same time."

"Don't use _either_ of those words when speaking of me, FREAK. I am NOT _infatuated_ with anyone, let alone that brat, and NOTHING about me is _cute._ " I spat at her and she proceeded to laugh at me.

"Whatever you say, Levi." She giggled again. "But honestly, the tension between you two could be cut with a knife it's so palpable."

"Maybe because you _did_ interrupt something." I muttered and her ears automatically perked up.

"Excuse me, did I just hear that right? What were you two doing before I walked in?"

"Nothing." I stated. She jumped up and bounced up and down like a giddy school girl as she beamed at me, obviously ignoring me.

"So there _was_ something after all I interrupted." She squealed again. "I don't know whether to be happy or upset right now. Progress is being made but I ruined the moment didn't I? Oh, Sina. Tell me something good at least came out it. A confession? A kiss? Something?! Or have you even kissed her yet?!"

I could hold back the blush that appears on my face and glared at the madwoman in the middle of her rant. She stopped suddenly and her eyes widened and shined in astonishment.

"So you have! You kissed her! DIDN'T YOU?! OH COME ON, LEVI! PLEASE TELL ME! _PRETTY PLEASE!_ " I pushed her away she attempted to grab me and pull me into a crushing embrace.

"Like I would tell _you_ even if I did." I snarled at her.

"You aren't denying it so it MUST BE TRUE! WAHOO!" She pulled back only to leap in the air in excitement again.

"Shut the fuck up already. Valkihar can still hear your insistent yelling, you know?"

She stopped suddenly, losing her giddiness for a moment, wide and bright eyes trained on me.

"When? When did it happen?" She asked seriously, in a softer and lower tone.

"Like I said, not telling."

"LEEVVVIIIII-" She whined and I felt my eye twitch in annoyance. I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"Just before we came back to your office yesterday." Her jaw went slack as she continued to stare at me. "Close that big mouth of yours already, geez."

I already knew I was blushing and could do little to stop it but her unwavering gaze was getting even more uncomfortable the longer she looked.

"So many things fit now. And to top it off you're blushing." She rambled on, smirking at her last comment.

"Don't remind me. And don't you dare speak of it to anyone if you like having your limbs firmly attached to your torso." I threatened and she was suddenly shaking. It wasn't from fear though. No, it was the kind of shaking she would do when she really got excited about something. Mainly about titans, but I swear I was about to see steam rising from her ears from all the gears turning in her head.

"Oh my Goddess you look so adorable right now." She whispered to herself. I shot her my worst glare and swept my leg out to take out her legs but instead she jumped back onto the bed, rolling backwards and onto the other side.

"Nice try, Levi." She remarked. I rushed the bed but stopped in my tracks when Valkihar poked her head out, hiding her body behind the door.

"Hanji, I thought you said you would bring me my clothes." Four Eyes looked back at her while pulling that signature grin of hers.

"Right. I'll be right there." She quickly started digging through a couple drawers and pulled out some clothes.

"Shitty Glasses, hold on-" I tried stopped her but she just ran off to the bathroom and slammed the door behind her. I clicked my tongue again and looked at the mess that freak left my dresser in only a matter of seconds.

I carefully rearranged the clothes back into their right spots and glared at the closed bathroom door. That bitch didn't realize it but she was rummaging through the drawer with all MY clothes and not Valkihar's. I sighed heavily and hung my head. I realized that I couldn't wear whatever the hell she had grabbed from the drawer until they had been properly washed again, trying not the think about the fact that Valkihar was going to walk out in my clothes.

A shiver ran up my spine as the thought ran through my mind regardless and my breath hitched. I heard some muffled yells and conversation beyond the door but I tried to ignore it, running a hand through my still damp hair.

I heard the bathroom door click open and quickly put my back to it, a goddess forsaken blush creeping up to my cheeks. I heard Hanji's blubbering to Valkihar as she padded over the bed, ignoring every word that came from the crazy woman's mouth.

Four Eyes soon turned her attention to me, feeling both her's and Valkihar's eyes burning at the back of my head as I cupped my hands over my mouth and held the other tightly across me, my back still to both of them. Like hell I could look at them now. If I looked how I felt, it would be disgraceful with as disheveled and aroused I felt just from my earlier thoughts. I was in a sad state of affairs... _Dammit, Ackerman!! Pull yourself together already!!!_

Heichou..." Valkihar began. "It seems that in the middle of Hanji's spaz attack, she brought me your clothes instead of mine. I'll wash them properly before they're returned to you." She stated casually, a lack of quiver or hesitance in her voice. I glanced back at her and noticed her faint blush however. It seems not all was lost on her. She was already buried up to her neck in the sheets though so I couldn't tell exactly what she was wearing of mine. Maybe later I could... No. Scratch that. Don't touch the brat. Not yet. Or at all...

"It's fine. Do whatever you want." I stated, making my way to the doorway and grabbing Hanji's collar along the way. I opened the door and chucked her out, sending her stumbling. "As for you, you've done more than enough damage for now. Do me a favor and stay out if trouble, and my sight, until at least dinner."

I shut the door tightly and bolted the locks in place, ignoring whatever the madwoman was going to say and sighing as my head hit the solid dark wood. This was already too much for me to handle and it was barely into the new day.

I glanced back over to Valkihar, who stared back with wide eyes.

"Umm... Heichou?"

"What?" I snapped, hearing her stomach growl not even a second later. Dammit, that's right. She gotta eat. I rubbed the back of my neck as another sigh escaped. "Stay here and I'll grab you some food. Leave however and it's going in the trash."

She gave a nod of understanding as I quickly threw the rest of my uniform on and slipped outside the door. My mind was still racing from moments ago, however the only other thing that was on my mind besides getting food for the brat, was how much I would need a cigarette and drink by the end of the day if shit like this kept up. Maybe when the brat's asleep again, I thought.


	30. Limit

**A/N: I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in a while. Like I said in the notes of the last chapter, I have a lot on my plate at the moment. Between work, school, and the love of my life leaving for a year because of the military, I've been running around like a chicken with my head cut off honestly. I haven't forgotten about my dearest readers however and I promise to keep this story going until it's completion.**

 **Anyways, here is the next installment of "Warring Minds and Bodies". There is a time jump, just warning you, but I don't think it's anything too drastic. And if you like the story, please don't forget to favorite, follow, and or review please. It's the love of my dear reader that keeps me going. Ciao for now!**

 **CELICA'S POV**

The past few weeks have been more or less awkward, to say the least. Captain Levi doesn't allow me to leave his sight for very long and seems more irritable than normal; his attitude getting progressively worse as the days go by. It's obvious he isn't sleeping well, if at all. As if his drastically shortened temper wasn't a big of enough indicator, the shadows under his eyes make it pretty obvious how exhausted he his. However, no matter how much begging and pleading myself, Hanji, or the commander have done, he refuses to admit he's tired.

I glanced over at the captain sitting at his desk from my spot on the small couch on the other side of his office, a huge mess of paperwork strewn across the desk in front of him. His brows furrowed at the usual annoyance of so much incomplete work and he sighed heavily, propping his head up with his hand.

"Valkihar, go fetch me some tea. I'm gonna need the caffeine to get through this ludicrous amount of papers." He ordered, his tone strained as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Yes, Heichou." I stated, the words flowing from my mouth on instinct after playing his personal maid and or waitress for the past week and a half, after Hanji gave me the all clear for light duty. Surprisingly, my ribs were healing fast, not that I was complaining. Well, maybe I could complain about the constant watch or the fact that the captain had me serving his every whim whenever something came across his mind; within reason. But at this point, I was so used to it, it almost didn't phase me anymore. If anything else, I just felt numb; like I was in a rut until I fully healed and could manage to return to my normal duties. Maybe that stuff we were using for the pain wasn't just numbing the physical wounds anymore.

I scoffed at my own insane idea and shook my head softly as I walked down into the kitchen. But, oh Sina, what I wouldn't give to strap on my gear again and just go flying in between the trees of the training grounds. Sadly though, I still had a couple more weeks until I could do that.

I leaned over the kitchen counter down in the mess hall as I fixed the captain's tea carefully, making sure it was made to his usual liking. Maybe I should let it steep longer this time though, make it stronger for him. He said he needed the caffeine anyways.

I was torn out of my thoughts though when Hanji snuck up on me, slamming a hand down on the counter to get my attention. I jumped hard and a small shriek escaped my lips before I laid a hand over my heart and sighed out a breath of relief.

"Dammit Hanji, please don't scare me like that." She chuckled softly as she glanced down at the tea.

"Seems Levi isn't the only one high strung lately. You flinched really hard." I clicked my tongue at her, and refocused on the tea, deciding to make it to his usual standard after all.

"I'm aware. That sort of thing happens when you get scared, Ms. Fearlessness." I explained, setting the complete tea set and sugar, just in case, on a platter so that I could take it to the captain. Why he insists that I bring it to him in this fashion, I will never know.

Hanji quickly thrust out her arm over the platter as I went to grab it, a smirk appearing on her face as she pulled out a small vial of clear liquid and pouring it into his tea. I looked to her with a curious expression before she bothered to explain herself.

"Don't worry, it's just dose of sleep meds. I had to figure out to liquefy it and make it undetectable by taste so that he actually takes it. That's why I haven't use it until now."

"Hanji, I know Levi Heichou needs to get some proper sleep and all, probably more than anyone else at this point honestly, but don't you think this is a bit too far? He's pretty sharp. Are you sure that he won't be able to tell it's in there?"

Hanji nodded quickly, taking a clean spare spoon and stirring the liquid softly to ensure it's mixed in well.

"It will be fine. Once he finishes the cup, he should be out about five minutes after." My eyes brows narrowed slightly.

"And if he doesn't finish the dose?" I asked carefully. She shrugged her shoulders.

"The dose in this cup is only enough to help lull him to sleep, that is if his body's at the exhaustion level I think it is. If he doesn't finish the cup then I guess..." She pulled a thoughtful expression onto her face before continuing. "He might just become really disoriented and a little loopy."

"A _little_ loopy?" I narrowed my eyes at her as she waved a hand at me.

"Only if he fights the medicine. But don't worry about it, Levi likes his tea too much to waste it and it should put him out in no time." She stated confidently. I sighed softly, picking up the platter.

"If something bad happens, I know who to blame it on at least." I muttered, leaving Hanji in the kitchen as I returned to the captain's office.

I forwent knocking on the door, knowing he would be expected me to be back with his tea by now and pushed the door open with my foot after making sure to leave it partially ajar when I left. I closed the door back in the same manner and the captain's eyes finally looked up from the mass of papers as I sat the platter down next to him.

Picking up the premade cup of tea I could see, not just feel, that hard stern gaze on me with every move I made. Why was he watching so intently? My hands began to shake slightly, making the china clink ungracefully as I sat the cup in front of him. Damn Hanji for making me deliver sleep inducing tea to him.

I glanced up to meet those tired steel eyes of his, willing my nerves to stay concealed under my usual mask.

"Is something wrong, Heichou?" I asked, reminding myself to tread carefully with my words.

"You took a little longer than usual. That's all." He stated, picking up his cup in his usual manner before taking a small sip. "And you made it a little stronger this time as well."

"You said you needed the caffeine. I thought you would have wanted a slightly more stronger cup today." I replied, resenting myself internally. Sina, I sounded like I legit maid now. All that was missing was the title "Master" at the end of that sentence. Not that that would ever happen though.

The captain made a thoughtful noise before taking another sip of his drug infused tea before setting it down.

"It will do for now. For now, start looking through this mess and organize it." He stated, refocusing on the work in front of him as a waved a hand nonchalantly over the papers on the desk. "Look for the deadline dates and sort them accordingly. Highest priority goes on top, obviously. Think you can do that much brat?"

I nodded my head softly, pleased at the idea of busy work that didn't involve cleaning.

"Yes, Heichou."

An hour after I had started working through the multiple stacks of folders and papers, by the walls there was so many papers, I looked up at the captain from my seat on the floor next to his desk as he worked on the fourth or fifth folder that I had already had sorted into a pile. His cup remained half full and a buzz of mild concern entered the back of my mind.

The captain's eyes shifted over to me after a moment, making me flinch slightly at the realization that I was starring at him again? He leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms, groaning softly.

"Something on your mind, brat?" He questioned, bringing his arms back down to his sides.

"It's nothing important, Heichou. Just thinking that you must not like the cup of tea that I made since you've let it sit and get cold by now." I pointed out to him. He glanced over at his forgotten cup and ran a finger along the rim of the cup, a smirk etching itself into his face.

"Sorry. Just got caught up in the work, is all. Don't mean to waste good tea." He stated, looking back over at me. He then picked up the cup and downed the rest in one go, making a slightly disgusted face as he set the cup back down. Cold tea was not one of his preferred choices of drink I had learned over the past couple of weeks.

"Mind clearing this away for me? I think I'll be wrapping up for night soon enough." I cocked my head to the side as I looked at him. He was... requesting and not demanding? THAT was different.

Silently, I stood and walked over to the other side of the desk where the platter still sat. Reaching out for the tray, the captain grasps my wrist and pulled me roughly towards him, pinning me between him and standing flush against me as he trapped me between his arms and the large desk that was now behind me. He looked at me with dazed and half lidded steel colored eyes before sighing softly and resting his forehead on my shoulder, chuckling softly.

"I don't even have the energy to be angry with you right now. Dammit." He muttered softly.

The color drained from my face as I stood there frozen in place. Shit. He figured it out. He had to have. Could he taste it? Smell it? Did I do something to give it away? Was the give away? But why couldn't you just drink your tea and get some proper sleep? Seriously, why?

"What do you mean?" I asked hesitantly, trying my best to keep a mask in place.

"Hanji put something in my tea, didn't she? Something along the lines of a sleeping drug?" He surmised, turn his head to eye me carefully. A moment of silence ran between us as I looked down at him with thoughtful eyes. "Gonna come clean on your own or am I going have to make you, Valkihar?"

I clicked my tongue in annoyance and sighed. I was spending way too much time around the captain if I was picking up on his mannerisms like this.

"Why do you think she drugged your tea, Heichou?" The captain's smirk only grew at my evasiveness to his direct question. He pulled his head back up for his eyes to meet with mine.

"Normally my evening cup of black tea refreshes me enough to at least make it through the evening, but instead, it seems it's done just on the opposite this time." He explained. "And I wouldn't put anything past that freak. It's not like it's the first time she's tried drugging me into sleep either. This has her handy work written all over it."

I nodded at the intake of new information, forcing my blush away for the time being at being so close to the captain. The stuff Hanji put in his tea was making him act this way, I told myself. He had caught on and yet he still drank the tea. His logical thinking is probably slipping away at the moment. Don't dwell on it too much.

"Is that your way of saying you're sleepy, Heichou?"

The smirk was now gone from his face, eyes closing as he rested his head on my shoulder again. "You could say that." He muttered, his warm breath ghosting over the exposed skin on my neck. A blush finally broke through to the surface and I cursed myself internally.

"You should get some rest then. Sleep in your own bed tonight." I suggested, pushing against his chest lightly. He didn't budge from my movements but pulled back enough to look at me again with dazed eyes.

"Stay with me then." He stated with a low voice, those steel eyes of his looking at me as if he could right through me.

"Well, it's not like I have a choice in the matter. You've made me stay in your room for the past three weeks already." I pointed out, wiling my mind to stay on track and not wander off to how good he smelled or how badly I wanted to close the distance between our lips, a minute amount of sass flowing in between my words. He smirked and shook his head softly.

"That's not what I meant." He said, hanging his head again.

"Levi Heichou, what do you mean then?" I asked softly, feeling my shoulders shake slightly despite my attempts of keeping my body in check.

"I'm tired. Let's head back."

He pulled away slowly and swayed a little in place as I stood straight again. He took a couple of staggered steps before I grabbed his arm and threw it over my shoulder. Guess that sudden intake of the rest of the dose was working quickly through his body. He didn't resist or argue with me as I lead him to his room, a comfortable silence filling the air between us again.

Inside his room again, I sat him on the edge of the bed, his half lidded eyes blinking ever other second as his head dipped slightly every time they closed completely. Poor guy was fighting to stay awake still. Still so frustratingly stubborn even when he's half asleep. I untied the cravat from his neck and folded it carefully, placing it on the nightstand next to the bed. I reached to undo the belts of his maneuver gear starting at the chest piece when he grabbed my wrist, stopping me.

"What do you think you're doing, brat?" He questioned in what would have been a harsh tone if the effects of impending sleep didn't fill his voice with raspy drowsiness as he struggled to get the words out.

"Thought you would want to sleep in something more comfortable. I would hate to see the face you would make if you awoke to see that you had wrinkled your uniform in your sleep."

He swatted my wrist away and pointed over towards the spare wardrobe in the corner of the room.

"Bottom drawer. Just grab a pair of clothes. I don't care what." He slurred as he cradled his face in his hands as his elbow rested on his knees. I nodded and pulled open the drawer that he had pointed out. A retrieved a plain long sleeve black night shirt and some shorts from the neatly folded stacks of clothes. I heard the distinct sound of unclasping buckles and leather straps and knelt in place for a little longer until the sounds stopped. Why I still felt like I should give this man and sense of privacy when he had stripped me of mine was beyond me.

 _"Afraid to look at the captain like that I see."_ The voice was the back of my mind whispered. It can't be helped. Things have been different since he kissed me that day. Thing was, it hadn't happened since. If anything else, he had been acting as if it had never happened so, like him, I would do the same. _"You wanted to kiss him though when he had you pinned against the desk. Why didn't you?"_

It's not my place, I told the voice, and myself. He is my captain. I can't allow myself to want these things; especially since this whole situation was meant to be a punishment more than anything. I didn't listen to him, I got injured, and he took it upon himself to see that I didn't get into trouble because of it. Over these past weeks, all he has done is reiterate that I was supposed to heal and listen to him as I should. Though I could follow the small orders and demands he made of me, simply for my own sanity, we both knew that the real test would be when I was fully healed again and start training again and go on another expedition with them.

 _"If you're so concerned for your sanity then do something already. The sexual tension has been killing you."_

"Shut up, already." I muttered softly to myself, willing the voice away from my conscious thoughts.

"I haven't said a thing, Valkihar." The captain spoke from his seat on the side of the bed. I closed the drawer in front of me and looked back at him. The gear straps laid discarded at his feet and the top few buttons of his shirt was undone as he leaned back on his hands. A blush started to creep onto my face but I shook my head slowly before running a hand over my face, setting it straight again.

"Sorry, talking to myself." I stated, walking back over to him as I set the clothes next to him.

"I don't recall you saying anything else beside that since we left the office though." He pointed out, looking at me as intently as a man rendered delirious by exhaustion could. So he blocked out my answer from earlier huh? Must be from delirium.

"Just some annoying thoughts. It's nothing, Heichou." I informed him, picking up the straps that laid forgotten at the man's feet and set them on the nightstand along next to the cravat. I stood there for a moment, thinking about what to do next, my mind going blank suddenly.

"Aren't you going to continue?" He asked. I looked back at him with a curious look. "You were going to help me out my uniform, right?"

I swallowed hard, cursing myself for thinking that he would take over and get dressed on his own. I muttered my agreement reluctantly and finished unfastening the button his shirt for him, biting the inside of my lip gingerly as I did. Thinking back, I hadn't seen him shirtless since the morning I woke up after drinking so heavily with everyone after the last expedition. I cursed internally at the blush that overtook my cheeks as I slipping the shirt off of him and found his perfect body wasn't just one I had dreaming up in my hungover state of mind. I never thought a man could look so wonderful.

The captain cleared his throat, making me flinch slightly as I tugged away the rest of the offending shirt off of his torso.

"You're staring again." He stated, making my blush even more noticeable on my face.

"Sorry." I tossed the loose garment into the dirty clothes hamper that sat next to the dresser and unfolded the shirt I had pulled from the wardrobe for him. Before I could even get the garment over those dark locks of his, the captain spoke up.

"Do you resent me, Valkihar?" I paused, pulling the shirt back away as I looked at him.

"About what exactly, Heichou?"

"About kneeing you in the stomach on the first day I trained you? About the sparring match? About causing your broken ribs despite you not following my orders to begin with? About your punishment? Any of it?"

I took a step back, unsure of where all this was coming from.

 _"He might just become really disoriented and a little loopy. But only if he fights the medicine."_ Hanji's word repeated in my head. Guess I should have expected something like this. The man never gave into anything without a fight, even sleep. I thought for a moment, before giving my answer.

"In my eyes, resentment is the same as hate. It's a burning and destructive feeling. But like you said on the roof that day, I don't actually hate you, just as you said you didn't hate me. At least, that's what you _said_." He looked up at me with a thoughtful expression.

"What about me kissing you?"

My breath hitched in my lungs, causing my ribs to sting at the deep intake. My blush was showing in it's full glory now and for me at least, it served as the closest thing to an answer I could give him. He smirked again and grabbed my arm, tugging me closer.

"Answer me, Valkihar. I want to hear you say it." He spoke lowly.

 _"DO IT. ANSWER HIM!"_ The voice in my head screamed.

The place where he gripped my arm was burning hot from his touch alone, were as usually I had imagined him always being cold with as pale of a complexion he had. His warm breath washed over me as I stood there with him still looking up at me, slowly raising my free hand to snake it's was around his neck. I lowered my lips to his and he almost immediately returned the kiss, releasing my arm to lace his fingers through my hair to pull me closer.

This kiss was different than last time. It was warm and careful and wasn't only heated by the surging and rampant emotions that we carried with us onto the roof. His exhaustion meant that all the locks and securities he had placed on his restraint were left discarded as he moved to deepen the kiss. I didn't fight him on it as I parted my lips to allow him entry. He pulled me roughly against him and I fell into him, breaking the kiss only long enough for him to hook his hands behind my knees and lift me enough to straddle him.

He reconnected our kiss in an instant, pulling me tight against him as one of my arms snaked around his neck and my other hand cradled his jaw as I kissed him back. It was like a fire was set beneath us as our frenzied kiss continued, a hand tugging at the bottom of my shirt to untuck it before it moved under the fabric and over the soft skin on my side and lower back.

I gasped against his open mouth from the new warm touch and I tugged at the soft strands of his hair that I held between my fingers. He groaned softly and broke the kiss, pulling his hand back from under my shirt to unwind my fingers from his hair.

"I guess I'll take that as your answer instead then." He whispered against my lips, panting softly before closing his eyes again.

He fell back onto the bed, holding onto me tightly as he did before rolling onto his side, still cradling me in his arms.

"Um... H-Heichou..." He gently placed his hand over my mouth to hush my words, prying his eyes open just enough so I could see the full amount of exhaustion in his eyes.

"Don't call me that... not right now." He muttered before pulling his hand away and curling up against me.

"But you haven't finished changing, sir." I stated, my words falling on deaf ears as I heard his breathing even out into a slower and deeper pattern. He was knocked out cold.

I sighed with a small amount of irritation as I weaved out of his embrace to fixate him on the bed properly and pulling his boots off at least, then the sheets following over him.

"What an ass. Falling asleep after kissing me like that." I spoke aloud to no one, sighing again. My nerves felt on fire still and my arms trembled with left over adrenaline so I already knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep anytime soon unlike the captain. But then again, I wasn't the one who currently had drugs running through his system.

Maybe a quick visit to Hanji would help remedy that. Besides, she could probably do a couple back flips at the idea of me willingly giving her the results of this little experiment of hers.


	31. Line

**A/N:** **Hey Everyone! I'm sorry again that it's taken me soo long to get another chapter up. Writers block is hard to work through when you have a lot on your plate. I got the love of my life back for a few days so I'll probably be putting off the start of the next chapter until he leaves in the middle of the week. I won't get much more time with him so I hope you'll forgive me.**

 **Anyways, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!**

 **CELICA'S POV**

I knocked on Hanji's office door a few moments later and heard her call me in from beyond the door. I poked my head in to see her sprawled over her desk, a messy arrangement of paperwork similar to the captain's sitting in front of her. She looked up at me and beamed.

"Oh Celica! I'm glad you're here. I take it that the elixir worked?" I nodded, resting my hands on my hips.

"Yeah. Heichou's down for the count. Finally. Figured you wanted to hear about your results so I stopped by."

"Would I ever?! Tell me!" She gushed, forgetting the papers in front of her and leaning forward with her hands laced under her chin.

"Whatever the hell you gave him, he figured it out and tried to fight it. You were right though, he did start acting a little... loopy." I paused, feeling my blush creeping onto my face.

"What kind of 'loopy' are we talking about here?" Hanji inquired with a suggestive tone slithering into her voice, losing the some of the enthusiasm she was brimming with just a couple seconds ago. Just the thought of what happened back from in the captain's room threatened to make my blush overtake my entire face.

"Well..." I began, wondering exactly how much I could tell her. "He was a little more talkative. Definitely more... handsie, than usual."

Hanji looked up at me with a gleam in her eye.

"Handsie? What do you mean Celica? I need details here." She continued to pry.

Judging from her sudden change, I'm guessing she knew more than she was letting on. Of course Hanji would be the one to play dumb in a situation like this. Frankly, it was slightly irritating. I sighed and shook my head.

"Forget it. He's asleep now. That should be all that counts, right?" I said, running a hand over my face before crossing my arms.

"That's untrue, Celica. A true scientist must look at ALL the data to make a proper conclusion." I rolled my eyes as she leaned back in her chair. "So come on, tell me. You said he was talkative. What did he say? What was he doing that made you come to my office all of a sudden all flustered?" Her smirk grew on her face.

Was it that obvious? I looked down at my feet and realized that I hadn't put my uniform back together after the captain decided to rearrange my clothing. That along with my blushing, it was no wonder she caught on. Damn that man, making my mind so cloudy that I left the room in a such a state. Damn him. Damn him to hell.

I re-situated my clothes into their proper places, making sure to tuck my shirt tightly back into my waistband. I heard Hanji make a small noise of amusement before I shot her a warning glare. She started chuckling softly.

"Levi gives me those looks all the time so sadly you'll see no such reaction out of me from yours." She stood up from her desk and started to head for the door. "I guess I'll go check on him myself if you won't tell me what happened."

In an instant, my body moved of it's own accord and I put myself between her and the door, making her stop in her tracks.

"Unless..." She trailed off. "Unless there's something that you don't want me seeing." I grimaced at her and stood to the side, arms crossed tightly across my chest again.

"I just... don't want you waking him. It was hard enough to put him to bed." Another grin plastered itself to Hanji's face, her eyes hidden behind the glare of her glasses.

"Uhuh. Whatever you say, Celica." She leaned forward just a little to meet me at eye level. "Just tell me what happened then, okay? I've seen and heard a lot so I doubt that any of it would surprise me." She coaxed.

I glared at her for another moment before going to sit in my usual place on her sofa.

"Fine." I muttered. Hanji took her seat beside me in silence as she awaited with bated breath for me to begin again. "Just... keep this to yourself will you? I don't want word getting out."

"Cross my heart and hope to die." She stated, going through the motion of make an 'x' over her heart with her hand.

I sighed again and leaned my head back to look at the ceiling. Oh Sina, did I hate situations like this. However, at the same time, this was new territory for me. I had absolutely no experience in relationships whatsoever but my body acted on it's own accord earlier. Maybe the crazy woman would be able to tell me what was going on.

"Well, first off he thought I had taken a little too long to get his tea to him. Typical." I muttered the last word spoken. "He took a few sips before giving me some busy work. An hour had passed when I realized he had barely touched the drink. I pointed it out to him and he finished the rest all at once. Cold at that."

"He hates cold tea but I was right when I said he hates wasting tea even more." Hanji stated, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Yeah. You were. After that, everything happened so fast. One moment he's asking that I clear the tray away; yes, he was asking. The next..." I trailed off, feeling my skin heat up again.

"Let me guess... He kissed you again didn't he?" she asked, a smirk overtaking her mouth.

"What?! N-no, he didn't. At least, not then." I stuttered out, cursing myself afterwards when I realized what I had said. Her eyes grew big and bright at the sudden return of her enthusiasm.

"So he DID kiss you again! Finally! Took him three weeks to do it, shesh." She ranted. I blinked at her a couple time, my embarrassment being replaced by shock. She knew about the roof top as well. Sina, what else was she holding out on me?

"Hold up! Since when do YOU know about the fact that Heichou... he..." I couldn't get the words out.

"Kissed you? Oh. Levi told me." She stated nonchalantly, leaning back into her spot on the sofa. "I had to pry it out of him but he told me. Poor guy was lit up as red as the head of a match. It was kinda adorable."

I sat there listening to Hanji, my expression changing once again but this time, to one of wonder and amazement. I didn't think the captain could blush but apparently I was wrong.

"So, if not then, what DID happen?" She questioned, suddenly throwing me back onto the track of our original conversation.

"Um, he... the captain made a grab for me and... pinned me." If my face wasn't already flushed with blush, this topic and the event following would definitely do the trick. "He said something about being too exhausted to be angry at me, saying that the sleep inducing tea had your name written all over it."

"I'm not surprised, honestly." Hanji muttered.

"He then started talking nonsense, saying for me to stay with him. But I've been doing that already for the past few weeks since he made me share his living quarters with him and all. His word made no sense to me at all." Hanji shook her head softly with an exasperated look at her face. "What's with that look?" I asked with a slight edge in my voice.

"Nothing. Continue." She shut me down. I rolled my eyes and reluctantly continued.

"He let me go after that and I helped him back to the room. He was so out of it he could barely stand or walk straight. I tried getting him into some different clothes to sleep in instead of his uniform but... he... I... we kissed." My whole body felt warm at the immense blush and buried my face into my hands. "There? Are you happy Hanji?" I asked, my voice muffled by my hands.

"Very. That's some interesting data for both of my research projects." She stated, moving over to her desk to write down the result and picking up a couple of binders.

"What do you mean 'both'?" I snapped, jumping up at yanking one of the folders out of her hands. _"Ackerman and Valkihar Study"_ The front cover read. "What the hell is this?!" I yelled.

"It's just a few notes and stuff I've made about you two. I figured that something like this would happen and I wanted to document it. Ya'll are such interesting specimens and all, I just couldn't resist the temptation." She explained, her own soft blush appearing across her cheeks as she got that usual look in her eye. The one that she would how when talking about research projects involving titans.

"You've got to be kidding me?! We aren't like your captured Titan children to research and prod at. Hell, this between me and Heichou shouldn't...!" I stopped suddenly, realizing what I was trying to say. "It shouldn't have happened at all." I stated, my voice tinged with a touch of sadness and remorse.

I was confused about what to think of it all in truth. It all had happened so fast on both occasions. Sure there was always some sort of admiration I held for the captain and all I wanted was to make him pleased with me as a soldier but... now, I just wanted him to be happy. I, myself, wanted to be happy; by his side at that.

 _You shoulder know better than that, deary. That pipsqueak of a captain is still in an entirely different league than you. In more ways than one. Keep your head on straight for once. It would do us all a favor._ My inter voice piped up and, though I hated to admit it, it was right.

I sighed softly to myself. Why couldn't thing had just stayed the same? How in the walls did this even happen?

Hanji had resigned herself a little and now looked at me a with a slight hint of caution as she took the gently pried the folder from my hands.

"I didn't mean it like that Celica." She stated before setting the folder down on the desk behind her before leaning back on the piece of furniture. "Whenever something starts to baffle me, I want to study it. I make folders, notes, anything that could help me piece together the answer I'm looking for. When it comes to you and Levi... it is truly something I've never seen before."

My head snapped up to look up at her with a perplexed expression. What the hell was she talking about?

"Levi is strange in his own ways, as I'm sure you're well aware of by now. You aren't much different though. Equally strange but different at the same time. Seeing the reaction you've caused in him, and then his influence on you... I thought I would have called bullshit if I haven't seen it for myself."

"Um... Hanji, sorry but you lost me somewhere. What are you getting at here?"

A smile appeared across her lips as the light reflected off the lens of her glasses before she pushed them back up the bridge of her nose.

"Levi thinks that he's incapable of feeling certain emotions. Like attraction or love for instance. I swear sometimes that he's right; being so full of anger and harshness all of the time and acting like he's got a stick up his ass." I let a small chuckle out of her description of the captain. "But lately I've noticed a few changes in him. Sure, his insomnia doesn't make his temper much better than usual but it's the reason behind it that baffles me."

"I get it; he isn't sleeping. Obviously, since we just drugged him into an overnight coma basically." I remarked, my patience wearing thin. Hanji picked up on it and a smirk formed.

"He isn't sleeping because he's too caught up in himself and watching over you. He's struggling to admit that he likes you. But when he thinks that no one is looking, it's as plain as day on his face." I stared at her with parted lips as the breath caught in my throat, a blush creeping up on my face. "I've never seen him like this and it kinda gives me a little hope for him. It's like watching a teenager's first crush."

She paused for a moment, glancing up as her hand touched her chin in thought.

"Actually, that's probably exactly what this is. And judging from the look on your face, the feeling's mutual." I quickly shut my mouth and collected myself, glancing down at the floor. "I'm right aren't I?"

"It's doesn't matter. I can't like someone like him. He's my Heichou; my superior. It's wrong." I blurted out, the words matching the bitterness that had collected in my stomach.

"Celica..." She began, shaking her head softly. "I see you're point. Fraternization between officers and cadets could add risk on mission by clouding a soldier's judgement when it comes to the hard decisions. But should that really matter right now? I can't see Erwin condemning something like that..."

"Well I do." I stated bluntly, cutting Hanji off. "Even if you were right about me and Le- about Heichou, the mission always comes first."

With that, I turned my back to her and headed for the door.

"Celica..." She called out and I stopped to glance back at her. "It's just food for thought but the mission always eventually ends. After that, all there is is life. Life should be spent being happy. Don't you want that?"

I soaked in her words, thinking back to the dream I had when I woke up again in the infirmary. _I WANT TO BE HAPPY!_ The words screamed back at me from my memories.

"Yes, I do but..." The captain's words still haunted me. "I can't expect that anymore."

I slipped back into the captain's room and sat against the cooling wood of the door, pulling my knees up to my chest. I had came back to this place on instinct, not thinking to go back to my own room for once while I had the chance. I was already trained in that way and I resented it, burying my face in my arms.

Across the room, the captain was lightly snoring as he slept deeply. The sound calmed me to an extent but tears pricked at the corners of my eyes. Tears of frustration. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn't. He was so familiar now, so close that it was like he was a part of me now. Hell, now a days we more or less came as a packaged deal; one not going anyways without the other closely behind.

I wiped the tears away with the back of my sleeve but new ones pooled immediately; finally spilling over the edge. Damn it, why were tears always involved when I am around him?

I sighed to myself and let my head hit softly against the door behind me. I sat there for a moment longer, unsure of exactly what to do next. I crossing a line that I wasn't sure if I could. I wasn't the same person anymore, by far. Captain Levi made sure of that. But as I sat there wondering, thinking, my body moved on its own and back out the door.

One night, I told myself. One night I could stand to be away from him. Besides, having him mad at me in the morning might just bring a little more normalcy back.


	32. Escape

**A/N: Hello everyone. I'm sorry this is up so late. I finally got this chapter finished though and I hope you like it. Later on, I won't lie, it gets sad and a little heart wrenching. Celica needed a break finally but even I didn't think that it would happen like this. Please enjoy, and don't forget to review, favorite, and or follow the story if you like it. Signing off for now, Ciao!**

 **CELICA'S POV**

Petra lifted her head from her journal at the sound of the door clicking open. I quickly slipped inside and sighed, thankful to be back in my shared room for the first time in weeks,

"Holy shit, she lives!" She exclaimed, tossing her journal to the side as she pulled herself to the edge of her bed.

"Yeah, barely. Heichou's threats of lack of privacy were _not_ empty threats after all." I huffed out, traipsing over to my long forgotten bed and threw myself down on the sheets. For once, I was glad that I hadn't had a chance to change the sheets before my sudden 'entrapment'. It smelled familiar; like home after a long and hard day's work.

"I heard. I kinda figured that after they spontaneously went 'poof' all of a sudden. Truth be told, it's been kind of lonely without you here."

"The feeling is mutual on that last remark. I never thought I would miss human social contact so much." Petra chuckled softly.

"Levi Heichou isn't always the best company, huh?" She beamed.

"Yep, but I already knew that before I join the squad." A brief huff of laughter escaped me and Petra simply smiled. Good to know that she was still the same after three weeks of me being kept away from basically the entire Corp.

"So he finally decided to let you go? Thought you had enough?" She questioned. An slight look of uneasiness slipped into my face as I forced my head up from the soft fabric to look up at her.

"Not... exactly. I snuck away. Hopefully he'll be out for a while yet." She gave me a questioning look for a brief moment.

"Do I _wanna_ know?"

"One word. Hanji." I stated. Petra sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Enough said." She said, holding her hand up in the air. "

"What all have I missed?"

Petra shrugged her shoulders and let them slump a little, tilting her head up in thought.

"Just the usual training and all. Nothing too out of the ordinary. The guys are a handful as always. _Especially_ Auruo... damn pest." She muttered at the end. "We miss having you around though. It's kinda lonely being the only girl again."

I quirked an eyebrow up at her and felt a small blush rise to my cheeks. They... missed me?

"Hey, Petra? Feel like a small night time adventure?" I asked. Her eyes widened a little as she looked over at me.

"Well, I guess. But why do you ask all of a sudden?" I sat up and slowly got to me feel, pulling the tight pull of my muscles on my ribs.

"I could use a little fresh air and a good stretch. Figured you might wanna come, just in case." She cocked her head to the side in thought for a moment.

"What did you have in mind?"

I felt a small smile put at my featured as I quickly changed into another set of civilian clothes that Hanji had somehow snuck into my belongings of my room as well. I slipped on a thick maroon long sleeve shirt and black slim fitting jeans before carefully tucking the clothes just previously worn into a drawer for pick up later.

"A little 3D Maneuvering exercise actually; if you're up for it." I explained.

"Celica, I don't think that's such a good idea." Petra admonished, her body language suddenly showing how uneasy the idea truly made her.

"Oh, come on. I've been basically held hostage for the past month by the silently brooding midget that we call "Levi Heichou" and I honestly need a break from it. I thought you would jump at the chance for us to spend some time together again." I ranted out.

It was true; I wanted to be away from the captain, I needed a change of pace, and for once I was reaching out to someone instead of curling in on myself again. Was she seriously gonna reject it?

"Yeah but I don't think using our gear at night time is such a wise idea. I don't want you getting hurt again." She said, her voice unwavering as usual. She cared, that much was certain; but I was really hoping she wouldn't go into a mother hen mode on me.

"That's exactly why I thought you would want to come along. Just in case."

Petra remained silent and dropped her eyes down to her lap. I sighed and shrugged my shoulders, heading for the door.

"Sorry, never mind then. I'm not gonna force you. However I'm dying to get out of this infernal HQ. Been cooped up for too long." I stated while slipping out the door. I heard no further response from Petra as the door closed behind me; no movement from the interior. Inside my chest however, I did feel my heart quiver just as little.

Down in the armory, I found my gear in it's usual holding place and started adjusting the spare sets of straps that I kept along side of it. I took my time adjusting them, making sure that they fit snug against my body. If I'm going alone, I especially didn't want to risk a fall or slip while I'm out there due to my own negligence. I inspected my gear thoroughly and fitted it with newly filled gas tanks. Securing everything in place, I glanced over at the engraved plaque about my gear slotting.

 _Valkihar, Celica_

 _Special Operations Squad_

I ran my fingertips over the shiny bronze, my gaze fixated on the small item. I was a few months shy of two years with the Survey Corp and never had I actually taken the time to notice mine or really anyone else's. Once I would cross the threshold of the armory doors, it's like my body went into auto pilot. I would just grab my gear, somehow always finding it immediately by the distinct scratches that so many missions and training exercises have put on it and slipped it on. I never realized that they were there until now.

Maybe it was a new thing and I wasn't slowly losing my mind. Maybe.

I glanced to the left and saw the rest of the squad's plaques secured above their own sets of gear. Petra, Gunter, Auruo, and Eld respectively as I trailed down the line with my eyes. The last one I bothered to look at with the Captain's.

 _Ackerman, Levi_

 _Captain of Special Operations Squad_

I sighed softly and shook my head. I was trying to use this time to clear my mind from him. I couldn't waste it dotting on the small things.

Heading out of the armory, I had set out for the training forest at the far edge of the property and had reached the edge when I heard footsteps shuffling quickly behind me. In the bright moonlight, I saw Petra running up to me, her gear thrown on top of the civilian clothes she was wearing earlier.

"Celica!" She called out, stopping behind me with a couple huffs of breath.

"Petra? I thought you weren't coming." She immediately pulled a wide smile across her lips.

"I guessed that I could make an exception just this once. Besides, if Levi Heichou is out cold like you said he is, then that's one less person I have to worry about catching us." She explained, her cheerfulness seeming to spill over in her voice.

I huffed softly, a smirk etching itself into my face while I shook my head.

"Of course you would worry about being caught by _him_ right now. But, whatever you say."

With that, I launched myself into the trees and into the abyss of the night forest. All other thoughts vanished from my mind, the cold wind whipping around me as pressed further into the forest. I swore that I heard Petra calling out for me somewhere behind me but I chose to block her out. Just for a few moments.

I grounded the cables in the bark of a set of adjacent trees, quickly retracting them from their hold as I reached the height of my jump. I threw myself back and let my body fall into a natural back flip, closing my eyes for a brief moment and feeling of weightlessness curling in the pit of my stomach. By the walls, I felt free again. I reopened my eyes once more to fire the cables into another set of trees and I continues to somersault and flip through the air, lost in my own personal bliss.

Somewhere off behind me, Petra continued calling for me off in the darkness. I angled myself for the tops of the trees and landed on one of the sturdier branches. Petra settled next to me, panting softly. And I thought _I_ was the one out of shape at the moment. What had they been doing for the past month? Jack-jawing the entire time it seemed like without the captain constantly looking over _their_ shoulder; with him choosing to look over mine instead.

"Please don't run off like that. We can't see very far at night." Petra admonished. I chuckled softly and sat on the branch, looking up at the bright night sky.

"Why do you think that I came up high then? You can see pretty far up in the canopy." I stated, pointing out the masses of stars and moonlight hovering over us. Petra looked up at I heard her breath catch at the sight.

"We haven't stargazed since..." She stopped herself. Then I remembered why.

"Since the night before Mikael and so many others lost their lives that day on the plains." I stated, my voice low and my happiness quickly fading away.

Petra regarded me with embarrassed silence, wishing that she had not brought it up to begin with.

"Sorry." She muttered. "It's still relatively fresh, isn't it? His loss..."

I nodded slowly. "Yeah, relatively. If it wasn't for..." I stopped myself. I didn't want to say it; his name. I didn't want to talk about the painful situation that had put me in this sad state of affairs, let alone praise him for saving my ass and helping me recover (in his own sick and demented way). Being stuck with him for the past month had healed my body but clouded my heart and mind.

"For... what? Celica?" Petra spoke up, jarring me from my thoughts.

"It's nothing. I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh come on, please don't give me that crap. You can trust us, or at least me. You were fine opening up to me back in the room."

"I needed to vent, that's all. It's been a long month. A _very_ long month." I stated softly, curling a knee up to my chin and resting my face on it. Petra sighed beside me and finally sat next to me.

"It has, and you've spent it with Heichou as well. I guess I can't blame you then. He isn't the easiest person to get along with at times." She admitted.

"Trying living with him then. It's worse." I snarked. She blushed softly and twirled the ends of a few strands of hair in between her fingertips.

"It can't be _that_ bad." She reasoned, her voice soft and low.

"Maybe not for you. You're in love with the man. It's... different, for me though."

I clenched a fist tightly as I spat out the words towards her. I set my jaw and gritted my teeth before standing back up. I couldn't do this... not anymore. I couldn't talk about him to Petra. There was too much of a chance that I would let something slip. Hanji was just as useless as well; I was too worried she would go blabbing her big fat mouth to the entire Corp if I willing gave her any good gossip. However Petra was a hard _**NO**_ when it came to airing out my grievances of the captain.

She viewed him through rose colored glasses; the picture of imperfect perfection. An oxymoron sure, but the words fit her feelings like a glove. If nothing else, I valued her as a decent human being, if not a friend, and the last thing that I wanted was to crush her hopes and dreams of him. To my knowledge, if she was actively pursuing him or made any inkling of her feelings to him, it seemed that he didn't reciprocate it though. But then again, the man was a walking mystery.

"I'm going back." I told her, not giving her the chance to speak a word before shot off back in the direction of headquarters.

I was flying, but not only just that. I was also running. I was running from the world around me; trying to escape my bitter reality if only for a moment. Running from the pain, the hurt, the confusion, the frustration. From him; from Captain Levi, and then immediately right back towards him. Even now, that's all I could do; run, mentally and physically.

Physically, I would chase have to chase him down the halls when he suddenly would attempt to disappear on me and I would have to catch up before he suddenly could turn around and start berating me. Mentally, I would shut down and attempt to shut him out despite him having worked his way into almost every thought and dream of mine. I was drowning in his presence, his scent, his gaze. He had for some reason become so obsessed with me seemingly overnight. Thing was, the obsession was mutual.

 _"Don't get so cocky. Not everything he does has to pertain to you and your own feelings."_ The spiteful voice from the back of my mind spoke.

But honestly, I couldn't think of any other explanation to his behavior. I caught him watching me out of the corner of his eye more than a few times, his usual harsh scowl somehow absent from his expression. I would be roused from sleep many a night by a solid warm body next to me while my hair was stroked with a gentle touch, and though my eyes wouldn't open, I knew it was the captain. His touch had seared itself into my memory and could start a storm inside me just as easily as it could calm it. He would ignore me most days but the days he didn't, he would corner and tease me with slick double meanings and sultry words. He would get so close that it caused physical pain in my chest from how hard my heart was beating against my sternum. And yet, today was the first time in what felt like ages since we had kissed.

He caved in so easily and didn't fight me at all on it. I loved it.

 _"It was the drugs, you said it yourself. It won't happen again. Even if it does, he will only use you. He'll claim you and everything you are just to make a point. He doesn't care about you at all as a person. You're his underling and THAT'S ALL YOU WILL EVER BE!"_

I flew higher and faster, dodging incoming branches with a quick deftness that rivaled the best 3DM Gear users in the Corp. I felt a line snag on a overhead branch and falter my smooth flying, jerking me and causing me to hit hard against the side of the tree that had caught me. I grimaced in pain for a moment, clutching my side. Damn it all, I wasn't supposed to get hurt while I was out here. Now the captain will definitely know that I slipped away if I had.

Petra was calling out for me again, begging for me to wait just a moment for her to catch up. Her pleas fell on deaf ears as I continued on to the edge of the forest, landing hard on the ground as I came to a halting stop once more. A moment later, she was behind me again, recoiling her equipment as she strutted after me.

"Celica please stop!" She called. My footsteps halted as I turned to look at her over my shoulder. "I didn't think my words would upset you like that. But seriously, what's wrong. Please talk to me; I would have thought you would know you can tell me anything by now."

"Not everything." I glared at the ground, my hands re-clenching into fists. "There are just a few things too personal that discuss aloud." She propped her hands onto her hips and shifted her weight onto one leg.

"Celica, you've cried in front of me and the entire squad after losing Mikael and then later admitted to being a virgin in front a whole room. I doubt there's anything much more personal than those two instances that you couldn't tell me about." She reasoned. I sighed heavily and shook my head.

"There is; and it's not something I can tell anyone else about either. _Especially_ you." I looked up at Petra and saw the look of shock and hurt that she wore openly on her face. "Trust me when I tell you it's for the best this way though. I don't want to hurt you." I said in an almost whisper but somehow, Petra managed to catch it.

"Why... would you be worried about hurting _me_?" She questioned. My stomach dropped and left me feeling queasy.

"Levi Heichou... isn't like you think he is. At least in my opinion... He **_is_ _cold_**. He _**is** **brash**_. He _**is hateful**_. And he **_does_** lie... often, at that."

 _"So do you."_ The voice returned.

"I'm not trying to change the way you see him because you're personal feelings of him are still none of my business. But I will be **damned** if let him fuck around with other people's feelings for kicks! **ESPECIALLY MINE!** " I shouted.

Petra looked at me with wide and concerned eyes. Fuck, I've said too much. I couldn't bear to look at her anymore and sprinted off towards the armory, unclipping my gear hastily as I left her once again behind me. It was a bad idea from the start, just like she said it was. I should have listened. I should have shut my mouth from the very start and not said a damn thing to her about it. About him.

I basically threw my gear back into it's spot before the tears that were collecting in my eyes spilled over. Not again. Not here.

I rushed through the halls with no end goal in mind. I couldn't go back to my room and try to explain everything to Petra. I couldn't go the Captain's room, I still didn't want to be around him right now. I didn't want to go to the roof. It was too open and free. I wanted to be somewhere closed off and small and dark to hide away. I found a small unused storage closet that sat at the base of a set of stairs and quickly slipped in, slamming the door behind me and locking it from the inside. I curled up in the small dark space, my back to the corner and knees pulled tightly into my chest as I sobbed into my knees.

Why? **Why?!**

Why was I crying again? Why did I say that to Petra and run off after trying to drag her out there to begin with? Why was I trying to run from the captain, only to turn around and come right back? I drowned out all other impending thoughts as I repeated those same questions over and over in my head, tears streaming heavily down my cheeks, staining my clothes. I cried for what seemed like hours, begging this ache in my chest to stop. The heartache I felt was worse than fractured ribs by a thousand fold and I begged for any other kind of pain to replace the one I felt right now. The conflict that was warring inside me.

The night continued to wear on but my tears didn't stop. Not even as the morning came the next day.


	33. Consequences

**A/N: Hey everyone! Two chapters in two days. I feel like I'm on a roll again. At least for now.**

 **This chapter deals mainly with the repercussions of Celica's choice for leaving last night. I'm hoping that this gets the ball rolling for those of you who are anxious for the "good stuff" to officially begin. Hope you guys like it. Ciao for now!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I woke up the next morning with my back aching, my tailbone numb, and my face stiff from dried tears. I could hear a stampede of footfalls outside the door of my secret hiding place in the hallways. People were running around frantic and shouting though their words were muffled from my sleepy haze. I groaned softly and struggled to shift, my muscles protesting me loudly as I struggled to move. Sleeping curled up in a corner wasn't such a good idea looking back at it but honestly, I didn't care anymore. All that crying had left me utterly and completely numb and I welcomed the feeling back with metaphorical arms.

When the footfalls died down outside and silence filled the air once more, I emerged from my hiding place, stretching my arms and legs briefly before rubbing my lower back. I twisted my back in one direction, then the other, hearing and feeling the collection of audible cracks and pops along my spine. It wasn't a cure all for my tight muscles but it at least it relieved a good bit of pressure nonetheless.

I traipsed through the hallways while still in a slight daze, unsure once more of where to go. I was caught between a rock and a hard place: the Captain or Petra. Which direction would I go and who was I less scared of facing? A loud crash around one of the corners answered my question for me.

" _WHERE IS SHE?! WHERE THE FUCK HAS THAT BITCH GONE OFF TO?!"_

Shit. I should have seen this coming from a mile away. Last night I did and made my decision regardless, but now... I was unsure if it had been worth it after all.

I turned the corner and found a disheveled and half dress captain, still clothed in the pants he fell asleep in last night with his white shirt thrown on and hastily buttoned half way shut; he hadn't bothered to put on any kind of shoes when he left his room, nor did he look at a mirror to examine the mess of bed hair that stuck out in a few places. He looked like a complete wreck.

"Now, now Levi. I'm sure she will turn up soon." Hanji tried calming him down as the Commander stood there as a witness to the captain's raging and carnage.

"SHE HAD BETTER." He snarled, kicking in the door to another room before disappearing beyond my field of vision. However, I could still hear the threats that poured from the captain's mouth as he shouted. "WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU VALKIHAR, YOU'RE A DEAD BRAT!"

I shuddered as my breath hitched in my throat. He shouldn't be up yet. How long was I gone? When did he wake up and why?

 _"Kiss your ass goodbye sweetheart. That captain of yours is gonna rip you a new one."_ The voice in my head provoked. She was right... I'm so dead. I could feel a pair on eyes on me and looked over in the direction of the incoming gaze, the commander's eyes meeting straight with mine. I froze, my blood running cold. Yep, I'm definitely a dead woman.

"Hanji..." The Commander spoke up, keeping his stern gaze level with mine. Hanji looked up at him quizzically for a moment before following his line of sight to find me still standing in the same spot as before.

"Celica..." She whispered, immediately attempting to rush towards me. I took a couple steps back, holding a lowered hand away from me to keep some distance between us, ready to bolt at the blink of an eye. She stopped, seeing how hesitant and scared my bodily language was. I searched Hanji's face for her internal thoughts and feelings, the look on her face at first looking relieved and then worried immediately after. She looked over at the Commander, who was watching the captain off in the other room.

Their eyes followed him until he reappeared in the doorway, a look of pure hatred and resentment etched into his face. The captain took notice of how silent the other two had become and angrily asked what they were staring at. Hanji's eyes faltered to glance back in my direction and the captain followed the line of sight. His eyes then met mine, his stormy gray orbs turned black with anger. He growled low in his throat, fists clenching tightly beside him.

" _Valkihar_. _"_ He spat. " _Get. Out. Here. This. Instance."_ He demanded, his tone dropping even further into a deadly tone with every word he enunciated.

I swallowed my pride and fear down in one go and stepped into the hallway, stopping only when I was a good couple of feet from the three officers, hanging my head and breaking eye contact with the captain. Silence filled the air for only a split second before the cracking sound of a slap resonated in the hall ways. The side of my face burned from the harshness of his strike but I held my tongue, not wanting to dig my grave any deeper.

"I will give you one chance to come clean and tell me the truth. Now, tell me..." He stated, forcing himself to calm down as he spoke and took a few steps towards me, stopping with barely an inch left in between us. "Where the FUCK were you?"

My hands trembled softly and then formed loose fists by my sides, the air in my lungs suddenly feeling stale as my ability to speak was all but lost while he glared at me harshly.

"I... got upset... and left. Spent some time outside. The rest... I..." I struggled to piece together my words, unsure of what exactly to tell him. I couldn't out-rightly state where I had gone and why, not with Hanji and the Commander as our audience. I glanced to each of my sides and noticed a few random faces of soldiers that had peeked their heads out to see what the whole commotion was about. Just great; now there was a crowd.

" _Why_ did you _leave_?" The captain questioned, the edge in his voice could cut the tension in the air like a knife. I clenched my fists tighter as more tears collected in my eyes, coloring my vision in a dull rainbow haze.

"I... I can't say, Heichou... Not here." I whimpered softly.

His eyes flared with anger as he reached out and grabbed me by the front of my shirt, pulling me off of my feet and having me land hard on my knees as he held me in place. If I thought the captain looked deadly back when he held the sparring matches, he thoroughly resembled a demon at this point with the way red tinged his dark irises and his mouth quirking into a harsh snarl.

"I remember specifically telling you that you wouldn't go anywhere or do anything without my explicit permission. Why the hell is that so hard to get through your fucking head?!" His grip on my shirt tightened as he spoke and I had shut my eyes tightly since he began speaking, when I heard the Commander clear his throat.

"I would consider taking this conversation elsewhere Levi. You have too many spectators." He advised. Immediately the captain raised his head to glare at the sounding crowd.

 _ **"**_ **IF YOU HAVE TIME TO STAND AROUND GAWKING THEN YOU HAVE TO TIME TO TRAIN! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!"** He shouted, a rush of bodies moving all at once to either hide in their rooms or run down the hallways and away from the scene. The captain let go of my shirt, allowing me to land on the floor in front of him.

"Levi." Hanji began, a worried look in her eyes. "Surely it was okay that she had come to see _me_ right? Please don't be too harsh on her."

"And that incessant coddling is the _very_ reason why I don't want her around you, Shit Eyes!" He spat back. "Let alone without me present. It's your fucking fault that this happened anyways; drugging my tea again just to get me to sleep!"

"You drugged his tea, Hanji?" The Commander spoke up and Hanji immediately tensed.

"He looked like he hadn't sleep in weeks. I HAD to do SOMETHING. I AM one of the few medical professionals here and I say that it was necessary." She argued, a slight panic filtering through her voice. The Commander sighed, glancing back down at me.

"Anyways... Levi, Valkihar, you're free to go for now. Hanji, you'll be coming with me however." Hanji groaned softly, giving me an apologetic look before leaving me to follow behind the Commander as he left the disappointing scene.

I sat on my knees at the feet of the Captain, my head still hung in fear and shame as he stood there. He sighed heavily, glaring daggers at me from above.

"What are you thinking, brat?" He questioned, the edge in his voice a little duller however it still remained.

"When did you wake up?" I responded, my body suddenly feeling like lead sinking down in a deep body of water.

"Four this morning. It's almost nine now. So that means that I've spent five hours searching for you, you damn brat."

Five hours?! He had been awake that long? And he had been looking for me the entire time? Was everyone else searching with him? Because if they were, they couldn't find a 3DM blade in a haystack as big as a pile horse shit out in the pasture. Regardless, was he seriously this angry with me only because I disobeyed him and snuck away or... was he genuinely worried about me?

He tugged hard as he grabbed a fist full of my hair to force me to look up at him. His face had returned to it's usual stoic mask but his eyes still shone brightly with emotion.

"I hope you enjoyed your night of freedom because I swear by the walls, it will be the last one you have for a long while if I have anything to do with it." He growled out before roughly thrusting my head back down and letting go of my hair.

He turned to start heading back down the hallway, expecting me to follow him without a word. He stopped when he realized that I had not moved yet and turned back towards me.

"... _Valkihar_..." He warned.

I sighed and brought myself back to my feet, feeling shaky on my legs all of a sudden as I walked towards him. Unsurprisingly, he led us back to his room, allowing me in before hastily throwing the locks and deadbolt on the door. I was back in my prison cell again, with a man that I swore would be the death of me. A man who was looking at me like a predator looks at it's prey; like a meal to be devoured.

I was in deep shit.

He paced for a few moments, his harsh gaze never lifting from me, completely baffled of what to do next. When the footsteps stopped all together, only one word left his mouth as he spoke.

"Kneel."

One word. One single word was all it took to make my heart feel like it would burst in my chest from anxiety. Even as my pulse hammered through me, reluctantly I agreed and knelt down in front of him as he stood there with a thoroughly irritated expression on his face and his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"I've reached the end of my rope with you Valkihar, so you should be proud of yourself; no one else has given me as much trouble as you." He stated, moving to stand closer in front of me.

"I'm sorry, Heichou." I muttered, keeping my eyes glued to the fists that I held in my lap. The captain clicked his tongue in disdain and pulled my chin up to look at him in the eyes. I loved his eyes; they were always so much more expressive than the rest of him. However now I could feel myself trembling because those eyes were looking at me with such a high level of distrust and anger that I just simply wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"You know that 'sorry' doesn't quite cut it with me. And I am absolutely furious with you right now." He stated in a dangerously dark and low tone. "Maybe if you tell me why you left and went out on your own then... maybe... maybe I'll think of going easy on you. However, I can't forgive you. Not right now."

I averted my gaze though he still held my face in place. I couldn't tell him. I couldn't let me know exactly how far to madness he had driven me.

"Please, don't make me say it." I begged him, liquid collecting in the corners of my eyes again.

"No. You owe me an explanation, and a good one at that." I jerked my face down but his grip on me only tightened and pulled my face back in front of his. "Don't try anything stupid and SPEAK."

I cursed myself and defiantly met my eyes with his, my own embarrassment and guilt seeping through. It thoroughly pissed me off how he could control me so easily and manipulate me. He had me right where he wanted, on my knees and obedient to his every whim with enough persuasion. I cursed myself again and then him. I hated him. I hated him so much it hurt. I hated him because of the things he did to me; the inner turmoil that I would wage within myself. I hated him because he seemed to be amused by it at the very least. I hated him... because I liked him just as much.

 _"Oh don't go pulling that lame lovey dovey bullshit sweetheart. Don't make me sick."_ The voice of doubt stated. " _You and I both know you don't have the time or the desire for someone to like. To love. And Levi Heichou will never see you like that anyways. Just look at how pissed he is at you right now. You won't be anything more than the dirt underneath his boot. He's too good for you."_

"Valkihar." He called out, voice still low as we stared one another down. "Are you just going to sit there all day or are you going to tell what I want to know?" He questioned, letting go of my face after another moment of silence. "Fine then."

I dropped my face again as I heard his fetch something from a drawer somewhere in the room. I couldn't speak. I couldn't tell him those things. I just couldn't.

"Since you're so keen and misbehaving, then I guess I'll just have to make sure you don't escape again." He informed as he stood behind me with the sounds of metal clinking in his hands. "Hands behind your back." He ordered. I moved my hands and he secured the heavy metal shackles on my wrists, trapping my arms and adjusting the chain so that it ran underneath the ankles that I was sitting on. Basically I was hogtied while somehow managing to stay upright, wrapped up like a demented present for show.

"There... You won't be going anywhere for a good while then. At least until you start playing nice and telling me why you left when I told you otherwise to stay." He moved back around to stand in front of me, arms crossed with a couple of stray strips of cloth tucked away under one of his arms in his hand. "And we will stay like this until then."

My body was still numb from sleeping in that storage closet last night, so it's not like I could feel how uncomfortable this was anymore. I thought to myself, choosing to wait it out instead. The Captain cocked his head to the side, his expression softening a little and knelt in front of me.

"Why didn't you come back at least? When I saw you were gone I started to panic, thinking that you had gone and done something stupid again." He confessed, hanging his head and touching his forehead to mine. "I searched everywhere I could think for you. I went and checked the mess hall, the roof, the courtyard, your room, everywhere."

My room... Petra.

"Did Petra have anything to say?" I asked hesitantly. He sighed softly, placing a hand at the nape of my neck and running his thumb across my skin.

"She told me that you two went out into the forest for a while. Then you started acting weird after she said something but she wouldn't tell me what. She thought you went back to the room and didn't think much else of it."

My shoulders began to shake as the tears that pooled in my eyes dropped to land in my lap. Guilt seeped into every pore of my skin as the tears returned once more. Apparently I hadn't cried enough last night. Why was the universe so cruel to me right now? What had I done that was so bad to cause this amount of hurt? And why was it hitting me all at once like a freight train?

"Dammit..." I choked out, remembering how I had left her out there last night. That was a shitty move, because I was a shitty friend. I shouldn't have been surprised by it however; I was never good at making and keeping friends. "I shouldn't have left her like that."

"So you feel guilty for leaving her, but not me? Despite the fact that you were not given permission to leave?" He questioned, the harshness returning to his voice before pulling back from me.

"I just needed a break. That's all. I thought I just needed space from you but... while we were gone, I realized that I didn't just want space from you. I realized that I just wanted to be alone in general. Just me and my thoughts, in a space all of my own. As for my guilt... it's eating me alive."

The captain watched me carefully, as if drinking in every word I spoke.

"How so?"

"Heichou... I realized long ago that the things I want in this life are impossible to obtain and hold onto. Things like freedom, family, friends... love... Apparently it doesn't suit me. It feels like this world has officially made me the butt of all the fucked up jokes. The way things are now, it's extremely confusing."

With him remaining silent, I figured that he was waiting for my to explain what it was that I meant.

"You're so contradictory. You treat me like a prisoner but... you stay up late watching over me as I sleep, trying to coax me to stay asleep whenever I wake. You look at me with such coldness but your touch is gentle. You barely speak to me and when you do, you tease me or lash out with words that make me want to resent you. You've kissed me and swore to take me for your own but I'm no one's to control. Not like that. You own me, you control me because you're my superior officer but... this, whatever _this_ is... I hate it."

He stared at me with silent unwavering eyes, still waiting for me to continue.

"I ran... because I can't figure you out. I'm stuck wondering day in and day out what you think of me. Wondering exactly what I am to you anymore. I hate it! I hate YOU! I'm no one's pet! Not your's! Not anyone's! So don't fuck with my head and lead me around like a dog on a leash to entertain you!" I yelled.

He regarded me for a moment longer, tilting his head down so that his eyes were hidden by the shadows of his bangs. He brought a hand up to caress the cheek that was still inflamed by the slap that he had given me in the hallway. I flinched at his touch and sucked in a quick breath from the stinging sensation on my face.

"Do you seriously think you're the only one?"


	34. Bittersweet

**A/N: Alright everyone, I'm just gonna go ahead and get this out of the way. THIS CHAPTER IS PART OF/IS THE ENTIRE REASON THAT THIS STORY IS RATED M. You have been warned. Just saying. And for those of you who have been oh so been patiently been waiting for this moment, just please try to contain your nosebleeds to your own personal computers or phones. I'll have another chapter up hopefully soon so stay tuned! Ciao for now!**

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

"Do you seriously think you're the only one?" I asked.

Valkihar's eyes grew wide and shone with leftover tears at the question I had planted in her mind. I brushed away the dried trail-marks that marred her cheeks as I exhaled a shaky breath.

"Do you honestly think, for a single moment, that I don't wonder the same things? That I don't feel guilt, remorse, confliction; I'm only human you know. I _am_ prone to moments of weakness."

"Stop lying, Heichou. It isn't becoming of you." She remarked, dropping her gaze from me and shrugging away from my touch. Her eyes burned with contempt and anger and I heard the jingle of metal chains being shifted behind her as she adjusted them.

"The only one lying here is you Valkihar. You aren't blameless in this, especially right now." I looked down at her, watching her shrink back just a little, guilt shining in those glistening eyes of hers. I decided that I need to drive the point home however.

"Tell me something... How do you think it feels to watch someone relive their worst nightmares right in front of your eyes every night? How do you think it feels watching that same person break right in front of you into little pieces after coming back from an expedition? Or perhaps having your name moaned in the middle of the night from her asleep in your own bed as she dreamed and writhed in the sheets on the rare occasion she didn't have a nightmare? Do you know what those things will do to a man?!"

In an instant, her face flushed three different shades of red right in front of my eyes as she gritted her teeth before dropping her face even further. Apparently she did remember at least a few of those dreams and it wasn't just me thinking I was going insane.

"I'm nothing special, Heichou." She muttered. "Why should it bother you anyways? You've seen more death and blood than almost anyone else here. You've watched people die just like the rest of us, yet it doesn't phase you. You still manage to stay cool, calm, and collected, and able to get the mission done. As for the... other thing. You should be used to females pining over you with... unrequited feelings. You brush Petra off easily enough."

So that's it...

"Just because I don't let it show doesn't mean that I don't feel pain from having to watch the people around me die. Just because I can stay collected doesn't mean that I enjoy watching everyone else fall apart at the seams. Including you. And just because I don't acknowledge Petra's feelings, it doesn't mean that I'm not capable of those things either."

If it was possible, her face flushed a even deeper shade of scarlet, refusing to look up at me.

"I highly doubt that, Heichou." She whispered.

"Then why did you kiss me yesterday if you thought I wouldn't reciprocate it?"

The question hung in the still air between us for a silent moment as I saw the turmoil churn inside Valkihar behind her eyes.

"It's only about sex for you. I made you a liar and in all actuality, that's exactly what you are. And that's the only reason that you would even want that from me to begin with. To use that against me to keep me wrapped around your finger and compliant. Blackmail isn't necessarily beneath you when it comes to your own goals and agenda."

"You don't know that. And not all of those things are true necessarily. However that still doesn't answer my question though." I pointed out.

"Call it... a moment of weakness." She said after another moment silence.

I felt a smirk rise to my lips as I remembered one of the strips of cloth that I still held in my hand. I pulled it across her eyes and tied it off behind her head.

"Heichou? What.."

"This is part of your punishment and don't try to argue with me. I can just as easily slip a gag on you as well."

"That would be rape, Heichou. You wouldn't go THAT far." She retorted through a series of trembles as they took over her limbs.

"You can't rape the willing, Valkihar. And by the time I'm done with you, you'll be begging for me to take you." She grimaced as the reality of her punishment was bearing down into her reality. "But your mind IS on the right track in this case."

Her whole body tensed as she tried to curl in on herself, the only thing stopping her were the shackles that bound her arms firmly behind her. There was only so far that her body would allow her to go and she knew it. I trailed my hand across her cheek again before bringing it down to caress her jawline and setting my fingers on her pulse point. Her heart rate was pounding beneath my fingertips and I felt my own heart jump in response. I pressed my lips to her forehead to hopefully calm her down just a little before whispering in her ear.

"Try to relax."

"Don't patronize me." She snapped at me, setting her jaw.

"I wasn't trying to. You aren't just another brat right now, otherwise I wouldn't be doing this. You're mine and I plan on searing that fact into your mind before it's all said and done." I stated before biting down onto her pulse point, nearly breaking skin as she let out a pained gasp. She shuddered as swept my tongue over the bite mark. Grabbing a handful of her hair to tilt her head to the side, I gave myself enough room to bite and suck on her skin to ensure that the mark I left would last.

Pulling back, I examined my handiwork and smirked again. "Now anyone who looks at that mark will know exactly from who it came from." And I relished in the thought. Her body still shook softly in front of me as she tried jerking her hands forwards only to be stopped by the shackles once more.

"Heichou, please... stop." She whimpered, her voice so soft that it was barely audible. I ran my lips down her neck, licking and nibbling until I reached the hallow of her throat while the other reach under the tail of her shirt and stroked the soft skin of her side. She groaned softly despite her apparent reluctance.

"Your mouth says one thing," Dragging my hand slowly up her side, feeling the goosebumps that quickly raised on her skin in the wake of my caress, I chuckled lowly when I found a perky breast and ran my thumb across it's raised peak. "But your body says another." I stated, bearing full witness to the shiver to ran through her whole body. I had her right where I wanted her.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I knew I was in deep shit the moment I heard him rampaging in the hallways, but the things he labeled as punishment for my actions had my stomach flipping in overwhelming pleasure. Damn it; why were virgins always so easily worked up? I wondered to myself, secretly wishing that I had some prior experience so that I didn't melt under him so easily. With every touch of his lips on my skin, I could feel my resolve quickly being chipped away. Even that harsh bite of his was intoxicating to say the very least, but only because it was _him_ and not anyone else.

"Heichou, please... stop." I pleaded with him, and myself. If I don't get a quick rein on myself then only disaster would follow. His lips trailed down my throat causing liquid fire to pour through my core. Either he knew exactly what he was doing or I was just that easy to please. I hoped that it wasn't the latter as his hand caressed my side with a gentle touch. I couldn't help the groan that left my lips and cursed myself mentally for it.

"You're mouth says one thing," He stated in a low sultry voice as he reached up and thumbed over a taunt nipple. Fuck; he was turning me on so easily and I flushed in embarrassment. "But you're body says another."

The pure lust and want that I heard in his voice clouded my own mind and sent a shiver up my spine. I bit my lip to keep any sounds that dared to want to escape at bay. I tested the shackles again, desperate to lay hands on him. If I couldn't touch him soon, it would be torture indeed.

He kissed my jawline once more before pulling back, the sudden withdrawal leaving me feeling empty and incomplete.

"What have I said about biting that lip of yours? Hmm?" He questioned, stroking my bottom lip softly as he cupped my cheek. I leaned into his touch and begged to whatever deity there was that he wouldn't just leave me as I was.

"That I would give a man the wrong impression if I kept it up." I repeated his words back to him, the statement forever burned into my memory along with the set of burning and fiery eyes that coupled with it from back then. He heard his chuckle lowly before his warm sweet breath enveloped me.

"Correct. It's almost as if you want this to keep going; do you, Valkihar?" The use of my last name again left my chest hollow and aching.

"What I want... is for you to say my name." I admitted.

"I have." He proclaimed, his voice lowering in octave. It frustrated me that he knew exactly what I was asking for but he just wanted me to outright say it for him.

"My first name." I pressed. He paused for another moment, pulling away from me before speaking again.

"I don't think you've earned such a reward. You've caused me quite a bit of trouble recently."

"Please, Heich-"

Before I finish getting the words out, his lips connected with mine, forgoing asking for entrance and claiming my mouth immediately with his tongue. I didn't refuse him, I couldn't; eagerly returning the kiss that relit the fire in my gut. He laced a hand into the hair at the nape of my neck and gripped it tightly, forcing me closer to him as he pulled me against him. The kiss was rougher this time but none the less passionate as I was soon completely lost in the taste of him. All too soon, he pulled away so suddenly that I groaned audibly in frustration. I could feel his smirk baring down on me.

"Close your eyes." He commanded.

"But I already can't-"

"Don't make me repeat myself, Valkihar." He warned in a low tone. I let out a huff breath and ensured that my eyes were firmly shut as I felt the blindfold being removed. "Keep them closed for now." He instructed, reaching behind me to remove the shackles from one of my wrists with a loud click and clang as the metal hit in the floor. Taking my hand in his, he held it for a moment before placing it on his chest in between the flaps of his half open shirt, right over his pounding heart.

My hand trembled against his bare skin as I felt every harsh thump of his heart beat.

"Now do you understand? The consequences of your actions? What you've done to me?" I could feel my skin flush a bright crimson as I slowly nodded. I could feel the pounding in his chest increase by just a fraction before reaching to bring me other hand to him as well, the shackles still dangling freely from my wrist. "Are you sure?" He asked before placing the other hand lower. I immediately pulled back my hand as soon as I could guess where he was leading it.

"I'm... I'm sure." I stuttered, pinching my eyes together even tighter and crawling backwards until my back hit the wall only a couple of inches behind me. His hands grabbed both of my arms and pulled me roughly towards him, making me slam into his hard body. In a whir of movement, I was on my back on the floor with him hovering over me and trapping me with his limbs.

"Look at me, Valkihar." I pried my eyes open to meet his dark unwavering gaze. "I don't think you actually do understand. Not in the slightest." He ran a hand back under my shirt, tracing small delicate patterns with his fingertips across my stomach. As if the butterflies weren't enough at the moment.

The next thing I knew, his lips were on mine once more as he moved his hand higher, pushing my shirt up my torso. The cold air mixed with his warm touch caused me to gasp against his open mouth as my hands sought him out, eager to find some sort of hold on him to keep me close to me. He broke the kiss before I secure a good hold on him but continued a trail back down my neck until my shirt stopped him. Or so I thought.

He pushed my shirt higher up my body before finding what he wanted and latched his mouth onto my breast. My body arched against his, a moan being torn from my throat as he licked and sucked and bit down gently on the sensitive area. He groaned softly as he ground his hips against mine, a firm pressure that poked the inside of my thigh as he moved, the friction between us threatening to make me lose my hold on sanity and reason. Now I understood.

"Levi H- AH!" I yelped as he bit down on the sensitive nub and detaching himself from me.

"Don't you dare, say it." He threatened, pulling himself back up my body until his face was barely an inch from mine, dark eyes that looked glazed over with lust staring me down. "Don't call me by my title here. Not now."

"But... what else would-"

"You know my name, brat." He cut me off again. "Use it."

"Don't call me a br- AH!" Another yelp of pain surged from me as he bit down on the untouched side of my neck, surely breaking skin this time as my blood began to boil in my veins.

"I will call you whatever I please, _brat_." He emphasized as he ran his tongue across the bleeding mark. "You're mine and you belong solely to me."

"No... I... don't..." I panted out defiantly between the mix of aching pain of my skin and the sound of my own heart beat pulsing in my ears. I had to keep a reign on myself. I couldn't give in to him so easily. Not yet; despite how much I wanted to.

He glared up at me before that sinister smirk reappeared on his face. I felt the blood leave my face and my skin turn pale as he grabbed me around my waist and quickly slung me over his shoulder before tossing me onto the bed only a few feet away. Though the landing was relatively painless, I was easily lost in the sea of soft sheets, unable to right myself back up in time. He pulled me back with the shackles and my head hit the headboard with a harsh bang, darkness swimming around the edges of my vision for a moment as I heard another loud clicking sound and felt the weight of the shackle begin wrapped around my only free wrist once again.

I took a moment to will the blackness away from my field of vision and when I opened up my eyes again, I let out a squeak of surprise. The captain had completely undone the front of his shirt and shrugged it off before tossing it to the side. The man was either placed into this world by the gods as a gift unto humanity or as a curse one. There was no doubt before of how strong he was but with as toned as his chest and abs were, seeing all the hard work that went into his body with my own eyes, it was ridiculous of how sinfully perfect he was.

"You like what you see?" He asked teasingly with a smirk. I shrunk back a little and turned my head into my arm that was pulled above me, locked in place by the shackles that were now secured by the headboard.

"You shouldn't have to ask that Levi Hei-" I stopped myself, biting my tongue to keep from using his title again. However it still felt so awkward to only say his given name. He chuckled darkly, turning my head back to face him.

"I still want to hear it all the same. It helps to justify your constant staring at least." He reasoned. I pulled at the shackles hard enough for them to start to bite against the skin, leaving my wrist red and sore.

"If you hadn't have put these restraints back on me then I would be able to _show_ you instead." I teased, hoping to turn the tables in my favor just a little. He scoffed at me, smirk still in place as he pulled back and removed himself from the bed.

"But if I did that, I would be giving you exactly what you wanted and then it wouldn't be much of a "punishment" anymore. Now would it?"

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW! THAT BASTARD!

"You asshole!" I screamed at him as he strutted away to pull his shirt on, leaving me chained up as more of my words failed to reach my internal filter. "You can't just leave me here like this! Finish what you started damn it!"

He turned his head and glared back at me, moving back over to me he reached for the forgotten strip of cloth that laid on the bed next to me and retied it around my eyes. Grabbing my jaw in a tight grip, he leaned in close, his lips barely brushing mine as he spoke.

"First off, I don't take orders from brats. Secondly, I CAN leave you like that and I WILL if I so choose to. And lastly, don't go thinking that you're off the hook just yet. I still haven't forgiven you for last night and it might take me a while until I do. But all that depends on just how good of a girl you are while I'm gone."

Wait, gone? Was he seriously going to leave me like this? My thought short circuited prematurely as he planted a chaste kiss on my cheek before pulling away from me completely.

"Hold on, where are you-"

"Unlike you, I still have a job to do around here. You've already caused me to miss breakfast this morning so I can't waste anymore time with you for now." He informed with a cold voice. Waste anymore time? He was acting as if everything he's done to me already was a extremely bothersome task. The _nerve_ of that guy. He was totally enjoying it only a couple of minutes ago. He was, wasn't he?

I heard more ruffling of clothing and then eventually boot steps that headed towards the door to exit the room.

"Be good. I'll be back... Eventually."

With that, he stepped out of the room, locking it behind him. I didn't bother to call out for him that time, hanging my head limply as I heard him walk off down the hall. My chest felt hollow and my body turned to ice in the empty room as I banging my head hard against the hard wood behind me. Once, twice, three times.

I'm such an idiot, I thought to myself. A completely gullible and pathetic idiot.


	35. Hard Truth

**A/N: I'm sorry this took so long to get up. I know I left you are a cliff hanger/sad/frustration part so I hope you will forgive me. Either way, this in the next chapter. I threw in another person's POV as well. They will only appear though in this chapter and the next until further notice. I just think that it's necessary to help bring things together for these two.**

 **Anyway, Ciao for now.**

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV**

Before the door to my room shut closed, I couldn't help but cast one more glance at the chained up mess of a woman on my bed. Her head was hung low as she laid there, the fighting spirit that dwelled inside her gone without a trace. I had hoped to find some sort of amusement seeing her like this, seeing how far I had driven her after caving into the desire that had haunted me for the last few weeks. Instead, I felt a throbbing pain in my chest.

I rested my head against the closed wooden door, eyes shut tight as I took a heavy breath. What have I done? I shouldn't have done that; at least not like this. _But do you regret it?_ I asked myself. Honestly, I didn't know the answer to that yet. I had crossed a line, that much was for certain. But what was I to do now? Could I go back and face her later? Could I actually finish what I started and without drowning in regret later on? She probably resented me, especially right now.

I shook the heavy thoughts from my mind, painfully aware of how heightened my senses still were as I walked away. I had to get away to clear my head. But the lingering thoughts would still remain. If I had to describe what I felt at the moment in the most accurate sense, only one word stuck out to me. Primal.

My mind swam in a sea of dense clouds while my body felt more and more like lead with every step I took. Somehow I found myself in the mess hall, receiving wary glances from the various kitchen staff as I fetched a cup of black tea. I figured that they were still on edge from my display in the hallways earlier so I shrugged it off without a second thought.

Retreating to my office, a familiar figure strolled into view, stopping me in my tracks. It was none other than Petra that stood between me and my temporary sanctuary.

"Petra? Where are the others? And why aren't you with them?" I questioned, taking note of how stiff her posture was in front of me.

"I needed to speak with you about something, Levi Heichou."

"Can it wait? I have things to do." I muttered in an annoyed tone, attempted to brush past her and into my office. She stepped in front of me, blocking my way again with a unwavering and pleading eyes.

"Heichou, please. Just a moment is all I want of your time." She insisted. I sighed and shook my head softly.

"Fine, just make it quick. But first, move." I ordered, fishing my key from my pocket and unlocking the door before finally entering. I made a beeline for my chair and set my cup of tea down before plopping down and pinching the bridge of my nose as I leaned back.

"Now, what is it you want exactly?" I asked, reaching down for my tea to calm my strung out nerves.

"It's about Celica." Of course it is. That damn brat will be the death of me, I swear it. "I heard you found her."

"And? What of it?" I pestered, determined to keep my annoyance at bay for now. So far, I was doing a poor job at it. Perhaps leaving the job only half finished left more than just Valkihar flustered.

"I wanted to know if she's okay. She _was_ acting pretty strange last night. And after all the commotion this morning, I'm worried."

I set down the tea cup with an audible clink on the saucer before lacing my fingers together in thought.

"You never did tell me what it was she said to you last night that was so strange." Her brows furrowed together as her fingers started to fidget at her sides. She refused to speak for another moment, caught up in her own indecisiveness.

"May I speak freely, sir?"

I sighed internally, narrowing my eyes at the cadet standing before me.

"Go ahead."

Petra let out a small huff of breath, collecting her thoughts before she continued.

"Heichou... I know it's not any of my place to question the things you do or why, but I fear that whatever you've done to her... I fear that you've gone too far."

I quirked an eyebrow up at her and gently bit the inside of my cheek. She knew something. Thing was, how much did she actually know? How much did she figure out?

"You're right, it's _not_ your place to question what I do. So then, why do so?"

"Because like I said, I'm worried. Granted, I haven't known her that long, and I don't know much about her either; but I haven't seen her this cold and closed off since the first day I met her."

So, Erwin was right. This was beginning to back fire. Valkihar's taking out her frustration and anger out on the others now.

"All I know..." She continued. "All I know is what little she DID tell me last night."

"And that was?"

She set her eyes hard, shining as she openly glared at me. Normally I would take this as a challenge of authority if it were any other circumstances, however I knew my soldiers; and they knew who was really in charge. Petra was a good soldier, a good subordinate, a good person in general. But the fire that glazed over her eyes in pure unspoken anger would speak well beyond any words that were liable to fall from her mouth next, and set in stone a very real potential threat to anyone who dared cross her. I wondered if I was about to be her next victim before waving the thought away like a pestering insect.

 _I'm the one making the victims, not becoming them._

"That she will be damned before she allows you to fuck with other people's feelings for kicks; _especially_ _her's_ , she mentioned."

* * *

 _I... don't understand why... he says what does... looks at me_ _like that... I'm scared... of misreading him... and myself._

* * *

The memory sparked alive within me, the initial shock of her words from back then washing through me as if for the first time again.

"She actually said that?" I questioned, dipping my head down to rest against my laced hands. The question was aimed not just at what Petra had said but also the memory as well. I could have dreamed it. I could have misheard her. However, Petra erased all the doubt in my mind with just four little words.

"Yes, sir. She did."

Damn it, I cursed internally. _Looks like she's falling for you big guy. Just like you wanted._ Yeah, exactly what I wanted but, this changes things; complicates them.

 _"What the hell are you rambling on about now?"_ My conscious argued. " _You and I both know that from the moment she arrived that something was different about her. Yet you refused to listen and chose to lay low just like always. The day Erwin told you that he wanted you to evaluate her secretly, you all but jumped at the chance. It doesn't help that you haven't been laid in forever either; or really at all. Are you really surprised that things turned out this way?"_

Somewhere in my inner conflict, Petra had spoken up again though her word fell on deaf ears.

"Heichou?" She repeated, forcing me to attempt to clear my head once more before clearing my throat from the uncomfortable tension that had begun to wind up with me.

"Sorry, Petra. I'm listening."

"Uhuh..." She muttered, sarcasm slick in her voice as she crossed her arms and shifted her weight slightly. "If I may be blunt, I never would have taken you as the type to manipulate a girl's feelings. Much less for any kind of "punishment", corrective or not. I thought you were a better man than that."

I paused for a moment, stricken silent by her brashness. I lifted my head to glare up at her yet, unlike usual, she didn't flinch.

"Petra, enough. I think you've said your share."

She openly glared back at me, though I could see the slight fret in her face as I warning tone reached her ears.

"I only have one thing left to say Heichou, then I will take my leave." She stated, her resolve reforming under pressure. After another of moment of silence, she took her chance to continue. "I know Celica doesn't see eye to eye with many people; myself, the squad, you. But there is one thing that she and I at least do."

"Which is?" I persisted.

Petra's eyes were filled with hurt and a little sadness suddenly, her hands dropping to her sides as a small blush ran across her face.

"Our feelings for you."

Immediately turning on her heels, she headed for the exit. I stood from my chair and slammed my hands down on the desk, shouting at her.

"And how the fuck do you gather that?! You said it yourself, that she's still as cold and closed off as the day you met her, so I highly doubt that she would just spontaneously pour her heart out for you like that!"

She stopped and glanced over her shoulder to look at me, her hurt openly showing in her face and eyes.

"Not in so many words but, in a manner of speaking she did." She turned to face me, her face dropping slightly. "Celica is proud and stubborn and would never openly say things like that aloud. But last night, it was obvious that the past few weeks had gotten to her. She didn't want to talk or think about you in the slightest and when she finally did, it was obvious what her feelings were..."

It took all I had not to shove her out of my office with the promise of mucking the stables for a month. The only reason I didn't was because my ears were training onto every word she spoke. Hoping, pleading, that what I thought she was about to say wasn't the reality.

"I know heartache when I see it. As I'm sure you know as well, Heichou. She may not want to admit it or believe it, but I doubt that actually she detests you as much as she is letting on. In fact, I could say it's right the opposite."

She continued, without missing a beat.

"And judging from your reaction, I would say the feeling is mutual between you two."

My chest ached as my heart couldn't decide if it wanted to hammer away under my rib cage or stop together entirely. Petra left the room without another word as I stood there frozen to the very spot I stood. My brain was wracked around with the idea of Valkihar falling for me. Was I, also falling for her as well?

No, I can't. I'm not capable of things like love and affection; nor am I deserving of them even if I was.

 _"Then why did you kiss her that first time?_ " Because I swore that I would take her after I mislead her.

 _"Why did you insinuate that you two had slept together to begin with?"_ I thought that if _she_ thought we had a relationship of that sort, she would somehow listen and obey when I asked something of her. I thought she would be like any other stupid girl. I thought wrong.

 _"Why didn't you stop this before it got out of hand?"_

Because... I found someone that I could relate to, could sympathize with. I didn't stop or back away because... I just didn't want to.

 _"You know what you have to do now, don't you?"_

I sighed and reached down into my bottom desk drawer to pull out my stash of alcohol and cigarettes. Quickly lighting one and taking a quick puff of the toxic cloud, I told the nagging voice in my head, 'Yeah and I don't need you to remind me either, at least not yet.'

* * *

 **ERWIN'S POV**

I leaned back into my chair moments after I allowed Hanji to leave my office. She had divulged enough information to sate my curiosity and questions however, that only raised more concerns my way. Things were starting to get complicated and there was only so much leeway I could give Levi to do as he saw fit. Soon I would have to put my foot down; there was no two ways about that.

I glanced at the small clock on my desk and my stomach growled audibly. Lunch was almost over and I still hadn't eaten a thing yet, not that I really had a chance with all the commotion that was stirred up this morning by a missing soldier and an unruly and thoroughly pissed off captain. A loud crash at my door snapped me from my train of thought and I heard a low groan of pain on the other side.

Well, speak of the devil.

My door handle shook and was jarred around quickly and loudly, not budging from it's locked state though.

"Erwin, what the fuck! You never lock your door!" Of course, it was Levi. "Open up, I need something from you!"

I groaned and reluctantly left my chair to go unlock the door. As soon as the bolt was turned, Levi shoved the door forward and barged in, slamming the door behind himself.

"Rude much?" I snapped, eyeing him as he stood there glaring up at me.

"Do me a favor and let me into your liquor stash." I looked down at him with a bewildered expression as he walked over to the cabinet that held the precious liquids.

"Excuse me?" I retorted curly, following behind him as he shook the handles of its locked doors.

"You're excused. Now hand over the key." He stated, holding out his hand. I stared down at him for moment before the smell of liquor and cigarettes assaulted my nose.

"Damn, you smell like a bar." I remarked, covering my nose briefly to emphasize the point.

"Just shut up and hand it over." He threatened, reaching for the key that I kept in one of my jacket pockets. Grabbing his wrist, I shoved his arm away as he looked at me with a stern look. "I'm serious, Erwin."

"And so am I when I say you're not getting any more liquor from me. Why the hell are you drinking during the day, anyways? Has Celica really-?"

"DON'T." He cut me off abruptly, his eyes turning down to the floor, hands clenched into tight fists. "Don't say that brat's name right now."

Pulling his arm back, he suddenly turned for the door.

"If you won't hand over any, I'll get it from Hanji. Don't know why I didn't think of her first to begin with." He muttered.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible." At that, Levi stopped and turned back to look at me. "Hanji's under house arrest for the remainder of the day for helping cause this morning's mayhem. No visitors are allowed."

He huffed a breath and shook his head softly, running a hand through this hair.

"It's kind of ironic." He stated before returning to one of my office chairs, stretching out and throwing his leg over one arm rest while his back leaned against the other.

"How so?" I questioned, taking note of the small dust of pink that covered his cheeks. He sighed heavily and tucked his chin to his chest, pinching the bridge of hi nose for a moment.

"Come on. I'll pay you back Erwin, just give me something else to drink before this buzz starts to wear off." He pleaded, dodging my question.

"So you actually _are_ intoxicated?" He glared at me before rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, Eyebrows. I am, for once."

Well strike me down and call me titan fodder. Levi was drunk. Here I thought that was impossible but apparently I was wrong. I crossed my arms as I looked down at the buzzed officer.

"How much _exactly_ have you drank Levi?" He shrugged his shoulders and slumped into the seat of the chair.

"Does it really matter? I finally got drunk and I'm enjoying it." He reasoned. "Now about those spirits of those..."

"Levi." I warned, those half lidded eyes of his finally reached mine again. To my surprise, they weren't nearly as harsh anymore but instead, they actually looked sad to me.

"I'm only going to say this once... Please, Erwin." He pleaded once more.

I sighed again and moved back to my own chair, taking a seat before reaching into one of the desk drawers. I threw a flask towards him, his hands failing a get a firm grip on it the first couple of tries. Good thing it was shatter proof. He didn't question me but instead unscrewed the lid and down about half of the container in one go. Pulling it back from his lips, he forwent replacing the cap and instead just held the flask as his hand rested in his lap.

"Thanks." He muttered, his cheeks turning a slight brighter shade of pink.

"Now then, what's so ironic about Hanji being house arrest today?" I questioned, forcing our conversation back on track.

He leaned his head back across the head rest and stared up at the ceiling for a moment. I would practically see the words dancing on the tip of his tongue as he struggled to get them out. It was amazing how different drunk Levi was from his sober counterpart.

"Because I have Valkihar chained up in my bedroom right now." If I had been drinking anything at the moment, I'm pretty sure that I would have spat it out when Levi said those words. " _If_ she hasn't tried to run away again."

"You..?" I tried speak but he cut me off again.

"I fucked up, Erwin. I went too far, I crossed a line I shouldn't have. I got wrapped up in her and now I don't know what to do." He took another swig of the drink in the flask. "Even Petra chewed me out earlier. The nerve of that brat. Of both of them. _I'm_ the one fucking with _her_ feelings? Look at what that brat's done to me. I'm still only human. I still have a heart despite what they think."

I had to reset my slack jaw before I could compose a sensible sentence to speak but Levi just kept talking while my words kept failing me.

He was right. A line had been crossed and I was afraid, probably just like he was, that there was no turning back now. He was falling for her, hard. And judging from what I had heard from Hanji over the past few weeks, especially this morning, it seemed that she thought more to him as well. Things were getting complicated for those two and now, they stood at a cross roads.

"I figured something like this was bound to happen eventually." He clicked his tongue in annoyance at me.

"No need to rub it in Old Man." He snapped but I ignored him.

"I told you that your plan could backfire but I don't think you actually expected that it would in the way it has." He huffed out a small breath and took another large drink from the container. "Let me ask you something Levi."

"Oh great..." He drawled.

"Answer me seriously." I warned, forcing a harsh and stern look on him. His eyes met mine before narrowing slightly and returning to the flask.

"Okay." He agreed.

"I'm not going to ask you what your intentions are towards Valkihar but... What are you feelings towards her?" His eyes grew wide as he looked back at me.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, and don't go saying that you don't feel anything towards her or that she's just a brat to you. We both know that's a lie."

He hung his head, twirling the liquid in the flask around methodically as he thought about his answer. Or simply refused to give one quite yet.

"And if I can't find the words to explain it?" He questioned back. I shrugged and leaned back in my chair.

"Just, try your best." I encouraged.

He sat there for another moment in silence. I could almost see the gears grinding in his head as he thought about her. The look in his eyes changed again, the corner of his lips quirking slightly upwards for only an instant.

"She's frustrating, a stupid brat that can somehow get under my skin so easily. There's no other way to really put it but... I see part of myself in that girl. Before she was brought to us, she wore a mask that was almost impenetrable by those around her. She laid low and humble but was still strong in her own way. After everything that's happened in the short time since then, I slowly started seeing her for her real self. And it hurt, seeing her like that. I didn't want her to end up like me. Shutting out everything and becoming a shell of the person you once were. I had to save her from herself, if nothing else...

"Before I realized it, I had monopolized her. I'm selfish, I know that. But the girl who didn't fawn over me from the moment she saw me, who dared to try to hold her own against me, who looks at me with such defiant eyes, ones that blaze with fire when she's angry... I wanna protect her. Keep her safe from herself. I just want... her."

So, the truth finally comes out. No one he had actually managed to get drunk. He's having trouble coping with his feelings towards her.

"But what does _she_ want?" I asked cautiously. He sighed again and took the last sip of liquid from the container.

"Before I left her this morning... me. At least physically. But as for her real feelings, I don't know. You can kiss someone without having feelings for them, obviously, but I wonder..." He trailed off.

"If she felt the same thing?" I finished his thought for him, knowing how he would possibly cringe from how sappy he was sounding right now. He didn't respond but just nodded his head.

Maybe I needed to make sure he got drunk more often, he sure was a lot more open now. However that would have to be on rare occasions. The amount of money needed to by that much alcohol just from him would be outrageous. That reminds me, I probably need to take inventory of the barrels in the basement later to. Hopefully the have remained mostly untouched.

"How long ago has it been since you've checked up on her by the way?"

"Not since I left her at the end of breakfast." He stated blankly. I looked at the clock again and shook my head.

Standing from my seat, I took the cabinet key from my jacket pocket and toss it to him before heading for the door.

"Help yourself Levi, but you will pay me back for every ounce that you drink. Either out of you pay stipend or the Corp's tea funds. You're choice."

He looked at the key in his palm, then up at me, and back down to the key.

"Where do you think you're going?" He asked.

"Lunch. Or at least what's left of it. Don't get carried away while I'm gone." I said, closing the door behind me and locking it from the to make sure he didn't start wandering out drunk and bothering the cadets. Sina knows what that man is capable while intoxicated. Soon enough though, we would find out.

But first, I think I needed to check up on one certain cadet before I headed to the mess hall.


	36. Ultimatum

**A/N** : **I'm so sorry that it took so long to get this up. I've been struggling with a lot of things lately and just couldn't think of how I wanted to wrap up this chapter. On the bright side, it's a long one. However as of right now, I'm thinking of putting this story on Hiatus for the time being so that I can get my life back on track. I love you dear readers so much and I'm so sorry to do this to you, but I want to be able to provide the best story possible for you and I can't do that with my mind as scrambled as it is. I'm soooo sorry again! Please forgive me! I'll be back as soon as I can.**

 **Please review, favorite, and follow if you like the story.**

* * *

 **ERWIN'S POV:**

With Levi more or less taken care of, for now, I was free to move about on my own. You would think that being a commander would allow me all the freedom in the world to move about my own Corp, but when Levi is involved I have to be careful otherwise I may be on the receiving end of one of his tantrums and lashings. Sure I towered over him but even I knew better than to play with fire and he was the epitome of the destructive element in more than one way.

Perhaps that's part of what makes him such a good soldier and officer. That driving passion of his. However now, that passion has been mixed with his own uncertainties and now I had to go rescue the latest victim. I checked the doorknob by slowly turning it and found it unsurprisingly locked. Good thing I had a master key.

Upon entry I found her, true to Levi's word, chained to the headboard of the bed. The strip of cloth was still wet with tears and her clothes were a rumpled mess, luckily for me they had fallen back into place to keep her modesty. Her body flinched as she heard me entering the room and tensed. The look on her downcast face told me that she was expecting Levi and no one else, the look of hurt on her features causing my chest to tighten in sympathy.

"Heichou?" She called out. I was right. She had to other reason to expect anyone else right now. I shut the door behind me and leaned against the door.

"Not quite," I stated. Her body jolted and she turned her masked eyes to look in my direction in vain. "Sorry that I'm not who you were expecting."

"C-Commander Smith?" She mumbled, tugging hard on the restraints as she curled in on herself. "Commander, I'm sorry that... that you have to see me like this. It isn't very becoming of a soldier, huh?"

I shook my head softly and walked over to her side, taking the shackles in hand to look at her worn and red wrists.

"It's even worse for him to have left you like this for as long as he has. You didn't deserve something quite like this." I coaxed, letting go of the heavy iron to start looking for a spare key that I was sure that Levi had stashed away. Certainly enough, I found it in a small drawer and unlocked her restraints.

Her arms fell to her sides, her shoulders most likely numb after being left in that position so long. She rubbed her wrists carefully before pulling the tear-soaked cloth away from her eyes. I set the shackles on the tabletop and went to the adjoining bathroom to fetch a fresh washcloth and soak it in cooling water, ringing it out carefully. She had not moved from her spot on the bed but she did curl her knees to her chest, her face cradled in her arms.

"Celica?" She lifted her head slightly, glancing over at me but refusing to meet my eyes directly. I held out a hand and she gave me one of her wrists for me to gently wipe off the speckles of blood that has raised to the surface of her skin. "I didn't expect this of him. When he sobers up, he is in for an earful at the very least."

Her glazed over eyes widened a little before she rested her chin on her knees again.

"It's my own fault, sir. I made the marks on my own." She replied, her voice low and soft.

"Still, I wish he was a little better about how to convey his feelings than resorting to _this_." I explained.

"Heichou was angry, sir. And rightfully so." She defended. Even now, after everything, she was protecting him. Either she was trying to convince herself that something like this was rightful punishment, or perhaps, she honestly felt this way. Either she was delusional or she cared for him. Regardless, something had to be done.

"That's not exactly what I meant." She made a small noise but I more or less disregarded it, making quick work of one wrist before she gave me the other. When I was finished, she pulled back again as I tossed the washcloth into the laundry hamper. "Get changed. You need some food. I'll be waiting outside." I instructed in a stern yet gentle tone, that way, she knew it wasn't an offer she could refuse.

"Yes, Commander."

 **CELICA'S POV:**

I sat down at the table in the mess hall, the commander shortly after bringing me a plate of food and setting it down in front of me. I looked up at him for a moment as he begun to dig into his own food. This was awkward, to say the least. Sitting here alone with him after he found me in the state I was in. Dried tears and disorganized clothes alike, chained up like an animal.

Reluctantly, I ate my food slowly, occasionally sipping on some water while stealing glances at the bandages I had wrapped around my wrists. They were going to be sore and bruised for a few days at least. Thing was, as much as the commander insinuated that I should be upset with the captain, I couldn't be. The way he kissed me, touched me, was seared into my mind like a hot brand. As confused as I felt, I couldn't help but miss his presence, even just a little.

How pathetic, I thought.

"Commander, forgive me for asking but, do you know where Heichou is right now?"

He looked at me with unwavering yet gentle eyes before taking another bite of food, swallowing before answering.

"If he's managed to get into my liquor cabinet, probably drinking still." He explained, his shoulders slumping a little. "I never thought I would see the day that man could get drunk."

Drunk? Had he been drinking while I was chained up this whole time? Anger spiked through me but quickly receded, leaving only disappointment in its wake.

"I see."

"If you want, I'll take you to him after this. But I also understand that you might want to have some space from him right now." He offered. My nerves were relit at the memory of his touches and caresses from earlier and burned beneath my skin, most likely leaving a blush on my face as well. "Forgive my rudeness but I need to ask. What exactly did he do to you?"

I felt my face light up red at his question. I wasn't surprised that he had asked honestly but I was hoping to somehow avoid it all together. My brain seized as I wondered exactly what I could tell him without going into too much detail. It was his job to know what happened under his command but something like this was embarrassing nonetheless.

"He... made me understand. That's all." I said, trying to give him the vaguest answer that I thought he would accept before taking another bite of food. Apparently, it wasn't enough though.

"Understand what, exactly?" He pressed and I swallowed the bite.

"Why he had acted the way he did in the hallway. Why he was so angry with me. He made me understand..." I trailed off.

"His true feelings towards you?" The commander finished the sentence for me. I rested my utensil against the tray of food in front of me, still holding onto it, and sighed softly, unsure if that's exactly what had occurred earlier that day.

"I don't know about that exactly, sir." I admitted.

He took a sip of his drink before trying to explain his reasoning.

"Levi is a very brash man. Very straight to the point and honest more times than not. He keeps to himself for the most part and I can't necessarily blame him for that. He's been through a lot, just like all of us. As a captain, there were other things that he could have done to get his point across. But as a man, I can sort of understand why he's done what he has. People often forget that he is but that; a man, human, and fallible."

I stayed quiet, letting his words sink in before I could say much else.

"You don't resent me for that, do you?" He asked, suddenly concerned with my silence. I shook my head and began to fidget with the utensil still in my hand.

"No, sir. I don't. I guess I'm just still too ignorant to how relationships with people are supposed to work." I confessed.

"That's not surprising, honestly. You've made a great improvement with communicating with others like your teammates but it seems like Levi's coddling hasn't given you much time to act on those skills since the return of the last expedition."

The last expedition. The days that everything began to fall apart for me. So many things happened. Good and bad; the night watch with Natasha and Petra, the captain's late night watching over us, over me, and Mikael's death. The heart to heart the captain and I had over tea and the fighting that ensued on our way back, making me break my ribs in the process.

So many things had happened in such a short amount of time. I broke. And little by little, I put myself back together. Or rather, the captain helped me put myself back together. Physically and mentally. Emotionally though, I was still caught in the storm. Grief had subsided a while ago but now all that was left was loneliness and detachment. Especially so right now.

"Celica?" I heard the commander call out. I jarred myself from my thoughts and looked up at him, only seeing those careful and ever watching eyes. "Do you space out like that often?"

I shrugged my shoulders, reminding myself that I should finish eating before the food got cold and unappetizing.

"Most of my days I do nothing but think. There's not much Heichou would allow me to do, being concerned with hurting myself again." I explained. "Maybe I'll be able to return to regular duty soon though. It's maddening not being able to do anything around here. Makes me feel useless."

The commander sighed softly and pushed his finished plate to the side.

"I can have Hanji give you a thorough work up to determine when you can return to regular duty. Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes, sir." I stated, attempting to finish my food but nausea had begun to creep up in my stomach and I made a bitter face.

"You don't have to force yourself. I'm sure you aren't feeling like yourself right now anyway."

I dropped my eyes and pushed the tray away, grateful to at least eat that much. Perhaps my depression was starting to show physical symptoms and that's why I didn't feel like eating anymore.

" _Do_ you want me to take you to him?" He asked carefully. "It might be refreshing to see the tables turned just a little, don't you think? Or do you just want to be left on your own for now?"

I thought about his question for a moment, unsure originally what that answer would be. However, my mouth answered before my mind could catch up with it.

"I think I need to speak with him, please." The look in the commander's eyes didn't falter but I could have sworn that I say the corner of his mouth turn down for only an instance.

"Then depending on how this goes, it will determine whether or not you'll be removed from his squad or not." He dropped the bombshell.

Removed from his squad? I haven't even had the chance to prove myself yet. Why would he saw such a thing?

"But sir, I haven't had the proper chance to prove myself on his squad yet..!"

"And I'm afraid if this isn't straightened out soon then there might not ever be a chance for you to do so." He rushed out. "If this behavior keeps up, it could potentially endanger not only you and himself out on missions but the lives of those around you."

My face dropped and my shoulders slumped as I sat there defeated, suddenly losing all will to fight against him. He had a point and a very good one at that. One of our jobs was to make sure that the other soldiers survived to make it back home at the end of the day. And so far, I hadn't managed to do my job very well.

"I understand, Commander but..." I pleaded internally for the right words.

"You have a choice, Celica." He stated. "You can either go back to your old squad if you want, or you can stay under Levi's command as long as certain conditions are met."

I searched his eyes for a moment, looking for any sort of tell of his; looking for anything that could indicate that he was lying or joking. Sadly, I saw nothing.

"Then, what would have to happen for me to be able to stay?"

He stayed silent for a few moments, his eyes closed and grasping his chin in thought before letting go and looking up at me. He picked up his plate and instructed me to follow him without answering my question yet.

As I followed behind him on the way to his office, I wondered exactly if he was going to answer me. It wasn't until he reached for the door to unlock it did he turn and give me a reply.

"Prove to me that you are still a capable soldier. That my faith wasn't misplaced when I assigned you to his squad. And make Levi see you for what you are... A strong and resilient person. The type of person and soldier that I _know_ you are, Celica."

He then backed away from the door and motioned for me to enter of my own accord. I stood there a moment, unsure if I actually wanted to go in and see the captain, see Levi. But again my body acted on its own and I entered the commander's office.

A small lithe body was laid out across a large chair in front of the desk, a few empty bottle scattered around the seat with another being held onto my the neck of the bottle with a strong and tight grip. A mess of black locks could barely be seen from my spot in the doorway as a foot bounced to an unknown beat across one of the arms of the chair.

"Just don't make too much of a mess. I expect you two to clean it up afterward." The commander pointed out before shutting the door behind me and disappearing behind it. Being trapped once again in a room with the man both from my dreams and nightmares, the whole situation had my heart thudding harshly in my chest. What was I supposed to say to him? What possibly could I do?

"Erwin? Back already?" That rich and melodious voice sounded, a slight slur in his words before a head peaked over the top of the chair and those stormy eyes of his widening when they landed on me. "Valkihar?"

"Heichou." I greeted, fists automatically clenching by my sides. Any respect or admiration I had for him moments ago where lost in the instant that I saw the inebriated state he was in due to what were the contents of the now empty bottles littered around him.

"W-what are _you_ doing here?" He questioned, tripping over his words at first.

"Commander Erwin came and got me, seeing that you left me the way you did." I stated, urging myself to keep a level head while my brain was wracked with the thought of punching him square in that pretty boy face of his.

He slumped back into the chair and out of my line of vision, and I could hear him faintly tapping his fingers along a bottle in his hand.

"So that bastard didn't just go to eat like I thought." He mused to himself. Irritation was building quickly within me and reached it's peak when the stench of pure liquor finally hit my nose like a train. I stalked over and snatched the bottle from his hand, slamming it down on the desk next to me as surprise etched on his face.

"Oi, brat! Hand it ov-!"

"Why did you lead me on like that?! HUH?!" I snapped, my anger finally and properly spilling over. I should have realized that coming to see him again this soon was a bad idea but I didn't care then. Now though, I cared; a hell of a lot at that.

He shrunk back into the chair and turned his face away, trying to shield himself from my rage. The air was thick between us with silence being the only other presence with us in that room.

"You had me right where you wanted me and... you, you just... walked away." Tears had started to brim in my eyes again as I glared down at him, choking on my words as my shoulders trembled. I tried to hold together what little composure I had left, and I was failing miserably. He looked up at me with disappointed and sad eyes, intoxication blush blooming across his cheeks. Sitting up and placing both feet on the floor, he leaned forward and hide his downcast face behind laced fingers; his voice sounding strained despite it being muffled.

"I lost my composure. I apologize. I shouldn't have taken things that far. I'm... I'm sorry."

I heard a cracking sound off beside me but ignored it, I was too furious with him at the moment; with myself.

"'Sorry' isn't going to cut it." I spat his own words back at him. "I told you that I wasn't a mutt to be yanked around on a chain for your own sick twisted pleasure! And yet you just left me there, chained up like that anyways while you've been doing nothing but drinking?! What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

The cracking sound was heard again but this time I glanced in its direction. It was only then that I realized that I was still holding the liquor bottle in my hand. It was my grip on it that has caused the sound, seeing a jagged line splayed across the surface where my fingers were clenched tight onto it. The glass cracked a little more under my grip but it did not shatter. Not yet.

"I had to. I had to stop myself. I didn't want to do something that I regretted." He pleaded to himself as if I wasn't standing right in front of him. I looked down at the various bottles that were laid out unceremoniously around him and then back to his disheveled and slightly inhibited person.

"Looks like it's already too late for that." I stated. He scoffed and glanced down at the carnage he had left.

"Believe me, it would have been a lot worse for you if I didn't."

"Tell that to my aching wrists, neck, and shoulders then." I retorted. He scoffed to himself, glancing up; his eyes tracing over the bite marks that he had left on either side of my neck. "I can't go a single day anymore without something hurting thanks to you."

"I remember you liking part of it though." I could hear the smirk pulling at his mouth as he spoke.

"You're wrong." I stated, trying to not let his innuendo throw me off track.

"And you're still lying." He said in a facetious manner, before reaching forward and yanking me forward by my wrist. A shiver of pain rolled up my arm as he brought me down to his level now and back down on my knees, pulling me tight against him. I struggled in his grip but he only clung to me tighter, trapping my arms even more to his chest.

"Heic-"

"It's Levi, damn it." He urged. "Levi."

"Let me go." I pleaded.

"Not until I get this through that thick fucking skull of yours." He stated. "I wasn't lying when I said that no one has ever given me this much trouble. I wasn't lying when I told you those things about myself but here you are still trying to lie straight to my face. What kind of fucked up double standard is that?"

He loosened his grip on me just enough to swiftly bring his lips to mine, the warmth and unexpected gentleness of the kiss seeping through me. It didn't last long but it just those few seconds was enough to make my head go blank of everything else but his touch and the way that those steel grey eyes of his made me melt inside.

"None of this is an act, so would you get that out of your dumb-ass head already? How the hell do you think I'm capable of faking this?"

He pulled at the hand on his chest and resituated it over the center of his chest; over his heart, where it hammered against my palm just as it had before. My thoughts were pulled back to what the commander had told me, the guilt of my lingering doubt settling in. I felt his body tense against me due to my silence, his ears straining to catch any words spoken or whispered from my lips, just like he was physically clinging to me.

"Commander Erwin told me about how I ended up in your room that night. Told me how you took care of me. If it's been an act ever since then, it's been either a really good one or absolutely terrible." He sighed heavily, letting go of my hand and leaning his head on my shoulder again.

"So you still don't believe me?" He scoffed lightly and buried his face into the crook of my neck. His lips ghosted over my skin as he muttered against me. "Stubborn brat."

"If it's not an act, then why did you stop? I thought you wanted to..." I couldn't finish my sentence, the words falling on the tip of my tongue but refusing to become coherent.

"I did it to tease you." He confessed. "I told myself that I was coming right back to finish the job but... I needed to clear my head first."

"How do you think I felt then? You abandoned me all of a sudden..."

"Hurts like a bitch doesn't it?" He asked, his tone suddenly dropping in tone. "Now you know how I felt waking up and seeing that you were gone."

Though his grip on me was slack as he still held his arms around my body, one hand trailed upward as he wrapped me in another crushing embrace. My air was only cut off for a few moments before he relaxed against me again and his hand stopped to rest at the nape of my neck, twirling my hair in between his fingers for a moment before securing a strong yet gentle grip. He pulled back and touched his forehead to mine, those gorgeous eyes of his capturing my full attention.

"I needed you understand what _I_ felt. How it felt to suddenly having you gone, missing with barely a trace left behind." He angled his head up, leaving a chaste kiss on my forehead before pulling back to his chest again, more gently this time, however. "So don't scare me like that again, Celica."

He finally said it again; my first name. My heart nearly stopped when he said it but instead, it continued to pound like a drum in my chest. The way he said it too, made it beat even faster than before. His voice was softer now, gentle; hints of leftover worry and anxiety slipping in between his words. He let his guard down around me again so I wondered. If Humanity's Strongest will let his guard down in front of me, why am I still trying to build one up in front of him?

I removed one arm from his hold and ran my fingers through his silky black hair, tugging him closer to me. I could now smell the cigarettes that lingered on him underneath the stench of the liquor. I buried my face into his neck and eventually his familiar natural scent finally appeared, calming my rampant emotions that swum in every direction of my mind.

Anger has finally faded away with his touch but an unknown aching had replaced it.

"I'm not a child, you know," I stated. "I can take care of myself. I don't need you to coddle me so much and, please, don't always look down on me so much. Otherwise, I can't better myself as a person, nor a soldier."

A disappointed sigh came from him, cutting me off as he hid his face in his hand before running it through his hair as he spoke.

"But it's always about being a soldier to you." He trailed off before switching trains of thought. "Personally, I'm done with this Humanity's Strongest bullshit. That's all anybody knows as anymore."

"That's not what I see though. Not anymore."

He looked down at me, his face void of any truly distinguishable emotion.

"Then what do you see?" He asked.

In all honesty, I hadn't given it much conscious thought; aside from all the various anger driven names that I had called him in my head. However, somehow the words seemed to fall out of my mouth on their own.

"A man with his own battles; ones that he doesn't particularly like sharing about. A man who is brash and almost always irritable. A possible clean freak as well. But, that's just my Levi Heichou for you."

I looked at him carefully, trying to read his expressions to get an idea of what he was thinking. His cheeks turned a few shades darker though as he averted his eyes from me. He's... embarrassed? He tried covering up his embarrassment with another scoff as he continued to hide his face the best he could from me.

"And there it is... that damn title again." He muttered to himself. "Is that all I'll ever be to you?"

I couldn't answer him with words anymore, forcing my mouth shut so that I didn't say anything and buried my face in his chest. He tugged me away though, me forgetting that he still had his hand laced with my hair. I kept my eyes cast down but felt him unwrap himself from me, pushing me back enough so that he could sit on the floor in front of me with his back resting on the chair behind him.

He brushed his hand along my cheek and I forced myself to look up at him. I had expected him to jump me again and take what he deemed as him but instead, he just sat there looking at me with the most gentle gaze that I had ever seen come from him.

"I'm not going to force you anymore. If you want something, that's your choice." He stated, forcing his body up to stand on his own two wobbly feet. "You know where to find me if you need me. But I think we've both had a long enough day already."

Was he really running away again?

"And before you start getting any other stupid ideas in your head," He began. "It's called a tactical retreat, not running away."

I couldn't stop the smirk that found it's way on my face.

"So you admit it then?" I questioned, not expecting an answer back in return.

"Yeah, for now."

His words came out little more than a whisper but I swore that I heard him right. My heart dropped slightly in my chest but I sighed softly in defeat. So much for getting this whole thing over and done with already. But at least maybe tomorrow would offer a clean slate for whatever we would be facing next.


	37. Distance

**A/N: I am SO SORRY I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN FOREVER. Please forgive me and take this next chapter as my apology. It's a little lengthy but Celica's really trying to figure out what to do now after that whole fiasco. Can you really blame her though? I would be caught up like a lawn chair in a tornado. Just along for the ride but not really enjoying one bit of it.**

 **Anyways, here we are. The next installment of "Warring Minds and Bodies" is up! Please enjoy!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

I can't recall exactly anymore who made the first move anymore. Everything else had faded away into oblivion, leaving behind burning hot coals of desire and want as his skin brushed over mine and our lips sought out a connection. All I knew anymore was his fast yet gentle touch, his dark lingering voice, his delicious taste, and his gorgeously captivating gunmetal eyes above me.

"Don't stop." I pleaded with him, unable to recognize the desperate and enraptured voice that spilled from my lips. "Please, Levi."

Pride be damned, I didn't care if I had to beg him anymore. I wanted him, I craved him, I needed him; right then and there, pure desire overwhelming my mind and body all at once. He gave me no verbal response but instead sealed his lips over mine again as he ground his hips into mine. The heat and friction between our bodies felt glorious and continued to blot out any more rational thinking from my strung out consciousness. I pulled him harder against me, determined to keep our lips from separating as I unbuttoned and peeled his shirt from his torso, my hands quickly disposing of the offending cloth before they raked across his chest and shoulders; feeling every single dip and curve of muscle and flesh that was laid bare before me.

He pulled his lips from mine, a needy whimper rising in my throat before he started licking and nipping at my jaw and throat as his hands caressed the skin on my stomach and sides, pushing my shirt up in the process. In a flash of movement, my garment was tossed across the room into a forgotten corner as his mouth slowly moved over my skin, working his way further down with every movement of his lips while his hands inched higher and higher.

When his lips and hands found purchase on my chest, I couldn't help the groan that spilled from my lips, my body arching hard against his. He ground his hips even harder against mine, my legs automatically wrapping and securing themselves around his waist, trying to coax him even closer to me if possible. The vibrations of his own groan rippled through my skin though it was muffled in volume, pulling another lewd sound from me as he chuckled darkly and detached his lips from me.

"Someone's eager." He teased, leaning back from his position in between my legs. "Care to ask how I know?" He questioned smugly. Words failed on my tongue as he ran a hand down my stomach down to my hips, my eyes locked on his without falter. My skin prickled from his fiery touch alone before he slipped past my waistband and settled it against my heat, warm and slick.

"You're absolutely soaked." He stated, slipping a finger into the warmth, my hips automatically bearing down on his hands as I groaned impatiently.

"Please," I begged.

"Please, what?" He questioned in a low sultry voice, his thumb moving across the sensitive bundle of nerves that caused me to buck my hips again with a loud moan. Frustrated, I reached out for him but he caught my wrists in his free hand and pinning him over my head. "Use your words, darling. Otherwise," He trailed off, slowly pulling his hand away from my heat.

"No, please! Don't stop! I need more! Please... Please, Levi." I begged, my body writhing beneath him.

"Good girl." He praised before my world shattered around me and I jolted forward in bed, my breath just as hard and ragged as it was in my dream. I moved a hand to rest over my hammering heart and felt my skin slick with sweat under my fingertips. I forced myself to take a slow deep breath and exhale slowly, my free hand gripping hard at the roots of my bedhead.

Damn it all.

The dreams were persistent even more so now. It seemed that every night the captain would plague my sleeping subconscious even though it was almost two weeks since I moved back to my shared room with Petra. It was something different from my normal nightmares, however, the emotions that wracked me went I would wake wasn't. Fear, anxiety, hurt.

The day I confronted him in the Commander's office while he was drinking was, to stay the least, the straw that broke the camel's back. Since he walked away from me, he has barely acknowledged me unless he absolutely had. But to be fair, I hadn't exactly sought him either for whatever reason. We were right back to square one basically. Except now, a few things had obviously changed.

Hanji gave me a thorough check-up before the night was up and said I could return to light duty. Today was supposed to be my first day back at one hundred percent. And what a lovely way to start the day, not entirely. My body was coiled tight, aching and frustrating as the all too real dream swept through my memory.

"Celica, you okay?" Petra spoke up from her bed, rubbing her eyes sleepily.

"Yeah, just another dream, that's all" I responded, feeling the tearing in my throat when I spoke, my voice sounding slightly hoarse. Please tell me I wasn't talking, or worse, yelling in my sleep. "What time is it anyway?"

Petra leaning over from her bed to pull the window's shade back. "Looks like time to get up. The sun's about to start rising."

I nodded slowly and forced myself out of bed, deciding to take the first shower considering how long it took Petra to fully wake up sometimes. My muscles finally seemed to relax under the lukewarm water, calming my heat skin and ridding myself of the slick sweat. I sighed softly, hanging my head as the water cascaded around me.

"What I wouldn't give..." No, I told myself. Don't finish that sentence. You don't want him. You don't need him. Not like that at least.

 _Yes, you do._

I clenched a fist and banged it hard against the tile of the shower. SHUT THE FUCK UP!

"What the hell!? I didn't say anything!" I heard Petra yell from beyond the bathroom door. Fuck it all. I said that aloud.

I heaved another sigh.

"Sorry. It wasn't aimed at you." I called back, hearing only silence after I shut the water off and began toweling off, throwing my uniform shirt and pants on before exiting the humid room.

I left a towel hanging over my head and patted it gently trying to dry it at least a little. Petra's shower was quick and soon after she returned to the room while I was adjusting the 3DM Gear straps in place, tugging at them repeated with small jerks, the worn leather creaking slightly.

"That dream sure got you worked up." She stated plainly, giving a tiny smile. "You only adjust your straps like that if you had a bad night's sleep." She explained.

I forced myself to let go of the alright fitted straps after buckling the last couple together.

"I'll be fine."

Petra gave me an unsure look and restarted her morning routine.

"It's really bothering you then. About the captain I mean." Of course, she would say something. She knows after all, about my feelings, she has to.

Oh, how I wish I could turn back the clock, that way there wasn't the slightly uneasy feeling between the two of us about it. I would turn it back so that I didn't go crawling back to him, that I didn't let my guard down at all and let him in, that I could slap myself the day I first laid eyes on him. So that I wouldn't be sitting here feeling lost and hurt because things were back to the way they were supposed to be. Just another subordinate. Just another captain. Nothing more. Nothing less.

"Are you really going to let things be as they are right now?" Petra questioned. I looked back at her, her face reflecting the hurt on the outside that I felt on the inside.

"It's better this way."

"How can it be better when you're hurting?" She forced out, her expression turning slight more stern.

"As if you aren't hurting as well about this whole thing. You liked him first." I pointed out, turning my face away from hers. I heard her let out a soft breath behind me as I pulled my boots on.

"I don't think it's the same anymore. Perhaps a bit of hero worship gone awry. Or something along those lines." I questioned to look back at her, just to see the look on her face as she said those words but forced myself against it. From the way her voice sounded though, she didn't quite seem so sure about her statement. "You know I talked with the captain about it right? The night after we snuck out together?"

I gave a brief nod. Word spreads fast and it didn't help that Eld and Auruo brought up her brief absence that morning, questioning where she was. 'I needed to speak with the Captain about something.' was all the answer she would give and the conversation was quickly dropped even though Levi still hadn't resurfaced for the day yet, and as the hours dragged on, he never did.

Somehow I put two and two together, at least in my own head. I brushed it off as paranoid thinking, but now, Petra just confirmed it for me.

"I took a guess that you did," I stated, forcing my voice steady and monotone. "What exactly did you discuss? Or is that asking too much?"

There was a small pause before she spoke up.

"Well, considering you were the topic of our conversation if you could even call it that," I heard her bed dip with a small creak as she sat down. "I asked how he found you to start out with but, needless to say, I had very choice words for him."

"How so?" I persisted, curiosity grabbing a hold of me.

"You thought he was manipulating you and I was kinda pissed about it." She stated. From my perspective, however, it looks like he actually does care about you. At least in some sort of-"

"Petra please!" I snapped, already feeling the tears building behind my eyes. "Please don't say that." I choked out.

I heard her sigh behind me and the bed creak once more before her footsteps traveled to stop in front of me.

"I have never seen the Captain zone out in the middle of conversation before. And the look he had on his face, it hurt just looking at him. I'm not saying he's all right in whatever this is going between you two. But what I am saying is that he's obviously infatuated with you. Even with my feelings out in the air, he completely ignored mine and snapped at me because I thought you held some sort of deeper feeling for him."

"What makes you think I like him though?" I questioned, tilting my head to look at her face while the words fell from my lips. Without missing a beat, she gave her response.

"Just like I told the captain, I know what heartache looks like. I know because I've felt it. But that night we snuck out, something in you snapped. Something I haven't seen since the expedition."

I mulled her words around in my head, twiddling my thumbs in thought.

"But if you still like him yourself, then there's no room for argument about this."

"We aren't arguing. We are having a civil conversation. Aren't we?" She quirked. I couldn't hold back my scoff though at how much she sounding like the captain sometimes. "I'm not going to waste my time pining for a man that obviously won't reciprocate my feelings. Especially after putting it out in the open like I had."

"So then," I trailed off, a small being lifting from my shoulders after clearing the air so to speak about the events of two weeks ago. "What am I going to do?"

She let out another soft sigh and sat next to me on the bed.

"Well, to help you, I think I need the details about what all has happened." I looked over at her with unsure eyes before saying 'Fuck it.' and told her everything that she hadn't seen with her own two eyes.

The more I talked, the more it seemed like word vomit. I couldn't stop. However, Petra never missed a beat as she listened, a careful but attentive expression cast on her face. She didn't ask a lot of questions but instead let me ramble on and on until I had finally run out things to say, ending with how the captain walked out that day in what he called a tactical retreat. By the time I was done, the sun had already risen to breach the horizon. Judging from how long I had talked, I didn't realize until then how badly those feelings needed venting.

"Do you actually want my advice, Celica?" She asked. I paused before giving a brief and small nod, a slight blush coating my cheeks. "It's been two weeks, try talking to him again. Not to dive right back into things but just starting small. And should you find yourself alone with him again, don't fight yourself about too much. You've both been at war within yourselves about each other so I would recommend just letting things happen on their own."

"That's most sound advice that I've heard in a long time. Better than Hanji's at least." I quirked.

"Hanji knows too?"

"Yeah, has a folder dedicated to the whole thing between us. Well, had. I don't know if she still has it or not. Perhaps the commander made her get rid of it if he found out. But who knows?"

"Okay, that's a bit much." Petra retorted.

"Well, that's Hanji for you. Excentric in all she does."

Both of us let out a small chuckle before we decided to head downstairs for breakfast. Late, of course.

* * *

Surprisingly, the day's events had borderline on a sense of normalcy. 3DM Gear drills, some quick hand to hand combat, meals with the rest of squad in the mess hall, and gear maintenance were all part of the usual itinerary. However, there was still one small thing missing, well, person. The Captain hadn't been sighted at all during the day, leaving a small pang of emptiness somewhere in me.

Damn it, I cursed myself internally, I was missing him. Quite a bit in all honesty and the talk I had with Petra earlier in the morning was not helping in the least. I knew he was basically avoiding me, but I had thought that perhaps he would have at least checked in once to see how I was fairing on my first real day back to the work with the rest of the grunts. Oh well, so much for holding that man to any of my expectations. He always seemed to do his own thing anyway.

He's such a strange guy.

"Who is?" Petra muttered beside me, making me almost choke on my drink at the table. She patted me on the back a good couple of times to help ensure I wasn't about to drown myself on only a single tankard's amount of liquid.

"Who is what?" I asked, small coughs interrupting my words.

"A strange guy?" She clarified.

Oh, shit. I had said that allowed huh? Somehow, I needed to stop doing that, one way or another.

"No one in particular really," I stated. "It's just a bit weird, is all." My eyes automatically drifting to the empty chair at the table. The same hollowing pinging beginning in my chest again.

I didn't have to look up to see Petra following my eyes with her own.

"Ah." She muttered to herself. "The Captain's been missing meals quite often lately."

"He's probably just holding himself up in his office and having someone else bring him food." Auruo theorized. "After all, because of a certain brat who got injured, he had to-"

He was immediately cut off by Petra with a slap to the back of the head, her body stretching effortlessly to reach across the table before pulling back and into her rightful spot.

"Stop it, Auruo." She threatened, a dark and sharp look entering her eyes. "I don't think anyone, in particular, wants to hear about that stuff anymore."

Eld and Gunter both nodded their heads in agreement.

"The last thing we need is for your mouth to get your ass into a bigger fight than it can handle. Let's be grateful for the fact that Celica is back to normal and we can all train together again." Eld interjected while Gunter patted Auruo on the back.

"I'm with Eld on this one, man. But don't worry though, you'll have plenty of opportunities to get your ass handed back to you by her later."

A quieter string of curses fell from Auruo's lips as he resumed his meal with as much enthusiasm as a child being forced to eat their vegetables.

A small smile graced my lips for a moment but was quickly gone as the voices died down once more. Suddenly the slop set before me looked even more unappetizing than early. Petra stirred again beside me and gave me a wary look.

"You okay?" She asked in a hushed whisper.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Just got a lot on my mind, that's all."

Petra gave another nod in response, probably guessing that it another conversation to be held later, away from the prying ears of our male counterparts.

"Don't worry so much." Gunter piped up. "You'll build all your training back up in no time. You're a quick learner, just a little rusty that's all."

"Tomorrow, we'll continue on our team coordinated attacks. Better get all the practice in we can with another expedition coming up soon." Eld explained.

"Huh? Already?" I asked, giving him a slightly perplexed look.

"It's been the talk of the corp for a couple weeks now. I thought would have heard about it by now." Petra stated.

"Uh, no... not exactly," My shoulder slumped with the remainder of my decent mood. "I've been... well... you know. Out of commission."

"Oh." She muttered. "Right."

"Just make sure you don't start slacking off in the meantime." Auruo pointed out. "I'm not exactly too thrilled with the idea of bringing you back in a body bag."

"Aww, how sweet." I mocked with heavy sarcasm. "You care, Auruo!"

Chuckles filled the air around our table as Auruo grumbled a quick 'shut up' before stuffing more food into his mouth.

* * *

After dinner, I didn't really feel like returning to my room. I had already spent so much time locked up in various rooms over the course of the past few weeks. Needless to say, I needed to get out and about again, despite being outside for the majority of my day already.

Everything just felt so stale. Like the air around me had slowly become heavier and thicker with everyday that passed. If there was ever a reset button on life, this is one of the times where I desired it the most. I thought that maybe it would pass and that I would soon get out of whatever funk I was in soon. I could only hope, however.

I wandered the halls until I stumbled up an open doorway, Hanji's brunet hair caught in the corner of my eye as I attempted to pass. Almost immediately, she noticed me as well and was shrieking my name, almost dropping a few novels clutched in her arms. Any chance I had to pass by unnoticed was lost so I submitted myself to whatever fate had apparently had in store for me.

"I'm so glad I caught you!" She beamed, turning towards me with bright eyes. "Look at what I finally convinced Erwin to do!"

I took a few steps into the room and found it wall to wall with books.

"A library?"

"Hm-hmm." She nodded quickly before thrusting the books in her arms into mine. "I thought it would be a good idea for others to expand their mind a little in their free time and possibly find a positive outlet for some stress."

I looked down at the hardcover books in my arms and then back at her, giving her a wary look.

"Let me guess, you hoping I would take a crack at these in particular for some reason?" I asked, shuffling the volumes into a tidy pile in the crook of my arm.

"I just thought you might be one of those soldiers this place could help. That's all. Plus, those, in particular, aren't bad reads either."

I glanced back down at the thickness of some of the books and felt my face blanch in color. A couple of them were as thick as some of the medical textbooks that were scattered across Hanji's office.

"They better be judging from how thick some of these are." I joked. "It will take a month to get through these."

"Nonsense." She snarked. "I've seen you studying in Levi's office. You can devour a book in no time if you really get into it."

With just the mention of his name, the empty sinking feeling from earlier returned, obviously noticed by Hanji at the sight of her dropping expression and the soft sigh that fell from her lips.

"Still nothing from him?" I shook my head in response.

"It's fine though. I just..."

I didn't know anymore. I couldn't just go running after him right now but I didn't want things to feel this awkward either. I had no idea on how to approach him even if I sought him out. Most likely, he didn't really want me to either judging from his sudden MIA status.

"You're at a loss right now, aren't you?"

"Pretty much."

Hanji gave another small sigh before lightly patting me on the shoulder.

"You and him both, kid." She stated as if it was the most obvious fact in the walls. I opened my mouth to say something, anything but kept closing it each time as no words were forming in my throat.

"Between you and me," She whispered. "He's as much a mess on the inside as you look on the outside right now."

I wanted to slap myself for the fact that the first thing to come out of my mouth was not a question or statement, but a scoff instead.

"As if. Besides, I look fine..."

"Oh, honey don't give me that. It's as obvious as the hair on your head right now." She paused for a moment, she brows furrowing together in thought. "By the way, when did you stop putting your hair up?"

The retort that was lying in wait on my tongue to be spoken sudden evaporated as a hand absent mindedly weaved through the ends of my hair that fell over my shoulder.

"I... can't recall anymore."

"I see." She commented before handing me one last book, this one wrapped carefully in newspaper and taped together like a perfectly wrapped present. "Would you mind taking this to Levi for me?"

I started shaking my head immediately, taking a cautious step backwards in the process.

"This _has_ to come from _you_ , Celica. Otherwise he won't even bother to unwrap it."

I looked from Hanji down to the book in her hand, then back up to her face and back down, my shoulders sagging in defeat.

"What kind of book is it exactly?" I asked warily, taking the wrapped gift from her hands.

"A rare one. One I think he might enjoy perusing through." She stated, hands perched on top of her hips. "Had to go all the way to the capital to find one like it."

My eyebrows raised a little at her last statement.

"The capital, huh? And how do I know that this isn't just another practical joke or crazy experiment of yours?"

"How in the world could you giving him a book be considered an experiment?"

I shrugged.

"Hell if I know, but with you, anything is possible." I stated, turning on my heels and out the room, placing the wrapped book on top of the stack already in my arms.

"DON'T FORGET TO GIVE IT TO HIM!" I heard her holler after I turned the corner and headed back down the hallway.


	38. Gamble

**A/N: This chapter is very emotionally driven, not a lot of action happens but there's enough drama, in my opinion, to keep things moving. It's an evil necessity really. Celica has to get over this roadblock of hers in able to make any more progress Levi. I'm thinking about making the next chapter based on Levi's POV just because we've seen a lot of Celica's side but not necessarily his. I hope you like this chapter. More should be up shortly.**

 **By the way, I found the book excerpt on the internet and thought it kinda fit between the two. I haven't actually read the novel but I might want to thanks to this little beauty. I have no real context on how it fits into the original author's story, so if you have read 'Letting Go' by Maya Banks, please don't be too mad if it doesn't seem to fit for whatever reason.**

* * *

 **Celica's POV**

My eyes poured over the words on the pages spread before me as I started reading the first book Hanji had given me. This one was one of those crummy romance novels that were apparently very popular in the inner walls. Of course, she would have me read a romance novel as if my own love life wasn't dramatic enough as it already was.

I pulled my face from the book and let my head hit the stone wall behind me as I curled myself up on the rooftop. The cooler air was nice against my skin and helped to quell the anxiety stirring in my veins. I shut the book closed and left it resting on my lap as watched the few clouds in the sky slowly roll by without a care.

I glanced back down and traced random patterns on the surface of the newspaper wrapped book, choosing to pick it up and hold instead.

"How in the hell am I supposed to face him? Let alone, give him something like this." I muttered to myself and banging my head against the wall again. "This pussyfooting shit's gonna get me nowhere though. I have to do something, right?"

Tracing the edges of the perfectly wrapped book, I huffed another irritated sigh.

"I don't even know what the hell kind of book this is anyways. And why did _I_ have to be the one to give it to _him_? Hanji could have very well done it herself."

Taking note of the setting sun, I quickly gathered the book back in my hands and retreated downstairs.

I guess I don't have to give it to him in person, I thought. I just have to make sure he gets it.

* * *

With the stack of books Hanji had given me placed in the safety of my room, I headed to the other side of the building. Towards to the officers' portion of the fortress.

If I was lucky, the captain would be in his study, locked away still working a seemingly endless pile of work and documents. I could slip into his room, place the book in there, and sneak back out. Easy as pie.

With my luck, however, I wouldn't be surprised if fate would turn my luck completely on its head and leave me in a less than favorable situation.

Potentially bad situation number one would be someone trudging along and questioning why I would be trying to secretly gain access to Captain Levi's personal quarters. Number two, even if the door was unlocked, I could run into the said captain and have to explain myself. Number three, a horrible combination of the two.

So far, the coast was clear. No one was roaming the halls to my relief and had finally reached my destination. I stood there at the door, clutching the book close to my chest as I listened hard for any sign of movement from inside.

The silence was deafening, so quiet I could hear my pulse in my ears. Under normal circumstances, I would say this should raise a red flag or two, however, my urgency to rid myself of this task of Hanji's left me a little more than eager to get it over and done with.

Turning the handle to the door, however, miraculously it remained unlocked and twisted with easy. I let out a breath I didn't realize that I was holding and inched the door open, peeking inside.

Empty of occupants. Perfect. Stepping inside, I quickly and quietly shut the door behind me, the lock clicking softly into place.

The room was just the same as it was last time I was here. Barren of almost any personal touch yet fully furnished. Immaculately clean and yet the air seemed stifling and stale. It shouldn't surprise me though. This was Levi after all.

Levi.

I rolled the name over in my head, not quite remembering at what point I had stopped adding 'Heichou' or 'Captain' along with it. It was just another thing I couldn't fully remember or track anymore.

I decided to leave the book on one of the pillows on the bed, figuring that it would be noticed almost immediately when he came back next. My wrists throbbed with a dull ache, remembering the pull of the chains the last time I was here. My stomach tightened as the memory poured through me like water rushing in a river.

The heated stare he gave me from those gunmetal eyes of his, trained on me so carefully. I felt the heat rise to my face and furrowed my brows, irritated that only a simple memory pulled such a reaction out of me anymore.

I forced my feet to walk away, towards and out the door, slumping against the smooth wood in the hallway.

"So stupid," I muttered. "I'm such a coward, aren't I?"

"Yes, you are." _That_ voice resounded in my ears; I didn't need to look up to see who it was standing there.

"Long time no see, Heichou."

"Funny you would say that, considering you're looking at the floor right now and not me." He stated flatly. Reluctantly, I raised my head to look at him, his impartial and stoic mask set firmly in place on his face. "Care to explain?"

Standing up straight, I smoothed out my clothes and collected my excuse.

"Just delivering something on Hanji's behalf. That's all."

"And for some reason, you couldn't simply just deliver it to me in my office like anyone else?" He questioned.

"I guess you can say that." I stated with a shrug. He stood there for another moment, silently thinking most likely. When he brushed past me and into his room, I couldn't help the cold feeling that flowed over me by his uncaring demeanor.

"Get inside," He ordered and retreating back into the room with him, I watched as he collected the book at the head of the bed.

"I'll take it this is her 'delivery'." He held the book up in the air for me to see it over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around yet.

"Yes, sir." Carefully and methodically, he removed the book from it's wrapping, examining it. From my viewpoint just inside the door, I couldn't see what exactly type of book it was that he was holding in his hands. However, I did take note of the slight drop in his shoulder as he supposedly read the cover.

"Riddle me this, Valkihar. Any idea on why couldn't she deliver this herself?"

I shook my head gently, standing there like an idiot realizing that he was waiting for a verbal answer, considering he still refused to look back at me.

"No, sir, I don't. She just said that it was something that I had to give you, for whatever reason."

He made a small noncommittal sound in his throat as he placed the book on the nightstand and went to toss the newspaper wrapping into the waste can.

"Is that all the business you have for me or did you need anything else?" He questioned, lighting an oil lamp in the corner of the darkening room.

"Actually, I..." The word stammered out of my mouth. I bit my tongue though, unsure if I wanted to have this conversation with him so soon.

"Spit it out, Valkihar." He commanded after a few moments of my silent debated had already passed by.

"It's nothing, sir. You're a busy man. There's no reason to burden you with any childish nonsense."

"Then you aren't feeling like I'm purposely avoiding you?" He blurted out, finally turning to glance at me out of the corner of his eye.

"Like I said, sir, you're a busy man. I reckon that you're just trying to catch up on paperwork and that's why no one has seen you around very much." I forced out, unwilling to be unnerved about he seemed to have the ability to read my mind at times. Am I really just that easy to figure out sometimes?

"While those things are true, that doesn't change the fact that your face says otherwise right now. Or am I just barking up the wrong tree on this one and I'm completely wrong in my assumption?"

So I really am that obvious, how pathetic.

"Look I'm not going to jump you or anything. We're just having a civilized conversation like any good adults. So I think the least you could do is look me while we're talking."

I can't though. I can't look him in the eyes anymore. I'm afraid, afraid of what I'll feel if I do. Hurt? Pain? Anger? Longing?

When my eyes finally looked up and met his though, I immediately recognized which one it was, anger, then hurt.

"What's stopping me from jumping you though?" The words fell from my lips without any chance of stopping them.

"As long as you didn't try to kill me, I wouldn't stop you. The balls in your court so to speak."

My hands were formed into fists as I struggled to reign in my emotions and thoughts, the creation of meaningful and substantial sentences eluding my grasp.

This is getting me nowhere.

"In that case, I think you should leave. Goodnight, Valkihar." His monotone words washed over me as he turned away and before I knew it, my body was moving. "Don't forget to lock-"

His next words were cut off as I slammed my fist into the back of his head. He dropped to a knee, a low painful groan spilling from his throat.

"I guess I deserve that." He muttered.

"That's for avoiding me for the past couple of weeks."

"I wasn't avoiding you." He stated, rubbing the back of his head and glaring at me weakly with hazy eyes. "I told you I wasn't going to force you to do anything you didn't want to do. If you had really wanted to see me that bad you would have come to me by now."

He groaned again, going to stand on his own two feet once more, still rubbing the back of his head. 'So much for not acting childish' I heard him mutter under his breath.

"And you don't call disappearing for roughly a fortnight childish?" I spat back.

"I thought you didn't want to see me around for a while. And judging by how you tried to sneak in and out of here like you did, I guess I was right."

He wasn't completely wrong. I didn't want to see him for a while but having suddenly vacated from my life a quickly as he had occupied it left me a strangely hollow feeling in my bones. Nothing made sense anymore. Nothing at all. However, I realized that there was _one_ thing, one thought, that kept resurfacing.

"I missed you though."

The words were barely audible to my own ears but it had seemed that the captain heard them loud and clear, as if I had screamed it aloud instead of whispered them.

"The feeling's mutual, brat." He stated, his cheeks dusting a light pink in the glow of the lamplight.

Now that was a sight I never thought I would ever see; Captain Levi, humanity's strongest, blushing. But as quickly as it appeared, the color vanished.

"While I have you here, you should know, Erwin, Hanji, and I will be traveling to the capital in two days time. I want you to tell Eld that he will be in charge of the squad while I'm gone."

"I see. How long will you be gone?"

"A week. We need to gather more resources for the up and coming expedition. The day after we return, we will be setting out beyond the walls again." He stated, his eyes hardening in their gaze once more. "Are you going to be ready to set out again when I get back?"

I nodded my head automatically in response. In truth though, I wasn't sure. A week was an incredibly short time to regain all my strength and maneuverability in the field. However, it had to be done.

"I'll be ready. I promise, Heichou."

Taking a few steps towards me, he rubbed the top of my head gently, the same soft look entering his eyes as he looked at me.

"I hope so. I don't want a repeat of last time. And I doubt you do as well."

I grabbed the hand on top of my head and pull it away, not yet letting go as I still held onto him.

"This time, you won't have to save me. I'll be able to hold my own again." I reassured, the meaning behind the words pointed more to myself than him.

"That's all I'll ask for." His hand tightened around mine as he spoke. Reluctantly, I released his hand from mine and headed for the door.

"I need to go tell Eld of his new responsibilities before it gets too late. I'll see you at breakfast in the morning?" I asked, glancing back at him.

"Yeah. I'll see you in the morning." He assured.

"Okay. Goodnight, Levi." I bid him farewell as I stepped out, shutting the door behind me with an audible click.

* * *

True to his word, the captain showed up for breakfast the next morning, relief pouring through the rest of the squad at the welcomed sight of our superior.

Eld was anxious but enthusiastic about the task that was given to him while the captain would be in the capital, proclaiming proudly that he wouldn't let the man down. Levi's response was a small smirk that he hid behind his teacup.

The familiarity of the scene caused the corners of my mouth to turn upwards into a barely-there smile and I was content for the moment. But the next week and a half ahead of me would be challenging so the smile quickly faded. I would have to train so much harder than everyone else to get myself back to the level that I needed to be at during the expedition.

The captain must have noticed this because he nudged my foot with his own, giving me a slightly concerned look. Silently questioning if I was okay while the other's attention was focused on the plates in front of them. I gave him a small grin and a nod of my head, him returning the gestured before refocusing his attention on his meal.

After breakfast, Petra and I returned to our room to freshen up a little before the training day began in full swing. I propped myself up on my bed, book in hand that I had begun reading the day prior when my roommate plopped down next to me.

"Whatcha reading?"

"Just something Hanji insisted that I look at. She claims its a good read so I figured why not. It's been a while since I read anything decent that wasn't training related."

Petra leaned down to glanced at the title of the novel in my hands.

"'Letting Go' by Maya Banks? I didn't take you for the romantic type Celica." She jested. A chuckled resounded in my chest as my eyes still perused over the words on the page.

"There's still a lot you don't know about me. Besides, it was just the first book I picked up from Hanji's stack." Despite this fact, I was already a good way through the novel, deciding after my 'chat' with the captain that I needed to put my mind elsewhere. And where else better could it be than lost in a book? "It's not that bad but it is..."

My words trailed off as I read the next paragraph. Petra made a small sound next to me, curiosity setting into eyes underneath quirked eyebrows.

"'It is...' what, Celica?" She questioned as I hid my face behind the open pages of the book, a heavy blush overtaking my cheek with a bright red color.

"Nothing..." I squeaked.

I pulled my face back just enough for my eyes to skim over the words once more, the heat over my face never ceasing as I reread the passage.

* * *

 _Then heat consumed her cheeks and she looked away, embarrassed to be caught checking him out in such an obvious matter._

 _But he wasn't bothered. Indeed, he looked... pleased._

 _"That's it, Joss. See me," He breathed out, " **Finally.** See me. Who I am. What I am. And that I want you with my every breath."_

 _"How long?" she whispered, remembering his admonishment that perhaps she wouldn't want the answer to her question. But now she had to know. She had to know how long he's gone unnoticed by her._

 _"Forever?" he said with a casual shrug. He tried to play it off lightly, but she could see the shadows that suddenly entered his eyes. The... pain. And the longing. Oh dear God. It couldn't be true. It simply couldn't._

* * *

"Let me see!" Petra exclaimed as she pulled the book from my grasp, holding me back with one arm as her eyes skimmed for the spot where I had suddenly stopped.

"No, Petra. Give it back!" I shouted as she eluded my reaching hands.

"Oh come on, it isn't that bad, is it...?" She paused, only her eyes remained moved as she read, and I knew that she found the passage. A slight blush appeared on her face as she finished reading the excerpt after what felt like an eternity. "Oh. Now I see. That's some confession. What woman wouldn't want _that_? Hanji sure knows how to pick them."

Frozen in her spot, I finally succeeded in grabbing the book back from her, slamming it shut in the process as I recoiled back.

"You're telling me," I muttered, burying the book in my chest as I curled my knees to my chest.

"But it's not just that is it? Something like that shouldn't make you blush THAT hard, should it?" She asked carefully.

"It's just... hitting a bit close to home is all." She watched me closely, silently asking me to continue. "If you must know... it just... reminded me of Levi did a while back."

Petra's own blush soon matched my own, once my statement had reached her ears. A small 'oh' was muttered by her as I pulled the book tighter to me.

"I didn't mean to pry like that. What happens between you two isn't any of my business."

"It's okay. Been you and me, its just a little difficult not to see him as only Captain Levi, Humanity's Strongest, sometimes. The man's human after all. Something that he's quick to remind _me_ about recently."

"Perhaps," Petra began. "he thinks more of you than you want to realize. Maybe, he's hoping that you will return his feelings?"

I looked up at the hopeful expression she was wearing and sighed softly.

"Could it really be that simple?" I asked, slightly discouraged at the idea.

"It's possible. Especially since both of you tend to ignore the easier options for whatever reason."

"That's because there never is a simple solution to anything anymore." I reminded her. "There's always a catch or a consequence to these sort of things.

And sadly, the ultimatum that the commander gave me was still fresh in my mind. Fix things with the captain or leave his squad. I didn't want to leave, I knew that much, and so far some progress had been made, but I was still drawing short of ideas on how to completely remedy the awkwardness between us still.

"Thing is, with matters like love, you HAVE to throw caution and consequences to the side sometimes. The things you face afterward should make you two stronger from it thought."

"Make it or break it, so to speak." I corrected.

"I like to think more on an optimistic point of view about it though. Love always wants a happy ending."

"Well, I would like to think of myself more of a realist than anything so we'll agree to disagree on that one." I snarked.

"My point is... whatever it is going on between you two right now, putting it off won't make things any easier in the long run. Our lives can be cut off so quickly thanks to the jaws of a titan. Which would you regret least in death? Avoiding the connection you have with the captain only to squander it, or taking the chance and coming out on top with him by your side?"

"What's with the sudden lecture? Don't tell me that you're gonna start rooting for us too." She chuckled next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"Girl, I've been rooting for you for a while now." She confessed.

I shook my head softly, a smirk finding it's way to my face as I laid the book down on the nightstand.

"Anyway, we need to get back downstairs otherwise the captain's gonna rip us a new one for being late." I reasoned, standing up and smoothing out my sheets.

"Yeah, you're right. It's never a good idea to piss him off. But maybe if he does get angry, you can just give him a quick peck on the cheek and he'll calm down."

She joked, a laugh falling from her lips, but my cheeks flamed once more at her words.

"That's not funny! I would never do something like that!"

"Never say never!" She teased as she ran out of the room, me following hot on her tail as we headed down to the courtyard.


	39. Temper's Fever

**A/N: Alright, everyone! Here's another chapter for you wonderful readers of mine! I'm on a roll for the meantime, so I'll be continuing to try to push some more chapters out until my steam runs out.**

 **Just a little warning by the way, if you've ever had a migraine, you can probably relate quite a bit to this chapter. The last time I had one, it felt like someone shoved an ax into my skull and was trying to pry apart the separate halves. Taking both my personal experience, my experience with dealing with my fiance's migraines, and medical research into play helped me write this chapter.**

 **I hope you like it. Especially since I think we are finally getting back on the right track with these two. Please follow and favorite if you like the story. And please DROP A REVIEW FOR ME PLEASE!? I love hearing yall's feedback about how the story is going.**

 **Ciao for now!**

* * *

 **Levi's POV**

One by one the days passed since I had walked away from her. Walked away and denied the tearing feeling in my chest after she refused to accept the words I had spoken to her. Words that fell from my lips without caution or filter in my drunken state. I had admitted it all just short of blurting out those three little words that haunted me in my sleep.

It was too soon. Much too soon and I wasn't ready to carry the weight of those words quite yet, let alone shoulder them onto Celica and leave her with any more unrealistic expectations of mine. I had unknowingly burdened her with so much and the guilt was eating at me, more so than the uncertainty that stirred in my mind about the feelings that we tried to get separate from one another.

Even last night, I made her promise to be okay during the next expedition. A promise that I knew was not easily kept. Titans were always an unknown variable when it came to field missions and if history gave an indication as to how this next one would fair, it didn't look too promising. Barely surviving by the skin of our teeth and trudging back little to show for it.

Watching from the safety of a higher branch, I silently judged the performance of my squad as they continued their mock team coordinated attacks on a titan. The other four were well rehearsed in this particular drill and Valkihar was struggling to find her natural fit into the formation, considering how late she had come to the party. Coming in when the others had finally perfected their teamwork in killing assists.

It looks like we might have to start from scratch again. How disappointing.

"Alright guys," I called out. "Enough for right now. Take a break."

The panting bodies each nodded in response, their breath stolen by exertion as they regrouped in a semicircle on the forest floor. Each took out their canteens, some drinking greedily like Auruo, and some sipping on the cool refreshing liquid like Petra. However, Celica only seemed to stare at the open container, her eyes seeming to look through the object as her frame trembled slightly.

Petra paused in her drinking and shook her shoulder gently, prying her from her unattentive state, blinking eyes losing their hazy gaze as she looked at her squadmate.

"Drink up." She gestured towards the canteen with her own in a small voice. Celica only gave a brief nod before she brought the open mouth of the container to her lips.

"Sorry." She muttered. "Just a little lost is all."

"Obviously." Auruo retorted. "Got that glassy look in your eye like a hopeless little child."

Eld quickly smacked him upside the head, causing another literally bite of Auruo's tongue in the process.

"Can't you say anything partially helpful or encouraging to Celica at least once?" He spat. "She may need the extra physical training but I swear that you need extra lessons in people skills instead."

Whatever words Auruo had tried to retort with only came out a slight bloody and garbled mess as he spoke holding a handkerchief to his mouth. I shook my head at the pitiful display and took my own sip of water from my canteen.

"Looks like we're gonna have to improvise." All eyes finally turned to me as I began speaking, even Celica who wouldn't look directly at me anymore yet watched me from the corner of her eye.

"For the rest of the day, I want you guys brainstorming on how to include Valkihar's strengths into your coordinated attacks. Meanwhile, Valkihar, you and I will stay out here to go over some more 3DM Gear training. Even if you can't fight as well as the others I want you to at least be able to move as effectively, if not better, than the others."

"I can fight Titans well enough to not get myself killed, sir. I took down a couple on the last expedition, remember?"

"You were running strictly on adrenaline on your _one_ confirmed solo kill, that's all. Otherwise, it's more or less luck that you survived. You need to keep a level head on the battlefield at all times possible. Emotions will only cloud your judgment in a life or death situation."

I could feel all the eyes of our squad fixed on either one of us at any given point, flashing back and forth between the two of us, curiosity mixed in with a little uneasiness.

"As long a Titan ends up dead, should it matter how it's taken down?" Valkihar retort, flashing those beautifully rich colored eyes up at me, irritation taking a front row seat in the line of emotions swimming in the orbs.

I capped my canteen and stashed it away before I started heading deeper into the forest.

"Valkihar, follow me. The rest of you, return to headquarters and start on your chores. I expect them done by dinner."

A collection of uneasy sighs were heard behind me and eventually, a sole pair of footsteps followed suit in my direction. Dried leaves crunched under our feet as we walked, just another reminder of the turning of the seasons, from summer to autumn.

"So is there a specific reason we couldn't finish this discussion in front of the others?" Celica asked in a brooding tone. I stopped in place and turned back to look at her, pouty lips and furrowed brows showing her displeasure.

"If this conversation goes along the lines of our last one then it isn't one that the others need to hear."

"Bullshit excuse." She spat lowly as she shifted her weight onto one leg and crossed her arms. "Like I said, as long as a Titan dies, it shouldn't matter how it's done. As long as it IS done."

"As I recall, you're little head first charge into a group of them almost got you killed. And in your anger, you've demolished multiple sets of your blades for shoddy and sloppy cuts that literally didn't quite cut it and wasted your gas. You would have room to talk if you could actually manage to kill one."

"Well forgive me for not having an impressive track record like you do." She stated, sarcasm slicking every word that came from her mouth. "Granted that the last expedition was not one of my best shining moments but that was NOT the first time I had been beyond the walls."

"Then start acting like it, instead of throwing caution to the wind and damn near getting yourself killed. I can't always afford to come running to your rescue like a damsel in distress."

"I never asked you to save me in the first place! I've already told you that I'm NOT some 'damsel in distress' and I can take care of myself but if I'm going to die by the jaw of a titan then I prefer it to be on my own conditions." She shouted this time, anger pooling in her eyes, words flying from her mouth like bullets from a rifle.

I clenched and unclenched my fist repeatedly, trying to withhold my own anger threatening to rise to the surface. However, my voice still held it's own bite.

"You are part of MY squad. I have been given charge over you. I have seen enough of my comrades die already and I will be damned if you make it onto that casualty list as well!"

The anger in her eyes seemed to recede slightly but the emotion that soon replaced it was guilt. I forced myself to take a calming breath, recollecting my thoughts before I continued.

"You gave your word to me that you would be ready. One way or another, I will ensure that you are. Whether you approve of my methods or not. Got it?"

It took another moment of silence between us before she nodded her head reluctantly, followed by a quiet 'yes, sir.'. I sighed internally and pinched the bridge of my nose, feeling a headache beginning to rear its ugly head.

"Good. Follow me in the trees, we aren't done for the day yet. And _try_ to keep up without wasting the rest of your gas."

* * *

After dinner, back in my office, I let my head hit the hardwood of the desk and groaned.

"Well, that could have gone better," I muttered, cradling my head in my arms as my fingertips drummed along the smooth surface beneath me. "The brat probably thinks I hate her now for the way I ripped into her earlier. Just. Fucking. Great."

"So much for making up then." A voice called out from the doorway. It was Hanji, of course.

"Don't you ever fucking knock?" I spat, lifting my head and cradling it the palm of one of my hands.

"Most of the time. But it sounds to me like you've had a rough day. If I had knocked you probably would have just ignored me." She informed in a confident tone as she plopped down into a chair in front of my desk.

"Damn right. Why are you here anyway?" She shrugged her shoulders, leaning back into the chair and crossed one leg over the other, finger laced over her knee as her leg bounced to an unknown rhythm.

"Just checking in on my favorite lovebirds."

"Shut the fuck up, Shitty Glasses. I'm in no mood to entertain your delusional fantasies about me and Valkihar."

"Fucked up again?" She asked bluntly, a more serious expression overtaking her face.

"Just doing my damn job. Nothing more. Nothing less. Valkihar might not have been too happy about it though."

"Oh, I already heard from her."

"Then why the fuck did you even bother asking?!" I spat, slamming a fist down on the desk. She only giggled in return. Damn sadist.

"I wanted to get your side as well. There are always two sides to every story. Needed to get the facts right, of course."

"Like I said, I'm not in the mood. Go pester Erwin or something. I still have things to do before we leave for the capital." I waved a hand towards the door before retrieving some paperwork that I had neglected to finish earlier.

"Yeah, but I don't exactly wanna be stuck with a grumpy-pants like you for a week. And if this keeps up, your foul mood is gonna follow you on this trip and make it hell for us in the process. More so than usual."

"I can't really help it if those bureaucratic pigs piss me off, not with the uncanny amount of shit that flies from those holes in their heads they insist on calling a mouth." I retorted.

"Colorful one, Levi. Truly. No wonder you can't get laid." I growled low in my throat, glaring daggers at the idiot currently sitting in the chair in front of me.

"Get the fuck out, already." I snarled.

"Sorry. Not until I somehow get you and Celica back on good terms before we leave the day after tomorrow." She insisted, bouncing her leg even fast than before, possibly mimicking the speed of the gears still turning in her head.

"Well, that sure as hell won't happen if you stay here all night."

"By the walls!" She exclaimed, suddenly leaping from her seat and racing for the door. "Eureka!"

With the slam of my office door, the annoying woman was finally gone and I breathed a sigh of relief, though my head had already started to pound from the loud sound as it echoed in the room. I leaned back in my chair, cradling my head in the palms of my head once more as the pain ran through my skull like lightning striking across the sky.

If it got any worse, I doubt I could do much more work. Regardless, I tried my best to ignore the throbbing in my head and focus on the paperwork in front of me. For once, I was grateful for the mind-numbing work.

* * *

Eventually, the pain won out, and my headache expanded into a full-blown migraine. The sun had gone down long ago yet I refused to light a lantern, the bright moonlight being more than enough to see by and irritate my blurring vision. By then, the simple sound of the pen scratching against paper had become too loud and annoying to bear any longer. Even my own pulse in my ears hurt as I cradled my head trying to will the pain away.

Calling it a night, I slowly walked from my office down to the living quarters, my vision beginning to distort even more as my balance become shaky at best. I questioned whether or not I could make it down to the infirmary for some meds but decided against it, choosing instead to hopefully wait it out and silently beg that it would be over my morning.

It was a small miracle in itself that I made it to my room, collapsing on the bed and curling up into a tight ball, still cradling my head as the pounding seemed to only increase in intensity.

Time seemed to slow down, minutes seemed like an eternity as I laid there. After an immeasurable amount of time, a knock was heard at my door. I groaned softly as pulled a pillow over my head.

"Go away." I couldn't even recognize my own voice anymore, hearing how wrecked and strained it was in my own ears.

"It's Valkihar. Hanji said you needed to see me." Of course, she would show up. Just the thought of our earlier 'talk' caused a fresh wave of pain to rush through my skull.

"I requested no such thing. Leave." I raised my voice, immediately regretting my decision at the volume used to speak.

"Heichou, are you okay? You don't sound very well." Though her voice was painful to hear, it sounded... gentle, almost. Concern laced in between her words.

"Exactly, now leave me be already. Please, just go." I practically begged, only wishing for the pain to stop already. There were times where I had almost forgotten what pain had felt like, and it was times like this, that quickly reminded me; along with the fact that human were still slaves to their own bodies, needs, desires, and pains.

"I'm coming in, sir." Her voice sounded after a moment of deafening silence and was followed by the quiet sound of a door opening and closing as soft and gentle footsteps made there way closer to me.

I felt the pillow above me shift, being pulled away by an unseen hand as I wrenched my eyes closed even tighter. To my own displeasure, I flinched when the same hand reached out to lightly run its finger through the bangs hanging over my eyes.

"Another migraine?" She asked in a barely there whisper. I made a small noncommital sound in my throat as I curled even tighter into myself.

"I'll be fine. Go away." I insisted. I could feel the look of disapproval she was giving me from above.

"You don't _look_ fine. Do you think some tea would help?" I gently shook my head.

"Nauseous." Was the only word I could muster out, knowing if I drank anything with the pain this severe, I most likely wouldn't be able to hold it down.

She softly hummed in acknowledgment but didn't say much else. Her prior experience witnessing my occasional migraines didn't contain one of this magnitude so I guessed that she was at a lost of what to do. That was until I felt her begin working on the leather straps of my gear, removing my boots in the process as setting them aside.

In my eagerness to get off my feet before they gave out on me, I had completely forgotten about ridding myself of my uniform, boots or anything else. Once the straps were loosened, she pulled away, forcing me to try and pry my eyes open to find her in the darkness. She immediately laid a hand gently over my eyes, keeping them closed.

"It's probably better that you don't right now." She admonished with a low voice. "I'll go track down some medicine for you. If you manage to get into some more comfortable clothes, I bet you'll start to feel a little better by the t-."

Without thinking, I latched my hand tightly around hers as she threatened to pull away from me again.

"Please... Stay." I pleaded in a voice rasped with discomfort and pain, part of me still refusing to believe that the sound I was hearing did, in fact, belong to me.

She let out a small breath of air and loosely gripped my hand in return.

"Okay, I'll stay. But I have to go get you some medicine first."

The gentle softness never left her voice as she spoke in a hushed whisper that was still far too loud to my hypersensitive hearing, and even though it still hurt like hell, it was the thought that counted. The fact that she could have easily just walked away like I had originally told her to, and now she was willing to stay after I had simply asked her. Perhaps I truly did look as bad as I felt. If that was the case, I felt sorry for her having to see me like this; in this pathetic state.

I felt the bed shift slightly, sending a new wave of vertigo straight through me, but when I felt a pair of lips just grazing the skin of my forehead, another dizzying wave crashed over me. Not from pain, however, but pleasure.

She was concerned about me, despite my harshness earlier. And for that, I was extremely grateful indeed.

My pulse was throbbing even louder in my ears now so it was a miracle that I heard the next words that came from her mouth.

"I'll be right back, Levi."

The comforting warmth she was emitting next to me slowly vanished and I knew I was alone once more. I eased myself into a sitting position on the bed, pinching my eyes tighter together as the blood rushed through my veins. I discarded the remaining clothing that had plastered itself to my skin with sweat without care, sickened by how damp the cloth felt in my hands.

Reluctantly, I grabbed a pair of shorts from the nightstand and slipped them on, a need for at least partial decency remaining despite the overwelling urge to shed every stitch of clothing in hope to calm my heated blood.

Laying back on the bed, the world around me swirled beyond closed eyes, the moonlight pouring from the open window still stinging my vision. I laid an arm across my eyes, the slight pressure helping to dull the ache by only a fraction.

I must have passed out at some point, not hearing the opening and closing of the door again or Celica approaching the bed. A gentle shake to my shoulder jolted me awake and all my senses slammed into me all at once.

"Easy there. It's just me." Her soft voice cooed. If I wasn't so desperately out of the loop right now, I would have scoffed at her pampering. At the moment though, I felt like a uselessly limp doll that had somehow been brought to life by a voodoo priestess, needles sticking into every part of my body but with the majority piercing through my head.

With a little more coaxing, she managed to get me upright enough to slip the medicine past my lips along with a few sips of water. As soon as the liquid hit my stomach, however, I instantly regretted it.

"W-waste can," I muttered. Celica gave a small perplexed sound before I spat. "Now woman!"

In a flash, she moved and brought the container to me, just in time for my retching to start, the sour taste of bile coating my throat.

How disgraceful.

"It's okay. Happens to the best of us." She whispered. I pried an eye open to glance over at her while still stretched over the opening of the ruined container. I could only hope those saddened eyes of her had averted in time. Though I doubt she could ignore the vile sounds that just came from my sick.

"It's still disgusting nonetheless." She handed me a handkerchief, which I prompt wiped the disgust from my mouth and threw it down in the basket before depositing it on the other side of the bed, away from us both but close enough for me to reach again just in case.

"You should lay back down and get some more sleep." She advised, pressing a hand lightly to my shoulder. I did so without argument and she retreated away for a moment before a cool damp cloth was laid against my head and another on my throat.

Back then, when I made a comment about how she might make a decent housewife someday, her caring touch only cemented the idea firmly in my mind as I slipped back into the darkness.

* * *

 **Celica's POV**

The hours of the night wore on as I watched over the resting captain. I knew that it was necessary for me to get some proper sleep before morning came, however, I also knew that I didn't want to, physically couldn't, leave him in this state.

Sure, he had had an occasional migraine during the time I stayed with him but it was never this severe in its intensity. He never was bedridden with dizziness, never flinched at a whisper in pain, never was violently sick, never flushed with fever like this. He never looked so vulnerable before.

He was even whimpering in his sleep, kicking the sheets away to the foot of the bed, and it pained me to watch him, knowing that I couldn't comfort him in the slightest. A single touch was like sensory overload to him.

His body was slick with sweat and coated his already pale skin, the dim moonlight casting a disturbing glow over his lithe frame. I removed the drying pieces of cloth from his body and rewet them along with a third, replacing the original two back onto him as I gingerly ran the third across his trembling torso.

He shivered against the cold cloth and tried to curl up his body once more, only to return to his original position on his back, fighting against both the cold and the heat that wracked through him.

I had long ago discarded by boots beside his, reasoning that I would not have to go beyond his room anymore to get whatever I thought he would need between now and morning. The straps of my gear though were digging into my skin a little more than usual and I quickly removed them, setting them next to my shoes.

The comfort and relief I felt out of the restraints brought a fresh wave of sleepiness. I was fighting against it, however. I needed to be awake just in case. For whatever reason.

Levi reached out in his sleep, muttering something behind a pained expression. I took his hand in mine and ran my thumb across his knuckles. He tugged against my hand, not releasing his powerful grip on me but instead pulling me towards him.

Pulling me flush against his warm body, he held me there, my head resting against his shoulder as he buried his face in my hair. Letting out a more contented sigh, he finally stilled again, his breathing turning more even and deep.

I pushed gently against him, trying to pry myself from his arms but his strength caged me against me, unrelenting even in sleep. I huffed a sigh against his skin and eventually relaxed against him.

There was no point in fighting a sick man. I was just lucky that migraines aren't exactly contagious.

Shutting my eyes, I let sleep begin to creep up on me. Before I slipped away for the night, I whispered to him.

"Goodnight, Levi." He pulled me even tighter against him, turning onto his side and cradling me to his chest as he responded.

"Goodnight, Celica."


	40. Drawbacks

**A/N: HELLO AGAIN EVERYONE! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to get this chapter up and I apologize that it's so short too. I was struggling to get anything substantial out but after so many of you asking me to update again, I wanted to be able to get something out to you at least. I'm going to start working on the next chapter hopefully tonight but I DO have a LOT on my plate recently. Full-time job, Online School, stresses about money, the usual stuff. That and trying to bounce between other story ideas, still reading my own personal dose of fanfiction, a youtube channel that needs updating as well, and my drawings.**

 **I hope you guys like this chapter regardless. Please give me feedback in the form of favorites, follows, review, and PMs. If it wasn't for your love I wouldn't have came this far so THANK YOU SO MUCH! I love my readers oh so much!**

 **Well, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **LEVI'S P** **OV**

I awoke at an ungodly hour of the morning, the throbbing in my head still persistent yet duller. My body was warm but it wasn't necessarily uncomfortable like before. Instead of a searing fire scorching me from the inside out, it resembled something like the first warm day after a long winter. Hot but welcomed.

Though my muscles felt more relaxed than earlier, they felt stiff from laying in one position for so long. The slight burning from my stretching felt enjoyable as a low groan emanated from my throat, until, this is, I realized that I had bumped into something. Focusing my vision as blinked my bleary and tired eyes, I finally saw the form curled up next to me; one of their legs trapped in between mine as they snuggled up to my side with their head resting in the crook of my neck, arm draped across my ribs in a loose embrace. It took me a moment, only a moment, to realize that that figure was Celica.

Deep yet soft breaths escaped past her parted lips, the comforting rhythm breaking with a small groan as she buried her face deeper into my shoulder, the arm draped across me tightening ever so lightly as he resumed her peaceful sleep; undisturbed. It could have been the residual fever that still pulsed through my veins, but the sight of her sleeping so soundly on me like that, was nothing short of perfect. Almost like finally finding that missing piece in a puzzle and the contentment of it fitting into place to complete it. And as much as I would have loved to just lay there for just a few more moments, dawn was quickly approaching and I was due to leave for the capital in a few short hours.

Reluctantly, I shimmied out of bed, careful to do my best without waking her and went to shower, The feeling of dried sweat on my skin made me shiver in disgust. How the hell she could cling so close to me like that without being repulsed amazed me. Not a moment before reaching the doorway to the bathroom did my world invert once more, sending me tumbling into the hardwood.

Just fucking great.

"Holy shit, Levi!" A voice screeched, beautiful and yet painful as my head immediately began to throb. A voice that could only be described as one from an ethereal being sent from the heavens. The melodic and graceful tones mixing with nails on a chalkboard as if mortal ears were unworthy of hearing it's true sound.

The edges of my vision went white as I pulled to sit in an upright position, the weight of my own head seeming too heavy to hold itself up properly.

"Levi, are you alright?" It sounded again, a soft gasp pouring from unseen lips as a hand touched my head. "Damn, you're bleeding."

What? Bleeding?

I lift a shaky hand to the spot where the pain was worst and pulled back fingertip tinged with bright crimson liquid. I barely registered a few more curse words spoken before hurried footsteps left the room entirely.

The blood smearing my fingers pulled a nauseous feeling from my gut and I struggled to crawl to what I had to believe with the toilet to heave again. I didn't know whether to praise or curse the gods that nothing else came up, my stomach left completely empty after last nights events. The memory caused another wave of dry heaving to start before the footsteps returned with even more trailing behind them.

"Levi, what's wrong?" A different voice sounded. This one resembling more like a devil that been propped up on your shoulder for too long and won't stop that insistent badgering in your ear.

"Fuck off. I'm fine." I whispered, still doubled over when another pair of hands grabbed my head and forced me to attempt to focus.

Messy brown hair and glasses were the first things I saw, Hanji's usual expression replaced with concern and a doctor's level of studiousness as she looked me over.

"This migraine's got you fucked over nine ways to Sunday, huh? Hit your head pretty well, too." She commented as she pressed a, hopefully clean, cloth to my head over the small open wound. "It shouldn't require stitches but we should at least stop the bleeding. Don't need you passing out on us again quite yet."

As much as I would have loved to shove her hand away and relieve the increasing pressure, Hanji had a point. Head wounds always bled more for whatever reason.

Grabbing one of my hands with her own, she replaced her hand holding the rag in place with mine, immediately before turning to the frightened figure still standing in the doorway.

"Celica, can I speak with you for a moment?" She asked, pulling the girl away from my peripheral vision before there was a chance to argue.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

"I need you to go downstairs and get breakfast while I wrap up things here. I'll also have to tell Erwin that he won't be joining us this time around."

"But aren't yall not leaving until tomorrow morning?"

Hanji's mouth creased flat, her eyes shifting away from me, an uneasy look on her face.

"Something's come up. Erwin wanted to move out today instead. But I can't expect Levi to come with us in this condition. No matter how fast he usually recovers. He won't be anywhere near a mood to deal with the bureaucrats. It could actually harm us if he did come with an attitude like that."

A breath that I didn't realize I was holding finally released and I felt my shoulders drop with it. "I see."

Even though I was relieved that the captain didn't have to leave for the Capital after all and that he would get the rest he needed, the spot over my heart still ached, my fingers clenching over the shirt in place as if it would somehow ease the uncomfortable feeling.

It was guilt that I was feeling. Not for anything I had done precisely but for the fact that Levi couldn't do his job. Somehow though, I still felt responsible even if logic didn't agree.

"That being said, I'll have Moblit come check up on him when it's necessary so that you can focus on honing your skills again."

A bit my tongue before I had the chance to insist that it needed to be me to be the one ensuring that he got the rest he needed. In all actuality, however, I knew that that wasn't an entirely true statement. It didn't HAVE to be me. I just wanted it to be.

Hanji sighed softly and ran her hand through my hair gently.

"Don't give me that look. I know how bad you want to stay. But you have to get ready for the next expedition just like everyone. Possibly more than anyone else."

That look? What kind of face had I been making?

"You're right. I HAVE to be ready. Can't have him making a liar out of me yet."

"Good. Now go wash up and head downstairs. I bet the others will be waiting for you if you don't hurry up."

I gave a brief nod, my eyes catching the sitting figure still on the floor as I gathered the rest of my uniform before heading out the door.

* * *

HANJI'S **POV:**

With Celica gone, I could finally turn my attention back to my grumpy patient who had not moved from the spot I had left him.

"She seems so innocent still. Makes me wonder how deeply you've actually corrupted her, Levi."

"Shut up." He retorted, his words lacking any real bite. "I haven't done anything of the sort to her."

He flinched as he tried taking the soaked rag from his head and quickly put it back in place. My eyes scanned over him and then over to the bed and nightstand, where an assortment of dry and slightly damp cloths was spread over the surfaces.

At least not with that migraine you haven't, I thought to myself.

I grabbed a fresh one from the pile on the nightstand and brought it to the bathroom to run under some cold water, ringing out the majority of the water. Replacing the bloody cloth in his hand with the newly wet one, I took a proper look at his face now that his heart rate had slowed.

"You look slightly less than half dead. Must have gotten some decent sleep after all last night."

"Geez, thanks for your vote of confidence." He mocked in sarcasm. "It... wasn't the worst I had."

His words had all but been whispered but I couldn't miss the slight dusting of pink at the top of his ears and I felt a smile tug at my lips.

So she DID stay here last night. No dark circles and her eyes were bright, so she fell asleep at some point. Could have slept in the chair by the bed. No signs of stiffness though in her body, however. Her boots and gear straps were off to the side as well.

Did they share a bed then? Would Levi allow it? Could have in an intense state of delirium maybe. Then again, considering how disheveled he is, it's not out of the question.

Did it go any further though? I doubt it. Not if it's still affecting him now. And last night, the worst of it was probably still in full swing. Still, he IS blushing. Maybe one of them...

"OI, SHITTY GLASSES!"

Levi raising his voice had snapped me out of my train of thought and despite the obvious discomfort he was showing from it, he looked more or less the same pissed off person he normally is.

"I can see that look on your face you know," He spoke in a softer tone. "It's the same one you wear whenever you're thinking way too hard about something that shouldn't involve yourself in. Give it a rest."

Another smile pulled at the corner of my lips as I pulled his hand away to get a better look at the small gash on his head.

"I'm not going to apologize if that's what you're wanting. But I never thought I would see you like this."

"Like how?" He flinched hard again as I carefully parted his hair to see the damage and brushed a little too close to the wound. I made a small apologetic sound in return.

"Like you're in love."

Levi went completely still under me and I couldn't even hear his breathing anymore after it caught once in his throat.

"It's bittersweet, it's it?"

"How am I supposed to know?" He said in an uneasy voice. "I'm still half mad with pain still. Nothing I'm thinking or feeling right now is normal for me and it's the only reason I'm entertaining your own personal delusion."

My smile didn't fade with his words and only threatened to grow bigger because of them. He was right, he probably wasn't in the best of logical mindsets right now, but it would give him something to think about at a later time maybe.

"I know."

The bleeding had finally stopped but I felt the need to wrap the wound anyways just to make sure. He would have to rinse the blood out of his hair in a few hours after Moblit determined it wouldn't reopen that easily.

"But maybe you'll listen to what I have to say then?" He cast his eyes up at me after a moment and the softness that showed in his gaze took me by surprise. "Erwin and I are leaving early. Today actually."

The softness in his eyes immediately vanished, as if it had never been there, to begin with. "Why?"

"He says something doesn't feel right and you know what happens when Erwin intuition takes over. He's usually right."

He gave a small nod in response.

"That fucker's sixth sense is damn right creepy at times with how accurate he is."

"We'll still be gone until the day before the next expedition., so don't expect us back before then.

"So you're leaving me behind?" He raised an eyebrow at the question.

"Don't act like it's a huge inconvenience to you. We all know how much you hate these types of trips."

"Damn right, I hate them. It's just a bunch of conversating with a bunch of fat pigs who only care about fattening themselves up."

Now there's the Levi I know.

"While we're gone, focus on recovering. I would recommend that you let Eld take over command for the week regardless. It would help develop his leadership skills for the future."

"Noted." He stated flatly, while I rose to discard the bloody rag and start cleaning up the room for him. Goddess knows he couldn't rest until the area was at least clean at first glance.

"Anything else?" He asked, lifting himself from the floor to check out the mess in his hair in the mirror while I gathered the rest of the rags in the other room.

I stood still for a moment, debating whether or not to mention anything else to him, and then trying to word it all properly.

"I'm not saying that she won't be ready by then." The words I spoke came out slowly and calculated as I was still piecing my thought together. "I'm not saying that at all. But, just to be sure, I hope you two can finally come to an understanding and will have made your peace with it by the time we're back. Because once we're beyond those walls, anything can happen."

"I don't think that's necessary. There's nothing like that going on between us." He voice sounded so certain before he trailed off as if muttering to himself. "At least not anymore."

"Either way, if anything IS still going on between you two, I would make the most of it before the expedition. Just try not to distract her too much. She's still got a lot of work ahead of her."

Levi hung his head over the sink, hand clenching into loose fists on either side of him on the counter.

"I know."


	41. Day Zero: Lighthearted Conversation

**A/N: Welcome back everyone! I have another chapter for you all and I hope you like it. For once I have everything planned out through the end of this story, in at least some detail. The next few chapters will more or less cover the day to day things that will occur over the next week in story time. This is what I like to call Day Zero in the story. So be prepared for at least seven more days until the expedition. And if you all have been waiting for that glorious moment between the two lovebirds, my advice would be:**

 **Patience my dears, all in good time. (But that time is coming very soon. Hopefully in the next few chapters. Stay tuned to see!)**

 **As always, please Favorite, Follow, Review to your hearts content. Drop me a message any time you would like as well. I always enjoy hearing from my readers.**

 **CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

Despite Hanji's words earlier, encouraging me to focus on the tasks at hand, my feet felt like lead as I trudged towards the training grounds after breakfast. I didn't make it downstairs in time to eat with the others, too lost in thought while I showered. Instead, I grabbed a couple slices of bread left over in the mess hall and forced myself to eat at least that much before setting out.

Doing 3DM Gear maneuvers felt just as bad on a content stomach as one that was empty, let alone doing maneuvers on a full stomach. Clean up was especially disgusting after that one incident thanks to some too eager idiot; the one who had stuffed himself with food that particular morning back during the basic training days. I can still hear the Commandant screaming at the poor soul about better self-control and for wasting all the food that came back up. Needless to say, I didn't eat again until lunch the day after thanks to him. I guess you would call it an understandable 'lack of appetite'.

Outside, the others were all strapped in their gear, waiting by the forest edge for me.

"Look who finally decided to show up." Auruo snarked. I couldn't help but roll my eyes in return.

"Sorry," I replied, forcing a content, if not, cheerful look on my face and brushing past the small group, eyes fixated on the forest's edge. "Ready to go?"

Eld nodded his head behind me with a small sound of agreement accompanying the motion. "Eager much or just apologetically getting straight to business?"

"Perhaps it's a little bit of both." I stated, firing my anchors into the first line of trees and launching myself first into the greenery ahead.

* * *

The sun above had crept to it's highest point in the sky and began it's decent back towards the horizon long ago, leaving a dull orange tint to the world around us as daylight began slipping away before we finally called it a day. Every hour but maybe two at the most had been spent soaring through trees, coordinating attacks on practice titans, and practicing gas and blade preservation with every strike.

My uniform was soaked with a mixture of sweat and damp dirt and it clung disgustingly to my skin. It caused my skin to itch uncomfortably and I wanted nothing more than to rip the fabric off my body and take a long, hot shower. On second thought, maybe a slighter cooler shower would do instead, I thought while feeling a cooling evening breeze wash over me as we all collapsed in a semicircle on the ground, chest still heaving with exertion after 'killing' our umpteenth titan cutout.

"I think that's enough for today. " Eld suggested. "Tomorrow we'll refresh our riding skill so make sure to stretch well tonight. Won't get much of it come morning time."

Auruo grunted, throwing himself back into the dirt and gave a quick thumbs up as his response, body going limp with exhaustion. The others gave similar responses before we all trudged back towards the headquarters building.

My legs shook beneath me as Petra and I leaned on each other as we shuffled back to our room. Once inside, we both collapsed on the floor in the same fashion as Auruo had earlier, breathing still slightly labored. Damn whoever decided that our room would be somewhere other than ground floor.

"I think- we found someone who- could give- Levi Heichou- a run for his money- when it comes to- intensity training." Petra breathed out between heavy puffs of air.

"Just look at- the shoes he's trying to fill- in for. Hopefully,- he lightens up just a hair- otherwise- I think I'll die before- I can see beyond the walls again." I huffed.

"You- can have the first- shower. I don't think I can- move anywhere for- a little bit."

"Neither- can I. Go- I- insist."

Petra grumbled next to me a quiet 'fine' before reluctantly picking herself off the floor and wobbling towards the shared facilities. And as I lay there on the floor, staring up at the wooden support beams of the roof of our lodging, I could still hear the thrumming of my heartbeat in my ears and the blood rushing in my head. Everything else seemed muted in comparison to it.

The cool paneling of the floor helped to ease the sweltering heat of my skin but the longer I lay there, the more the surface warmed with my body heat. I couldn't find the energy to care anymore though. I was exhausted, completely and utterly exhausted. I wanted nothing else but to curl up and sleep.

First things first though, I had to get a bath in at least.

* * *

After washing up, I lay in bed just waiting to drift off, eyes closed and relaxed but I had not yet slept yet. At least my body could get a small break even if it wouldn't shut down for the night to properly rest. The sun had just disappeared beyond the horizon not too long ago. There was still plenty of time to get a good night's rest.

I was half asleep, half awake reading one of the books from the pile next to my nightstand when Petra called my attention to dinner. I thought about skipping until my stomach growled it's impatient response. So much for staying in bed for the rest of the evening.

The meal was bland but edible. Either way, my stomach thanked me for it after I had more or less neglected it at breakfast time and had trained through lunch as well. A light-hearted conversation was held around the table as we ate without much bickering in the mix, which was as refreshing as it was worrying. Especially with the loss of a chastising voice among the chorus of team members.

It was easy to forget that the missing captain wasn't in the capital after all, like the others were lead to believe. 'I wonder if Hanji is talking off the poor Captain's ear all the way to the capital like usual.' one person would comment. Another would say 'Probably. I'll be surprised if all three of them return back in the same carriage without one being hogtied and thrown in along with the luggage.'.

For whatever reason, I didn't disclose that Levi was left behind before Hanji and the Commander had departed this morning. I probably figured that if he or Moblit hadn't relayed down that he had stayed instead, there had to be a reason for it. At least for nothing else other than a little R&R. Some well deserved R&R if you asked me.

As it stood though, I thought on the way back to my room to turn in for the night, it wasn't really any of my concern. The captain is a grown man who doesn't need someone like me to watch over him like some sick child. If that truly was the case though, why did I feel like I had to go to him? To seek him out? Why did I feel compelled to be so close to him?

I couldn't answer that, or at least, part of me didn't want to; for fear of what exactly that answer was. It was obvious that I had grown attached to him and even, reluctantly, harbored a crush of my superior. But I couldn't answer the one question that was driving me up the walls: What did I want out of him?

Desperate to push the plaguing thoughts from my head, I slithered back into my bed, pulled up the covers, and broke open my book again and waited until my body finally gave out into sleep.

* * *

Several hours had passed by, the once tall candlestick by my bed having shrunk over half it's original size since I had lit it after returning from dinner. How had it gotten so late already?

I sat up on the side of my bed, glancing over to see Petra already succumbed to a deep sleep. I softly sighed in repressed frustration. My body felt like lead and I knew I was exhausted but my body had not given over to sleep yet.

Maybe a cup of tea would help, I had thought.

Meandering downstairs to the mess hall through dimly lit hallways, I stopped dead in my tracks as a chill ran down my spine when I spotted a shadowed figure in the kitchen area. The clinking of china reverberating over the stone walls sounded uncomfortably loud in the dead of the night. When I caught the distinct smell of black tea, stout in its lack of sugar, wafting my direction, I realized who I had caught in the middle of making his tea.

"Heichou?"

He didn't jump when I called out but turned his head swiftly, the proud features of his face highlighted by the light of a lantern on the countertop.

"What are you doing up, Valkihar?" He questioned, the tone of his voice lower in volume and sounding slightly strained and rough, almost raw.

"The same as usual, just can't fall asleep. What about you? I thought you would still be resting."

He shrugged his broad shoulders and returned back to his cup of tea steeping before him.

"I slept more than enough last night. More than I had in a long time if nothing else. But I guess I have you to thank for that."

It was my turn to shrug, unsure whether or not to talk his comment for what it was worth or with a grain of salt.

"It was no problem." I tried to downplay the compliment. "Looking after you, I mean. It was the least I could do after... well, everything."

He glanced over at me from the corner of his eye before fixating himself back of the tea.

"All that's over and done with now. There's no reason to keep bringing it up." He insisted. shuffling over to another cupboard to grab a second teacup. "I take it you came down here for a cup of tea as well?"

"Yes, sir. I thought it might help me get to sleep at least."

He gestured over to a stool adjacent to himself, pulling a different brand of tea down from the cabinets.

"Sit. I'll brew you up something else other than black tea. I doubt the caffeine will help much if you don't want to stay up past dawn."

"Thank you, Heichou."

Reluctantly, I took my seat and watched as he prepared with careful precision my cup of tea. The shadows bouncing off the flexing muscles of his back and shoulders as he worked were almost hypnotizing and I could feel the small blush on my cheeks once I had caught myself staring at him so openly. Thinking about it though, he really does have a body worth admiring; almost as if he was cut straight from a piece of marvel and carved by the Goddess' most skilled craftsman.

It was only when a steaming cup of tea was held in front of me a few moments later did I recceed back from my thoughts, only to find an unabashed smirk plastered on the captain's face from above.

"You really enjoy watching me, don't you?" My cheeks flamed red as I gingerly took the cup from his outstretched hand.

"No comment." I dejected, taking a quick sniff of the tea now in my hands before taking a sip of the warm liquid. Chamomile?

Levi chuckled at my given response and leaned with his back against the counter next to me, his own cup of tea still in his hand.

"I guess it's only fair, huh? After me watching you for so long?" He asked, taking a sip from his own cup.

"Let's go with that one."

I couldn't help the smile that crept onto my lips and I stared down into the golden liquid still steaming from the cup in my hands.

"It's good. Thank you." I took another sip, already feeling the tea doing its magic in relaxing my body. Usually, it takes thirty minutes to a full hour after a full cup of tea for its natural effect to start working its way through a person's system. Maybe I really was just tired.

Or maybe, it wasn't the tea after all. Maybe, just maybe, it was the captain's presence. But that's just the insomnia talking.

Right?

"I noticed that you didn't tell the others that I was still on the grounds." He pointed out, casting a look of mild curiosity down at me. "Why?"

"So you've still got your ear to the ground even when you're supposed to be taking time off to rest?"

"Always." He informed. "So...?"

As much as I wanted to be mad at him for being so stubborn in his usual ways, I couldn't. So instead, I entertained his question.

"Well, I figured that they would have either figured it out or Moblit would have told them. Considering their current ignorance, I'm guessing there's an ulterior motive as to why the others weren't informed." I reasoned. "But regardless if it IS for such a reason, it's a good thing in my opinion."

There was a moment of pause as the captain took another sip of tea, pondering silently.

"How so?"

I stroked my thumb along the warm smooth surface of my cup, thinking of earlier in the day.

"Eld is eager to test his leadership skills and he's trying his best to fill your shoes in the meantime. A little too well if you ask me." I muttered the last sentences into my cup of tea before drinking. "But I think it might help him grow a little. No one really seems to mind too much at least. And if it gives you some well deserved time off as well, who am I to complain?"

Gently swishing the tea in his cup, I could almost see the gears turning as he thought about my words.

"'Well deserved time off', huh?" He whispered. "If I didn't know any better, I would say that you're somewhat concerned about me, Valkihar."

"Well..." Another pause. Should I just say it? There's no harm in telling him the truth, right? "I guess I am, Heichou."

He snorted a soft breath through his nose as the corners of his mouth turned up into a barely there smile.

"Don't worry so much about me. Worry about yourself for once, instead."

His words were meant as an admonishment towards me, but the way he said it, the way his voice softened just a little, made me think otherwise.

"Sorry. I'll keep working on that."

"Kind of like you'll keep working on calling me by my given name when no one else is around?" He teased.

"Only as much as you work on calling me by mine." I reminded him, casting my eyes up to meet his, which had already averted to stare at the dim lantern lighting up the small kitchen area where we resided.

The silence had once again returned, instead of a feeling of contentment though, it felt a little tenser. Not necessarily uncomfortable but, it wasn't as carefree as it was before.

I quickly finished my tea and went to rinse the cup when a hand secured over the one I held the porcelain in. Just as always, his hand was warm and gentle as he took the cup from me.

"I'll clean up. You need to get some sleep."

I nodded my head reluctantly, unsure if I wanted to go back to bed just yet. Just being near him like this was enough for me to forget the long day that had been planned ahead and the need for proper sleep beforehand.

"Okay." I submitted, turning to leave.

Behind me, I hear the captain's voice one last time for the night.

"Goodnight, Celica." He spoke.

"Goodnight, Levi." I called back softly, wrapping the hand he had held in the other as I headed back upstairs; unwilling to let the warmth he left on my skin to fade away so easily.

Climbing back into bed, I curled under the sheets and heaved a soft breath. Somehow I knew, soon to come, only more trouble would surface despite the warm comfortable feelings I had felt through the day. Just like the calm before the storm I thought. That pestering and annoying feeling in my gut would not subside for a little while longer yet.

Eventually, I drifted off into an uneasy sleep, with the thoughts of the captain, my captain, lingering until the moment I couldn't tell if I was still awake or had begun dreaming.


	42. Day Zero Part 2: Longing

**A/N: HI EVERYONE! This is MarceVampQueen back at it again with another chapter of "Warring Minds and Bodies". This chapter is entirely from Levi's POV. Strictly because I thought that he had to have his side of things shared. It takes two to tango after all and the lines of fate are closing in tightly on these two. Plus it's just fun to write a heart thrumming side into Levi, making that cold ice of his slowly but surely melt away.**

 **By the way, I know that I had wanted to plan the end of this series a certain way when it came to whether or not Celica and Levi sealed the deal so to speak by the end of the work. I'm going to be posted up a poll that will last one week. Depending on the results, I may extend it so that all my readers may give their opinion. But remember, the longer the poll goes on, the longer you have to wait for possible story updates.**

 **You can find the poll on my Profile Page.**

 ***Evil Laugh* Have fun my dears! And don't forget to FAVORITE, FOLLOW, AND/OR REVIEW this story if you like it. PM me anytime you would like, ask me anything you like. I may or may not give spoilers, if that's what you're into ;3**

 **So anyways, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

After being cooped up for so many hours, with the blood thoroughly and carefully washed out of my hair some time ago, I lay in bed staring up at the support beams across the ceiling above me.

Note to self: Dust those first thing in the morning. It's been days since I last cleaned them.

Hanji's assistant, Moblit, had, in fact, learned quite a bit from her while under her provision. Medical care was at the top of the list, seeing that I was at least fed throughout the day and that I didn't move too fast until the rest of my migraine had slithered back under whatever rock it dared to crawl out of. However, the level of doting he was doing was just as annoying as Hanji's useless rambling.

If I'm going to be basically bed bound, at least give me someone that I didn't mind having around. One person stood out from the crowd when I wondered exactly who that person might have been.

The same one that stayed with me last night. The same one who put up with the pathetic state that I was caught in without a single other care in the world other than my well being. The same that I woke up with her in my arms, not really wondering or caring how she ended up that way, but I was content with, to say the least.

I could already feel the blood in veins start to boil at the thought. Not because I was angry or frustrated with her. Goddess, no. It was because I was miffed at the thought that if I had just stayed in bed with this confusing and yet wonderful creature in my grasp, that perhaps I wouldn't have split my head open falling over like a frail old man.

A pang in my chest made it tighten and constrict in the most uncomfortable manner. It ached and felt like the weight of a fallen body collapsed on top of me. What exactly was this feeling though? What was it?

Regret?

My blood began to sing beneath my skin.

No. Don't regret it. Don't think like that. Regret will muddy your future decisions and cloudy your visions.

I made my decision.

Forget about the morning. Those rafters were getting cleaned TONIGHT. Along with any other sort of accumulated filth that had somehow been missed.

* * *

Sometime later, the room had become immaculate once more. Every speck of dust had been wiped away, floors swept and washed, the bed changed with fresh linens.

As I went to toss the unclean sheets into the laundry hamper, a certain smell caught my nose. Sweet and delicate, just like her. Fragile and drifting away slowly, just out of reach.

Had I had any less self-control that I possessed, I probably would have curled up with the old sheets and just soaked in the memory and scent of her. Her smell slowly intertwining with mine, leaving behind a muted but not necessarily unpleasant mixture. But having that level of self-control of mine, I discarded the thought along with the sheet into the basket.

The only thing left was a warm shower to finally rinse off the layers of sweat that had clung to my skin since last night. And judging from a certain unwelcomed bodily reaction from entertaining my previous thought, it would have to be a cold one instead.

* * *

I had thought that finally showering would have improved my mood at least a little bit but, alas, that wasn't the case. If nothing else, I was possibly more worked up than I had been earlier.

Working out was apparently out of the question, not willing to chance it until the next morning, just to be safe; and also to avoid a lecture from Hanji the moment she gets back.

After a moment's thought, it had finally dawned on me.

I hadn't had my tea today.

Taking a low lit lantern down to the mess hall with me, a silently tracked through the halls, finding the kitchen area beyond the mess hall as devoid of human activity as I had hoped it would be.

I set the light down and immediately retrieved a teacup, my favorite black tea, and the kettle, adding a little too much water to the pot than I had originally planned.

For the spite of going with my preferred drink all day, I would have said that I had earned two cups at least. It's not like I would expect to fall asleep again so soon. Not after being knocked out for so long last night. Me sleeping that long was almost unheard of and yet, for whatever reason, Celica made that happen.

No. It's Valkihar. She did her duty as a soldier and cared for a sick comrade. That's it. There's no reason to call her by her first name anymore.

There's no reason, right?

Eventually, the water finally came to a boil and I poured the hot liquid over the tea leaves in the strainer. Three minutes to steep and it would be ready. No, make that five. I'm in the mood for a stronger brew tonight.

At some point, while waiting, a soft voice piped up behind me, wary and cautious as they called out. Funny how fate likes to tease me at times like this.

Turning my head, of course, it would no one else but Celica standing in the doorway. And of course, she would happen to look particularly striking in the shadows left behind from the dim lantern. Hell, at this point, I think that she could be covered head to toe in a mixture of mud, grass stains, and titan blood and I somehow wouldn't care in the least. She would still look... beautiful.

Thankfully, this wasn't the case though. Granted, her hair was a little mussed from probably laying in bed and her clothes looked more than a tad crooked as they seemed to hang off her body; but again, I couldn't find it in me to find any error in her appearance.

"What are you doing up, Valkihar?" I could the scratchiness in my throat and hear it in my voice, like a man who had wandered the desert for days on end and had ran out of water in his canteen.

"The same as usual, just can't fall asleep. What about you? I thought you would still be resting."

I shrugged my shoulders, well aware of my habit to barely sleep at night. It was no wonder I hadn't been able to sleep since I had woken up early this morning. Especially since I was out almost all night, regardless if someone would call it restful or not.

"I slept more than enough last night. More than I had in a long time if nothing else. But I guess I have you to thank for that."

Just thinking about it had made my skin warm once more and it didn't help that the object of my recent fascination was standing in an empty kitchen with me, with no other wandering eyes or ears to bear witness to us.

"It was no problem. Looking after you, I mean. It was the least I could do after... well, everything."

Goddess, there she goes again. So stuck in the past this one is. But then, did I really have any room to talk?

"All that's over and done with now. There's no reason to keep bringing it up." Without giving her time to come up with a rebuttal, I fished out an extra cup from the cupboard. "I take it you came down here for a cup of tea as well?"

"Yes, sir. I thought it might help me get to sleep at least."

There was a small waver in her voice as she spoke, tension, exhaustion, or maybe a little bit of both. She had gotten over her timidness of me, hadn't she? One could only wish, with hopefully this at least being a step in the right direction if not.

"Sit. I'll brew you up something else other than black tea. I doubt the caffeine will help much if you don't want to stay up past dawn."

"Thank you, Heichou."

Shifting through the different kinds of tea we had, I wondered which one she would prefer. Up until now, she reluctantly stomached the black tea during meals and an occasional cup with me in the study when I took a small break between files. Her eyes lit up on one particular occasion when I had snuck some sugar cubes into her cup without her noticing.

I doubt I would ever see her quite that happy again.

Eventually, I settled on chamomile, hoping it would help relax her enough for a proper night of sleep. While waiting for the tea to steep, I could feel her eyes fixated on me, seeming to stare a hole straight through me if her eyes lingered on one spot for too long.

Sure, she still had the staring issue, but the feeling wasn't as unwelcomed as it had been at one time or another. I could already feel the smirk pulling at my lips when her tea was ready and she was still somewhere lost in her own train of thought.

"You really enjoy watching me, don't you?"

That seemed to get her attention. If her cheeks turning bright red wasn't already a pretty good indicator of being caught in the act, it had to have been the slight tremor in her hands as her fingertips grazed over my skin while taking her cup; a touch that was almost too light to be felt.

"No comment." A chuckle brewed in my throat. Despite my immediate urge to repress it, it still managed to slip out.

"I guess it's only fair, huh? After me watching you for so long?" Now look who was focusing too much on the past? That just proved my earlier point, huh?

"Let's go with that one."

For once, everything felt as if it should have been. Maybe not in this life but perhaps another. A life where comfortable presences and meaningful small talk in the middle of the night could have been the norm. Where it wasn't a literally life or death struggle to make it to the next day. Where, perhaps, I could indulge in the fantasies of happiness that lurked in my mind at times.

A life where I could wake up with her in my arms every morning and not have to worry about losing her to the jaws of a titan one day.

But like all fantasies and good dreams, they eventually come to an end. With the tea all but gone, that time had arrived for us as well. Well, at least for me, until maybe another night.

"I'll clean up. You need to get some sleep." I told her, taking her cup away to wash before I retired for the night as well.

It was as if a switch had been flipped in her, the reserved timidness beginning to show once more. I could see her own internal conflict in her eyes, the color turning a little duller in the already low light.

"Okay." She said, and it felt like a hole had been punched in my chest.

For once, she gave in without any inclination of resistance or argument. Instead of being happy that she was listening and obeying me as her superior, I only felt disappointment in the wake of that one simple word. Almost as if the fire inside her was being slowly snuffed out.

I bade her goodnight, hiding the remorse that had threatened to show in my voice. She called back her own goodnight, the sound of my own name falling across her lips.

It was bittersweet, to tell you the truth.

With the tea finished and the cups washed, I returned to my own quarters. Sitting on the edge of my bed with my hands laced into my hair, hunched over, I wondered where had things changed?

Where was the moment that made me relish any time I had to share with her? The instant that I started craving to reach out and touch her, and started yearning for her touch as well? It had felt like an eternity since I had last kissed her but the memories were seared into my brain like a hot brand.

When did I stop directly demanding her obedience and submission and started enjoying her fiery spirit and resistance? When did I end up opening up her heart to her?

I sat there for what had felt like hours, thinking, remembering, craving to find her and bring her back here just for her to sleep next to me again. The night wore on and I must have slipped into sleep at some point because, there she was again; right in front of me.

This time I could say the things that I dared not say aloud yet, on ears that would become deaf to me upon my awakening. If this truly was a dream, then leave me here a little while longer, just to exist with her without another care in the world.


	43. Day One: Tension

**A/N: Welcome, welcome, WELCOME BACK EVERYONE! I'm so excited to have another chapter up for you all! This chapter may or not contain a little bit of foreshadowing for some future works between these two, so pay attention. *teehee* Anyways, for those of you have been waiting for some of the juicier bits of Celica and Levi to reemerge, let me tell you something. So have I my dears, so have I. (It takes so much self-control not to just shove these two together, you have no idea.)**

 **If you are having problems finding my poll, it should be at the very top of my profile. (It took me about ten minutes of looking myself to find it)**

 **As always, I would like to thank my beloved readers for their support and love. And if you like the story, don't forget to Favorite, Follow, and or Review. Feel free to PM me whenever you would like, especially if you have questions about the series. I am more than willing to answer any and all questions.**

 **SHOUTOUTS TO: _bluebellvine_ and _SabineGerhart07_ for the reviews that lit my writer's soul on fire!**

 **Well, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

The next morning, I had imagined that I would be lying awake before dawn breathless and heart racing from another dream involving Levi. Well, I wasn't totally incorrect in my assumption. I was awake before dawn, struggling to catch my breath as I lay there in mess of sheets after I dreamed of the captain. However, the reason for my waking was due to another nightmare; one that rattled me to the very core.

I dreamed of being surrounded by a swarm of titans, the captain lost from my visual for a split moment. One moment there was blood covering my hands and clothes, screams echoing in my ears before everything turned black. Hot, humid, foul smelling and pitch black.

The blood on my hands and clothes belong to me and the screams I heard were also mine. Had I been swallowed by a Titan? When did it happen? If I was, why am I still alive? Where is all this pain coming from? Where was the captain?

Levi Heichou...? Levi Hei-...! Please... where are you...? Levi...? Levi...!

"LEVI!"

My screams had awakened me as I bolted up in bed, throwing the covers off, as my throat burned and tears collected in my eyes. My body trembled from the shock as I buried my face into my knees and held them as close to my body as I could.

"Hey... You're okay." Petra whispered beside me, suddenly finding her sitting on the edge of my bed, an arm wrapped around me in a gesture of comfort. "It was just a bad dream. The captain is okay, safe in the capital, and you're okay too."

Tears were freefalling down my face as I looked up at her but I could feel no shame for the overwhelming amount of fear that I was feeling. It took me another moment to come to my senses, remembering that Levi wasn't in the capital at all, but most likely in his own room on the other side of headquarters. Regardless of where he actually was, he was still safe. For now.

"It... felt so real." I choked out between sobs, phantom pains from my nightmare coursing through my limbs as if they had been mauled by either teeth or blade one. "It... It still hurts, Petra. Like physically... hurts. It was... it was like torture...!"

Before I could continue, Petra brought me in closer to her, embracing me tightly as she shushed my sobs to a dull whimper.

"But it's not real. You're in your room back at headquarters. You aren't beyond the walls and you're safe."

Still crippled with a mixture of pain and fear, I buried my head in her shoulder as the tears kept running down my face.

"I'm... I'm sorry." My voice cracked as I tried speaking.

"Don't be." She whispered, comforting me until the tremors and tears eventually stopped and we both tried to return to sleep before the sun threatened to break over the horizon.

* * *

Utterly drained and sore from the ache in my bones left behind after my nightmare, the day proved to be difficult as we rode out on horseback for the majority of the day. My thighs screamed their constant and obnoxious protests with every mile after we had ridden well over the 20-mile mark.

Serves me right for forgetting to stretch properly before bed. But then again, I was still extremely wound up since the first time I had awoken last night. The same nightmare continuing every time I went back to sleep until the last moments of shut-eye before I finally gave up and stayed up until time to get ready.

At least the other reoccurring wake ups didn't force Petra awake as well. I still feel bad about waking her the first time and having her see me like that again. Damn, I must really be fucked up in the head if this stuff keeps happening to me.

When the training day had finally come to a close, we boarded up our horses for the night and put up their gear. My legs felt like I had pins pricking into every muscle as I tried to walk straight and unassisted, eventually working the stiffness out of the gradually as I meandered through the castle.

There was still some daylight left in the day and I suddenly remember the list of chores that had been neglected since yesterday. The amount that the captain would make us clean in a day was excessive at best, let alone two days worth. Sighing with a bit of discontentment, I headed back to my room to gather my cleaning gear and start on the list of cleaning tasks that I had memorized look ago.

* * *

Dinner had come and gone during the time I had spent cleaning, the hours slipping past me in silence as I was tucked away in a lesser used part of headquarters scrubbing the floors. Kneeling on the floor, I was grateful for the small little break on my legs even if my knees would be screaming at me later for it.

If anyone had thought to come looking for me during this time, I'm guessing that I had properly hidden away for once. Funny how whenever I didn't care to be found that everyone would leave me be, but the moment I wanted to be alone, it seemed that I had a whole search party after me.

Memories of my last hideaway ran through my mind all at once. The worry I had put everyone though. What I had put Levi Heichou through. His anger and frustration and the boiling point that followed soon after.

The memory of the feel of his lips on mine, on my skin, my blood began to heat just thinking about it. The look he wore back then had made me crave him and right now it was no different when I thought about his unabashed like this.

In truth, I could probably say that I was head over heels infatuated with him. Not in love, but, maybe in lust at least? Who could say?

Not I.

Collecting the cleaning supplies after I was done with the floor, my legs buckled under me as I went to stand, immediately falling right back down to the ground.

"Shit." Don't tell me my legs finally gave out when I needed them.

"Need some help?" Looking up, I found the captain walking towards me from the end of the hall.

"I'm fine, Heichou. Just a little stiff that's all."

He cast a side glance at me and picked up the scattered cleaning items that I had dropped, putting them away in the supply closet just a few feet away. Meanwhile, I tried to at least straighten out my legs in front of me, having to literally pull them back in front leaning on one hand as I shifted to sit properly on the floor instead of my legs themselves.

"You didn't stretch last night." It wasn't a question but a statement as he stood over me.

Just as I pulled the other leg forward, the muscles suddenly tightened, cramping painfully as they seized.

"What was your first clue?" I gritted through my teeth.

"Troublesome brat." Kneeling beside me, he straightened out my leg the best he could. "Bear with it a moment." Was all the warning I got when his hand ran over my knee, a painful and tight grip on the muscle as he began to help work the muscle through the rest of it's seizing.

I have NEVER wanted to hit this man so much in the entire I've known him as much I had then.

Within the minute, the pain slowly subsided but his hand didn't stop, the force of his fingers becoming a lot more gentle but not nearly as harsh as before.

"Better?" He asked in a low, quiet voice.

"Yeah. Thank you." I dipped my head down to hide the blush that had risen to my face after the pain was finally gone, his strong touch making me heart beat jump, grateful for the contact.

When he finally did stop, pulling back his hand, my skin felt suddenly cold in comparison and I had to force down the little whimper that bubbled in my throat.

"Think you can stand now?" I nodded in reply and brought my feet under me again. I only got about halfway up before I faltered, the captain's hand securing my arms to keep me from going down again.

He sighed softly and wordlessly turned around, kneeling again before pulling my legs forwards, basically making me fall right onto his back. And in one swift motion, he hooked his arms around my legs and stood up with me clinging to his for dear life with my arms securely tightly around his shoulders and throat.

"Levi Hei- What are you-?!"

"Until your legs are properly stretched and relaxed I doubt you can hold yourself up anymore. Now seems to be as good a time as ever. And you've still got more training in the morning. Can't have you locking up again flying straight into a tree. It could ruin that perfect little face of yours. And ease up a little bit, you're strangling me here."

Had the blush from earlier not faded, I was pretty sure my face would have been cherry red right now as I loosened my grip just a tad.

"Yeah, but... where do you think you're taking me?"

"You wanna stretch out on a cold, hard, and wet floor?" He pointed out, looking back at me with those equally cold and hard eyes of his. I ducked my head into his back in silence, not quite ready to make eye contact with him. "That's what I thought."

It must have been later than I had thought it was, finding the hallways desolate as he carried me through them. Thinking about how much time I had been off in my own little world made my body tense, worried about what the others would say. The captain though took my uncomfortable tension as fear of being dropped and coaxed out to me.

"I've got you. Don't worry." Securing an even tighter grip on me, I didn't let myself think twice about the others. I didn't think about where exactly I was being piggybacked to nor about anything else in particular. Instead, I was reveling in his familiar spicy scent as I buried my nose into the soft fabric of his shirt.

Goddess, I missed this scent. I missed the warmth he emanated whenever I was with him. I missed the way he felt under my fingertips as I moved my hands from around his neck to hold onto his shoulders instead, pressing myself fully against his back, finally fully relaxing my body.

He took me to his room, suggesting that Petra had already turned in for the night after such a long day. I didn't fight him for his reason, only grateful to lay down in his soft warm bed again.

Dumping me onto my back rather unceremoniously among the sheets, he helped me guide my legs straight again, settling himself into between my knees.

"I take it you have no objections to my assistance?" I shook my head.

"I would have let you know by now if I did." He nodded his response as he gingerly wrapped his fingers around one of my ankles.

"Try to keep your leg straight as best as you can on your own and remember to breathe deeply. In and out when I say, alright?"

This time it was my turn to nod.

"Okay. Breathe in." He tightened his grip and I took my breath. "Release, slowly."

As I let out my breath in precisely measured amounts, he started lifting my leg, keeping one hand still on the ankle and the other on my knee, making sure that it was straight. My leg burned like fire the higher he moved it. I could already feel my other leg wanting to move off the surface of the bed to try to ease the strain. What was sad though, was the fact my leg wasn't any higher than his waist.

He lowered my leg down about an inch before speaking.

"Shit, you're worse off than I thought. How in the hell can it be this bad already?" He muttered.

"I can't afford to hold back in training," I answered. "Too little time and too much to catch up on."

"Keep it up though and you'll hurt yourself again." He warned.

"I always keep my promises, sir. I don't intend to go back on my word now."

He looked at me with a reserved and straight face but his eyes reflected an emotion that I couldn't quite pinpoint right then and there before he interrupted my train of thought.

"Take another breath. When you can reach my shoulder, then we'll move on."

I nodded and took my breath, releasing slowly as he guided my leg straight up again. It took a few tries before I finally got my leg high enough. Having him studying the features of your face so carefully to see if the strain is too much and to relax only made it more difficult. It was hard enough just enduring the stretching, let alone doing that and not blushing from the way he was looking at me.

First I reached his waist, then the bottom of his ribs, followed by the center of his chest and then finally his shoulder, where he hooked my ankle over and let it stay there for just a few more moments to get the most of the stretch.

"Good job." He said with a barely-there smile.

"Finally." I breathed, taking a few more moderate breaths before he slowly guided my leg down, hooking a hand under my knee to bend it as my foot touched the bed again. Oh, but it wasn't over yet. I still had had another half to do.

"Ready?" With another nod as my confirmation, he forced my knee as close to my torso as possible, the strain now in my hamstrings and glutes instead of predominately in my calves. It still hurt like hell but at least it seemed easier than earlier.

Switching legs, we found that the other was even stiffer than the other. So much so that he basically had to sit on my other leg to keep it from raising so that the stretch could be down properly, my entire body trembling lightly from the strain.

I'm sorry but for a man who's only five foot three, that fucker is heavy! It was only when I realized that his crotch was pressed against mine did all other brain function cease to occur.

My breath hitched in my throat as my body started trembling for a different reason than before. I could feel his eyes on me again, harder this time, and looking up, I think he had noticed the closeness as well.

 ** _"I don't think you actually do understand. Not in the slightest."_**

He had said that to me that day. But I did understand now. I understood perfectly because now I was the one in his shoes. I had forgotten about the strain my body had been under entirely and I wanted nothing more to jump him, press our lips together for the first time since then, and let him have his way with me and vice versa.

But then I wondered, did he even want that anymore.

"Sorry." He muttered, trying to ease back a little, guiding my leg back down and immediately into the last stretch, the little movement he made not doing exactly what he had intended which ended up with him pressed even closer to me.

"Levi?" I called out his name before I could stop myself. He didn't respond aloud or give me any indication that he had heard me at all but he did release my leg and let it straighten back out on its own accord.

As of now, the captain was settled neatly between my legs as they parted on either side of him. Thing was, I didn't much feel like complaining. His eyes met mine, a cold, calculating look in them as if he was wondering exactly what to do now.

"What do you want from me, Celica?" He asked suddenly, hanging his head to where I couldn't see his eyes as he hovered over me.

My fingers twitched at the idea of lacing them into his hair or pulling him closer against me, but with him so close already, his intoxicating smell trying to shut down the logical part of my brain, I had to keep my head at least a little bit.

"What do you mean?" He sighed and ran a hand through the black strands before reluctantly looking up at me with hesitant eyes.

"I told you I wouldn't force anything out of you anymore. And that if you wanted something, that was your choice. So, I'll ask you again... What do you want from me?"

Propping myself up with my hands, looking at him with such a conflicted look on his face, only one thing came to mind when he asked me that second time and it when I spoke it, it came out like a soft whimper.

"I want you to stop holding back."


	44. Day One Part 2: Snap

**A/N: Hello again my lovely readers! I'm sorry I haven't updated in a few days. This chapter was really difficult to write and for VERY GOOD REASON. (wink wink, nudge nudge) I hope this chapter is to your liking! Also, I MUST warn you... THE 'M' RATING IS MEANT FOR THIS CHAPTER AND OTHER CHAPTERS LIKE IT. If you don't like, don't read it. (But I REALLLLLLYYYYYY hope you do. It will break my little heart if you don't T.T)**

 **The inspiration for part of this chapter was _"17 crimes"_ by AFI and _"Ribcage"_ by Andy Black.**

 **Please favorite, follow, and or REVIEW if you like the story. PM me as well anytime. I enjoy hearing your feedback and anything else you would like to say as well. It makes me feel closer to my audience :D (Looking at you again, _bluebellvine_ ).**

 **Well, without further ado, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

What started off as a situation built out of innocent good intentions had suddenly been turned right on top of its head, complete with finding myself sitting in between Celica's leg while a light blush branded itself onto her cheeks. The close proximity though wasn't what had originally called for the immediate change of atmosphere. It was when she had called my name. And how the sound had left her lips.

She had looked at me with an unabashed lust and longing in her eyes as if she hadn't heard her own voice just then or simply didn't care; oblivious to how it sounded in my own ears or the effect it was having on me while all my blood immediately ran south. A breathy sigh had been her call and I'll be damned if I didn't have to restrain myself from shuddering at the sound of my own name falling from her lips.

Right now, it was as if she was a sheep; left all alone to be devoured by the rogue wolf, completely helpless if it would attack. The perfect meal. And it wasn't until now that I realized how starved for her I had become.

Struggling to grab the reins on the situation, I forced myself to take a mental step back. _Stop it, Ackerman! Get a hold of yourself! You can't touch her, she HAS to make the first move!_

Detaching myself as much as I could bear, I sat back only an inch to give myself some breathing room as I hung my head in shame of the lack of self-control I was experiencing in my own head. However, one glance up at her, with pink cheeks and bright eyes fixated on me so hard that I thought she could see right through me, I knew I was thoroughly and irrevocably fucked.

I wanted to ask myself how the hell it had ended up like this again. I wanted to question why my chest felt like there was a fifty-pound weight on it while my heart beat a louder, stronger, yet more erratic rhythm. Why was I having such a hard time keeping my distance from her, subconsciously leaning forward until only a few measly inches separated our face; kept her lips from mine and kept my heart from flying out of my ribcage when they finally made contact?

Hearing a small tremor in my own voice, I finally had the courage to ask, "What do you want from me, Celica?"

Though her eyes didn't waver from mine then, I could feel her body tense beneath me. Suddenly, I wondered if the question had completely gone over her head or if it was too forward in general. Even more frustrated at the situation, I ran a hand through my hair and sighed, reiterating my question to her once more.

"I told you I wouldn't force anything out of you anymore." I reminded her. "And that if you wanted something, that was your choice. So, I'll ask you again,"

And please answer me this time, I thought.

"What do you want from me?"

She sat up straighter on the bed, the trembling in her arms barely noticeable to the untrained eye. Her following words were my complete undoing as she whimpered them out softly.

"I want you to stop holding back."

Panic melted away into absolute resolution and all attempts to talk myself out of it shattered as she pulled me forward, hands making purchase in the fabric of my shirt and lacing through my hair as she initiated the kiss. If I had a single rational thought left before that moment, it was that I was grateful for being a fast healer, as the switch was suddenly flipped and the only thing that I cared about anymore was her taste, her touch, and her body against mine.

Her kiss was not gentle. In fact, it was harsh and rough and desperate enough to bruise. However, all that managed to do was ignite a fire within me that I thought had wilted away long before.

I didn't argue when her tongue swiped over my bottom lip, just as eager to taste her as she was me. She tasted as sweet as I had remembered, if not sweeter, as I savored her flavor. Guiding her head to the side to further slot our mouths together, I was determined to memorize the distinctness that was her while our tongues danced together.

While her hands were fisted in my hair, trying to pull me impossibly closer, mine trailed up her side and around the small of her back. Breaking the kiss, her legs immediately wrapped around my waist as I repositioned her into sitting in my lap.

Her head tilted back as my lips nibbled and licked along her jaw line and down her throat, the subtle of taste of sweat lingering on my tongue. Soft, breathy moans fell from her lips, sounding like music to my ears. I wanted to hear more. I _needed_ to hear more of those beautiful sounds. Her uniform, however, was getting in the way.

Hastily undoing the buckles to her gear and sliding the straps off her torso, the buttons of her shirt were popped open one after another, while she whimpered softly above me. I coveted every inch of newly exposed skin, leaving small little marks scattered across her chest and then her shoulders as I slipped her shirt off of the them; the garment collecting in the crook of her arms while her hands roamed wherever they could reach. Lacing in and tugging my hair, trailing down my neck, over my shoulders and chest, along my jaw. Everywhere she touched felt like more and more like fire the longer she lingered.

"Levi," She mewled, turning my gaze back at flushed cheeks and bright eyes. Her lips fell against mine again, slower and more controlled this time. Hands were bunched in my shirt again, tugging it away from my heated skin as she whispered against my lips. "I want it gone."

The shirt didn't last another moment on me before it was discarded away, forgotten, before I reconnected our lips again, drowning in her taste. She inched forwards in my lap, her body pressed flush with mine as her hips started rocking gently against mine and her nails scrapped gently over the skin of my nape, shoulders, and back.

I couldn't hold back the groan that bubbled in my throat and bucked my hips roughly against her, the friction feeling so overwhelmingly good that I started to question my own sanity. The choked moan she let out only added fuel to the fire.

"Play nice, brat." I warned, pressing my forehead to hers, the corners of my lips tilting upwards into a cocky smirk.

"Why should I?" She challenged, her own smirk appearing on her face as she looked at me with hooded and glazed eyes; her hand slowly trailing over my chest and stomach.

"Because if you keep it up, you can forget about leaving here tonight." Her eyes shone as she entertained the thought, her smirk turning downright wicked.

"Good." She stated, her hand moving to palm me through my pants, a shudder ripping its way through my body along with a growled curse from my lips as my hips rutted against hers harshly, my fingers digging into the soft flesh.

She pried my hands from her body and slipped out of my lap to sit on the bed, folding her shirt closed as she grinned wide. It took a moment before the blood reached my head on my shoulders to figure out why she had moved away so suddenly. When it dawned on me, I was pissed but also just a little impressed.

That... conivining little... brat.

"Fuck me..." I breathed, still trying to catch my breath, feeling how constrictive my pants had become thanks to my straining erection.

"Not tonight." She mused, a coy smile stretched across her lips. "I think a taste of your own medicine is just what the doctor ordered."

"I would prefer you keep Four Eyes out of this right now." I deadpanned, her sudden playfulness leaving me thoroughly irritated and unsated.

"That's not what I meant. It's more like... payback, of the most rewarding kind."

More than slightly annoyed, I quickly readjusted myself and reached for my discarded shirt that lay wrinkled on the floor next to the bed.

"Personally, I would think that this time differed quite a bit from last." I grumbled while pulling my shirt back on, Celica also putting her clothes back right as they were and shrugging in response.

"Well, last time I didn't have to be up bright and early for training the next day." She pointed out, her tone becoming serious again. "Can't afford to lose anymore sleep."

Somehow, I could have sworn that there was a 'sadly' muttered at the end of her sentence but there wasn't much else I could do. She had a point for once and she was still focused on being ready for the next expedition. I made her swear to be ready after all. I couldn't let myself hinder her progress now. Not with only a few more days left to prepare.

"You should probably turn in for the night then. It's getting late."

I had expected her to agree and leave almost immediately but instead, she just stood there, lost in whatever was going through her head again. Her eyes were downcast as her kept me more or less towards her back, a small tremor quaking through her shoulders. Was she...?

"That first night we were beyond the walls together, I had a nightmare and you offered to stay by my side as I slept. Do you remember?"

How could I not?

"Yeah. Are you still having them? The nightmares?" She looked back at me with scared wide eyes, my prior affliction fading away immediately as her eyes glossed with tears.

"They're getting worse."

I reached out, grabbing her hand and pulled her closer, still clutching her hand with one as the other brushed away the tears spilling over onto her cheeks.

"If you think it would help, you're welcome to stay here." I offered. "I'm serious. No funny business." She nodded meekly as she muttered a quick 'thank you'.

Searching through my dresser, I opened the drawer that I knew still had a couple articles of her clothing in them, stashed away out of sight. I handed her a shirt and pair of pants before closing the drawer back.

"Go shower and get changed."

She didn't argue with me in the slightly, taking the clothes and retreating into the bathroom for a long while, the sound of running water attempting to relax me as I wait patiently sprawled out on the bed.

Eventually, she resurfaced. Complete with the change of clothes and damp hair she crawled over next to me, an uncomfortable amount of distance between our bodies now. It was as if she was scared to touch me again.

Ignoring the debate in my own head, I pulled the covers over her body and tucked a section of hair behind her ear and out of her eyes.

"Try to get some sleep." She nodded again, bidding a soft 'goodnight' as her eyes slipped closed.

I laid next to her for a while longer, waiting until I was sure by her slow deep breaths that she was fast asleep. I showered quickly and changed clothes as well, making it point to return to bed soon. When I padded back into the bedroom though, Celica was trembling and muttering in her sleep, curled into herself tightly as the nightmare wracked through her.

I slipped back in bed, pulling the covers over me as I pulled her closer to me, whispering to her as she slept and stroked her back gently.

'It's okay' and 'You're fine' fell off my lips more times than I could count. 'I'm right here' was added as well when I heard her whimpering my name in her sleep. This time though, it hurt to hear her make those sounds. Her frail voice filled with trepidation and fear as she clung to me as if for dear life.

I didn't know how long it was that we had remained like that but eventually, Celica stilled once more and her whimpering had stopped. The last thing I wanted was for her nightmare to return the moment I let go or left her side, so instead, I cradled her against me until my own sleep overtook me.

Right before everything blacked out, I remember pressing my lips to her forehead before tucking her head back under my chin and whispering a soft 'goodnight'. She clung closer to me and let out a gentle sigh before settling back into place, finally relaxing again as she slept; neither of us waking up until almost dawn.


	45. Day Two: Smells Like Home

**A/N: Hello again everyone, I hope I haven't kept you guys for too long. I've had a lot of personal issues pop up recently, including my own set of relationship problems (but honestly, you guys don't wanna hear about that. You wanna read about Levi and Celica's though, huh? LOL)**

 **First off, I wanna send out a MASSIVE THANK YOU to _bluebellvine_ again for helping me and for agreeing to beta my work. Levi's part of the chapter, however, is completely unbeta'd (as in I couldn't wait to upload it so I wasn't willing to wait for anyone else to read it) ****and raw so I hope that it's good enough for you guys.**

 **Also, the poll is still currently open so feel free to vote on it.**

 **Until next time, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

My eyes snapped open at some ungodly hour of the morning, my chest heavy and lungs burning as I tried to keep a grasp of my breathing. It was still dark, completely pitch black just like my dream had been. The echoes of screams and smells of blood and gore were slowly fading away but my heart still felt like it was trying to ram outside of my ribcage.

The air around me was cold, raising goosebumps on my skin but the chill was a welcomed feeling compared to the clamminess covering me. My arms trembled slightly as I slowly sat up in bed, curling my knees to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, my breath remaining slightly ragged as I buried my face into the cradle. I was awake again, I realized, I was fine.

The sound of a soft groan pricked at my ears and I tensed when I realized that it wasn't I who had made the sound.

Beside me, I could feel a body still curled up snug in the bed and the warmth that was being emanated from it. Cautiously, I turned slowly and reached a hand out towards the sound's source, my fingertips gliding over the soft sheets, feeling the firm but relaxed flesh beneath it. An arm, a shoulder, the ghosting of soft and even breathing, then over and into strands of silky soft hair, the distinct feeling of an undercut prickling at my skin.

That's right, I stayed last night, didn't I? But why?

My mind, still clouded by restless sleep, refused to give me a proper answer; my short-term amnesia irritating me before I huffed a small breath, willing the thought away. Another soft groan sounded before I felt arms wrap around my waist in an attempt to bring me back down to the pile of warm sheets. To be honest, it was a very tempting offer, but with how shitty I felt already, I knew I had to get up and get ready for the day, reluctantly pulling away from the inviting grasp.

His arms tightened around me and pulled me down in one solid motion, trapping me between them and his strong, broad chest. I huffed a small breath of mock irritation but it fell on deaf ears, tucking my head under his chin and catching his scent. The smell of soap still clung to his skin but beneath it, his natural spiciness peaked through and I felt my heart thump hard in my chest.

A sense of deja vu hit me, recalling the way he had pulled me to bed like this before. A corner of my mouth tilted upwards at the thought. Who would have thought that the ornery and intimidating Captain Levi was a cuddler? I certainly wouldn't have believed so if I hadn't witnessed it firsthand.

I tilted my head upwards, my eyes adjusting to the dimness to make out the features of his face. Having watched the man sleep a number of times before, I had grown accustomed to his sleeping face; the way his thin brows would relax out of the seemingly permanent scowl and the way his lips parted slightly as he breathed in a deep and steady rhythm, occasionally snoring softly. It was always a pleasant sight to see, one that very few people have probably ever seen and I felt special because of that; no one else being able to get this close to the man.

Close to him... so close. I had gotten closer to him, I realized, even more so than I had before. More than I ever thought I would get.

Part of me was exhilarated and wanted to hide my impending blush in his chest, while the other half froze in fear, telling me to slip away and never come back.

 _'Getting deeply emotionally involved with someone else, I've found that the pain is too great should I lose them. I'm just tired of seeing the ones I love die.'  
_

I had said these things at one time or another and even now, the thought still sounded completely rational in my tired mind. If you get too close to someone, eventually, one day, they will disappear and you will never see them again. If it had been anyone else, I think I would have finally turned tail and ran a long time ago.

For whatever reason, ignoring the biggest rule I had set in place to protect myself as best as I could, I stayed; and I had let him in.

My breath caught in my throat, going rigidly stiff as he shifted in his sleep. He turned onto his back, an arm thrown over the top of his head, the other keeping a tight hold on me by his side, and legs tangled haphazardly with the sheets. When he settled again, I let go of the breath that I had been holding, my eyes not wavering from his calm sleeping face.

Brushing a few stray bangs back into place, I let my fingertips gently trail from his forehead, down the side of his face, and then along his jawline, listening to each breath he made as I attempted to memorize every little detail of his face; the way it naturally was and not contorted to one of disdain or irritation.

He's so handsome, I thought, absolutely perfect. Just another thing I have to add to things that I lov-.

I froze again, attempting to push away the thought that had wandered its way into my mind before it found root and reluctantly pulling my hand away with slightly trembling fingers.

NO. TOO CLOSE... too close... don't say that! Please, whatever you do, don't say that! Don't say that you're falling in love!

I clenched a fist and brought it to my chest, feeling how suddenly it felt constricted again instead of light and airy like it had been just a moment ago. Fingers that were so gentle as I traced the outlines of his face where now like claws securing into the fabric of my nightshirt with a white-knuckle grip.

 ** _It's past time to go..._** that voice in the back of my head told me, my body acting on its own as I cautiously maneuvered out of his grasp.

Quickly and quietly I changed back into my clothes from yesterday and set the borrowed nightclothes into the laundry hamper. My eyes trailed back to the man asleep in bed, the empty space next to him attempting to coax me back in with him. A pang in my chest made me very aware of how badly I wanted to do just that, forget about training, the fighting, and everything else except for me and him in our own little world that was carved out especially for us.

Just for once, I thought, it might be nice. But sadly, now wasn't the time, and so I headed for the exit.

Before I could take another step towards the door, however, my feet stilled as if glued to the floor. My eyes were pulled back towards him and I wondered, fear settling into my gut.

Why did it have to be him though? Why? And why couldn't I just leave him like I would have done any other time? What made it different.

I grabbed the pillow that I had claimed for the night, letting my mind blank out as my muscles moved of their own accord, and gently lifted his arm to worm it into his hold at his side. He muttered softly in his sleep, tugging the pillow closer to him and shifting for another moment while he still remained lost in the land of dreams. It was cute, I thought.

Cute... I rolled the word around in my head and on the tip of my tongue, feeling strange as I mouthed it silently. Cute. Captain Levi... no... just Levi... Levi.

A bitter feeling bubbled in my stomach as I hovered over him, tilting his face gently towards me just to get one last good look at him. I hesitated another moment before pressing my lips to his temple. The bitterness mixed with something sweet and though it didn't quell the uncertain feeling within me, it made it slightly more bearable.

I felt the blush edge up on my cheeks and I wasn't sure if the darkness could hide it anymore, almost positive that I was still glowing despite it.

Before I could test my luck any further, I forced myself out of the bed again, slipping out the door after I was sure that he hadn't wakened up from that little brazen act. I retreated back to my room to shower and changed into a fresh uniform before anyone else woke up to the new day.

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV**

It's cold, that was my first thought as I buried my face into the pillow and aimlessly searched to bring the covers back over me. My hand searched the bedding beside me, only to find it bare and cool to the touch. While I discovered that the sheets were pooled and tangled around my legs, I had also realized that Celica was gone.

I jolted up in bed, eyes hazy as I rubbed the sleep from them quickly. My head flicked in each direction, seeing only my dark bedroom that was devoid of all other souls and bathroom door left open and empty as well. I kicked the sheets off from around my legs, feet landing hard on the floor as I headed for the window, tugging the curtain back only to be blinded by the morning light.

"Shit..."

Blinking a couple times to clear my vision again, I saw the morning formation down below in the courtyard. Finding the usual spot my squad forms up in, a breath of relief slipped past my lips when I saw Celica standing down there with the others. Her posture was rigid and straight while her eyes were focused straight ahead as Mike stood at the front, filling in for Erwin.

I ran a hand through my hair, a resentful chuckle resounding in my chest as I dropped the curtain back in place and let my legs guide me to sit against the wall beneath the window.

"Get a hold of yourself, man," I muttered to myself. "No need to get so riled up over nothing."

It's not like it was last time, I thought.

When my heart finally settled, I picked myself off the floor and headed for the shower. The running water helped to finish clearing my head, the dense haziness of sleep draining away slowly but surely. Dried and dressed, I opened the door to head towards the mess hall when I almost ran straight into a body in the doorway. It was Moblit.

"Good morning, sir." My eyes raked over him, narrowing when they landed on the platter of food he was holding. "Are you headed somewhere?"

"I _was_ headed to the mess," I stated plainly, leaning my shoulder on the doorframe and crossing my arms. "But it looks like you already beat me to it."

"Sorry. I needed to make sure that there was some decent food leftover and I thought you wouldn't be up quite yet."

"Right..." Sarcasm dripping from my voice. "Well as you can see, I'm perfectly capable of retrieving my own food so if you will excuse me."

I attempted to bypass him but he stepped in front of me, blocking my path again.

"I'm sorry, sir. Per Section Commander Hanji's orders, I can't let you leave quite yet." An uneasiness slipping into his tone.

"Tch, what is this, a forced quarantine?! Out of my way." Attempting to brush past him again, he steps in front of me again.

"Doctor's orders, sir. You aren't supposed to leave your room until she and the Commander get back from the capital. Especially if you don't want anyone else to figure out that you ended up staying behind."

Fuck, the asshole had a point.

"And what if I needed to stretch my legs as well?" I asked, wondering if I could still weasel my way out of this.

"Then do it after dark like you have been doing." He stated with a tiny but smug smile on his lips.

Reluctantly, and more than a little irritated, I stepped back within the threshold of my living quarters.

"You know, you're just about as big a pain in my ass as Shit Glasses is." I huffed out, taking the platter from him.

"If it means that you get well and stay well, then that's just the price I have to pay, sir." He commented, that smug expression becoming blatantly obvious as he turned to leave. "Rest well, Captain."

With that, I kicked the door shut, retreating to set the food on the nightstand. Guess it wouldn't hurt to eat in bed this one time, I thought as I took a bite of bread, I had to change the sheets anyways. That didn't mean that I would purposely spill crumbs on my bed though. I'm not an animal.

Once my plate was finally cleaned, I set the platter outside the door, knowing Moblit would come to collect it shortly, and fetched a set of clean sheets from my dresser.

My shoulders slumped a little with a small breath as I saw the tangled mess of sheets that had slipped onto the floor thanks to my thrashing. I would feel sorry for the brat if I actually kicked that much in my sleep. By the walls, I really hope that I didn't last night. I don't think that she would be able to withstand one of my kicks if I wasn't conscious enough to hold them back, let alone without it completely blindsiding her either. Goddess, that would be embarrassing.

Forcing the troubling thought away, I quickly stripped the old sheets off and replaced them with the new ones before the others found themselves into the hamper. After a quick sweep of the floor, I laid back down on the bed, inhaling the smell of clean linen.

As much as I enjoyed the smell of clean sheets, it felt like something was off; missing perhaps. I racked my brain around to figure out what was that something was exactly and when I failed to come to a conclusion, my makeshift answer was the clean my entire living quarters top to bottom.

It was roughly midday when the task was finally completed and after another shower, I laid back on the sheets only find that nothing had changed. If anything, the lingering scent of bleach filling my noise actually irritated me even more, masking even the smell of the clean linen when I buried my face into the cloth.

Before my irritation could build anymore, I thought of what else I could do to take my mind off the lingering feeling that something was missing. My eyes eventually on a discarded book on the corner of my dresser. How the hell did I miss that?

Getting up to retrieve it, I resituated myself in my spot on the bed as I looked at the smooth black cover. It was the book that Celica delivered on Hanji's behalf. Bittersweetness settled in my stomach as I ran my fingertips along the spine before cracking it open.

It was an older book of poetry that she had somehow gotten her hands on, no doubt finding it tucked away in some dark corner of the capital. Why she thought I would like such a sappy piece of work was beyond me, considering that it had quite a few articles of romance in it, but considering there wasn't anything else to do at the moment, I continued to skim through it.

Somewhere in the middle of my reading, a couple pieces of folded paper fell from between the last page and the back cover. Opening up the parchment, I saw that it was a letter from Hanji.

 ** _"Levi,_** ** _if you're reading this then you're probably wondering why in the hell I decided to give you this book. But first I wanna say that I'm surprised that you even picked up the damn thing in the first place. Just saying. Anyways, I thought it might help you a little bit with Celica. And wipe off that glare off your face right now and just keep reading."_**

Pausing, I realized that without even being here Hanji had nailed it right on the head and that I was indeed glaring at the piece of paper. Taking a brief moment to reset my face, I continued reading.

 ** _"It doesn't take a genius to see what's going on between you two. But you already knew that much, huh? And whether you want to realize it or not, I firmly believe that the feelings you're harboring for Celica are more than you're willing to let on. And seeing the way that she looks at you and speak of you, the feeling is mutual. I can honestly say that her eyes don't light up like anyone else for anyone else but you. Go on and brush it off as hero worship but I'm going to call it for how I see it. Love."_**

I couldn't help but scoff at the bit. "Love? As if, Four Eyes." I spoke aloud to no one in particular. "How many times do I have to remind you and Erwin about this shit?"

Regardless, I kept reading the letter.

 ** _"I know both of you aren't too good with these kinds of feelings but at least let me give you some advice, considering that Celica seems to be more open to the idea of opening up herself to others than you are."_**

"Get to the point already, Shit Glasses." I growled out, crinkling the paper a little where I held it.

 ** _"There is nothing in this world that can trouble you as much as your own thoughts and I know that you've tried your best to talk yourself out of putting a label on the things your feels and that you keep those things bottled up as best as you can. I'm asking you, no. Begging, that you don't. At least not with Celica. Allow yourself to open up to her like she does you. Allow her in if no one else. If she doesn't love you, she at least cares about you an exponential amount. She's not perfect- but neither are you. You two may or may not be perfect together either but if she can make you smile even a little and remind you that you're only human just like everybody else, what else should matter?"_**

I felt the corner of my mouth tilt up as I read over the words, thinking about all the small little things that Celica would do for me throughout the day that she wasn't obligated to do.

I didn't tell her to grab some sweet bread from the kitchen when she brought me my tea in the afternoons, but she would do so occasionally. She didn't have to cover me with a blanket those nights I would fall asleep doing paperwork, but she would. She also didn't have to stay the night my migraine was at it's worst but she did so willingly, despite any protests I would have gotten out. But maybe it was just her way of staying on my good side or some other bullshit like that. Who knows anymore?

 ** _"Look, we both know how bad the world is both inside and outside the walls but because of that, we have to live our lives to the very fullest. You always stress about making the choice that you would regret the least but what would you regret most in the end? Taking the risk and allow yourself to care about Celica, love her? Or risk shutting her away and losing her only to wonder in days gone by what could have happened and not having the chance to act on it anymore?"_**

"Make your decision, Levi." I read aloud. "You're running out of time. Signed, Hanji."

I sighed softly, leaning my head back as I let the hand with the letter drop to my lap. I glanced back down at the scribbles of writing and noted that she had also written down a page number along with a small note suggesting that I read a certain passage bookmarked.

Slowly, I set the letter down and turned to the page listed, finding a relatively short piece with an asterisk marked next to it. Hanji's handiwork obviously. Who else would so carelessly deface a piece of written work like that? Regardless of whether or not that topic of the work in question meant a single thing to me, a book was a book and was meant to stay in the original condition that author had published it in.

Trailing my eyes over the section 'bookmarked' for me, I felt my blood run cold as I read it. It said:

 _"You wanna know something quite subversive? Despite what you believe, things like love are really all they are cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk it, you risk even more."_

Though there was no known author attached, it didn't matter to me, the passage hitting me a little harder than I had thought it would. Worth fighting for and being brave for? Risking everything? It was no different than the risk I would take going beyond the walls. Thing was, it was entirely different at the same time.

I had told myself and everyone else that I no longer had the ability to love anymore. I couldn't allow myself to feel those things. They were a weakness left open to be plagued on by others and I would suffer even more for it. Farlan and Isabel's deaths though were just the tipping point I guess.

Focus and move forward in life with as little regret as possible, that's my motto. But did Hanji, for once have a point?

A dull throb of pain in my skull appeared and I grimaced in annoyance at the possibility of another headache turning into a migraine. I was not willing to ride that carriage again so soon so, placing the letter and book away for the moment, I headed for the medicine cabinet in the bathroom.

My feet stopped in their tracks and my shoulders sagged, relaxed when a familiar scent hit me. It was faint, still masked by the scent of cleaners, but still warmed my cold body instantaneously. That's what was missing, I realized, following my nose to the laundry hamper.

Cautiously, I reached for the top piece of fabric, one of the old bedsheets, and brought it closer. Sure enough, it was where the scent was originating from and the wonderful smell made the throbbing pain in my head dull, leaving only a thin haze in its wake.

Was it... Celica's scent?

Inhaling once more, I pulled the sheet from the hamper, retreating to the floor beside the bed and leaning my back against it as I wrapped the old sheet around me. Under any other circumstances, I wouldn't have grabbed the sheet out of the basket and I sure as hell wouldn't have been clinging to it like I currently was. However, the only thing that was trailing through my head at the moment was a feeling of completeness along with only one word accompanying it.

Home.

Curled up and content, I buried my nose in the sheets, inhaling deeply as I felt each troublesome thought in my mind melt away. Lost in my daze, I silently wondered before falling asleep again.

Am I falling in love with Celica?


	46. Day Two Part 2: Tell It To Me Straight

**A/N: Hello, everyone! I know this is a short chapter, but I really need to get the ball rolling with these two. I promise the next chapter won't be as short as this one is though.**

 **I love you guys so much and thank you for reading! Don't forget to favorite, follow, and/or review if you like the story.**

 **PS: The poll is still up on my profile for those of you who haven't voted yet.**

 **Well, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

Plopping down on my bed, I turned my head to the window where dull orange light poured through the panes. A sure sign that the training day had indeed finally come to an end. Soft sighs occasionally escaped my lips, the physical representation of how fatigued both my body and mind were as I laid there, mind still running over the morning events that occurred before dawn had even broken. Had it already been so long since then?

My fingertips ran across my bottom lip, thoughts trailing back to the series of rough yet passionate kisses, a subtle sweet taste dancing across my tongue as my eyes slipped closed to relish in the memory. Another sigh slipped through, this time signaling contentment through the feeling of strain still laced through my body.

"That worn out, huh?" Petra asked while she gently towel-dried her hair.

"You could say that," I responded with a soft snort as my lips curled into a full-blown smile. "The past few days have been..." I searched for the right word. "Exhausting."

"Is that a question or a statement?" I glanced over to see a smirk appear on the young woman's face. "It's almost as if you aren't quite so sure yourself. Got something on your mind?"

I shrugged softly, my smile fading when I remembered my hesitance earlier that morning and then the argument I made with myself afterward.

Don't say that you're falling in love with the captain and that this feeling of contentment is temporary and it will only cause you more pain for the future. These things are what I had told myself. The only thing keeping me from listening to the little voice in my head, however, was the single solid fact that I had never felt anything like this before.

Never before had I ever felt my heart race from the gaze of a man but it felt like a humming bird's flapping wings whenever he looked at me. I had not allowed myself to be open or vulnerable in front of others in years and yet he had seen me at my best and my worst so far. I wanted to hate him down to his bones for the agony and heartache he had caused me but I couldn't. Instead, I only wanted to smile when I thought of him.

"Petra, can I ask you something personal?" Her eyes met mine, eyebrows raised in question as she let the towel fall around her neck.

"That depends on what exactly you want to know?" She stated. I felt a lump form in my throat, my mouth going instantly dry at the thought of asking such a ridiculous question.

"What does 'eros' feel like exactly?" She tilted her head, brows furrowing together gently.

"Eros? What kind of word is that?" I swallowed the uncomfortable feeling taking up residence in my throat and took a small breath.

"An old one," I explained. "Eros is a word that people would use to describe..." My stomach turned in anxiety as I struggled to get the words out. "Love, of the romantic kind," I stated softly, feeling my face contort in embarrassment.

Petra's shoulders dropped, however, her eyes remained wide as she sat there quietly thinking. She began to open her mouth to say something but quickly closed it, looking down as she brought her hand to her chin in thought. Glancing back up at me, she heaved a heavy sigh behind her hand and straightened her face.

"I'm not so sure I can answer that for you. I haven't ever been in a relationship where I can honestly say that I felt that way about a person wholeheartedly." She stated, eyes gentle but serious as she looked at me. "Why do you ask suddenly?"

Another knot formed as I tried to gather my words, this time in my stomach; twisting tighter with every second until I forced my chosen words out.

"I, I think I'm in love with Captain Levi."

A pregnant pause filled the space between us before Petra's lip twitched upwards into a smirk. Mirth filled her eyes as she smiled and she started chuckling softly.

"By the walls, you finally admit it." She stated, amusement lacing in with her tone of voice. "I never thought the day would come."

I groaned softly, feeling my face flame bright red and promptly hiding it in my pillow. "Shut up," I growled weakly.

Petra laughed again, this time loud and bright, tilting her head back as the sound rolled through her. I chuckled along with her, pulling the pillow away to watch as she brushed an invisible tear away from her eye.

"You know what you have to do now though, right?" She asked, seriousness filling her tone. I looked at her with a worried expression, my stomach knotting up again hoping that I was wrong in my assumption as to what she was trying to say. "You have to tell him."

Shaking my head quickly, joy turned into sour anxiety as I launched myself into an upward sitting position and turned myself towards her, a solid 'NO' leaving my lips.

"Why the hell not then?" She shifted her weight onto one leg, placing her hands on her hips in exasperation as her face contorted into a look of disbelief.

"Because you and I both know it's not that simple!" My voice cracked as I exclaimed. "He's my... _our_ captain." I corrected. "It's not right!"

"You two have been secretly pining for each other for weeks. And now that you've finally accepted your feelings for him, you want to tell me that _'it's not right'_?!" She shot back, words carving into me like knives. "Honey, the S.S. Morality sailed a long time ago. So now is not the time to get bashful about it."

"It's... it's different though." I fought with less enthusiasm, feeling rather embarrassed due to her outburst. "Love is a strong word. I don't even want to believe it myself but I can't exactly find another word to describe this feeling."

Petra sighed softly, losing the bite in her words as she calmed down. "Why the sudden change though? Do you miss him that much?"

I thought about her question, deciding that she was right. There was no intense piercing gaze following me along during training. The chair beside me in the mess hall remained empty. There was an absence of crude yet witty comments throughout my day in general. The captain wasn't there even though I knew he was. I missed him even though I had seen him only this morning.

Loneliness was not a foreign concept to me by far, however, the captain had made me forget what it felt like almost entirely. This hole that was left in its place, it seemed as if only he could fill. As much I wanted to hate myself for feeling like such a sap, I knew that I hadn't just gotten attached to him. I wouldn't have said what I had if that was the case.

"I don't know," I admitted. "But maybe, when I see him next, I'll think about telling him."

My statement seemed to quell some of Petra's worry but not all of it. "But not tonight." She muttered softly.

"Not tonight."

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

After coming to the conclusion that I might be falling in love with the brat, to my disappointment or fortune, I honestly couldn't tell, she did not visit me that night.

There was no late no chat. No funny business away from prying eyes. Nothing at all. Nothing but me staring up at my rafters once again finding that I couldn't sleep. It shouldn't surprise me though, falling asleep earlier in the day wrapped up in her scent like I had.

I felt a heat rise across my cheeks at the thought and buried my face into my pillow, groaning softly into the soft fluff.

"One night won't kill you," I told myself, thinking it was for the better.

I spent way too much time around her anyways. It was as if she was around every corner I turned. Part of it couldn't be helped, she was my subordinate after all. I had to keep tabs on her.

It was that part though that fueled the argument in my head.

By the walls, even if it was love, falling for a brat like her?! And I was the one in charge of her?! How the fuck did this happen?!

Dignity be damned, I kicked at the sheets and threw a pillow across the room in my frustration. Falling hard back into the bed, I buried my palms into my eyes sockets.

This was wrong. This was so fucking wrong. Erwin even told me not to get wrapped up in her. But then again, the bastard didn't exactly force us apart like I thought he would have. One half ass threat towards her and look where it's gotten us. Four Eyes hasn't been helping either. Hell, she's been encouraging whatever this thing is basically from the start.

Huffing a harsh breath and letting my arms fall back to my sides, I resigned myself to the war going on inside me.

It didn't matter what my feelings were if Celica wouldn't reciprocate them. Even if she did, would it even be possible to revel in that fact knowing we would still have a mission to carry out? Could we honestly do our duty as soldiers and put the mission first before anything, anyone else?

Even if we somehow survived, could we... could I be happy?

 _"I wanted to be happy"_ She had told me that after awakening in the infirmary just after we got back from the last expedition. She was so broken then, inside and out. It still hurt to think about that, even now.

 _"What about you, Heichou? Don't you desire to be happy as well one day?"_ She had asked. Honestly, who wouldn't want to be? But then...

 _"I'd given up on the idea of a happy life long ago so, even now, I don't dare expect something like that to happen for me."_

That's right, I had said that instead. It was true when I said that I thought that I didn't deserve happiness, not after everything I had done and seen so far. But now, I wanted to believe otherwise. I wanted to believe that there was... hope.

I hoped that I was wrong. I hoped that I could one day be happy after all this was over. I hoped that that future, somehow, somewhere, involved a certain brat by my side. I hoped... that she would actually fall in love with me someday. The real me, not the person I've become now. I hoped that she would stay.

I would have to tell her, I thought. If not my feelings, a portion of my past at least. If Hanji was right and Celica did in fact care for me, would she want to stay knowing the type of person I had become?

I would have to bear my soul to her, let my own walls down for once. It would be one final test to see if any of this dreaming was possible. One last test.

And I hoped that she would pass.


	47. Day Three: Twilight Zone

**A/N: Welcome back to another chapter of "Warring Minds and Bodies" everyone! At the end of this chapter, you're probably gonna be wondering what the hell I'm thinking adding this shit into the story. But I promise you, it has a very good purpose. This isn't just some filler crap. It's PLOT! Even if it doesn't have any romance in it at the moment.**

 **I forgot to add this to the last Author's Notes but, THANK YOU SO MUCH _bluebellvine_ for your help with my chapters. This fanfic wouldn't be the same without you. Trust me!**

 **Anyways, CIAO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

The sound of chains clattering together echoed in the small dungeon room. My wrists were raw underneath the restraints, blood seeping slowly from my skin and dripped freely down my forearms. Pulling hard at the shackles which kept my arms above my head, I groaned loudly in a mixture of frustration and pain seeing that the hinges still were not budging. Feeling a pop in one of my wrists, I knew that I had either dislocated or broken it, numbness and then pain slithering down my arm, mixing with the blood.

"Such beautiful screams." A female voice slithered. "It's almost a pity that he can't hear you, dearie. Surely, he would have come running by now if he could."

"Go to hell!" I spat back, my voice sounding absolutely shredded and wrecked from my constant screaming. The metallic taste of blood coated my tongue and the smell of it burned in my nostrils as a vicious cough wracked through me. The stale air did little to remedy the burning sensation in my lungs as I gasped for breath, fire flickering through every inch of my body.

"Sorry, sweetie. No can do. You see, you're already there." Tears pricked stubbornly at my eyes but I willed them not to fall. It felt like an eternity since I had awoken in this place and I had already cried so much, it surprised me that I had any tears left to shed. "Why don't you call out for him again? Maybe he'll hear those desperate and ragged screams of yours and come to save you."

A blow to my stomach made me lunge forward, the only thing keeping my semi-upright were the chains as the rattled above me as I let out another coughing fit. Another hit came, this time on the other side. Then another to my leg. Then another hit my face, all the while a crazed and maniacal laugh echoed in my ears.

The blows fell one after another until I blinked on the edge of consciousness. A disappointed huff was heard before a hand snaked around my throat, constricting tightly.

"You really are one stubborn bitch." The insult only bolstered my pride instead of tearing it down. " But then again, it's only a matter of time before that resolve of yours finally comes crumbling down into pieces. Just like all the dead bodies of your fallen 'comrades'." She scoffed.

The hand released and I felt the air fill my lungs all at once, the throbbing of my pulse beating hard against my skull and through some of the more broken places of my body. "One by one, everyone who you've ever cared about will be snuffed out, just like Mikael and the others. It's a pity though that you won't be able to see their face when it happens."

Weak laughter spilled from my lips as I spat out some blood in the direction of the vile voice. "If you think they are going to get themselves killed by a bunch of Titans any time soon, well, you've got another thing coming."

A wicked chuckle sounded, the voice moving to where it sounded like it was coming right beside my ear.

"Who said anything about Titans?" My blood ran cold in my veins as she spoke. "You forget that Titans aren't the only thing that can kill you in this world. No, darling. We have people who can get the job done more _efficiently_."

Footsteps beat rhythmically against the stone floor away from me before the loud groan of an iron cell door opened and closed back into place. The voice barked an order to another, something about keeping the pressure up until I cracked but that I was no use to them dead, footsteps walking away briskly and with purpose before silence fell upon me again.

Shivering in pain, the tears finally fell from my face, dripping steadily down my cheeks and washing away the drying blood collected on my face. Fear swallowed me whole as I let my body sag into the restraints. Choked sobs wracked my body hand in hand with the physical pain, whimpers of words falling incoherently from my lips.

"Petra, Eld, Gunter, Auruo... Captain." I pleaded softly. "Captain, please... Keep them safe. And don't... don't come after me... please..." Tears followed fast and hard from my eyes while my heart screamed what my mouth wouldn't.

'Find me! Please, Levi! Please find me!"

Those words were the last thing that I clung to before darkness overtook me. More hands gripped me in the black, my body struggling to fight them off as I continued to scream and cry. My eyes shot open to see a tangle of limbs as I thrashed, trying to get away from whoever was trying to restrain me.

Another female voice was calling my name forcefully as they secured my wrists, sounding almost as if they were pleading with me. I threw my leg out and kicked them away, finding the chains suddenly gone. Hyped up on adrenaline, I made a break for the door, slamming my way through a couple of guards before I tore off down the hall.

Only the sounds I heard were of my bare feet slamming into the floor, the guards chasing and yelling at me, and the sound of my own heartbeat echoing in my ears as I ran. Rounding a corner, two guards appeared.

"Stop her!" The female voice screamed and two pairs of arms latched onto me tightly.

"GET THE FUCK OFF ME!" I screamed, thrashing wildly to free myself, the strength of the men securing me in a tight hold.

"Hold her tightly!" The woman ordered as she stalked up to me and lifted her hand. A harsh slap stung across my cheek, immediately bringing fresh tears to my eyes. The third set of hands secured my shoulders and began to shake me harshly.

"Celica, wake up already! CELICA!"

My eyes opened again, finding Petra standing before me as she gripped my shoulders tightly. My breath caught in my throat and I tried lunging forward to embrace my roommate but the arms around me only tightened. Immediately turning to my left and right, I found two more familiar faces. Eld and Auruo.

Relief was the first emotion to set in, my eyes darting around to see more people gathered in the hallway with curious but fearful looks on their faces. Panic quickly crept in its place as I looked around me.

"Celica! FOCUS!" Petra pleaded, shaking me again, a little softer this time but nonetheless insistent. My eyes shot back to her, a determined expression plastered on her face. "Do you know who I am?" She asked sternly.

I nodded slowly.

"Petra," I stated, my voice rough and scratchy as I choked while trying to repress my tears.

"Do you know where you are?" She questioned, her eyes never leaving my face. I cautiously looked around and took note of the stone walls and hardwood floor, looking at the faces peering at me for more solidarity. I swallowed hard trying to quell the burning in my throat.

"H-Headquarters," I answered. She nodded her head again.

I was home, safe and sound. Well, as safe as I could be in whatever kind of position I had put myself in.

She took her hands off me and nodded to Eld and Auruo to let go of me. My knees buckled quickly and their hands quickly secured around me again, my legs still shaking even as they held me on my feet.

"It... It was all just a nightmare?" I choked before attempting to clear my throat.

"More like a night _terror_ , but yeah. Basically." Eld responded, his voice low and gentle despite the reserve I heard in it.

"I sent for Moblit. He should be on his way by now." A voice rang out from the crowd. My body immediately tensed but I forced myself to look up at the face of the person who had spoken.

She had straight blonde hair that fell to her shoulders and dull green eyes that looked back at me with no fear or caution, but curiosity instead. Though I did not recognize her face, I certainly did recognize her voice.

The one who threatened me in my dream.

"You bitch," I swore, glaring daggers at the woman who suddenly appeared genuinely surprised. " _Who_ the _fuck_ are _you_?"

The woman gripped the hand of another in a display of fear who turned to me with a harsh and reprimanding tone. "She's your comrade, who else?! So stop looking at her as if she just killed your puppy or something!"

Forcing myself to take a deep breath to steady my nerves, I cast my eyes away from the pair. "Sorry. Guess I'm still half asleep."

Though I apologized, there was not a single ounce of my being that meant for it to be genuine or sincere. If I had learned anything while being in the corp, it was to trust your gut instinct, and there was something about that woman that I rubbed me the wrong way. Call it paranoia after an intense night terror or whatever you will, but to save what little sanity I had left, I reserved my judgment for later.

Appearing as if on cue, Moblit walked into the group of people and made a beeline straight for me.

"Think you can stand on your own?" He asked, looking me over carefully. I tested my legs against the ground again and determined that I was still too shaky on my own, shaking my head slowly. Moblit sighed softly and turned to Petra. "Will you help me take her to Hanji's office?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good." He looked around at the growing crowd in the hallway and motioned for them to leave. "As for the rest of you, get back into your rooms. There's nothing left to see here."

Silently, they all retreated away, leaving only Moblit, Petra, and I while Eld and Auruo decided it best to leave for the time being as well but not before handing me over to Petra. She looped one of my arms over her shoulder and we followed Moblit to Hanji's office, which it shouldn't have surprised me that he had a key to it but it did regardless.

Sitting down in one of the chairs, Moblit relit a lantern in the room before the door was shut.

"What time is it anyway?" I asked, still partially groggy from sleep.

"Late. Almost morning actually. Give an hour or so." He stated, moving a smaller candle back and forth in my field of vision before pulling it back and setting it aside. "What do you remember?"

With eyes pinched tightly shut and fists gripping the cloth of my sleeping pants, I started slowly but surely recounting the events of my dream. A dream that seemed all too real for my own personal comfort and left a sour hollow feeling in my gut as tears welled up in my eyes again. First the restraints and the pain. Next the beating and torture. Then the woman who taunted me, before finally explaining my 'great escape' and then finding myself it the hallway with yet another crowd surrounding me.

"That explains why you kicked me and ran off like you did," Petra stated as she absentmindedly held her side and rubbed the spot where I had dreamed that I landed a blow. Apparently, though, that part wasn't a dream. "You were still dreaming."

"It's probably because you tried shaking her awake the way you did. The bodies fight or flight response is at its peak when it thinks it's life is in danger. Nightmares will definitely invoke such a reaction but she was awake enough to overcome the sleep paralysis that normally occurs during dreaming." Moblit crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back against a table, drumming his fingers along the sleeve of his jacket methodically. Guilt settled in my stomach hearing his comment and I shrank a little lower in the chair I was seated in.

"She normally wakes up immediately if I try shaking her awake and doesn't exactly start kicking me in the ribs." Petra retorted. "She didn't fully wake up until I slapped her."

My hand immediately lifted to caress the hurt cheek just as she mentioned it, her eyes catching the movement and a sullen look etching itself onto her face.

"I'm sorry, by the way." I shrugged a shoulder and made a small sound in my throat.

"Don't. I should be the one apologizing. But you did manage to wake me up so, thank you." The hurt didn't leave her eyes but Moblit's hardened just a little as he looked at the two of us.

"But what was that whole thing about the other girl in the hallway? The one you called a bitch?" A small amount of embarrassment surfaced and I hung my head a little lower.

"Oh, you heard that then?" He nodded but didn't say anything else. "She... She didn't do anything wrong. It's just that... and I know this sounds crazy but..."

"Celica." He warned, cutting me off from my rambling.

"Sorry," I muttered. "She sounded exactly like the woman from my dream. The one who taunted me and... did all those things to me."

"How did she taunt you?" That's right. I purposely left out what exactly she was saying to me earlier in my little recap. That she told me that the captain couldn't hear my screams, that he wouldn't find me, and that they would basically murder everyone I cared about, mocking me with amusement in her voice. It's no wonder I didn't want to relive that by saying it aloud so soon.

"I don't feel like saying." Moblit's eyes met mine with an unwavering stare off, silently wondering to himself if I would tell him or not. Too bad for him, I seriously didn't feel like sharing with the class.

He finally cast his eyes down and sighed, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. "Fine." He stated, letting me off the hook for now. "But tell me one thing then."

I kept my eyes on him, waiting patiently for him to make his final request for information.

"Have you ever experienced Deja-Reve?" I cocked my head to the side wondering if I heard him wrong.

"You mean Deja-vu?" He shook his head quickly and unfolded his arms.

"No. I meant Deja-Reve. It's similar to Deja-vu but instead of you feeling like you've experienced a particular event before, it feels like your experiencing something that you've already dreamed before." I shook my head softly, my head beginning to ache from thinking after a few more moments.

"No, not that I can think of. But where the hell is this coming from all of a sudden?" Moblit's shoulder's sagged as he crossed the room to fish out an old journal of Hanji's.

"It's one of Hanji's theories. Particularly when it comes to how keen the commander's sixth sense is at times." He flipped through the journal before settling onto a page about a fourth of the way through. "Apparently, the commander confided to her after a series of failed expeditions a while back."

"Isn't there a thing about doctor/patient confidentiality? Why are you telling us then?" Petra questioned, Moblit not lifting his eyes off of the book in front of him while they trailed down the page.

"Let's just call it a gesture of good faith. Secrets can make or break a mission so this is a strictly need to know basis. Can't have people questioning the Commander's leadership skills, now can we?"

Petra and I both shook our heads, understanding only that whatever we were about to be told would not leave this room.

"Anyways, he told her that before the missions had begun, he had sometimes had dreams about them. Each one had a different objective and an alternate route which they took, but each time he recalled the dreams after the fact, when the shock finally wore off, he claimed that each person he saw die in his dreams died in the same manner."

"How can we be sure that his 'dream' and his actual memories didn't somehow get mixed up?" I asked, doubt beginning to set in.

Moblit pulled out a smaller notebook that was sitting on the shelf next to the book he was currently holding in his hand. "Becuase the Commander wrote everything down before each expedition. And gave this to Hanji for safekeeping on the condition that it was only to be opened immediately after they had returned home after each mission.

He sat down the smaller book and flipped a couple of pages forward in the other one before continuing.

"Looking at the data so far from Hanji's notes, it matches up quite well if not perfectly with the commander's accounts before the missions had even started."

"I'm sorry, but you lost me somewhere," Petra admitted.

"I'm not saying that dreams can predict the future but... what I am saying is this. Celica," Snapping the book shut, Moblit trained his eyes back on me. "Listen to your gut feeling. If you want to believe it's just a nightmare and nothing more, then that's that. But if you have even the slightest amount of doubt in your mind, I would say to the listen to it."

Petra scoffed aloud, crossing her arms at the ridiculous notion. "Moblit you're supposed to be a man of science like Hanji. Not filling her head with some ridiculous mumbo-jumbo nonsense."

"Believe what you will but I will too. It's just I've seen it happen so many times with Commander Erwin that's it's a little scary honestly. After all, it was his 'gut feeling' that made him and Hanji leave for the capital a day sooner."

That's right. The day they left, Hanji seemed a little more, off, than normal and it didn't seem to be from having to patch up Levi that morning either.

"And Captain Levi as well, right?" She corrected quickly.

"Yes-"

"No."

Moblit and I both answered with simultaneously different answers. Shit. I looked back at Moblit's wide eyes staring back at me. "If this conversation is on a need to know basis, then I think Petra has a right to know if no one else. She IS my roommate after all."

His eyes hardened just a little but he let out a defeated sigh and hung his head a little. "Do as you wish, then."

"What are you guys talking about?"

Looking over to Petra, I reaffirmed my earlier statement. "The captain didn't leave for the capital with the others. He stayed behind."

Surprise drifted over her face first, the confusion. "What for?"

"For... reasons." I didn't want to tell her it was over something so trivial like a migraine. I doubt she would have understood unless she has seen how bad some of them got and I didn't feel like having to try to explain it to her if she didn't immediately get it.

She cocked her head to the side, a grin pulling at her lips as her eyes narrowed slightly at me. "So that's why you haven't come back some nights. You stayed with him?"

"Petra, please, this isn't the time." I chastised her weakly feeling a blush appear on my face. If this was not a serious situation, I would have been tempted to retaliate against her. But instead, thoroughly mentally and emotionally drained, I forwent my first thought.

"Well, I guess the cat's out of the bag then," Moblit stated, still hanging his head and huffing softly. "Remember that all of this stay between us. Got it?"

We both nodded quickly, Petra's grin quickly disappearing.

"Since the captain thought it wise not to tell anyone, he's got to have a good reason for doing so. I trust him though, so it's no big deal."

Welp, that went better than I thought. Still, the closer it got to dawn, the less time I had to maybe get a few more minutes of shut-eye before training began. Thankfully, once again, Moblit was my saving grace.

"It's getting late, you two probably need to head back if you want to get any more shut-eye." With both of us offering up our thanks, we went to leave the room when Moblit called for my attention again. "Celica?"

"Yeah?" There was no smile but a wary look which was cast upon his face.

"Keep what I mentioned in mind for a little bit, will you? There's a lot we don't understand in this world. It wouldn't hurt to keep an open mind, would it?"

Before retreating back to my room with Petra, I gave him a small nod before leaving. "I guess it wouldn't hurt, no."


	48. Day Three Part 2: Lost in the Echo

**A/N: Hello again everyone! Thanks for making it this far but I promise you, there's still more to come for our unfortunate duo.**

 **Anyways, this chapter we will be seeing the repercussions and effects of Celica's dream. It's angsty, I won't lie. But its necessary, I swear.**

 **As always, thanks again to _bluebellvine_ for helping me with this story. If it wasn't for her, I'm afraid you wouldn't have the chapter you do in front of you. (Trust me, the first attempt at this chapter was absolute garbage and I'm pretty sure you guys might have turned on me if it got posted.)**

 **Until next time, CAIO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

After returning to our room that morning, despite the mental and emotional fatigue that weighed me down, I laid in my bed wide awake while my thoughts ran around in circles inside my head. I could still taste the blood in my mouth like a sickening residue and still feel the weight of the chains around my wrists. Gently rubbing them absentmindedly, I expected to find tender and raw flesh only to find the smooth skin that remained there instead. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out, reminding myself that it was only a nightmare and nothing more. However, as much as I tried telling myself that, it didn't help to quell the anxiety that still flowed through my veins and left a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Adjacent to me in her own bed, Petra didn't seem to be much better off, silently laying there while she stared up at the ceiling above us. Every now and then, I could feel her eyes flicker over to me but I ignored it, trying to my best not to think about all the worry I had already caused for everyone. The silence between us was bittersweet all in all. I was grateful for the lack of conversation so that I could focus on internalizing everything before I had to go out and face everyone again, however at the same time, I knew that we were bound to have another discussion about it sooner or later.

Just before dawn broke the horizon, I forced myself out of bed again and headed for the shower. Though the water helped to rid me of the slick and sticky feeling of dried sweat on my skin, it did little to help clear my head; my thoughts continuing to swim around in my head, trapped and swirling like the wisps of steam that filled the small bathroom. Wiping away the condensation on the mirror, I was greeted by a complete stranger in the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot and swollen, dark circles emphasizing the redness in an unflattering way. Her skin was paler than I was used to seeing, seeming almost translucent in its appearance. A tentative touch of the mirror's surface solidified the fact that that unfamiliar stranger staring back at me in the mirror really was me.

I appeared as if I was a ghost of my former self or at least the one whom I was used to seeing in the mirror every day. It was true that my nightmares had increased in frequency and intensity as of late, however, I never would have thought that they would ever leave me in such a pathetic and sorry looking state. Not even my chronic insomnia left me looking this ragged, ever. Anger at the reflection staring back at me simmered deep in my chest, hands clenching onto the countertop with a white-knuckle grip. The girl looking back at me looked all wrong, weak and fragile as if one wrong move would shatter her and it pissed me off to no end. Tears of anger bit at the corners of my eyes before a sudden knock at the door pulled me back to my senses, all my rage evaporating all at once.

"Celica, are you almost done? I still need to get in the shower too." Petra.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll be out in a second."

Quickly pulling my clothes on, I exited the steamy room and let Petra in. The sound of flowing water began almost immediately after the had shut closed behind her, leaving me alone with my thoughts once again, which looking back on it, seemed like a very dangerous thing to do at the time. The images and voices from my nightmare continued to swim through my head as I pulled on my gear straps, tightening them repeatedly over and over until I was sure that they would cut off the circulation if I didn't stop pulling at them. Letting out a heavy sigh, I forced myself to loosen the leather strips just a little before leaving them alone entirely; remembering that the only time that I exhibited this certain habit was when I was either completely exhausted and or stressed.

Thinking about it, I hadn't done it in quite a while. But why I wondered. The image of a face took root in my mind with naturally pale skin, beautiful dark eyes, and short raven locks. Levi. The man who appeared to have saved me from myself so many time probably without have meaning to. The man who, slowly, I began to see through his brash exterior and became comfortable around. The man who I believed that I was falling head over heels in love with.

' _Find me! Please, Levi! Please find me!_ ' I could hear myself screaming in my head, desperation pouring from my voice as I begged, pleaded.

I shook my head violently and laced my fingers tightly into my hair, trying to force the memory away without success; the screams continuing to echo in my mind. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. It was a just a dream.

' _I won't always be there to save you..._ ' I remembered him saying, a feeling of emptiness rooting itself inside my chest.

'Not even this once?' I begged inside. Of course, I knew that I would not receive an answer to my question but at least, it forced the voices to quiet in my head. For a few moments, only silence was heard until Petra finally stepped out of the bathroom, fully dressed and ready to go.

"Ready?" She asked tentatively, almost as if she was aware of the internal conflict that was warring within me. There were a few moments during the time that I knew her that I was grateful for her keen intuition. Now, I wasn't so sure which side of that coin that I fell on.

I gave her a small nod before we headed downstairs towards the mess hall, the events of the morning already haunting our waking consciousness more than we cared to admit. So far, it was already proving to be a bad start to the new day and it didn't get easier as the hours continued to pass us by.

* * *

Down at breakfast, I could feel multiple pairs of eyes on me, their blatant gazes leaving a cold burning sensation across my skin which made them hard to ignore. Hush whispers fluttered through the mess hall but, whether to my fortune or disdain, they remained just out of earshot for me to distinguish what exactly was being said. It was probably for the better, however. I would already have a hard time concentrating on today's training without worrying about the rumors that were already flying about.

At our table though, mouths that were normally quite talkative were sealed shut to almost all communication. Well, except for Aurou's.

"You look like shit, Celica." If I had any spark left in me for the day, I would have been tempted to slap him upside the side. Instead, Eld did it for me while glaring at the man with a disapproving look, forcing Auruo to give an apologetic look in return.

"Gee, thanks." I mocked in a flat voice as I picked at my food. "I doubt you would look much better if you were the one in my shoes."

"That's... not what I..." Groaning with what seemed to be frustration, Auruo's head hung a little lower as he tried to reform his point. That is if he actually had one worth giving a damn about. "What I mean is, don't you think you might want to sit today out? It-"

"That's out of the question!" I insisted, my fork stabbing through what looked like a potato and hitting the tray with a loud 'tink' sound. A deafening silence descended on the mess hall while all eyes at my table stared at me wide and surprised. A small twinge of embarrassment began to eat away at me and I attempted to refocus on the food on my plate again instead, failing miserably I might add considering the sudden loss of what little appetite I had had.

"Actually, for once, I think Auruo might be right," Eld stated with a low but firm voice, my eyes immediately refocusing intently on the blonde man sitting across from me. "No offense, but you've obviously seen better days. You still look like you went toe to toe with the grim reaper."

"Yeah, well. If feeling like your soul was ripped straight out your body means anything, I guess that means I lost." I retorted, letting my fork fall into the tray with a loud clatter before pushing it away and leaning back in my chair, crossing my arms for a moment. "But I can't sit out today. I just can't. Not with the expedition only a few days away. I need every bit of retraining that I can get before then."

Counting today, I would have roughly four more days before I had to be ready. Five at the most depending on whether or not I could allow myself that one day's rest we were always given the day before an expedition. Still, looking at it now, the progress I had made so far didn't come close to the level I needed to be. Not even remotely close at all. So much for keeping my word to the captain, I thought.

"So then it really was a bad as everyone is saying then," Gunter stated meekly, all other eyes turning towards him with half-assed glares except for mine which only rolled in their sockets at the comment.

"Apparently." I huffed, quickly standing and grabbing my tray. "I'll see y'all at the training field."

Surprisingly, no one protested as I dumped my tray and left the mess hall and no one bothered to follow me either. Once again I was alone with my thoughts but before they could begin bogging me down again, I headed straight for the armory to collect my gear.

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

Just as my fingertips drummed across the surface of the desk in my office, a sinking feeling of anxiety drummed along in unison in my chest. Something felt off. I couldn't explain what exactly, but I knew something, somewhere was wrong. I thought that perhaps I was simply going stir crazy in my personal quarters, which I why I retreated to the sanctity my office, for the time being. However, the feeling had yet to subside and if anything else, it only increased in severity with each passing hour.

Sometime before lunch, a single loud knock echoed from the door. Moblit apparently.

Unlocking the deadbolt with a distinct and loud click, I let the man swiftly enter before the door was quickly shut behind him, relocking the deadbolt before I retreated back to my seat at my desk.

"Took you long enough to find me." I teased, sitting back in my chair and propping my feet up on the corner of my desk.

"Sorry, sir. It's been a long morning." He replied, his shoulders sagging slightly as he spoke. I motioned for him to take a seat, him gratefully sitting down in one of the chairs in front of the desk with a soft sigh.

"Anything I should know about?" A nervous chuckle escaped his lips as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Well actually, sir... I'm not sure how to put it."

"How about bluntly." Though it was supposed to be a suggestion, it sounded more like an order to my own ears. And judging from the way Moblit tensed up, he thought so as well. Taking a quick breath, he collected himself before speaking again.

"There was an incident this morning involving Celica."

Fuck. I was sincerely hoping that that brat wasn't somehow involved but, just like always, things never turned out quite like I would hope. Letting out a breath that I didn't realize I was holding, I felt my lips press into a thin line, teeth worrying the inside of my bottom lip gently as I tried to get a tight reign in on my thoughts before they could manage to run away from me entirely.

Meanwhile, Moblit watched me with an uneasy expression, wariness tinged with a just a little curiosity as he sat there. "You're... a lot calmer than I expected you to be."

"Let me guess," I thought aloud, returning my feet to the floor before opening my stash drawer to pull out a half-empty pack of smokes, carefully avoiding the bottle of whiskey that had somehow remained untouched and leaving it be. Taking a cigarette from the package, I tossed it to Moblit who thankfully didn't drop it onto the ground mid-catch. "You thought that I would storm off like last time and bring her back here kicking and screaming so that she could give me an explanation?"

Lighting my temporary crutch, Moblit sat in there in what seemed to be mild shock and awe as I took a drag off my cigarette. "You're allowed to have one, you know," I stated, flicking a book of matches over to him. He looked at the items in his hands briefly before a wry smile crept onto his face, placing the packages on the edge of my desk.

"You're just full of surprises today, sir." I shrugged my shoulders and took another drag, already feeling the nicotine beginning to swim in my veins as I exhaled the bittersweet smoke.

"Don't patronize me." I admonished, moving to crack open a window and quickly flicked the spent ashes into the wind. Lucky for me, there wasn't anybody in the courtyard at the moment to notice. "Even a man like me is entitled to partake in the occasional vice. Never once did I say that I was perfect."

"I'm not saying that at all, Captain." Leaning against the window ledge, I can faintly make out the forms of several soldiers spread across the training fields. Some of them were running conditioning drills while others looked as if they were refreshing their skills in field gear maintenance. At the edge of the tree line, my own squad had circled up, apparently arguing amongst themselves from the look of things.

One body separated from the group, attempting to head into the forest as another tried stopping them. Shaking them off, they flew off into the trees and out of sight. "She's wound up tighter than a spring today," Moblit noted, my eyes flicking over to him standing beside me before I focused back on my squad. Funny I how I didn't even hear him make a sound.

"What happened, exactly?" I asked after another exhale of smoke.

"A nightmare and a violent one at that." His brows knitted together, dropping his eyes a little as he spoke. "I've never seen someone react that badly after waking up. Or in this case, appearing to wake up."

"What do you mean?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow up at him.

"I'm surprised you didn't hear her screams. It seemed like at least half of headquarters did with the number of people that showed up to the scene." Reaching for the discarded pack of lights, he took one from the package and lit it, taking a swift drag before continuing. "Petra tried waking her up and she bolted out the door, but not before managed to kick her off. Luckily, Eld and Auruo were around to restrain her soon after."

"When did this happen exactly?" He took a moment to think as he flicked the ashes out the window.

"No more than a couple hours before dawn." Still watching, the remaining members of my squad at the tree line, I could see them still arguing. This time it seemed to be more intense in nature, however, watching a couple of them flail their arms in exaggerated movements.

"So she was still dreaming the entire time this was going on?" Beside me, Moblit nodded, a twinge of sadness surfacing in his voice.

"Yeah, right up until Petra slapped her." My eyes immediately cut over to him, a fierce glare set into place. "S-she wouldn't wake any other way." He stated sheepishly, extinguishing his cigarette and throwing it away.

Sighing, I shut the window back and forced myself back into my chair before my blood could begin to boil. So reckless, I thought. How did it come to this?

"Did she tell anyone what her nightmare was about?" Looking back over to Moblit, I could see the hesitance in his eyes, a thoughtful expression on his face as he tried finding the right words.

"She said she was being tortured, taunted by a woman who she didn't see but could hear clear as day. Screaming, begging to be saved." He explained, remorse showing deep in his eyes. "She was so shaken up that she couldn't stand on her own for a while and it was obvious that she had been crying as well by the time I showed up."

The silence was deafening between us while all my questions suddenly seemed to evaporate into thin air. I've dreamt of being stuck back in the underground, of the people I've killed and gotten killed, haunted by the choices I've made in my life, but it was never so extreme as brutal unadulterated torture. Was it something that was conjured up from stress or was it something else?

"Captain, sir?" I looked back up him, realized that I had gotten lost in my thoughts. "I also overheard something in the mess hall this morning. Something about Celica storming off after someone recommended that she take the day off."

So that's why...

"I didn't know if it was important at the moment or not but... is it, sir?"

"Yes, actually. It is." I stated, sinking a little in my chair and crossing one leg over the other. "You're dismissed for now. I need some time to think."

Moblit slowly nodded and excused himself, the door latching quietly behind him. Letting out a heavy breath, I sunk even further into my chair, guilt beginning to eat away at me.

I remembered her saying that her nightmares were getting worse but I never thought that they would get this bad. Not like this. Even I would have told her to get her head on straight before going out to train. But she made a promise to be ready for the expedition. And now it seemed that that brat was trying to run herself ragged in order to keep true to her word.

There was only so much she could do before her mind and body gave out beneath her. As it stood, I couldn't allow her to keep this up, for her sake if nothing else. Something had to be done. I just hoped that she wouldn't hate me for it later.


	49. Day Four: A Helping Hand

**A/N: Hello again everyone! I'm so sorry it took so long to get this chapter up and I hope the patience was worth it for you all. I've had a lot of things going on as of late and I also lost my job a few days ago so I've been mad searching for a new one. But I didn't want to run myself ragged so I decided to give this chapter another go, so here we are.**

 **Consider this my birthday present from me to you, my lovely and amazing readers. I'm so thankful that you all have come this far with me and I hope you will continue to follow me through the end of this amazing journey we've come so far on. Hopefully, I'll have another chapter up soon and I hope that this one will be enough until next time.**

 **Thank you so much, once again! And CAIO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV:**

I could feel my day and nights slowly start merging together, time continuously ticking by, long and enduring without fail. No matter how heavy my eyes and body became, fatigued by the unyielding nightmare still flickering behind my lids whenever I closed them, time kept ticking by and I remained awake for what seemed to be every single second of it. I could feel the strain of stress pulsing through my chest and through my limbs as I laid in bed, listening intently to its rhythm while my brain surged from one thought to another, lost in the flow with a small amount of contentment. As long as I kept the memories at bay, it didn't seem too bad.

Of course, every time a thought of my graciousness bubbled up, the gruesome imagery from my dreams did as well. I could still smell the thick and distinct scent of blood in my nose and it made me sick to my stomach, an uncomfortable vice wrenching and twisting in my gut. Screams, my screams, echoed loud and thunderous in my thoughts sending chills wracking through me as I curled in on myself.

 _'Make it stop.'_ I pleaded, gripping the roots of my hair painfully as if it could somehow snap me back to reality. A fire flickered through me, the sudden contrast sending me into a sense of vertigo, the world around me tilting and turning at uncomfortable angles around me. _'Please, somebody. Make it stop!'_

 **'No one will save** **you.'** That vile voice from my dreams echoed. **'No one can save you from yourself. Y** **ou're not worth being saved anyways.'**

' _No, that's not true. IT"S NOT!_ 'I argued with the phantom in my head, moisture collecting in the corners of my eyes as I pinched them shut.

 **'You're an incompetent piece of trash, not even worth being called a soldier!"** The woman spat, the twisting pain in my stomach become more profound as she ranted. **"You shouldn't even be alive right now. You couldn't do a single thing right even if your life depended on it, always having to be saved by someone else. Lucky for you that that Captain of yours is more merciful than a Titan is. Otherwise, you wouldn't still be here."**

 _'Stop it! Please..."_ I whimpered softly. _'Just leave me alone."_

 **'I can't do that, sweetheart.'** The voice mocked. **'You're stuck with me and no one can change that.'**

 _'No.'_ I growled, prying my eyes open to the swirling shadows that plagued my vision, blackness trimming the edges as they encroached even further towards the center.

Willing my body to move, my legs gave way as I shuffled off of the edge of my bed, the cold hardwood floor shocking my senses enough to focus my eyes on what was right in front of me. My mouth watered as I tried righting myself again, my stomach clenching tightly as I scrambled onto my feet and towards the bathroom. Weakly grabbing for the doorway as I fell forward again, feeling the disgusting burn of bile rising in my throat and promptly purging my stomach of its contents the moment I reached the toilet.

A weak thought trailed through my head at the moment, suddenly being grateful for the Captain's strict cleaning regime as I cradled my head in my arms around the bowl and quickly flushed away the disgusting sight before another round of sickness could start.

"Are you okay?" Petra piped up from the doorway, concern laced with a small amount of sleepiness in her voice.

"Just peachy," I groaned with sarcasm, spitting into the bowl again trying to cleanse my mouth of the vile taste that lingered in it. "Ugh. Sorry, I woke you."

"It's fine." She stated while the sound of water running from the sink began for a few seconds before stopping again after a brief moment. "Here."

Handing me a small glass of water, I took it gratefully, thankful that my vision had turned back to normal for the most part before I looked up at her.

"What time is it anyway?" I questioned, rinsing my mouth out before I sipped some of the cool liquid down, the water burning all the way down my throat.

"No clue, honestly. Probably almost morning if I had to guess." I groaned softly, resting my head on an arm that was still rested against the rim of the bowl.

"Just great..."

Petra silently regarded my form for a moment, still sitting on the ground and braced against the toilet just in case my nausea would return. Sighing softly, she knelt down beside me, arms wrapped around her knees as she studied me.

"Didn't sleep, did you?"

I huffed a small breath, sitting up to brush some hair out of my face. "What gave it away?"

"The dark circles under your eyes for one. And the fact that your eyes are completely bloodshot doesn't help your case either." She stated flatly, her eyes betraying the sense of worry what her voice did not.

"I'll be fine. A couple nights of bad sleep aren't gonna-"

"You mean a couple nights of _no_ sleep." She corrected. A soft exhale through my nose was the only response I had for her, unwilling to start an argument over something so menial. "Look, I know you've had problems with your sleep before but..." She trailed off, hesitance entering the swirling pool of amber orbs. "I think you need to go see Moblit."

"Petra, I'm fine." I tried to reassure even though the tone of my voice sounded in admonishment. "There's no need to go get Moblit every time something like this happens. I'm perfectly fine of handling it on my own."

"You were hallucinating though, weren't you?" She asked, a seriousness replacing the timidness of her demeanor. The blood faded away from my face immediately, my lips going dry as well. Taking another sip of water, I wondered how I could avoid her question without it being too obvious. The longer I wondered though, the more damning my silence was becoming. At this point, I doubt Petra could be persuaded otherwise.

Taking my silence as her answer, she straightened up and peered through the doorway into the main room. "The sun's about to rise. Better get ready." She stated, taking my now empty glass from me and sitting it down on the bathroom counter. "I'll take you to him myself if I have to."

With that, Petra left me and attempted to pull the door closed, the clasp bouncing back after it hit the frame and stopped a couple inches away. Reluctantly, I forced myself to stand up on shaky legs, bracing on arm against the counter to keep myself upright as I brushed my teeth. Glancing up, I took notice of my reflection and the signs wear, tear, and fatigue that etched themselves into my face.

She was right, I thought to myself as I stared back into the eyes of my reflection. I looked like shit, possibly even worse than yesterday. If I could have described it in any other way, I would have. However, the only expression that came to mind when I saw the person standing in front of me was a person who looked 'scared to death'.

Pinching my eyes shut, I turned away from the mirror and started the shower, a hollow feeling taking up residence in my chest. Silently I prayed to whatever deity there was out there as the water cascaded down over my shoulders and back that this nightmare would soon end.

* * *

Petra left before I did and was missing throughout breakfast. If I had to guess as to why she was suddenly absent from the table, I had already surmised that she had gone off to find Moblit. Which meant that I had a slim window of opportunity to get outside and start training before she could find me. As long as I made it to the Aerial Training Circuit, I could hopefully evade them until at least lunch.

Dismissing myself prematurely from the meal, but not before making sure to stomach at least some bread and drink, I headed for the armory and quickly collected my gear strapping it in place as I walked. The morning sun was harsh against my tired eyes and left them downcast, rushing through the courtyard and strapping the last piece tightly to my side.

"And where do you think you're going?" Petra's voice sounded with a loud echo. I didn't have to glance back to know she had appeared behind me, however, my head still turned in my horror to find both her and Moblit standing there.

"H-hey." I stuttered out, trying to bring an innocent smile to my face but failing miserably, the look only condemning my guiltiness. "J-just heading out a little early to get a jump start on training, that's all."

"I'm sorry but not today," Moblit stated, slowly walking towards me. "Petra was right to fetch me. One look at you says you're in no condition to train today."

An uneasy chuckle spilled from my lips, a hand reaching up to rub the back of my neck. "Geez, thanks for the vote of confidence." I teased, panic beginning to creep up into my chest. "I know I must look like shit to you guys but, come on."

"Celica, if you're exhausted enough to start hallucinating then it's time to draw the line." Moblit insisted, taking another step toward me.

" _I_ never said I was-"

"Call it what you want, Celica," Petra spoke up, cutting my words short. "But you can't honestly expect me to simply stand by and watch my squadmate, my roommate, my friend, run herself into the ground like this. I'm scared you're seriously gonna get hurt if this continues!"

As if a switch had suddenly been flipped inside of me, my hesitance and fear turned into all-out anger and frustration.

"And I can't afford to sit and wait around any longer as if the Titans weren't about to kick in our door any day now! Especially when there's another expedition just days away and I'm nowhere CLOSE to being ready again! I gave my word that I would be ready and I refuse to be coddled and saved again as if I was a hopeless child! What good am I as a soldier if I can't stand on my own two feet and fight?!"

With hands clenched into white-knuckled fists, tears of frustration pricked at the corner of my eyes as I saw the looks of mild shock on Moblit and Petra's faces.

"I'll find a way to deal with my issues ON MY OWN and I WON'T let them stop me from doing my duty as a soldier and as a flesh and blood human being!"

Without another moment of hesitance, I turned tail and headed towards the training grounds in a sprint.

"Damn it, Celica! Stop!" Though I heard footsteps following behind me, I told myself to ignore the calls and beckoning from the pair behind me, until another voice boomed from the courtyard.

 **"VALKIHAR!"**

Hesitantly, I looked back to find the captain brushing past both Moblit and Petra, stopping only a few inches away from me, dressed in plain black pants and a grey long sleeve shirt. It wasn't the uniform I was expecting to accompany the hallucination but I quickly forced the thought away from my mind, choosing to wonder instead if I was truly somehow making this whole thing up in my head.

Meanwhile, behind him, Petra and Moblit were both still fixated on me with a tinge of fear in their eyes. My eyes flickered between the duo and the man currently standing in front of me, his lips pinched together to form a straight line and hands curled into loose fists by his sides.

"Get a hold of yourself already." He urged softly with an emotion that sounded much like concern laced in his voice, those gunmetal eyes of his focused intently on mine.

My heart felt like it was being torn in two at that moment, one part of it panicking with a racing beat while the other relaxed with relief at the sight of him. While the debate in my heart dragged on, I looked at him with an uneasy expression, forcing my hands to stay by my side instead of reaching out to test if he was real or not.

"Captain..." Even my voice was shaking, the sound tugging painfully at my own heartstrings as I hung my head, eyes finding their new resting place on the ground. "Damn it, I must be losing my shit now," I muttered softly, running a hand down my face in exasperation.

 _'Considering you're here.'_ I thought, feeling what was left of my heart begin to shatter in my rib cage.

"Celica." My head jerked up, the sound of Moblit's coaxing finally reaching my ears. His eyes went a little wider as the words that trailed on the tip of his tongue suddenly seemed to be cut off. Hearing the faintest drop of water hit the ground, my eyes darted back down to the ground, another drop of water falling and splashing down at my feet.

I was crying again, I realized, raising a sleeve to wipe off my face when a hand wrapped itself around my wrist and pulled my arm back down to my side.

"You'll mess up your uniform if you do that, brat." The captain stated in a flat tone, reaching up to gently wipe away the tears on my cheeks. Before he could retract his hands, mine slipped over his, grasping gently, the touch solidifying his presence in front of me.

"You're real." I breathed out, gripping his hand a little tighter as fresh tears brewed in my eyes.

"Tell me something I don't know." He stated lowly, brushing my face clear of tears again and pulling his hands away.

"But I thought..." Before I could find my words, he turned his head to acknowledge the two still standing off behind him.

"I can handle it from here. I'll find you at a later time Moblit, so both of you go back inside for now." Wordlessly but with small nods of acknowledgment, Petra and Moblit reluctantly retreated, Petra giving me a small hopeful look before walking away.

The captain huffed a small breath, his shoulders falling slightly before turning back to me. Once again, those pools of liquid metal looked were focused solely on me, a bittersweetness trapped in them as they looked at me.

"We should head back too." He stated firmly, the softness in his voice making my heart seize in my chest as he turned, expecting me to follow.

"I... I can't." His footsteps stopped, turning back to me with the faintest traces of irritation etching into his face. "I-"

"You thought I was a hallucination." His tone serious and unwavering as he narrowed his eyes at me. "That's proof that you aren't fit to train right now. You need to rest."

A mixture of emotions pooled in my gut, the most obvious being anxiety and guilt; the guilt seeping from the idea that, once again, he had come to coax me back to my senses and also because part of me didn't want to simply give into him. Out of pure stubbornness or arrogance, I couldn't tell, but the feeling still remained nonetheless. As if reading every thought in my head, he huffed another breath and tucked his hands into his pockets.

"The way I see it, you have two options here: You can either willing walk back with me inside or I can carry you, kicking and screaming if need be." A wry smile pulled at my lips at the idea of the second option.

"You wouldn't dare," I stated half-heartedly.

"Wanna bet?" He challenged, cocking an eyebrow up at me. "I've carried you before and I doubt it would be that much more difficult. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that I would be thrilled about it either."

Weighing my options, I wasn't really left with any real choices in the matter, not unless I was willing to sacrifice any more of my dignity. So, reluctantly, I started walking back towards the building, the captain resuming his steps just a few ahead of mine.

My eyes remained glued to the floor as we walked, following along behind him like a disobedient puppy who knew that they were in trouble with their owner. Thinking about it, the idea of being tethered to his side like this didn't seem so bad anymore. Where that idea originated from, I had no clue honestly, part of me become irritated with myself for even thinking it. However, it was probably from the fact that I hadn't seen him in a few days, which due to the circumstances, still felt like a lifetime. At least, that's what I told myself.

Still, I couldn't brush away the feeling of relief that I felt as my heart swelled in my chest when we touched earlier. My heart rate was still jumpy from that one little touch but the anxiety I felt took on a different form when he appeared. Fear still sat coiled low in my gut but washing over it, masking it was a lighter fluttery feeling that seemed to take a small weight off of my shoulders.

I was grateful to see him, that much was true. But now, I had no clue on what to do next.

He led me to the private medical clinic, Hanji's second base of operations, and the same place I was brought to rest after the last expedition. It was hard to believe that I was here only a few weeks ago. Had it been a month or longer, I couldn't tell; time was funny that way. The memories flickering through my head were bittersweet at best. Licks of phantom pains made my ribs ache from where they were bruised, possibly fractured. My heart clenched in my chest at the memory of the conversation I held with the captain, his strong yet gentle touch and the feeling of his hand ruffling my hair as he teased me. Then I remembered the flaring pain in my cheek when I decided to start acting like a brat towards him.

I shook my head softly at the thought, trying to will away the thoughts overloading my mind, opting to take a seat on the edge of the lone bed that was in the room before I could be told so. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the captain regard me silently before drawing the shades across the windows one by one, the room taking a dark hue as they shut, the fabric allowing a small amount of light to filter through the threads.

"Captain, why did you bring me here?" I asked, my throat suddenly feeling dry as I spoke.

"I already told you," He stated in a low gentle voice as if talking to a child. "You need to rest first. Then later, Moblit will have to come by to evaluate your condition."

He turned back to me and moved to kneel at my feet to begin unlacing my boots.

"Sir, you don't have to-" I blurted out, reaching out to stop his hands that were carefully working on the laces. Though he stopped for a moment, he brushed my hands away as he continued regardless.

"I know." I couldn't help the twinge of blush that coated my cheeks when he said that and retracted my hands, choosing to lean back on them as he took off my boots, setting them off to the side by the bed. Pausing for a moment, a look of deliberation crossed the features of his face before he spoke up again. "I'm only going to ask this once."

His eyes flicked up to mine, resolve pooling in his irises waiting for an answer or acknowledge from me. Slowly, I nodded my head and sat up a little straighter.

He sighed softly, kneeling in between my parted knees, and reached up to pull my head down to his, our forehead touching.

"Why didn't you come to me sooner? Why do I always have to hear from somebody else what exactly is going on with you? Aren't I supposed to be someone who you can come to for anything? Isn't that my job, take make sure my soldiers are being taken care of?"

His voice carried the heavy weight of frustration and hurt, his words hitching every so often with a shaky and rushed breath as he forced them out, while the exact same emotions reflected in those molten eyes of his, cutting through the last of my defenses. He looked so... so vulnerable that it made my heart ache.

"Because you can't keep solving all of my problems for me. Especially when you have bigger things to worry about besides me." I knew that though they were the words I needed to say, they weren't what I _wanted_ to tell him. I was scared of so many things, of my nightmares, of him, but I was also scared that one day, my nightmares would become my new reality. A reality where I couldn't run to him even if I wanted to, one where he wouldn't be there anymore.

I wanted to tell him that I wanted to go to him, more than anything. That at my most frightened, it was him that I wanted to run to, to collapse into and break believing that he would be there to catch me and attempt to hold the pieces together. I wanted to tell him how I really felt, however, now wasn't the time. He was still acting as a captain should, and nothing more. Right?

"Everyone has their own burden to carry and I am no exception." The words fell from my lips, taking on a life of their own, the persona of a soldier. "I asked for this life, no one forced my hand to join up. I did so because I wanted to. And because I had nothing left. This duty as a soldier of humanity is all I have left but what good am I if I can't deal with my own demons, _on my own_?"

The look on his face shifted into a disappointed one, his jaw going taunt as he pulled his head away from mine and worried the inside of his bottom lip in thought.

"You shouldn't have to." He spoke, his voice barely above a whisper. "You shouldn't have to do everything on your own, internalizing everything. It's not healthy. I should know." Letting out a harsh breath, he lifted his eyes back up mine.

"For years I've done that, keeping everything bottled up inside and others at a 'safer' distance. I've lost people I cared about and myself more times than I care to count. I've grieved, angry at the world, at myself for failing to do what I thought was needed. For not being strong enough. And look at how that turned out, thirty-something years old, been dubbed 'Humanity's Strongest', the pride of the walls, and I'm more bitter and angry than I've ever been. And that's the last thing that I want for you, to end up someone like me because you thought you had to carry the whole world's problems on your shoulders."

For the first time in all of our time together, this was the first time I could honestly say that the captain, no. Levi. That Levi has opened up to me. There were rumors floating around about his past and the tragedies that he's endured, but none of them could hold a candle to the confession of emotions that were suddenly laid out in front of me. Questions surfaced in my mind, and even though I knew they sounded selfish, I forced myself to ask them anyways.

"There are people with worse sob stories than mine, so why? Why do you care so much?" My heart jumped up in my throat as I waited for his answer. His body language screamed of hesitance, averting his eyes for another moment, down on the ground. Almost as if he was ashamed to answer.

"I've actually been trying to figure that out myself as of late." He answered honestly. "It's why I wanted to wait for you to come to me. To give me enough to time think. But here I am, chasing after you again to try to get you to see reason once again."

His words borderline on a teasing thought that popped into my head, just skirting around the edged as my pulse thumped hard in my veins. What was he trying to say?

"Did you? Figure it out, I mean?" I asked timidly, my hands shaking a little as I laced them together in front of me.

He glanced over at me, uncertainty lurking in his eyes, though his voice remained level.

"I don't think I can find the words to explain it yet." My heart fell to stomach, internally chastising myself for my wishful thinking. But then he took my hand in his, his tone suddenly turning quiet and shaky. "But I might be able to show you."


	50. Day Four Part 2: Crest

**A/N: Hey everyone! I'm back and better than ever! (Well, at least when it comes to my writing capabilities. But anyways...) Welcome back to another installment of "Warring Minds and Bodies"! Strap in folks because this bumpy ride isn't over yet. If nothing else, we haven't even hit the climax yet. Or maybe we will soon. Who knows (besides possibly me)?**

 **Anyways, I hope you guys like this chapter. I put a lot of hours of blood, sweat, and tears into this chapter. More tears than the others but, you get my point. Let me know what you guys think! I love hearing back from you guys! It's the driving force behind this entire work so, without further a due...**

 **CAIO FOR NOW!**

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV:**

Never in my adult life had I been as terrified as I was in that moment, silently debating in my head if it was too soon to say the things that I desperately wanted to. I had already decided that I would have to open up to her if I expected her to open up to me but things like that were always easier said than done. It was a miracle that I got out the words that I already had, but now she was asking the hardest question for me to answer.

"There are people with worse sob stories than mine, so why? Why do you care so much?"

Why did I care? Honestly, up until now, I still wasn't all that sure why she had suddenly become so special to me. All I did know was that it felt like a piece of me was missing whenever she wasn't there, somehow, by my side. I knew that it hurt to see her look so fragile and scared and that I wanted to protect her, one way or another. I wanted to see her curled up next to me every night when I went to sleep and wake up knowing that she would be there the following morning. I felt comfortable around her, yearning for her company in ways that I had thought impossible after all these years.

I wanted her. I craved her. I needed her. I loved her.

Now, I just needed to figure out how to tell her.

"I've actually been trying to figure that out myself as of late," I admitted, feeling how my gut tightened in response all too clearly. "It's why I wanted to wait for you to come to me. To give me enough to time think. But here I am, chasing after you again to try to get you to see reason."

She sat there for a moment, quiet, her racing thoughts reflecting in her eyes as the gears turned silently. It always surprised me at how easily I could read her sometimes, being able to see past the walls she desperately tried putting up. There were times that I was thankful for that ability, others I wasn't sure; not when I could see the guilt, anxiety, and trepidation that flowed through her in those moments. It always pained me to see her so vulnerable, to see her feel so weak.

Looking up at her now, I swore that I had seen a spark of hope buried somewhere in her dark eyes.

"Did you? Figure it out, I mean?" She asked with a timid voice, leaning forward a little with her hands laced in front of her, fingers trembling gently. A faint blush brushed itself across her cheeks, my heart giving a hard thump in response. It was like seeing the old Celica again, vibrant and passionate, instead of seeing the worn and tired woman that sat before me.

She was beautiful, I thought, my words suddenly turning breathless as I spoke.

"I don't think I can find the words to explain it yet."

It was true. I wasn't sure if I could say those three little words yet but I knew it had to be said one way or another. Reaching out, I took one of her hands in my own, thumb brushing over her knuckles gently.

"But I might be able to show you."

Her hands still trembled softly in mine, her touch warm, and the tremors slowly but surely eased away.

"Levi?" She called out softly, her nervousness showing only in her eyes and her voice now, the blush across her cheeks becoming more profound the longer her eyes were locked with mine. "What are you getting at?"

My mouth suddenly went dry, licking my lips in nervousness, finding that my words were failing me at the moment. But where words failed, I found that actions spoke louder.

Taking an additional steadying breath, I moved to sit next to her on the edge of the bed, the springs of the mattress groaning softly under the extra weight.

Gently retracting my hand from hers, I reached up to caress her cheek, my fingertips tracing over the path of tears long since dried. My heart still ached in my chest, thinking of her shocked look in the courtyard, and how quickly the moisture had collected in her eyes before streaming in rivulets down her face. Without knowing how, I had unintentionally managed to make her cry, and it hurt.

"But first," My hand gently squeezed hers, voice barely above a whisper as I asked her. "Why were you crying earlier?"

Her eyes darted down, brows furrowing together as her bottom lip trembled softly. New tears collected at the edge of her eyes, blinking a couple of times in hopes to clear them away.

"I thought... I thought I was imagining things again." She whispered, her soft voice cracking with restrained emotion. "I dreamt something terrible and... it felt so real. And when I saw you I..."

She trailed off, fresh tears streaming down her face again while her whole body shook trying to contain the sobs that bubbled beneath the surface.

"I had been screaming for anyone, for you, to somehow save me. I begged and pleaded that you would show up but... but you never did. They just kept mocking me, torturing me for kicks. I didn't wake up until I was already out in the hallway for some reason, being restrained like a common criminal."

Unable to bear watching any longer, I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her against my chest. Her arms quickly wrapped my torso as she buried her face in my shoulder, hands clutching to my shirt as if for dear life.

"You knew where I would be, so why didn't you come find me? Why wait?" I urged, drawing her closer, tighter against me.

"I just wanted it to go away." She cried. "I couldn't think of anything else. And..."

Behind me, her nails were beginning to dig into my skin as she clung to me, hiccuping softly between breaths of tears.

"I didn't want you to see me like this either. Pathetic... and weak..."

"Hush now, that's enough." I coaxed, kissing the top of her head. "It's okay. It was still just a bad dream. It's over now."

She shook her head insistently, her voice broken by the onslaught of tears. "No, it's not. It won't go away. The blood, the screaming, every time I close my eyes it just won't..."

As she cried against me, I could feel my heart shattering slowly with every sob. Slipping an arm behind her knees, I pulled them up and draped her legs across my lap, her body instantly curling in on itself and leaning into me with her full weight. All I could do now was hold her and let her cry, to share her burden when it was obvious how low she truly felt.

So _this_ was the weight she carried, I thought, thinking of how hard it is to fight an enemy in the field of battle while also being at war with own self. It can break you if you let it. Sadly, it seemed that Celica was at, or very much near, the end of her rope; the constant strain impacting both her mind and body in previously unimaginable ways.

I had to do something, but what? I wondered.

With time, her sobs eventually subsided, her worn and tired frame slowly relaxing against me. Threading my fingers through her hair, I slipped the tie away that held it up, the silky strands falling in curtains below her shoulders. Tucking the piece of fabric away, I continued carding my hand through the locks in a feeble attempt to straighten and smooth them, silently hoping that the gesture somehow helped the woman who had sat crying in my arms.

Glancing down, I saw that her eyes were closed, a more peaceful look on her features as she breathed softly, deeply. She had cried herself to sleep and Sina knew she needed the rest. Even so, I decided to hold her just a little longer, if nothing else but for my own personal contentment.

All the days that have come and gone since the start, all the hours lying awake at night in silent loneliness and agony, all of it dissipated into bad memories that seemed like a lifetime ago. As long as she was here, as long as I had her, I felt that for once everything might be okay. Even if only for a little while as I helped her drive her demons back into the abyss. But that was me; and I wondered if, perhaps, she might have felt even somewhat the same.

With what little remained of my heart, I felt like I could give it to her; she who had bore her own before me and allowed me in to comfort her. Even if she wouldn't take my own, I felt that it would still be enough. I could feel my heartbeat in my chest for the first time in years, without leaving the metaphorical safety of the walls, and all it had taken was her company. Her companionship. Her thoughtfulness and compassion.

It had taken a woman who carried a world of worries upon her shoulders, who still reached out to others in the most unexpected of ways, to show me what it meant to be human again. Even with everything thrown at her, she still managed to crack a small smile at the simplest of things. But now, that smile was gone. Replaced with a stream of endless tears and tired expressions.

I wanted to see that version of her again, back when things seemed a little more... domestic. I wanted nothing more than to see her truly happy, and for that, I would be willing to risk it all; my blood boiling in my veins at the thought.

I would kill every Titan within the walls, take back the territory we lost, and secure that future for us. For humanity, for her. She deserved that much at least. She deserved to dream of happy things and contentment instead of the terrors that had her crippled in horror and pain.

As much as I wished that the moment could last, I knew all good things eventually had to come to an end. So after gently tucking her into the sheets of the bed, I decided that now might have been a good time to fetch Moblit. However, just looking down at her, I felt immobilized. I didn't want to leave her like this, how could I? Not after the things she had told me. Not after just crying herself to sleep.

And against my better judgment, I stayed.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

I remembered crying and then falling into the darkness, however this time, it was warm and comfortable. No taunting shadows whispering of failure and ridicule, no chains, nor the smell of blood. It was calm again, peaceful even. I wondered if this was what death felt like, lost in the vast void between worlds as all the pain and misery evaporated into thin air. But that couldn't have been right.

My body felt heavy yet there was no desire to move it. I could feel sheets of fabric above and beneath me, entangled in my limbs as I laid on my stomach. I was in bed, I realized, but when did I end up here? The fabric smelled of detergent, subtle and clean, but it was all wrong. It didn't smell like my own bed and or Levi's, the sheets feeling crisp to the touch, stale instead of soft and flowing like water.

My eyes opened slowly, blurry and distorted as I took in the shapes and shadows around me. Everything seemed dim, a low light filtering through the air. Soft breathing alerted me to another presence, dragging my hand up to rub at my eyes and blinking a couple times in a futile effort to refocus them.

Groaning softly, I pulled myself up a little, arms protesting as I held my weight on my elbows.

"You're awake." The captain's voice stated, and upon glancing up, I found him sitting in a chair by the bedside with an open book in his lap.

Relief flooded my veins, a warm feeling pooling in my chest at the sight. He was there, very much alive and in the flesh. He was here, I thought. He was here.

"You know you really shouldn't read in the dark, Captain. It's bad for your eyes." I teased half-heartedly, voice quiet as I willed my body to move into an upright sitting position. "Keep it up and your face might not ever go back to normal."

A smirk pulled at his lips, quietly shutting the book and setting it aside. "Something wrong with my face, Valkihar?" He asked, his smirk unfaltering.

A breathy chuckle slipped out as I shook my head softly.

"Not in particular, sir," I stated, eyes casually roaming his features. "Nothing at all."

The last words came out more like a whisper, a warm heat brushing across my cheeks as they were spoken. The captain's smirk then turned into a full-fledged smile, dipping his head down in attempt to hide it by shielding his mouth with his hand for a moment before looking back up at me.

"Judging by your sudden playfulness, I'm guessing you're feeling a little better?"

I nodded my head briefly before dropping it, feeling my own smile pull at my lips. "Yeah. Feel like I just woke from the dead, though."

He snorted softly through his nose, moving to sit on the edge of the bed and tilted my head up. "That's to be expected. You slept a good portion of the day away."

"That long?" He nodded slowly, the smile on his face faltering.

"Yeah. It looks like you needed it though." His hand moved to cradle my cheek, stroking my skin with his thumb. That certain look appeared on his face again, reserved but his eyes betrayed his worry. "No nightmares this time?"

I shook my head softly, eyes transfixed on his. "No, not this time. For whatever reason, they happen less often when..." I stopped, catching my words before I could live to regret them.

Levi eyed me curiously. It was obvious that I had meant to say something else and my face flamed at the thought, his touch making it all the more hot on my skin.

"When... what?" He asked, leaning in a little closer.

He was so close and yet it felt as if he was ten miles away, unfocused eyes lazily roaming across my face, stopping at my lips before looking back up to meet mine as if he was temporarily lost in his own world.

As if the words weren't already difficult to force out, that look of his smothered all other attempts of speaking that dwelled in my mind. His warm breath washed over me and I wanted nothing more than to close that little distance that remained between us.

One of us moved even closer, I couldn't tell whom exactly, but before our lips could find contact with one another, a knock echoed from the door and Moblit stepped through.

"Captain, I..." He paused as he looked at us, eyes wide with a small blush coating his cheeks. "Um, is this a bad time?"

Never before in my life have I ever been so morbidly embarrassed and simultaneously pissed off. However, it seemed that Levi had more than enough irritation for the both of us at that moment as he sat up straight, eyes like blazing daggers cutting at the man at the door. Despite the glare, his voice remained surprisingly level.

"It doesn't matter now. You needed something?"

"I just, um... thought to check back to see if Celica was awake to give her that once over we talked about." If possible, it looked like Moblit was as mortified as I felt. "But I can come back later when you two aren't-"

"Forget it. The moment's already gone." I huffed under my breath.

As if in silent agreement, Levi headed for the door, only stopping and looking back as he reached Moblit.

"I'll be back in a little while and I'll bring you some suitable clothes for you to change into. No sense in staying in uniform since the duty day has come and gone."

I gave a brief nod in acknowledgment before he turned back to Moblit, giving him another glare which made the grown man visibly cringe and stepping out, the door shutting hard behind him.

Moblit and I both let out a small breath, the air seeming much less stifling with the captain gone. As comfortable as I had become around the man as of late, I thought that there would always be that lingering feeling of fear and dread that accompanied that famous glare of his. Especially feeling sorry for the victim of said look.

Stepping over to me, a small stack of paperwork in hand, Moblit resumed his normal temperament. "You were out for a while. Feel any better?"

"So I've heard," I stated in a monotone voice, rubbing the back of my neck. Part of it was to work out a kink from the weird sleeping angle, another was out of nervousness, silently hoping he wouldn't say anything about what had just occurred. "And I guess so, no nightmares this time. Thank the walls."

"That's good. You look better at least." He responded, holding out his hands with this palms upward and instructing me to follow along with my own. I could have laughed at the idea of having to do such a menial task but I reasoned it was just one of the ways he was testing my motor function or something. Either way, I still felt stupid.

"See or hear anything out of the ordinary? Any shadows or voices?" I shook my head as I followed his hands with mine, mimicking him like a damn fool.

"No. Nothing."

"Good." He stated, jotting down a few notes. "Any ideas on why they've stopped?"

I couldn't stop the laugh this time, shaking my head softly. "You're the medic in this case. Aren't you supposed to know?"

He shrugged, a tug of a smile at the corner of his lips. "It helps to get the patient's view sometimes. You're the one this stuff is happening to, not me. You have the most insight on this than anyone else."

Taking his point for what it was worth, I pondered for a moment before shrugging. "Probably because I finally got some decent sleep? Feels like I haven't slept that deep in... days? Maybe a week?"

"You think that the captain's close proximity somehow helps with that?" He asked with a knowing tone.

Thinking about, it wouldn't have surprised me if he had gotten somehow involved with Hanji's little 'study' of us, no matter how mortifying it was to think about at times. Regardless, the feeling still remained.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I answered, wondering why now of all times that I would start fibbing. "So, no. I don't think the captain has anything to do with it."

"Are you sure about that?" He questioned, crossing his arms loosely as he continued to hold the papers in hand. After a moment of silence and a pointed glare from me, he sighed and dropped his arms. "Can I be honest with you for a moment? Friend to friend?"

"Friend?" I scoffed, a half smile pulling at the corners of my mouth. "Where do you get that from?"

He shrugged, giving me a quirky look. "Any friend of Hanji's is a friend of mine. And it also helps if you remember that you gave me some liquor back last time we all drank together."

That's right. Moblit and alcohol went together as well as Hanji did with her Titan fascination; hand in hand.

"How can I forget?" I chuckled as the memory came swirling back to me. "If it wasn't for that night, I probably wouldn't be in this mess in the first place."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked, genuine interest and curiosity appearing on his face.

I sighed, collecting my thoughts.

"Well since I'm pretty sure Hanji tells you everything anyways, I guess you already know..." He gave me a small nod, indicating he was waiting for me to continue; and I did so with a lump in my throat, unsure exactly of what to say anymore. "Since that night, things starting changing. Fast. The captain... he started something and I don't know how to stop it. But... now I'm so sure that I want it to anymore."

Silently taking in my words, he brought his hand to his chin in thought, eyes downcast as he pondered. After a few moments, he lifted his head, a look on his face as if he just pieced together life's grandest puzzle.

"Do you want my opinion on this or no?" Nervously, I nodded my head before he continued. "I think, whatever is going between you two, that's between y'all and no one else. But also, it's obvious that an impact is being made on both parties. And despite how everything might have started out, it seems sincere enough to me. Otherwise, I doubt that he would have looked at you like that earlier."

My face immediately turned scarlet, realizing that my hope that he wouldn't have said anything was quickly and hopelessly dashed. I groaned softly in embarrassment and muttered a 'kill me now' under my breath as buried my face in my hands, which he caught and proceeded to laugh at.

"Sorry, no can do." He breathed out between laughter. "Not that I would in the first place, but I'm terrified at the idea of what the captain's reaction would be if I did." He joked.

I'm glad somebody thought this was funny because I sure as hell didn't.

"Seriously though," He began again after regaining his composure. "If he helps you somehow with your nightmares like I think he does, and nothing else, then that's all fine and dandy. But honestly, I think there's more to this than that. So whatever feelings you two are harboring, I think it best to vent them. And soon."

You two? Meaning 'me and the captain'? What? Wait...

"Are you trying to say that you think that Captain Levi has... feelings for me?" I forced out, my blush strengthing in intensity as I spoke.

"Celica, I've only seen that look a few times in my life. And every time I did, if I didn't know any better, that pure look of adoration I saw... looked like a man hopelessly and completely in love."

In love? Levi looked... in love?! Was that what that look he gave me was?

My heart thumped in my chest, that same warm feeling from earlier overtaking it and making it flutter. Judging from that alone, the idea of my own feelings cemented itself into my mind. I was in love with Levi and... he returned my feelings?

"Anyways, I should get going now," Moblit stated with an uneasy look on his face. "I don't think I wanna be here when the captain gets back. If you need anything though, just let me know."

He gave me a brief wave, giving me barely enough time to reciprocate it before he too was out the door, leaving me alone with only my thoughts and butterflies in my stomach.

What was I supposed to say when Levi did come back, I wondered. How the hell was I supposed to act with this new information? Only time would tell, however, steeling myself for when those doors would open again next.


	51. The Evening of Conception

**A/N: Hey guys! Welcome back to "Warring Minds and Bodies". Personally, this chapter means a lot to me. It's the 50th chapter I've published with the exclusion of the Prologue. So in celebration of this important milestone of mine, Levi and Celica both have their own milestones reached in this chapter. For those of you who have stuck with me since the very beginning of this thing, thank you so much! I couldn't have done this without you. Without any of you honestly.**

 **I love you guys so much it hurts! And I'm proud to present this very special chapter to all of you.**

 **The inspiration for this chapter, by the way, was Fall Out Boy's "Hold Me Tight or Don't!" I'm addicted to this song now and I want to say that this may or may not become Levi and Celica's Official Song. Personally, I think it suits them. If you have any other ideas for "their song", leave a comment either in a PM or review for me. I would be very much interested in seeing what y'all think.**

 **Until next time, CIAO FOR NOW!**

 **PS: See bottom of page for a FUN FACT about this chapter.**

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 **CELICA'S POV:**

When your heart races at a million miles an hour, time seems to slow down, if not stop altogether. Everything for a single moment stills as if in a dream. All too suddenly, I felt like I had woken up from my dream, but it wasn't unpleasant, to say the least. Not when it was Levi I was waking up to and in more ways than one.

I didn't think before that my feelings might have been eventually returned, but now I couldn't get it out of my head. The pestering thought slithered through my mind up until the moment the man of my affections stepped back across the threshold to the clinic.

"You okay?" He asked quietly, that look of worry plastered on his face again. Why was he looking at me like that now? Was it something on my face?

"I'm fine," I stated, collecting my thoughts and shoving them aside as I stood to straighten the bed, taking note that he hadn't brought anything back with him. "Forget those clothes you promised?"

"Yeah, about that... I thought of something else instead." He hung his head a little before nodding towards the exit. "Come on."

Without another word, he headed out, me following quickly and promptly behind him. Out in the hallway, he restrained a few of his steps, allowing me to walk beside him instead. It was a small gesture at best, but it still made my heart flutter at the thought. Maybe I was just thinking about this too much though. There was no reason to get so worked up over nothing. But could one's personal feelings truly be considered nothing?

Unsurprisingly, he led me back to his room, not that I was complaining. Everything smelled of him and it helped to settle the butterflies in my stomach. Those butterflies quickly returned however when he steered me towards the bath, where there sat a full tub of steaming, hot water, a mixture of lemongrass and other herbs mixed into the liquid floating along the surface.

I looked back at him, a mild look of shock on my face. "What is this?"

"What does it look like?" He asked plainly, shuffling past me and sitting on the edge of the tub, skimming his fingers through the surface of the water.

"It's a bath," I answered in a straight voice. He nodded his head, pulling his hand back and flicking the dripping water off his hand.

"It's supposed to help with nerves. I just thought that maybe, it might help some." His voice wavered with uncertainty, a fragile feeling being conveyed through his words as if he was treading on eggshells around me. Though the idea struck a chord with me, I let it go, thinking that I would act the same way if I had thought the person in front of me could fall to pieces again in an instant.

I had to hand it to myself, for someone who prided themselves in their ability to hold their problems in, I had certainly made a mess of things by falling apart like I had. Especially if Levi was acting like this, something I had never seen before. "Thank you, Levi."

"Don't mention it." He said, standing. Stepping forward, I wrapped my arms around him, resting my head on his shoulder. He went rigid against me, the sudden contact probably throwing him off.

"I mean it," I whispered. "Thank you."

He didn't return the embrace like I hoped he would, but instead, he rested his hand on my hips, leaning into me a little with a quiet 'you're welcome' on his lips. Gently pushing me back, he withdrew and moved past me.

"Fresh clothes are on the counter. Take your time." And with that, he was gone, shutting the door securely behind him.

I let out a heavy sigh, suddenly feeling like a massive idiot. Maybe I shouldn't have done that, I thought before turning towards the sweet smelling water.

The bath was still warm as I slipped in, the edge of the water reaching the tops of my shoulders as I slumped against the back of the tub. Still, he didn't have to do this for me and yet he did. That fact alone made a smile pull at my lips as I readjusted, resting my head against the edge.

He was right at least, taking a breath of the sweet aroma encircling around me. I could already feel the remaining tension winding its way out of my muscles and my head felt light again, but in a good way. I wondered where the captain got the idea for something like this before sliding down in the water until it grazed my jaw.

It felt heavenly; like I was floating on a cloud.

After an indeterminable amount of time of soaking in the mixture, a chill ran through me, realizing that the water would soon turn cold. Deciding that I had already taken enough time as it was, I washed quickly but thoroughly, rinsing off before stepping out and draining the tub.

After drying off, I picked up the clothes set out for me earlier, running my fingers across the soft fabric of a black long sleeve, button-down nightshirt. The fabric was soft like silk against my skin and smelled very much like the captain, a blush creeping onto my cheeks.

Wait, this isn't mine.

"Shit," I couldn't help the grin that plastered itself onto my face as I sifted through my memories. "I haven't worn this since the first day of 'house arrest'."

By the walls, the captain wouldn't even look at me back then; Sina knows what Hanji had said to him before accidentally giving me his clothes instead of my own. Or perhaps, that was no accident. I brushed off the thought though, knowing it could go either way with the crazy scientist and I would only give myself a headache trying to figure that woman out.

Considering my lack of options, I slipped on the garment all too willingly, leaving a couple of the top buttons open as I clasped the remaining ones closed. The bottom edges of the shirt came to rest along my thighs and if it was a couple inches longer, I could have forgone the rest of the clothing. However, as I much as I would have loved to see Levi's reaction, I pulled a pair of shorts as well.

Looking in the mirror, I honestly didn't think that the shorts were much better, the thin material stopping along my mid-thigh and clinging to me like a second skin. Picking up the spare pair of pants left to me, I slipped them on, the fabric falling past my hips when I let go of the waistband.

"Just great..." I complained, they were much too big for me now and there were no extra strings or clasps on the waist to hold them in place. "Fuck."

Stripping them off and setting them back on the counter, I took another look in the mirror and shrugged. Oh well, I could find more suitable clothes later as long as I was at least covered up enough to conceal the things that mattered most. Besides, the captain's seen me in short shorts before and never said a word. It was unlikely he would this time as well.

Outside, the man himself was nose deep in another book, probably the one from earlier I reasoned, propped up in a chair by the far desk.

"She lives." He casually remarked, not looking up from the pages.

"Well, you said to take my time." I retorted, quickly folding the oversized pants and kneeling down to search through the dresser drawers for another pair.

"Yeah, but I didn't think you would-" He stopped, my eyes darting to see that he had looked up, wide eyes slowly roaming my figure. "Shit."

The way that single word came out, breathless and rough, made my skin turn warm instantly, a subtle ache surfacing in my core. It was a sound of pure lust and want that slipped past his lips, irises darkening in the dimming light. Well, that was twice I was proven wrong in my assumptions tonight, I thought.

"I know," My voice sounding a little shakier than I would have liked to admit. "I'm looking for something else to cover up with now." Tearing my eyes away, I quickly resumed rummaging through the piles of clothes.

"No, it's not that. Just..." He trailed off, his gaze becoming more heated as his eyes lingered, quickly clearing his throat before they darted back down. "It's nothing. Sorry."

He mumbled his apology, a faint pink color dusting across his cheeks. A pang of disappointment ran through me, my shoulders dropping as my heart fell to my stomach. Was he embarrassed? I wondered brazenly. But why now? And why did I suddenly want to keep those steel colored orbs focused in on me after trying so hard to avoid them for so long?

"You don't have to change if you don't want to." He stated in a more even voice, quickly lighting a lantern at the desk and picking up his book again. "As long as you're comfortable, that's all that matters."

I made a small hum of acknowledgment, eyes flicking back over to him and that damn book obscuring his face. Beyond the bedroom window, the evening sun had dipped below the horizon, pale orange light filtering through the panes of glass. It would be night soon and seeing as that I had just woke up, I knew it was going to be a long night if the captain and I couldn't find much to talk about. Especially if he insisted on me being in his room.

Growing bold, I shut the drawer and padded over him, settling at his side as I looked over his shoulder.

"What'cha reading?" I asked innocently, leaning a bit further to try to read the words on one of the pages.

"Just something Hanji had dropped off a while back." He answered plainly.

'Something Hanji had dropped...' Oh. My heart picked up in pace as I realized that it was the book that I had given to him for her. Skimming my eyes over the words, it seemed that it was a... collection of poetry? And not just any random collection. Romance?

"Is it a good read?" He gave only a brief hum in response, much to my dissatisfaction. This is going nowhere, I thought. On top of which, the whole situation just felt awkward. Or was that just me? Levi didn't give any inclination that he was as well so the nerves continued to build in my stomach. The man's poker face was something to be desired at times but right now, it was borderline irritating, now that I had seen emotion peering through his usual mask earlier.

I wanted to see it again.

Choosing to lean on his shoulder, I wrapped my arms loosely around his shoulders, my head settling into the crook of his neck.

"Celica-"

"I'm sorry for worrying you like that," I stated, trying to change topics and find something else to talk about. I didn't think I could bear the silence between us tonight. Any other night I might have been content with it, but not tonight.

He huffed a soft breath and ruffled my damp hair. "Don't think on it too much, brat. You'll start smoking if you start thinking too hard again." He joked, a chuckle slipping past my lips.

"And here I thought I was the only ones with jokes. At least ones that don't revolve around fecal matter." He scoffed, sarcasm thick in his voice.

"I have jokes." He insisted.

"Yeah, shit jokes." This time it was him who laughed, a warmth pooling in my chest from the sound. It was beautiful, I thought.

"By the wall, you're such a damn brat." He teased, mocking me.

"Yeah, but you like it sometimes," I stated, teasing him back as I let go of him and retreated to my safe space on the bed, slipping beneath the covers in one fluid movement. The look on his face was an incredulous one, biting his bottom lip gently before turning back to me.

"Yeah. Sometimes." He stated, leaning back in his chair, legs crossed as the closed book rested in his lap. "Are you sure you're okay? Considering you're rather talkative and... affectionate, tonight."

I shrugged, bringing my knees to my chest trying to distract myself from the incoming blush. "Never better but... I don't know.'

Thinking about it, I knew I had to choose my words carefully if I didn't want to reap any unwanted repercussions.

"You're still as straight-faced as usual. But when I see that mask of your's slip... I guess it would be better if you didn't give me such a... pained expression."

The look on his face fell immediately, brows furrowing together gently before sighing and running his hand through the inky strands of his hair. "That's not what I..." He sighed again, burying his face in his hand.

"I think I'm just still trying to process everything that happened today. It's not every day that I end up seeing one of my soldiers break down like that." He explained as he looked up, proceeding to twiddle his thumbs in his lap. "It's hard to watch in all honesty, and mentally exhausting. So I can't imagine what was, or is still, going through your mind right now."

It was a fair enough answer, in my opinion, guilt settling in my gut as I rested my chin on my knees. Great, now I just felt like an asshole.

"I'm sorry." I apologized meekly.

"Don't be, it's fine." He reassured and stood up, setting the book on the desk before coming to sit beside me on the bed, staying precariously perched on the edge. "You just scared the shit out of me, that's all."

Humanity's Strongest, Levi Ackerman, was scared? I had never seen the man scared of anything in the time that I've known him, on or off the battlefield, and here he was admitting that he was; all because of me. It was still hard to believe after hearing it straight from his own mouth.

"Shit. I'm just a huge mess, aren't I?" I muttered softly into the comforter.

"Stop saying things that like." He instructed and moved further up on the bed, cradling the back of my neck as he brought my head down to touch his, the last of the day's light reflecting off his eyes.

"I'll be fine and so will you. I just don't want to see you like that again any time soon. Or at all, if I can help it." He muttered softly, my mind trailing back to earlier. A pang of discomfort and uneasiness hit me, remembering how surreal everything felt. But the feeling was quickly thrown to the wind when I thought of something he had said before, his words jolting my memory.

"Earlier, you couldn't find the words but... you said that you could show me instead." I wondered if I truly wanted the answer to this question lingering in my mind, but decided to risk it regardless. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Right? "What did you mean by that?"

His eyes glazed over, molten steel boring through me as he wet his lips and swallow hard, voice suddenly coming out rough and low. "We should probably save that for another time, don't you think? You have enough going on right now."

"Please," I begged, clinging to what little courage had surfaced within me at that moment. "I want to know. I _need_ to know."

His eyes widened a fraction more, resolve pooling in his irises with such intensity that it made me freeze in place. "Are you sure?" He questioned low and softly.

For whatever reason, he was giving me a chance to back out, but I swallowed away my nerves before they could build up again and nodded my head.

"Yes."

He shut his eyes closed for a moment, taking a deep breath and exhaling before speaking. "It's been in my experience that I've realized that, when words fail... actions speak louder." He whispered, his hand moving from the back of my head to cradle my cheek. He opened his eyes again, a look of vulnerability shining in pools of liquid steel.

"I can't say it yet. Maybe in time but, for you to understand, I have to show you."

He leaned forward, his eyes slipping closed again as his lips caressed mine in a sweet and gentle kiss. The contact was as light as air, my own eyes closing so I that could concentrate on the feel of his lips on mine and how faint it felt. He leaned more into the next kiss, applying just enough pressure to make my heart flutter in my chest.

He didn't ask for permission to enter my mouth, taking his time as his lips peppered mine with one soft kiss after another. I stretched out my legs beside him, tugging him closer to me by the collar of his shirt. He followed eagerly, his hand moving to lace in my hair as an arm slipped around my waist to press me to him, but not venturing any further. It was almost innocent in the way he kissed me, aside from the building passion that filtered through each touch and contact of our lips.

I realized that I had never kissed him like this before, gentle and patient as if we had all the time in the world. It had always been quick and burning hot, nothing but lust and desire fanning the flames that drove us together, and never as careful as this. It felt less like pure fire this time, instead resembling the heat pouring off of simmering coals, just as hot but much more demure in nature. Less volatile.

The faint taste of tea remained on his lips but beneath that was that taste that could only be described as inexplicitly 'Levi', mild but flavorful nonetheless. Emotions poured through each touch, reserved but very much insistent that they be heard. A kiss like this was meant only for lovers and no one else, a warm safety wrapping around them and shielding them from all other prying eyes.

Lovers. The word echoed in my mind, fighting persistently for its room for growth and reflection. He was kissing me like a lover should and the warmth in my chest bloomed at the thought, a sliver of desperation reaching my lips as my hands cradled his cheeks, pulling him harder against me.

'Tell me it's true. Please, tell me it's true,' I begged silently, feeling as his lips responded to mine in earnest. I felt his own desperation slipping through in the way that held me tighter and tilted my head to further slot our lips together. It was I that broke first, slipping my tongue into his mouth with no resistance, earning a soft gasp of breath against my lips.

Our tongues intertwined, desperate and seeking for each other's flavor and taste. His hand moved back to my cheek, his movements suddenly becoming slower and more measured as he silently coaxed me to follow his lead. The way he kissed and tasted me was so agonizingly slow and gentle that it made my face flush at the very thought, however, it was not any less passionate.

This was his way of telling me, his proclamation a silent one despite the soft sounds of our lips joining together for each individual kiss. But it was one that I heard loud and clear even as my heartbeat thumped in my ears, strong and steady.

He withdrew from my mouth all too soon, breaking our lips apart as our breath came out in slightly harder puffs of air before he planted another chaste kiss at the corner of my mouth. I slowly opened my eyes to see his hooded ones looking back down at me, bright and shining with an emotion that I so desperately wanted to label as 'love'.

"Maybe one day I can find the courage to say those words," He whispered against my lips, his warm breath washing over my skin as his voice faltered when he tried speaking again. "But do you understand what it is that I'm trying to say?"

I gave the faintest of nods, swallowing gently as I looked up at him. "I think so," I said, planting another kiss to his lips, pulling back as he attempted to reciprocate it. "If that's the case, then... the feeling's mutual."

As soft as my voice was, I was surprised when the words reached his ears, a proper blush finally coating his cheeks in a bright red hue. He dropped his head to my shoulder, both of his arms lacing around my waist as mine wound around his neck. "I'm glad." He breathed out, a slight tremor in his hands and shoulders as he cradled me, and I, him.

It felt like I could take a proper breath of air now, another weight being lifted off of my shoulders. Our feelings were mutual, I repeated in my head, burying my own face into his shoulder to hide the fierce blush that overtook my face. But now, there was another issue that needed to be addressed.

We had teased and skimmed around each other for weeks, the tension building up between us more and more as time passed on. Regardless of how everything had fallen into the place, I was positively sure of one thing. And now that we had reached this point, I no longer felt afraid of the idea that had darted through my mind on more than one occasion.

"Levi," He gave a soft hum in response, not budging from his spot where he leaned against me. "I want you."

He hugged me tighter to him, his words partially muffled against my shoulder. "You have me."

I shook my head softly, muttering a soft 'no' under my breath. "That's not what I meant." His breath hitched, body going completely still and rigid against me. Before I could lose my nerve, I let the words fall from my lips, forcing my voice to be as even as I could.

"I want you to take me."

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 **A/N Part Two:** **So here we are. We're on the edge of something absolutely beautiful and wonderful. And very much awaited for. I will write the next chapter in a way that it will allow you to skip it if you so desire. But honestly, you probably wouldn't have stuck along for as long as you have if that was the case. Out of respect for some other readers though, I'll make sure to accommodate y'all as well.**

 **FUN FACT: The title of this chapter was too long to originally use. But the full title was supposed to be "The Evening of Conception- Love's Proclaimation". Just FYI. XD**

 **I'll see you guys in the next chapter! So until then, CIAO!**


	52. The Evening of Conception Part Two

**A/N: First off, I'm sorry for this in advance but I have to get it out of my system already...**

 **HOLY CRAP THIS TOOK TOO DAMN LONG TO WRITE! A FULL FUCKING WEEK! AND I WORKED ON IT MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY EVERY DAY! I don't think I've poured so much energy into a chapter before now but I hope the results are worth it. BEHOLD! Almost 7000 words of pure sensual smut! With this being my first attempt at smut EVER in my life, please be nice to little ole me. My face has been on fire for the past seven days and I felt like my brain was trying to implode on more than one occasion during the process.**

 **WARNING: HIGHLY DESCRIPTIVE AND "INTENSE DRAMATIFICATION"! If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. (But I would really like it if you did!)**

 **KUDOS: I want to thank bluebellvine again for betaing portions of the chapter in front of you and I want to give some inspirational credit to a friend of mine, Nick (even though he probably won't ever read this).**

 **So, for the moment some of you have been waiting an eternity for... here it is. Enjoy and CAIO FOR NOW!**

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 **LEVI'S POV:**

Those words.

It might have just been the rush of my heartbeat in my ears that made me second guess the words I just heard come out of her mouth, but either way, my blood wasn't sure if it wanted to run north or south in response. Slowly, I pulled back, looking into those beautiful dark eyes that shone in the low light.

I had been waiting, wanting, to hear those words for so long without realizing it up until now. Every torturous second I had spent with her, the good and the bad, had led to this very moment, revolved around it. I tried and tried again to rack my brain around a proper response, desperately knowing that I had to say something, _anything_ at all. Still, there was nothing.

"What?" I breathed. It was all I could do to force out that one single word despite the vast vocabulary I was thought to possess, and I cursed myself internally because of it.

She licked her lips, suddenly looking as nervous as I felt inside, the resolve slowly melting away from her eyes. "T-Take me." She whimpered, her voice beginning to tremble, stuttering softly.

Out of all the things that flooded my mind when she spoke those words again, despite the crushing desire to completely monopolize and claim her for my own, I remembered instead how I had told her that I would one day; and that I wouldn't until the day she asked, pleaded, and begged for me. The memory only brought shame to me, part of me wishing that I had handled it, handled her, differently. I was wrong back then to do some of the things I had to her; I was rough, harsh, and unkind.

It didn't matter what was said before, back when I had become reckless and stubborn in my way of thinking. None of that mattered anymore. Not when I was but possibly one kiss away from being able to prove my affections to the woman who had somehow worked her way into a heart I thought was long dead and sealed shut.

So many things had changed since then but despite the discomfort that I felt looking back, I couldn't regret it; I just couldn't. Not when the path we forged together led to this very moment, my pulse racing in my veins because of the way she looked at me right now, the way she leaned into me, and the way she kissed me back like she had; willing and eager as her own feelings were poured into me.

If she truly still wanted this, who was I to deny her? But I wanted to make sure; I needed to. We were already so close to the point of return. But the real question was, was I willing to fall over the edge with her?

I spoke slowly, my low measured voice on the verge of failing as I focused in on her wavering eyes, cradling her cheeks in my hands. "Think carefully about what you just said to me, because I'm only going to have the strength to ask to this once. After that, there is no going back."

She nodded slowly. "I understand."

Her voice came out like a breathy sigh, the sound making my heart squeeze painfully in my chest. I wanted her so badly but I knew that I couldn't move another muscle until she answered; not yet.

"But I'm not changing my mind." She stated in a level voice, no matter how soft, her eyes retaining the same level of certainty as they remained locked with mine. "I'm sure."

The gravity of her words was all that held my fragile world together then, feeling my hands beginning their minute trembles again. This was actually happening, I thought; and it was the last one that trailed through my mind before I crushed my lips to hers, pure heat and desire driving me forward and into her.

Immediately, she responded, falling onto her back against the sheets and pulling me along with her, on top of her. Her hands flew to lace into my hair and to the nape of my neck to pull me further against her, closer, harder as our mouths slotted together. I pushed her legs apart gently with a knee, settling between her warm thighs as she opened herself up to me willingly. The way our bodies fit against each other, by the walls, it was as if she was made solely for me and me alone.

I didn't have to ask for her to part her lips for me, licking into her mouth to taste her again, a mouthwatering and delicious taste that left me breathless, wanting more. She mewled against my mouth, the soft sweet sound acting like music to my ears, pulling a low groan from me as I kissed her with renewed fervor.

If it wasn't for the need to breathe, I never would have wanted to detach our lips. As soon as they broke apart though, I kissed the corner of her mouth, her cheek, and then her jaw, my fingertips trailing along the exposed flesh of her neck as my lips soon followed. She made a soft keening sound in her throat, tilting her head to the side and further exposing her beautiful skin.

I wanted to mark her again, to leave countless numbers of red and purple marks across her body. I wanted the world to see them, green with envy as she displayed them proudly. She was mine, wholly and without question, and I wanted her to know how much I desired her, craved her, loved her.

I could feel her heartbeat against my lips when I found her pulse point, the strong and steady beat falling in step with my own. Our hearts were beating as one, if not but for a few seconds, and my heart swelled at the thought. Looking up, I cupped her cheek and turned her head to look at me, her eyes glassy as her pupils had begun to dilate and the faintest of tremors quivering in her bottom lip.

"You're mine."

My words were meant as a statement, however, they came out more like a question, my voice rough and husky due to my lack of breath. Her eyes widen only a fraction, the color turning richer and darker in their shade. The last time I had said those words, it was in an attempt to control her, possessive in all the wrong ways, and I could see the brief flicker of pain that washed through her as she thought back to that same day just as I had. I leaned up and kissed her lips again gently, silently reassuring her that this time was different. She reciprocated the kiss, a silent affirmation that she understood that fact and accepted it.

"I'm your's." She whispered against my lips with no trace of fear or hesitancy in her voice, my heart stopping in my chest for a moment.

'Mine', the word kept reappearing in my mind; she was all mine. I reclaimed her lips, kissing her hard and deep before drawing back slowly, my eyes completely fixated on her's. Nipping gently at her bottom lip, I reiterated my earlier statement to her.

"Mine." Her pink cheeks turned even brighter as I growled out that single word low in my throat, moving back down to her jawline to nip and suck at her skin. "Mine." A hand roamed along her side, grasping gently at the soft flesh that laid just beneath her shirt as my lips moved back to her neck. "Mine." Latching onto her pulse point, she let out a raspy and soft moan as she tugged at my hair, her nails at my shoulder biting lightly into my skin through my shirt as my lips and teeth attacked her neck. Her hips drove themselves up against mine and caused a rush of blood to head straight down to my groin, feeling my erection beginning to strain against the front of my pants as I groaned against her skin.

Shit, if this kept up I would lose myself all too quickly. That moan of hers, so breathy and innocent in its own way, was already enough to possibly shatter any remaining restraint and self-control that I was inhibiting. But I wasn't ready to completely give in to my lust yet. Not until she knew with every ounce of her being that she was the sole object of all my desires and affections; now and possibly for the rest of my life. I never thought that I would someday find someone whom I wanted to be with like this. I never thought that I would want someone so wholeheartedly in my life. And right now, that someone, was currently laying underneath me, her limbs wrapped securely around mine, looking at me with such reverence and affection in her eyes that I thought I could drown in those endlessly dark pools.

I wanted to pick her apart, piece by piece, and then put her back together again. I wanted to complete her again.

Already, a dark bruise was forming on her neck, my fingertips running gently over the mark as a smirk pulled at my lips. "So beautiful..." The words fell off my lips on their own, catching them far too late to do anything about it as her breath hitched in response. Before my fear and dread could consume me, however, she leaned up, securing my lips with her own.

"Say it again." She mouthed against my lips, forcing my embarrassment away immediately as her lips worked against mine, cradling my cheek in her palm. I repeated the words back to her, kissing her cheek, her neck, and along her collarbones, my fingers working on the buttons of her shirt as I trailed lower. Her head tilted back with a breathy sigh of my name as I mouthed against the newly exposed skin of her chest, my hand moving to thumb over her breast after the last button was unclasped. If it garnered that reaction from her, I was more than willing to say those words as many times as needed.

Her hips bucked against mine again, the friction between us providing a small amount of relief for my aching member. A low curse fell from my lips, grinding my hips against hers in return; she let out another soft whimpering moan, the rest of my self-restraint thrown to the wind in that very instance.

I pulled her into me again, our tongues intertwining in a feverish dance as I peeled her shirt open, hands roaming up her sides and over her chest. She gasped softly at the sudden rough touch, her hands finding purchase in the fabric of my shirt and tugging it over my head insistently. Upon discarding the piece of clothing to the floor, she pushed me off to the side by my shoulder, straddling my hips with hers before I could protest by rejoining our lips.

Her hands roamed over my chest and shoulders, nails grazing lightly over my skin and leaving thin light red streaks across it, while mine which had come to rest at the small of her back moved to grip her ass, applying a little more force than I had meant to in the process. A moan spilled from her lips, one mixed with a little pain but mostly pleasure as she rolled her hips against mine again. Testing the waters, I moved my hands back up her sides, my blunt nails dragging across her skin on the way back down. She let out another small moan, that sweet sound becoming the answer to the question swirling around in my head.

So a little pain was good, it seemed, considering that she did nothing else to discourage my actions besides rake her nails across the top of my back in response. However, if that was somehow meant as a sign of discouragement, it wasn't working; the fire pooling on my skin where she marked me and sending a shiver of pleasure down my spine.

Patience wearing thin, I flipped us again, a small squeak of surprise falling off her lips as her back hit the sheets again. Regardless of how much lust was currently clouding my mind, I couldn't help but think how adorable the small noise was, a smile tugging at my lips during the kiss, our mouths somehow managing not to disconnect in the flash of movement. I made a mental note to make her make that certain sound at a later time and date before a hand trailed down her stomach, fingertips hooking around the waistband of her shorts.

Her hand quickly grasped my wrist in a tight grip as she broke the kiss, the first real traces of fear appearing on her face, specifically her eyes. Shit, I had moved too fast too soon, didn't I?

"Not yet." She whispered through soft pants, her face still flushed that wonderous shade of pink. A soft "sorry" poured off my lips automatically, feeling how my thudding heartbeat picked up in pace for an entirely different reason now. Concern mixed a slight twinge of fear.

Feeling her grip relax a little, I slipped my wrist out of her grasp, weaving and interlocking our fingers together instead, the small but meaningful gesture hoping to steady both our ravaged nerves. "Please," I pleaded softly, my eyes focused on hers as my other hand moved up to stroke her cheek. "I wanna see you. I wanna make you feel good too."

Her breath hitched softly, eyes going a little wider as she looked me before they darted over to the lone lantern that was still ablaze on the desk, the only source of light in the room.

"Just... hold that thought." She stated, gently pushing me off of her and quickly moving towards the light. Watching her curiously, I saw her take one last glance over her shoulder in my direction and then back in front of her; the lantern light slowly beginning to dim until it was completely out, casting the room in darkness.

Oh. That's why.

* * *

 **CELICA'S POV**

The darkness had not been a friend to me as of late but underneath Levi's dark and piercing gaze, I found myself becoming more and more nervous the further we had pulled each other under. There was still no doubt in my mind that I wanted him and it was clear for all intents and purposes that he wanted me too. But this first time, possibly the only time, I wanted to be able to give him everything and it seemed that I couldn't do that with me being so self-consciousness. In the darkness, we might not be able to see other clearly but we could still feel, wasn't that what really mattered in situations like this anyways?

I had seen the adoration and love in his eyes but now, I truly wanted to feel it.

Setting my resolve, I turned back in the direction of the bed, back to Levi, who I hoped would still be waiting patiently for me. Oh, Goddess; this doesn't feel real, it's too good to be real.

"You okay?" His voice was quiet and husky, a subtle edge of lust darkening his voice as the butterflies started fluttering around in my stomach again. Yeah, this is _way_ too good to be real. Choking out a soft 'yeah' in response, I took the tiniest of breaths and shrugged off my shirt which felt like it was already barely hanging onto my shoulder by the thinnest of threads. It was almost painful how self-conscious I had suddenly become of myself.

What if he doesn't like it? What if he doesn't like _me_? Fantasy and Real Life are two totally different entities, it won't even be remotely the same, will it? You would think that having a soldier's lean physic would dispell any worries I had about my appearance, well you would be wrong. Because now, there was no way to hide my scars now, no matter how minute. He would still be able to feel them, wouldn't he?

Every possible doubt was beginning to seep and I didn't realize how long it had been until I heard him call out to me. I didn't even realize he had moved, he was so quiet. His hand reached out to mine, squeezing it gently before it trailed up my arm and rested at my cheek, the other one settling on the other side of my face. I couldn't see his eyes but I could feel them, his stare burning hot across my skin.

"We don't have to keep going if you don't want to." His voice was gentle, low in its tone, sincerity coating every word as he spoke. I shook my head gently, the thought of stopping this never even once crossing my mind since we began.

"It's not that," I whispered. It's my scars, my fear of sudden rejection, I thought. He huffed a small breath, pecking the corner of my mouth and stroking my cheeks with his thumbs.

"I'm not going to reject you." Taking my hand in his again, his hand trembled softly in mine before placing it on the crest of his shoulder, making me press my fingertips against a streak of rough and jagged flesh. "That one's from being grazed with a bullet in the underground." He said, his voice still as low and soft as before, gentle even as he continued. He moved my hand down to his bicep, a thin raised streak jutting up from the shaped muscle. "That one's from a knife, also from my time in the underground."

My other hand touched his skin, both lowly running across his flesh and feeling the tiny imperfections that he carried, some of them so small that I hadn't seemed to notice them before now. But then again, never before had I had a chance to get this close and personal with him either. As my fingers trailed over them, he told me briefly where they came from. Another bullet or knife here, a slipped blade there, and a few scrapes and cuts from the forest trees. Each one had left their imprint forever on his skin and I didn't think any less of him, if anything, he meant more to me.

"Why are you-?" I didn't want to cheapen the moment by any means necessary, but I was curious as to why he was suddenly showing off his scars to me.

"Because you're worried about me seeing yours." The words were meant as a statement but came out like a question, a small wave of embarrassment washing through me as I realized why.

"I said something out loud again without meaning to again, didn't I?" He gave a small nod along with a soft noise in response.

"You're just thinking too much again." He said, reaching for my hand again and bringing it up to kiss my palm. "Don't," Was his simple command, gentle and without malice or contempt as he wove his arms around me to settle at the small of my waist, leaning in. "Just let me take care of you."

His name spilled off my lips before his lips descended on mine, slow and patient again; and I felt my heart stutter in my chest because of it. As much as the sweet gesture was, I knew I was tired of waiting. We would have all the time in the world when dawn arose the night morning, but tonight, I was through playing games. I wanted him, badly.

Sliding my hand down his chest and stomach, feeling every dip and curve of those remarkable abs along the way, I cupped him through his pants, earning a tight-lipped growl in his throat as he pulled away; his fingers digging into the flesh of my lower back before one moved to clasp tightly over my wrist, uncomfortable but not painful. Holy shit, he was hard.

"Stop teasing me, woman." He hissed softly, his grip on me softening just a little. Squeezing him gently, a choked moan felt from his lips as he hung his head against my shoulder, breathing out soft pants and gasps as both hands gripped at my flesh. I cursed myself internally for putting this off for so long; by the walls, that moan that just came from him was the sexiest sound I have ever heard in my life.

Feeling bold, I slipped my hand past his waistband, gripping him gently. _"Oh, shit."_ He swore under his breath as my face flushed, his arousal warm, heavy, and throbbing in my hand. Just that one touch seemed to set him on the edge of something wonderful, swiping my thumb over the head and feeling a bead of moisture leaking from it before pumping him once. Another expletive fell from lips again, mixed with what I could have sworn was my name, before his hands disappeared from my skin. Hearing the soft scrap of nails against the wooden surface of the desk behind me, I felt a twinge of disappointment with me that it wasn't me that he was currently digging his nails into but the idea made my stomach flutter at the thought, all the same; the tingling feeling in between my legs becoming harder and harder to block out.

Who would have guessed that Levi was that vocal? But then again, this was just teasing him. I didn't wanna think about the sounds he would make later on yet, knowing I would get to hear them soon enough.

I continued to stroke him with long and slow movements, his breath starting to come out in heavier pants and gasps of various expletives against my skin. Just the sounds that were filling my ears and the feeling of his body trembling against mine was enough to keep me enraptured, ignoring the gentle tug of his hand on mine, trying to withdraw my grip from him. This was definitely a side of him that I wouldn't mind seeing again and I wanted to see how far how I push him.

Apparently, it was _too_ far.

 _"S-Shit... Celica, st- ahh... Or else, I-I'm gon-na..."_ He couldn't even finish getting the words out before I could feel him pulsing in my hand, warm sticky fluid coating my palm and he groaned low against me, another softer moan following as a shudder rippled through his body. Did he just...?

 _"Fuck..."_ He breathed before pulling me into a hard, deep kiss that had me seeing stars dancing beneath my eyelids as I slipped my hand out from his pants. When he pulled away, I opened to my eyes to see that they had adjusted to the darkness, black orbs lined with a thin ring of silver staring right back at me. _"Fucking brat, you just don't know when to stop."_ He stated, his voice rough and thick with lust. I guess that I should have felt a little disappointed, figuring that once would be his limit; however, with the way his eyes still shone with unabated lust and desire, it seemed that I was wrong and never had I ever been so happy to be wrong in my life. _"Like hell, we're done. Not yet."_

In one smooth movement, he picked me up, another surprised squeak coming from me, my legs automatically wrapping around his waist on instinct and my arms wound around his neck as he carried me back to the bed. I could feel the smirk that pulled at his mouth and I saved my slight embarrassment for another time. Setting me down on the side, I could barely make out his form in the darkness as I heard the distinct sound of clothes being removed and tossed aside. When I heard him make a small sound of disgust, I had to bite my lip just to keep from chuckling, feeling prideful for being able to reduce the notorious captain into his current state so easily. However, feeling how slick the space between my legs had become, I knew I didn't seem much better off; hell, one wrong or right touch from him could probably send me over the edge.

I swear, fuck being a virgin; too damn easy to please.

Jolting me from my thoughts, his hand pushed my shoulder back, silently instructing me onto my back before my shorts were being yanked away and discarded in one swift movement. It looked like I wasn't the only one being impatient by now.

'Vulnerable' was the first thing that came to mind now that I had been stripped bare, but I forced the thought away, unwilling for my nerves to start wreaking havoc on my mind again. I wanted this. I wanted him, so fucking bad it was beginning to hurt.

Our lips met again, feeling the heat that rolled off him and inhaling his scent, which only intensified the effects of the kiss even further. Even with the subtle smell of sweat mixing in, he still smelled divine, much to my own surprise. He nudged my knees further apart with his own, his hand trailer further and further down towards my hips, fingertips skirting along the insides of my thighs. " _Damn."_ I heard him groan against my lips, his low and even huskier than before. " _So fucking wet."_

I was unsure if he actually meant to say that aloud or not, regardless I couldn't help the intense flush that heated up my face as my legs twitched closed. "Don't say such embarrassing things," I muttered, Levi catching every word as he chuckled softly.

"You know there's a saying that if you're embarrassed by sex then you shouldn't be having it, right?" He mused, that fucking smirk of his still on his lips.

"Says the guy who lit up like a freaking cherry when I told him to take me already." I spat back without venom. He dipped his head in reluctant agreeance, the smirk faltering.

"Touche, brat. Touche." Despite him using that certain nickname, it was used in almost an endearing way instead of his usual chastizing way. I swear, he was the only man who could turn an insult into a compliment just by changing his tone of voice. Either way, I chalked it up as a personal victory until the moment I felt him slip a single finger past my folds, catching me off guard enough to slide in without resistance as my head lulled back and my back arched, a soft moan being ripped from my throat. Something twinged inside me, mild discomfort quickly overshadowed by pleasure as his hand worked against me.

Fuck dreams and imagination, none of it held a candle to the real thing, liquid fire pooling in my core. "But I don't think I could think I could ever get tired of the way you look under me. Especially like you do right now." He stated before slipping another finger in along with the other, his thumb running over the bundle of nerves that made me buck my hips against his hand.

 _"Fuck me."_ The words fell out on their own mid-moan as my fingers dug into the sheets beneath me. ' _Soon enough.'_ Was all the response he gave me as he continued to unravel me quickly and without mercy, logical thinking soon being replaced with nothing but chants of various expletives along with his name in my head. The fire burned hotter, more intense with every move he made, a tingle running through my spine as my back arched again, hips bearing down on his hand. I could feel my walls begin to clamp down on him, the tension within me coiling even tighter, so close but not close enough.

Suddenly, he pulled his hand away, a whimper escaping me as I looked back at him, sweat slicking my skin as I struggled to get another decent breath in. The attempt for breath became in vain however the moment I saw his tongue flick over the palm of his hand that dimly reflected the moisture collected there, my eyes going wide in surprise. _'Not bad.'_ He remarked, voice thick with desire. Fuck, someone please kill me now because I don't know if I would survive the night at this rate. Not with the way I felt myself quiver from the sight alone.

"Do you trust me?" He asked suddenly, his tone a little more level as he spoke. My eyes had found his in the darkness again, that steely gaze focused intently on me as I propped myself up with shaky arms.

"Do you really have to ask?" He gave a brief nod in response before gently pushing me back down on the bed, taking my words for what they were worth; just words and not all that comforting at first glance, but it seemed to give him at least enough confidence to continue. ' _Close your eyes'_ He ordered, the tone of his voice soft but insistent as my eyes slipped closed without protest. Even though the darkness in the room helped to cover us, my eyes were now fully adjusted to it, seeing what I wanted to if I focused hard enough. Right now though, it was all a haze, subtle and muted. I felt him pull away from me, his body heat dissipating and leaving me cold and shivering.

"Levi, what are you- _ahh, fuck!"_ My words quickly morphed into another moan as I felt his tongue move over the most intimate of places, hot and slick against me. My hands immediately went to lace into his hair, tugging hard as his hands slipped around my thighs. I half expected him to stop immediately or pull my hands away at the very least. But he didn't stop though, and another, louder moan fell from my lips as my back arched when he flicked his tongue against that one spot. _'Fuck, fuck, fuck... Levi."_ I couldn't get anything else out, my thought rendered completely shapeless and without form. Even if I wanted to protest, I knew I would hate myself for it, it just felt that damn good.

I couldn't control the sounds coming from me anymore and it was that fact that seemed to spur him on, delving into the warmth with more vigor and insistence than before, the first contact just a test in comparison. My head was swimming in a thick haze of white hot bliss, my hands gripping the onyx strands of hair between my fingers even tighter, desperate to stay grounded in some form or fashion as my hips bucked again. It was all too much but I sure as hell didn't want him to stop either. His hands moved from my thighs to press against my hips in an attempt to hold them still, his touch burning hot against my flushed skin.

My hips began to twitch insistently despite his hold on me, the coil in my gut wound so tight that it was almost painful. My skin was on fire, blood thrumming through my veins hard and fast. I felt him groan against me, the vibration traveling through me and, all too quickly, the coil snapped; shattering like fragments of glass. Electricity ran down my spine like hot lightning, the liquid fire spreading through my entire body as my hips convulsed and trembled. Behind closed lids, sparks of white fluttered my vision, leaving me dazed and disoriented and yet so sensitive to my world crumbling down around me all at once. I couldn't hear my own moan over the sound of the blood pulsing in my ears, my body eventually settling down enough for me to catch my breath and opened my eyes again.

* * *

 **LEVI'S POV**

I knew that when I saw her laid out on the bed, skin flushed and damp with sweat and her pupils blown wide and dark after coming down from her high, that the image would forever be burned into my memory. It had totally been worth disregarding the original nagging voice in my head and it quickly changed its tune the moment I tasted her. Totally and completely worth it.

 _"So.. filthy."_ I paused, realizing that I hadn't just imagined the words, hearing Celica's broken and wrecked voice call out from the sheets. No, it wasn't; she wasn't. Even covered with sweat and various other bodily fluids, she wasn't filthy. More like... _'Perfect'._

Her eyes stared me down, a look that I couldn't quite place taking up residence in them before she reached out, dragging me to her while I settled in between her legs. She kissed me, her tongue slipping past my lips despite the fact that I was sure that she could taste herself. She didn't seem to mind or care at the moment at least so I didn't protest, choosing to wrap my arm around the small of her back and situate us further up on the bed. I didn't have to ask for her permission, her hand finding my hard arousal and lining herself up. Moving her hand away, I replaced it with my own before slowly pushing in.

Holy fuck, it was amazing that I could get it up a second time but with how warm and slick she was, I knew I wasn't going to last long. There was no way I could hold out for too long before completely losing myself in her. But we had waited too long for this and I had to make it worth it at the very least. I felt and heard her breath hitch as I entered her, her walls instantly clamping down on me hard enough to cause me to lose my own breath for a moment. Her nails dug into the skin of my shoulders blades, the only indication of any level of discomfort from her. Her legs wrapped around my waist, coaxing me further in until I was buried to the hilt inside her. Fuck, too good. Too fucking good.

"You okay?" This time it was her asking _me_ that. I could only nod my head in response, my eyes pinched shut and brows furrowed as the air in my lungs burned, my fingers gripping at the sheets by her head in an attempt to reign in my control.

"Yeah, just give me a second. _Fuck..._ " She was too tight, too warm, too perfect. It took everything I had just to keep my sanity and stop from immediately spilling into her and the fact that she was squeezing around me so tightly didn't help either. Glancing at her, though her lips remained parted from shallow breaths. her eyes shone with pure amusement. Cheeky little shit, she was doing that on purpose now?

Rolling my hips forward, she arched against me, biting her bottom lip to muffle another moan as the mirth disappeared from her eyes, replaced with pure lust in its place. _"You're tight enough without having to do that."_ She had the gall to smirk at me, her only response being _'You were taking too long to start moving.'_ before she pulled me down into another kiss. Fuck, cheeky. She was just being greedy now, but I couldn't find it within me to fault her for it.

When I finally did start moving, trying to set a steady but deep rhythm, she responded to me immediately and earnestly, her hips moving up to meet mine with each thrust. She mewled softly under me at first, her soft sounds soon turning into debauched and helpless moans and cries of pleasure the faster I moved inside of her, my own groans and grunts acting like an echo to hers. Sweat had collected on our skin, slicking it and making the sound of skin against skin contact sound absolutely lewd in nature to my ears. Her nails raked down my back after one particularly hard and deep thrust, her back arching hard as she squeezed around me; and the moan that fell from her lips was the epitome of lustful sin, absolutely wrecked.

 _"Like that... Like that, again. Please... Please!"_ She whined in a desperate and pleading voice. Slipping my hands around to cup her ass cheeks, I lifted her hips up just a little to help change the angle. Apparently, that little bit was all that needed, sliding back into her hard and deep and pulling another lewd moan out of her. Thank fuck that it was easy enough this time to find that spot that caused this helping and writhing reaction out of her but now it felt like she was pulling me even deeper inside now and I had to bite back a particularly loud groan to keep my senses from overloading. To keep from biting my bottom lip until it bled, I reattached my lips to her neck, biting and sucking the unmarked side of her neck as one of her hands clawed across my shoulders while the other laced and tugged against my hair, scraping the fine hair of my undercut lightly, just enough to send a shiver down my spine.

I could feel her walls beginning to quiver around me, knowing that she too was close to her own release again. She just needed that extra little push and she would unravel for me again. Slipping my hand between our joined bodies, my thumb teased her bundle of nerves and she instantly clenched around me and moaned in response, her hips stuttering in their movement while her nails along my back bit into my skin so hard I swore that she had drawn blood. Returning the favor, I bit hard into her neck, the salty taste of sweat mixing with the metallic iron of blood on my tongue, her body pressing hard against mine as her walls began to convulse around me.

If it was possible, she was even tighter, hotter, and wetter around me, my hips pistoning as fast as I could muster as she pulled me in deep and dragged me down along with her. Hot and cold chills ran down my spine, my fingers digging into the flesh of her hips with a punishing grip while my orgasm ripped through me. A ragged groan was ripped from my throat which felt raw and sore from all the vocalizations of pleasure that she had pulled from me. It would be a miracle if I wasn't hoarse come tomorrow morning, and even if I was, it was totally worth it. My blood was still thrumming within my veins hard and loud even as I pulled away from her and plopped down on my back next to her, our breath till ragged and shallow as we both coasted our highs.

"Holy shit, that was..." I couldn't get the words out in middle of the thick haze that clouded my thoughts, my head feeling light as a feather despite the heaviness like lead in my body. Sure enough, my voice was raspy at best but I couldn't care less. She groaned softly next to me, an arm falling over her eyes as her chest rose and fell with each breath.

"Too good for words." She panted out.

"Yeah, let's go with that." I agreed, reaching out and pulling her to me before situating us to pull the covers over our tired and worn bodies.

"You don't wanna shower first?" She asked with genuine surprise in her soft voice, the thought equally surprising to myself as well as I laid down, burying my face into the pillow.

"Too tired. We'll shower in the morning." I groaned out, sleep already creeping up on me quickly. "Now, come here."

She curled up against my chest, my arms wrapping loosely around her waist while the residual heat poured off our bodies and warmed the air around us. Her legs tangled with mine and before I knew it, I was out; a genuine smile pulling at my lips.

The last thing I remember was a faint 'Mine' fall from her lips, my response muffled by her hair as she tucked her head under my chin.

"Yours."


	53. A Memo To My Readers (Check For Updates)

Hey Everyone,

I'm back. I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. At least a month last time I checked. Anyways, after the last chapter, I posted I have had a lot of changes in my life. Most of them have not been for the better in my opinion. Also, I think I might have overdone it with the last chapter I posted. Because of this I did intend on only taking a few days for a break and then get back to it, but honestly, I'm currently at a loss about what to do now. Part of me has honestly thought about chapter 52 being the last one for this fic but part of me can't accept that. Instead, I think I'm just going to revise all the current chapters and when I get back to the current stopping point, I'll continue.

There might be a significant amount of detail and information added to these chapters so I'm encouraging you to revisit the revised chapters when you have the chance. Either that or I might create a completely different story segment for the revision. Either way, I'm sorry to do this to you guys. For the few who have followed me through this practically from the beginning, THANK YOU SO MUCH. Hopefully someday soon I can bring you guys some good content. Which will either be when the revision is done, or someone gives me some idea for the morning after scene. Whichever comes first.

Your's Truly,

MarceVampQueen

* * *

 **DATES OF REVISED/ADDED CHAPTERS POSTED BELOW:**

 **01- revised- August 5th,2018**

 **02- revised- August 7th,2018**

 **03- revised- August 10th,2018**

 **04- revised- August 25th,2018**

 **05- revised- August 26th,2018**

 **06- revised- August 30th,2018**

 **07- added- September 3rd,2018**

 **08- revised- September 5th,2018**

 **09- revised- September 7th, 2018**

 **10- revised- September 12th, 2018**


	54. The End? No, Just Revising

**Hey guys,**

I'm sorry to do this to you. I bet it's been kind of frustrating with the revisions going over the original works, luckily I saved them all and put them back where they belong, exactly as they were. Any further revisions being made will be titled under a new story.

 **"Warring Minds and Bodies (Revised)"**

If you wish to read that edition, please do so. But considering how many people read this original edition, I decided after much deliberation to leave it as is and start fresh with the revision. As the revisions progress, you can bet your boots that it will continue from where we have left off with Levi and Celica. But as of right now, this work will be marked as **"complete"**...

 **But honestly, the story isn't over yet. Not by a long shot.**

If you have any questions, comments, concerns, please either pm me or post it in a review. I will make sure to get back to you as soon as I log on.

Again, I'm sorry about this guys. I hope you can forgive me though and support me through the revisions. I just want to be able to give the best story I can because with beautiful fans like yourself, you deserve it.

 **Thank you for reading this far,** but like I said before, the story isn't over yet.

 **Truly yours,**

 **MarceVampQueen**


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